If discovered, they’d be married for sure. And while he didn’t care a wit about his freedom, or even his boat, he’d give it up to be with someone like her, it wouldn’t be fair to Emilia. She deserved a real husband who could give her a good life. A man of nobility. Not one with less than common blood.
She turned away again. “Hold the candle up,” her breathy whisper had his groin tightening to an almost painful state but he did as she asked.
Then he heard the click of the lock as she slid it open and the door swung in. Stepping into the room, he held the candle up to see windows on every side of the circular space. Beyond, he could just make out the ocean as sheets of rain peppered its dark surface. “What a view!” he exclaimed, unable to hold in his excitement.
“Aye,” her soft bur was just behind him. Thoughts of her the only thing more exciting than climbing to the top of castle’s tower to watch a storm. “It’s one of my favorite places. Small, beautiful, and private in a home that is vast and full of people.”
“You don’t like the castle?” He turned back to find her just behind him. Setting the candle on the window ledge, he couldn’t resist reaching his hand out to run it down her silky braid.
She shrugged. “I love my family. The library is exceptional and my room is an oasis, but I’d much prefer a more intimate home. Just myself and my family with books and...” Her voice trailed off, her chin tucking into her chest.
Jack thought about her chamber, cozy with blankets and stacks of literature. It suited her and for a wild moment, he pictured her at his uncle’s home with its big hearth and wood beams. His hand slipped down the end of her braid and came to her waist. “I can see you in a cozy house, books everywhere.”
Even in the dark light, he could see a blush staining her cheeks. “It’s just a dream, really. It will never happen.”
“Why not?” He didn’t mean to but he was pulling her closer.
“I’m not...that is to say I don’t...no man wants to be with me...I mean, my sisters have all found their loves...” She turned away then, slipping out of his grasp.
How could she think herself inferior? It was maddening. He’d likely sell his soul to possess a woman such as her. “Emilia,” his voice was sterner than he intended. “I haven’t met your sisters, so I can’t say for sure, but I tried and have been unable to remember a woman who was braver or more charming than you.”
“Oh,” she whispered, turning toward a window. He couldn’t see it, but he’d bet her blush had deepened.
He should stay over on the other side of the room, eat his food, and then go to bed. Women like Emilia were not for him, they were for princes and dukes. But he couldn’t help himself and so he set his plate down, crossed to where she stood, and reached for her waist once again. So tiny.
By sheer will, he did not press his body to hers, but he did drop his nose down to the top of her head, breathing in her heady scent. “You deserve the world. Don’t let anyone tell you different.”
THERE WAS A PART OF her that wanted so desperately to believe him. She was a woman to be valued and desired. But all those years of being overlooked as men courted her sisters instead had her shaking her head in disagreement. “That is kind of you to say.”
“I’m not being kind,” his husky whisper tickled her neck as shivers raced down her spine.
Out on the ocean, she’d only noticed his piercing blue eyes, and as they’d been pressed together, she’d felt his strength, but in the kitchen she’d become aware of the hard masculine angle of his jaw, the softness of his lips, the perfection of his straight nose. She longed to touch his hair and run her fingers along the hard ridges of his muscles. Struggling to think of a response, Emilia stared out the window. She wouldn’t repeat her insecurities. It only made her sound needy. But she couldn’t agree either. “Thank you?”
He chuckled, his lips vibrating against her skin and then he kissed the sensitive flesh just behind her ear. The apex of her legs began to ache in the most curious fashion. “You’re welcome.”
One of his hands left her waist and slid up her arm, over her neck, and to her jaw. Slowly he turned her face to meet his. Her lips parted for some reason she couldn’t name. Did she want to ask him what he was doing? Beg him to kiss her? She wasn’t sure but it didn’t matter because his lips dipped down to hers and softly, like the caress of a butterfly, brushed against hers.
And then he was gone. Backing up, he picked up his plate and gave her a tight smile. “Thank you for the taking me up here. I’ll never forget it.” Leaving the candle, he made his way to the door and disappeared.
Emilia stood there, just as he’d left her, wondering what had just happened. Why had he kissed her and then left? Would he still be here if he hadn’t?
Not knowing what else to do, she sat upon the floor and took a bite of her food. While she still wished to have his company, she wouldn’t change a moment of this evening, especially the kiss. She thought of her cousins, Clarissa and Agnes, along with her sisters, Fiona and Ainsley. Each would come home with a man whom they loved. But her heart didn’t ache so much when she thought about it. She’d had a moment of her own.
What would it be like to be held against Captain Andrews...Jack? Just the thought made her body heat and ache at the apex of her legs.
She didn’t know how long he would stay here at the castle with her, but some part of her wished that it might be forever.
Sighing, she rose from the floor and picked up her plate and her candle. She wasn’t likely to sleep any better, but it was time to stop meandering about. She took one last look about the room, one of her favorite places and thought about how she’d shared it with Jack.
It was strange, because in some small way her Christmastide prayer on the beach had been answered. Even if all they ever shared was that kiss, she’d found a hope and some strength in herself she didn’t even know had existed.
With a smile, she made her way downstairs.
Chapter Three
That smile was still there when she rose the next day. It bubbled into a happiness that made her feel light and so strong. There was a spring in her step as she made her way down to the common room, a sway to her hips she didn’t normally possess.
With a house full of guests, she’d expected the great hall to be full, bursting with people, but not a soul was there. Not even her father.
After eating breakfast, she made her way to the library. While the winds had quieted, the rain still pelted the shore and it was the perfect day to curl up with a book.
The moment she passed into the library, her eye was drawn to the corner of the room. Sitting near the fire was Jack, holding a book. Her heart jumped in her throat.
“Hello.” He stood, setting his novel down.
She blushed and gave a small curtsey. The kiss they’d shared had transformed her, but when faced with him, she didn’t quite know what to say.
He cleared his throat. “I wanted to apologize for leaving so abruptly last evening. I was worried I had overstepped my bounds and—”
“You didn’t.” She moved tentatively toward him. “Overstep, that is.” Moving closer still, she took a breath. “I have two cousins and two sisters, each of whom is bringing her betrothed or her husband home for Christmastide. Having shared that kiss with you, I can stand straight and smile at their happiness.”
“Emilia.” The way he said her name sounded like a groan.
She licked her lips, taking another step. She probably should keep quiet, but she was usually mum and she just didn’t want to be now. For once, she wished to shout her feelings from the top of the castle. “I don’t want you to think I’m not glad for them. I am. But I had started to worry it would never be my turn.” Lifting her hands in front of her, she silently begged him to understand. “Nor am I asking anything of you. I just want to thank you. Even if it was only meant as a thanks for yesterday, it helped me to know that I want—”
He crossed to her in two long strides and, before she knew what was happening, h
e’d swept her into his arms and crushed her against his body.
His lips crashed down on hers. Last night’s kiss had been soft. A whisper of a touch. This kiss set her to blaze. His strong lips claimed hers over and over as her body melted into his, held up only by the strength of his arms. If he hadn’t held her, she likely would have slipped to the floor.
As his hand travelled into her hair, his lips parted hers, and his tongue slid across her bottom lip. She gasped as her hands grasped at his shoulders, desperately holding onto him.
Then his tongue probed deeper and Emilia lost her ability to think, to reason. All that mattered was he kept kissing her, touching her.
As his tongue made another pass, she mimicked his movements, wanting more from him, needing to give. He groaned deep in his chest and it reverberated through her. She’d love to feel it without the barrier of their clothing.
One of her hands slipped off his shoulder and, moving up his neck, found his bare skin, her fingers playing along his flesh. She heard him groan again and then he gathered her closer still, lifting her off the ground so that her mouth was even with his.
Wanting to feel more she dipped her hand below his cravat, the hair of his chest tickling her fingers in a way that made her both want to giggle and moan. One of his hands slid down and cupped her behind, pulling her hips closer. She did moan then, long and low as their bodies rubbed in all the best places.
“Jack,” she managed to breathe out between kisses.
But his name on her lips seemed to jar him. He slowed, then stilled, then set her down and took a half step back. His eyes filled with alarm. “I apologize. I shouldn’t—”
Her hands grabbed at his shoulders. “If you say it, I’ll be forced to...” She couldn’t think of what she might do. Couldn’t bring herself to make a threat. It wasn’t in her to hurt someone, especially not him. “I’ll...” She tried again. “Don’t apologize. I don’t want to think that you regret it.”
“I don’t regret it.” He pulled her closer, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I’ll never regret it. It’s you who should wish for me not to touch you. I’m a sea captain, gone most of the time. I could never give you the life you deserve.”
Her chin tucked down as his words sank in. Of course he was right. A captain’s wife would be difficult at best with a husband off at sea most the time and she would be alone, never knowing if or when he’d return.
But in her heart, she didn’t believe that was actually the reason he regretted kissing her. He’d likely found her lacking. Tears welled in her eyes, but she wouldn’t cry. It was her turn for regret. While yesterday had emboldened her, today sent her crashing down, as though knocked over by a wave. “I should go,” she murmured, not meeting his eyes.
Then, slipping out of his arms, she turned and walked away. He didn’t try to stop her and, keeping her shoulders straight, she refused to look back. She didn’t allow a tear to spill until she’d made it well into her room.
JACK WATCHED HER GO, everything in him crying out to call her back. He couldn’t, of course. He’d told her it was because he was a captain, but that wasn’t the real reason. Once upon a time he’d loved being at sea but that had faded with his youth. It was tedious and dangerous and he’d trade it for a quieter life in a moment.
The reason that he couldn’t allow himself to touch Emilia again was because he was born under a bad omen. Even the man who’d given him his name had grown to hate him. Emilia deserved better. Not fit to muck her stalls, let alone share her bed. But he could never share that with her. If he had to watch her affection die as she learned what he really was, he’d perish with her feelings.
The enormous castle felt tiny as he prowled around it, trapped by the rain. His sailors had all tucked themselves into their rooms, likely enjoying large beds and private spaces, but he couldn’t relax. Some part of him hoped he’d find her again if he kept moving about, but Emilia was nowhere to be seen.
He even found the stairwell to the tower. It seemed a longer journey to the top without her in front of him. He couldn’t help but hope he’d find her when he’d climbed to the watch room, but when he arrived, it was empty.
The rain-swept sea was all that greeted him, the view now dismal rather than majestic as he thought of all that he wished his life could be.
“Bloody bullocks,” his teeth clenched. Unable to stand it any longer, he made his way back down the tower, intent upon finding Haggis.
The man was in his study working over ledgers. It was an odd sight, watching a man that large fold himself into position, hunched over books, a tiny pen grasped into his giant hand.
Though the door was open, Jack knocked upon the frame. “May I come in?”
Haggis waved him forward, tossing the pen on the desk. “Thank the saints ye interrupted. If I had ter write one more line, I might have broken the desk in half.”
Jack gave a low chuckle. “I feel that way about being inside. Which is why I may brave the rain and go in search of a mast. Any thoughts where I might begin?”
“Are ye sure? No one’s kickin’ ye out.” Haggis gave him a sideways stare. “Ye can stay as long as ye like.”
Jack grimaced, despite himself. He needed to be away from Emilia. It was not his want to kiss females every time he laid eyes on them and he didn’t fancy how out of control he was. The only solution was to leave. “I appreciate that. You’ve been more than kind. But sailors aren’t afraid to get wet. And, as I mentioned, I have family waiting for me. It’s important I arrive soon and I suspect the mast will take a bit to get here and even longer to replace.”
Haggis pulled out a fresh sheet of parchment and scrolled a note. “Take this to the shipyard in Kirkaldy. They’ll get you what you need. Remis is a friend a’ mine, he’ll help you drag the mast to yer ship.”
Taking the note, he stood. “Thank you, Haggis. Your help has been above and beyond anything I could have hoped for. I—”
“Don’t thank me.” Haggis waved his hand. “It’s Emilia who dragged ye out of the ocean. My part is small compared to hers.”
Jack gave a nod, his insides tightening at her name. He owed her everything, his very life for whatever that was worth.
Saddling a horse from Haggis’ stable, he thought about how he’d repaid her kindness. He’d gone and bloody hurt her feelings, that’s how. He’d seen it on her face as she’d left, the lines of hurt, the tears just behind the lids.
How could he make it up to her? He rode along the rutted road to Kirkaldy, rain driving at him, wondering what would explain his actions. He had to leave, he lacked control around her, but before he did, he owed her the truth.
Bloody bullocks, that was going to be painful. But it must be done. Emilia deserved nothing less.
Sitting straighter in the saddle, he made his way to Kirkaldy.
Chapter Four
Emilia was hiding out. That was the only way to describe it.
After having both lunch and dinner in her room, however, even she was growing antsy. By breakfast the next morning, she called in a maid to help her dress, determined to go to breakfast. Maybe she wouldn’t even see Jack. She hadn’t yesterday, at least not until she’d made her way to the library.
Tentatively, she stepped into the dining room to find only her father sitting at the table. “Good morning, Da,” she called. Relief swept through her. Underneath that, however, was a niggle of disappointment that she hadn’t expected. No matter the rejection, part of her yearned to see him.
“Mornin’,” Haggis bellowed down the table. “Glad ter see ye at a meal, lass.”
She smiled then. “Da, I’m no substitute for Ainsely or Fiona.”
Her father gave her a quizzical stare. “No lass, ye’re a sight better company in the mornin’ ye are. Yer sisters are forever gabbin’ on. Drives me near mad at times. But I’ll miss even them when they’re gone. Shoulda had more wee bairns.”
He continued lamenting the quiet of the house and how it would be a preview to the future, but she’d
stopped listening. Her father found her better company than her sisters at times? Oh, she knew she was the more responsible one. The one expected to keep a level head and keep her sisters out of trouble. But more enjoyable?
Sitting, her father finally stopped talking. “Will Captain Andrews be joining us?” she asked, her eyes cast down toward the table, lest her father see something in her gaze.
“Nay. Left for Kirkaldy yesterday to fetch a mast. He’s lucky there’s a boat yard so close,” her father said between bites.
Emilia’s head snapped up. Gone? “Will he be returning?”
“Aye, I expect by tomorrow or the day after. He’s in a hurry to get movin’. Something about family he needs to visit.”
Family? Emilia briefly wondered who it might be. But really, it was none of her business. Unless of course it was a wife. She blinked several times at the thought. His comments about how it wasn’t her it was him or how being a captain’s wife was no way to live. Sweet Mary and Joseph was he married?
She stood, her fists clenching.
“Aren’t ye gonna eat?” Her father blinked up at her.
Giving herself a shake, she sat back down. Dutifully, she picked up her fork and put some food in her mouth. She couldn’t taste anything but she chewed nonetheless. When Jack Andrews returned, they were going to have to talk.
But he didn’t come back that day and he still hadn’t returned in the morning. By the afternoon she’d begun to wonder if her father was wrong and he wasn’t returning at all. He’d likely snuck off in the cowardly move of a man who went around kissing innocent women when he was already wed.
The rain and wind had stopped at least, and so, unable to stand the inside of the castle any longer, she took herself out to the beach. Most of the sailors were onboard Captain Andrew’s vessel, dismantling rigging.
Unwrapping a Rogue: A Christmas Regency Boxset Page 15
