“You looked so beautiful... - the sun... I could not resist...”
She smiled, lighting up her face with the expression.
“I am glad that you didn’t. Why should you resist? We are far past the age when anyone else can, or should, dictate what we do – in private at least.”
Her words astounded him. He knew that she would not allow him kisses if she objected – she was an intelligent and strong woman – but still... for her to so clearly state her preference for his kiss. It was not a concept that he found easy, was, in fact, one he would have thought vastly improbable, just a few short months ago. He swallowed, nervous, yet tempted – should he tell her how he felt, tell her that he was coming to love her? For he was, he had accepted that, and was glad of it, even if nothing more than kisses ever came of it.
She looked at him, waiting for him to speak. He made a decision, and began to speak, before he could convince himself otherwise.
“Lady Hemsbridge... Olivia... I... er, er, I...”
He could not say it. The image of Sarina’s face, as she had rejected him, rose in his mind. He did not deserve love. How could he expect to declare it, and have it be well received? He could not bear to see rejection on Olivia’s face. He was a fool. He looked away, his cheeks flaming, his heart aching. He felt her hand upon his arm, and her voice came, soft and steady.
“Edward. There is no need to say anything, if you are not comfortable doing so. I ask nothing of you that you are not willing to give. Your presence is enough.”
Chapter Eight
A week before the end of August, Sterling returned to London. Olivia, determined to somehow move him towards marriage, set about dragging him to Balls again. It was not the main season, and many families were still in the country, but there were still events to attend. Sterling was surprisingly cooperative – at least about attending – and she wondered why. Edward was also attending more Balls, and Olivia suspected that it was more because she did so, than because he liked socialising at all.
This particular evening, they stood in yet another ballroom, crowded with those young girls who had not found a match during the main Season, and who hoped to find one now. Sterling had been moping around, spending time with his less than ideal friends, and barely speaking to the eligible women. Olivia was beyond frustrated with him.
“I don’t know what on earth has come over you, my boy. Why, it would once have required a regiment of cavalry to get you to as many Balls as you seem to want to go to these days, and yet when we actually get here you’re just as sulky as you ever were. More so, dare I say it, though I hadn’t previously thought it to be possible. Whatever can be the matter with you?”
“It’s none of your concern mother.” It was obvious that he was trying to avoid being dragged into a lengthy discussion of his feelings – which only made her more suspicious that there was something going on which was far more than he was telling her. “Need I remind you that I am a grown man? I manage my estates and my own affairs, with no-one else’s input. If only you could invest in me the same trust with respect to matters of the heart, as you do with respect to agricultural matters, then we might both be more contented.”
“Good lord you’ve become arrogant of late!” she snapped, taking none of his sentiment lying down. “If only your father were here to see this. He’d have knocked all of this romantic, self-regarding nonsense clean out of you, with his boots on if necessary! What on earth is wrong with Lady Priscilla Woldingham, eh? Or Lady Arabella Edington, for that matter? Very eligible girls, both of them, wonderful dowries! Why can’t you find it in yourself to make peace and settle down with one of them, eh?”
“Mother, we have been over this conversation more times than I can possibly keep track of. I’ve told you, I’m not interested in any of these fey little heiresses you keep rustling up for me! They bore me beyond words - I want something more!”
“More?! Rot! If everyone were like you, always demanding ‘more’ the human race would have died out long ago. Sometime, soon, you’ll know that I’m right. You’ll realise there’s more important things in life than your precious feelings.”
“I eagerly await the day” Sterling snapped, sarcastically.
He turned then, and walked away from her, most likely to go to the card room, or to join his friends who were smoking on the terrace. Olivia stood, frustrated, and a little sorry that she had snapped at him quite so strongly. For she was beginning to wonder – was he right to wish for something more? If the more he wished for included finding a woman who made him feel as Edward made her feel, then perhaps she could see his point. She pushed the thought away – it was far too disturbing, brought her far too close to facing the concept that her opinion of love, all these years, may have been somewhat short-sighted, perhaps even... wrong.
Not long after, Edward arrived, and Olivia settled with him, on a couch set to one side of the ballroom, to talk of their research, and of the families of those present in the room. Her irritation with Sterling faded, and she allowed herself to be happy.
BARELY TWO WEEKS LATER, as Olivia sat at her mirror, her maid putting up her hair for the evening, Sterling tapped on her door.
“Enter.”
“Good evening Mother. I am afraid that I won’t be attending this evening’s event. I have received a message that I must act on immediately. Do enjoy yourself without me.”
“Oh! Really Sterling, more warning would have been good. But, if you must.”
She sighed – another evening on which he would not meet his future wife. The evening from there was ordinary – some socialising, a little gossip, and an excellent conversation with Edward.
She returned late, and rose late the next day, to discover that Sterling had rushed off somewhere, with barely any luggage, at a ridiculously early hour, saying that he might not return for a few days.
She shook her head at the vagaries of young men, and set about her day. A day which she had greatly anticipated for some time, as it would see her attend the theatre with Edward. She wondered, still, how he really felt about her. There was that day, a few weeks earlier, in the library, when he had kissed her with such intensity, and then gone to speak of something, but found himself unable to get the words out.
Was it his speech hesitation, she wondered? Or something else, something more troubling, which had stopped him? Did he care for her, but find that hard to say? It seemed a plausible explanation – but that could simply be her wishful thinking. She paused, considering that thought – her wishful thinking – that implied that she wanted Edward to declare feelings for her, to declare, dare she even think it, love.
She laughed. If Sterling knew that she’d had such a thought! Oh, how he would mock her. For all these years, she had staunchly declared that love wasn’t necessary, was simply an annoying fiction for impressionable young women – and here she was, at her age, wishing for it!
Perhaps there would come a time when she would ask Edward – or tell him of her own feelings for him – but... did she dare use such a word to describe her feelings? Did she love him?
By the time they left for the theatre that evening, she was no closer to having a definitive answer to that question.
TWO DAYS LATER, LATE in the afternoon, Sterling returned. And he was not alone. She was in the library, searching for one particular book that seemed to have hidden itself from her, when he appeared by her side.
“Oh! Sterling, you look rather done in, almost disreputable, one could say. Whatever have you been doing?”
He gave her a wry grin. He looked, she thought, remarkably happy for man who also seemed exhausted.
“Rather a lot, Mother. Some of which will startle you, and which you will probably disapprove of completely. But I hope that you’ll listen first.”
“My, that sounds mysterious, and a little ominous.”
“Please come to the parlour, and we will explain everything.”
“We?”
“You’ll see. Please be polite and listen.”
Olivia took a deep breath. This sounded a little alarming indeed. But this was her sensible son – she would do as he asked. He led her to the parlour, opened the door, and waved her in.
There, on her couch, sat Lady Duckington. Olivia tensed – what was the disreputable woman doing here? She forced herself to do nothing, beyond a polite nod of greeting. She sank onto her preferred chair and waited. Sterling went to the woman, and sat beside her, slipping his arm around her. Olivia stiffened.
“Mother, I am sure that you are aware of the fact that, more than a month ago, Amelia’s husband died. What you are probably not aware of, is the situation she was placed in, by the late Lord Duckington’s will. I will explain that shortly, and how it led to me rushing off from here, a few days ago. But first, I will tell you the most important thing. Amelia has done me the honour of agreeing to be my wife. I had wished for that to be possible, for quite some time, but whilst Lord Duckington lived, there was, of course, no hope. I would not wish anyone dead before their time, but I cannot be sorry that she is now free. The wedding will take place quite soon, mourning notwithstanding, as a result of a specific condition in Lord Duckington’s will. I ask, Mother, that you respect my choice.”
Olivia almost gaped at him. Marry Lady Duckington? And before the normal mourning period was done? What was he thinking? And yet – he was apparently serious – he appeared to care.
“I see. Tell me more of how this came about. For, you must know, this is a rather starling announcement that you make.”
Surprisingly, it was Lady Duckington who spoke.
“My Lady, I know that I am not the sort of woman that you wanted for your son. I am very aware of my failings. But know that I do love him. I have for some time, and despaired of how I might change myself, of how I might be worthy of a man of his calibre. I had not ever hoped that I might marry him, no matter how much I loved him. I am deeply honoured that he has chosen me.”
Olivia was surprised again – Lady Duckington’s voice was soft, not hard edged and strident as it had been many times when she had heard her in the past. And she spoke of love. It was not a word that she had expected from Amelia Duckington’s mouth – yet it had the ring of truth about it.
“I see. I will be as blunt as you have been. No, you are not the sort of woman I would have chosen. But you are here, and my son appears committed to you. I would understand the rest of it.”
“Thank you. I will be as short about this tale as I can. My late husband left me two properties and an annuity. He was a kind man, although much my senior, and hoped that I would have a happy life. But his idea of ensuring that was to put a condition on my inheritance – that I marry within a year of his death, regardless of mourning, and that I visit both properties ‘regularly’ to ensure that they were maintained. Should I fail in either of these things, the properties would revert to the new Viscount – his odious cousin – and I would be left almost penniless, with a reduced annuity.”
“What a shocking condition! His perception of what might bring happiness seems to have been rather distorted!”
“I can only agree. Of course, the odious new Viscount was horrified, as he had hoped to get everything. He immediately decided that the best way to still do so was to marry me. I refused him. I had suffered one empty marriage, without love or passion, and could not face another, especially to a man I despised. So when I went to the country property to escape, at least for a while, his attentions, he claimed that I had been away from the townhouse too long, and went to usurp it, using that ‘visit regularly’ clause in the will. I was not aware of this, but my staff, who are loyal, sent a message to Sterling, as the only man I had ever had visit me that they believed actually cared, asking his assistance.”
Sterling tightened his hold on her for a moment, and Olivia watched their faces. What she saw assured her that their words about love were truth. He looked at Olivia, and continued the tale.
“When I received the message, I spoke with Amelia’s butler, and her solicitor, and we hatched a plan, complete with all of the necessary documentation. I rode to the country, and fetched Amelia back, and we confronted the usurper. He had the arrogance to laugh in her face, to tell her that she had best marry him, for no self-respecting nobleman would have her, after the life she’d led. The pain in her face at his words... I could not bear it. I had intended to wait, to honour the fact that her husband’s death was recent, but the gall of the man – I had to act. I proposed on the instant, for I love her, and marriage is what I had wished regardless. And she accepted. The cad near had an apoplexy. For with her betrothal to me, he knew that he would never have her, the properties, or her money.”
“I have to hope that you threw the man forcibly from the building!”
Sterling laughed at Olivia’s words.
“I didn’t have to, Mother. He had the intelligence to leave before I, or the butler, assisted him to. We have come straight here. Amelia needs rest, but before anything else, we wanted to tell you. I ask your blessing, Mother, as difficult as that may be for you to give, and your help. We have a wedding to plan.”
Olivia sat silently, looking at the couple before her. How often had she judged this woman, and found her wanting, without really considering what life married to a man four times your age might have been like? How often had she judged love as a worthless emotion? Yet here, before her, was the evidence of the value of love. Her son had exhausted himself to save this woman from a cad – not because he would benefit from marrying her in any way, but because he loved her. Amelia had not thought herself worthy of him – had been willing to lose him, even though she loved him, rather than taint his honour.
How could she disapprove? She had wanted her son married, and she wanted him happy. If she gave them her blessing, she would see both of those wishes fulfilled – and she would give Amelia the chance to experience a happy marriage, and, hopefully, children.
“Sterling – I cannot say that any of this is what I ever expected... but I can see from watching you together, that you speak the truth when you say that you love each other. You have my blessing. Amelia – I am sorry that I have not been kind to you in the past. That will change.”
Tears slipped from Amelia’s eyes, and she leaned into Sterling’s shoulder.
“Thank you, Lady Hemsbridge. I fully intend to be worthy of your son, to change the way that I deal with people – for I no longer have a pit of aching loneliness to hide behind arrogance. I was foolish to ever act as I did, but I knew no other way. Love changes everything.”
“It does indeed.”
At Olivia’s words, Sterling looked up, startled, wondering what on earth had happened, to make his mother utter such a sentiment.
Chapter Nine
“My Lady, is all well with you? It may be impertinent of me to ask, but you seem... different, er, somehow, in the weeks since your son’s betrothal was announced.”
Olivia paused at Edward’s words, looking up from the book which she had just opened. His dark eyes met hers, full of concern. After a moment, she put the book aside with a sigh. He was, perhaps, the one person she might be able to discuss this with.
“I... yes. I expect that I do seem a little different. There is so much to do. Not just to arrange the wedding – that, although a major undertaking, is a joy – I was beginning to wonder if I would ever have a wedding to arrange, for Sterling. Beyond that, I am troubled, I will admit.”
“What troubles you? Perhaps we can, together, find a solution for it.”
He reached out, and took her hand in his, his thumb idly tracing gentle patterns on the back of her hand as he held it. Olivia found that touch comforting. It was an odd thought – she realised that rarely in her life had others touched her, to give her comfort – not since she was a very small child. It was a great gift that Edward gave her, that simple touch, yet she was almost certain that he was unaware of the effect that it had on her. She breathed deeply, considering her next words carefully – how best to explain? In the e
nd, she simply plunged on.
“This wedding will bring a change in my life too. For once my son has a wife, this house, and Hemsbridge Park too, will be hers to rule. That is as it should be, and I would not take that away from her. But... I must decide where I will live – I cannot stay here indefinitely – they must have a chance to have their own lives, without me perpetually at their side. Yet I am loath to leave this house, which has been my primary home for so many years. And what of my library? Yet I must leave. I can see no solution better than moving to the Dower House at Hemsbridge Park. It is large, and a pleasant enough home. Its library is small, but that can be fixed, and I am sure that Sterling will be happy for me to remove the books and other items that I care about, to there. But to live there... that will take me away from many of my friends, it will isolate me in the country. I am not sure that I wish to live like that!”
His fingers tightened on hers.
“You cannot know how happy you might be, living there, until you try it. If it does not suit you, if you find yourself yearning for London, then I am sure that your man of business could find you another house, here, to buy or lease. Regardless of where you choose, I will not abandon you.”
Tears rose in Olivia’s eyes. He had understood, without her saying it. For chief among her concerns was the fact that, if she was not in London, then she would most likely not be able to see Edward as often, would not be able to share their research as she did now. And she could not, truly, bear the thought of not seeing him. He had become an anchor in her life, a reliable presence which brought her happiness. And more than happiness... she would not lose the love and care that was growing between them, even if words had never been spoken.
Unwrapping a Rogue: A Christmas Regency Boxset Page 52
