Her tongue darted over her bottom lip. “And what of...what of the words you said to Robert?”
She knew? His heart dropped down to his toes. She’d known all this time what he’d said, how he’d ruined her in Robert’s eyes and persuaded him to break off the engagement. He would never win her but at least the truth would be out, he supposed.
“I didn’t know you knew of that,” he said quietly. He wanted to reach for her hand but his arms were too stiff from fear and she had wrapped her own arms about herself. “What I did was unforgivable and I promise you it will haunt me for the rest of my days. I won’t expect your forgiveness, ever, but hopefully you shall understand that I was a man driven mad by love.
“I couldn’t stand to see you wed my closest friend. I wanted to crash and rage every time you were near him and when you touched, I longed to step between you, tear you apart and take you for my own. I did the only other thing I thought I could do. I warned Robert away from you, told him you were not a suitable match.” He heaved out a breath. “It was despicable behaviour on my behalf.”
Angelina ran her gaze over him several times before twisting away and watching the fire. Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears and the sight opened up a new chasm of pain inside him. How many times had she cried over what he’d done to her? How many times had she considered taking her revenge on him? Yet she had merely lifted her chin and behaved in a far more ladylike manner than anyone else in her position would.
Benedict reached out then drew his arm back in. What should he do now? He turned away and rubbed a hand over his jaw. He’d always known he’d done irreparable damage but to see her distress cut through him like a knife. Would there be anything he could do to make things better?
A tiny cry from her made him spin around. His gut clenched when he saw the flames flicking up her fur scarf. A spark must have come from the fire and landed on it. Angelina frantically tugged at the garment but to no avail. Benedict wasted no time grabbing the scarf with his good hand, flames be damned, and managed to unwrap it from her. He threw it aside and it landed in the snow with a hiss. He didn’t even need to put it out.
Aware of a slight tingling in his hand, he frantically patted her face and hair. “Are you hurt? Did it burn you?”
“No, I...” She lifted a hand to her hair. “I do not think so. Is my hair burned?”
“No, you are as a beautiful as ever.” Benedict drew his hand back and inspected it in the light of the bonfire. It was burned but nothing that wouldn’t heal. He drew Angelina back a little, fearful of another errant spark.
“Your hand!” She snatched it and looked at it. “You’ve burned it.”
“It’s nothing.”
“We should at least put some salve on it.”
“Angie, it’s nothing,” he assured. “As long as you’re safe, that’s all that matters.”
“You could have been severely burned. Why would you do such a thing?”
He gave a depreciative smile. “Because I still love you, Angelina.”
Her lips parted and she dropped his hand. Gaze searching his, she pressed a finger to her lips. “You do?”
“It might not seem punishment enough for my deeds but let me assure you it’s been quite the torment, loving you all these years. It seems no matter what I do, I can’t forget you.” He saw her throat work as though unsure how to reply. He wasn’t sure he could live with a rejection now he thought about it, so he held up his slightly burned hand. “It is well enough; I know it is very likely you shall hate me forever.”
She shook her head slowly, disbelief written on her face. “I...I don’t think...that is...” Her chest heaved as she took in a breath. “I don’t think I hate you, Benedict. I thought I did but I am not so sure now.”
The tiniest flicker of hope lit in his chest. He wanted to crush it but it was like the spark on her scarf, it caught quickly and spread through him.
“I admired you when we first met. The truth is, I found you very attractive but when I thought you hated me, I tried to forget you. I’m not sure I ever succeeded. You know how they say that hate and love can often be confused?”
“You love me?” he blurted out.
Angelina lifted a shoulder. “I...I need to think. I’m not sure what I’m trying to say.”
He nodded slowly. Tonight had been an exhausting night of revelations for both of them. He would pray with all his might that perhaps fate had been kind enough to not let him go through the agony of loving her alone, that perhaps they really were meant to be together but he would not rush her. He owed her that much.
Another cry split the air. Both of them hastened around the bonfire to find not someone else up in flames, but Elizabeth wrapping her arms about Sutherland’s neck. The chap gave the young woman a swift peck on the lips and grinned at everyone.
The marchioness sidled over. “You two have been very secretive tonight. You just missed out on a beautiful proposal.”
Angelina slid a surprised look her way. “Oliver is going to marry Elizabeth?”
Hot jealousy surged through Benedict. Was she upset that he was going to marry another woman?
“Apparently they have been secretly courting for some time. Oliver was waiting until his fortune was secure before he proposed,” the marchioness confided.
She moved in the direction of the embracing couple and offered them her congratulations, then began talking of the wedding or some such.
Benedict looked down at Angelina. “Did you know they were courting?”
“No, he never said a word.”
“Does it upset you?”
She glanced up at him. “No, not at all.”
When he looked into her eyes, the jealousy quickly subsided. He didn’t see anything but happiness for the couple in her eyes. Perhaps he’d been wrong about any attachment to Sutherland. And perhaps that meant he really was in with a chance with her. Whether he was here for business or not, he couldn’t pass up the opportunity to finally win Angelina’s heart.
Chapter Nine
Miss Manners says...
The rules of courting can seem vast and complex but they are in essence very simple. Do not allow yourself to be alone with a gentleman unless your courtship is far along. Even then, one must maintain a respectful distance from one’s partner. Do not be tempted to kiss or touch your companion, my dear readers. Your innocence is your most valuable possession and thus you must guard it with utmost temerity.
The orphanage was set in a large cottage. Snow covered the roof but Angelina could see enough of the straw to know that it was in good condition. The marquess and marchioness patronised the local orphanage and it seemed they were quite generous. Drifts of white lined the black painted window panes and a few clean, excited faces peeked through the glass. Angelina smiled and clutched the presents in her arms. This was probably going to be her favourite part of the whole festive season—helping the orphans enjoy Christmas a little too.
Not only had the marquess and marchioness sent down their servants with a cart full of presents but they’d also included several Christmas puddings and cakes, dates, sweetmeats, and Christmas crackers. Angelina couldn’t wait for the little ones to tear open the small packages and find the boiled sweets inside.
She glanced at Benedict as he handed out the presents to the guests to take inside the building. He looked every inch the gentleman in his top hat and great coat. No sign of the rake beneath. And that man, she realised, had been the man she’d truly seen this festive season. Yes, he loved to tease and even flirt a little but he’d never behaved with anything but respect.
And love?
Love. That word insisted on floating around inside her brain. It had been there for two days since the bonfire. She’d even said the word—and not necessarily intentionally. But it had occurred to her that perhaps, just perhaps she had never really hated him even though she’d wanted to. How painful it had been for a man she found distractingly handsome and well, just distracting in general, to talk of how inapprop
riate her behaviour was. Had she only noticed how he watched her because she’d spent as long watching him?
Even now this warmth bubbled up inside her when she thought of how he’d looked at her the other day and the various looks since. There was no hatred in those looks, only love. No matter how hard she tried, she could feel nothing but this blossoming sensation. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could deny it.
Did she really love Benedict?
And what would this mean for her future with the paper? Potentially they might become engaged but that could take years of courting for all she knew. She supposed the knowledge she was being courted by a handsome earl might be enough for her editor to continue her column. She certainly hoped so.
They carried in the parcels and were greeted by what had to be at least twenty or so children. Most were small but a few older ones tried to calm the little ones down, looking extremely solemn and clearly trying to behave as adult-like as possible. A girl of around fourteen dropped into a curtsey as Angelina approached. Angelina decided a little responsibility might brighten her up. She recalled wanting to be an adult herself at that age and hoped she was doing the right thing.
“Perhaps you would like to give out the crackers?” she offered the young girl.
“Of course, m’lady.”
“Please call me Angelina. And be sure to take one for yourself.”
“Yes, m—Angelina. Thank you.”
Angelina watched her hand out the crackers with a smile and noticed the girl’s face break into a grin of her own. Once all were handed out, she pulled the cracker with Angelina and the bright paper ripped apart. Sweets spilled out and together they scooped them out and shared them.
Meanwhile, the children gathered around the Christmas tree which had been decorated a little chaotically with strands of berries and candles. The presents were passed around and the tearing of paper and ripping of boxes began. The warmth in her chest couldn’t fail to burn bright, particularly when she shared a look with Benedict. She couldn’t be sure what it meant but it felt like he was grateful to be sharing this moment with her, just as she was with him.
A little boy of around two tugged on her dress. He held up a stuffed bunny for her and motioned to the ribbon around its neck. It had come untied so Angelina deftly tied it up into a beautiful bow.
“Here we go.” She handed the bunny back but the boy lifted his arms in what Angelina couldn’t fail to recognise as a demand to be picked up.
Scooping up the child, she settled him on her hip and her heart melted a little when he rested his cheek on her shoulder whilst cuddling the stuffed animal. Benedict appeared at her side and glanced between her and the boy.
“You have a way with children.”
“I didn’t know I did to be honest. I’m hardly around them often. But these little ones are quite lovely.”
“As are you,” he murmured.
Heat flourished in her cheeks but before she could respond another child tugged at Benedict’s trousers. He had to bend to help the little girl with her dolly and before long, he’d been dragged away to join in with more fun and games while Angelina rocked the tired little boy until her arms hurt. Even then she couldn’t bring herself to put the sleeping child down.
By the time the presents had been played with and the sweets were all eaten, the sun was beginning to lower toward the horizon. A nursemaid took the child off her, who barely made a sound and the children who were awake waved them farewell as they walked back up to the castle.
Not really being friends with the other women, Angelina kept to the back of the group and admired the sun as it turned the snowy landscape an amber and pink colour. Streams of colour turned the few clouds vibrant and around her, the world seemed to still and calm after the noise and excitement of the children.
“Beautiful, is it not?”
She smiled and nodded at Benedict as he dropped back to join her. “I was just thinking how peaceful it was.”
“A welcome bit of silence after the orphanage I suspect.”
“I adored seeing all the children but it is nice to have a bit of peace and quiet.”
“Time to think?” He gave her the lightest nudge with his arm.
She couldn’t help laugh. “I suppose so.”
“And have you had any time to think about what we discussed the other night?” He paused and she had no choice but to face him.
“I...yes, I have.”
“Come now, Angie, you never used to be so reserved.”
“You are very certain that I am not totally unchanged, are you not?”
He inched closer, his broad chest filling her vision. She craned to see his eyes under the brim of his hat.
“I know you are.” A finger came to touch her cheek. She resisted the desire to close her eyes. “You are especially beautiful in this light. When I think of all the years wasted...”
“They do not have to be wasted,” she said, hardly aware she’d been about to say as much.
“Does that mean what I hope it means?”
He continued to trace the curve of her cheek, down toward her lips. The fingertip lingered just on the corner of her mouth and her whole face tingled with anticipation. He seemed determined to let her die of frustration, a move so unlike Benedict. He usually took what he wanted. But not with her. He’d shown more patience than she’d ever seen. If that was not proof of his feelings, what was?
Now, she wanted to prove hers.
She latched her arms around his neck in one swift movement. “It does,” she muttered, taking in his surprised expression before pressing her lips to his.
He released a tiny grunt when she flattened her body against him but he quickly caught up, wrapping his arms around her waist and holding her tight. His splint dug lightly into her back but she didn’t care.
He claimed her mouth then, claimed her soul too. There was no holding back, no doubting. This is love, her pulse told her as it pounded through her. This always has been. Her hate had been more to do with her ego than his actions. Her admiration for him had always been true, however. She’d simply tried so hard to bury it.
But as he moved his mouth over hers and coaxed her lips apart to taste the inner recesses of her mouth, she had no doubt she could bury it no longer.
“I love you,” she murmured breathlessly when he broke the kiss.
“I love you.” He pressed a quick kiss to her mouth, then her cheek. “I love you.” The tip of her nose. “I always have, I knew I always would.” He kissed her other cheek then her mouth again.
Drawing back, he eyed her gravely. The golden sunlight made his skin warm and his dark eyes glow like the bonfire. “I must warn you, Angelina. I have no wish for a long courtship. I have waited long enough for you. It is New Year’s Eve and I wish for us to have a fresh start.”
Excitement fluttered in her belly. “I think that sounds perfect.”
He grinned and bunched her tight against him. “Wonderful.” They both peered at the setting sun and she issued a satisfied smile.
“It really is wonderful, isn’t it?” she said.
He simply held her tighter.
Chapter Ten
Miss Manners says...
A lady does not always tell the truth. While she strives to be honest in all matters, if it will appear rude or uncouth it is always advisable to keep quiet. For example, if a gentleman might ask you for his opinion on his attire, it is far preferable to be vague but complimentary. Let him feel that you thoroughly approve of his wear without encouraging the continued use of such items. A lady with strong opinions, my dears, will always be frowned upon.
“Do stop by my office in London,” Fairfax said as they ushered out the other guests. “We can discuss your proposal further. I’m not making any promises mind.”
Benedict nodded. It wasn’t the agreement he’d hoped to have but it was something. Hopefully he could persuade Fairfax his invention was worth investing in when he was a little less distracted.
“I intend
to, my lord.”
They watched the gentleman and several other members of their party depart. Benedict was scheduled to leave tomorrow as was Angelina. Which meant one more night of her company. He let slip a satisfied smile. Once he’d returned to London, he’d purchase an engagement ring for her and they could begin to plan their wedding.
When he turned away from the door, he caught her looking his way. Love shone from her. He could hardly believe he had been so lucky. How many other women would forgive a man such deeds and even admit their love for them? Angelina had proved her strength and worth time and again. He knew for certain their future would be an interesting and passionate one.
They retreated back into the warmth of the drawing room. The huge fireplace glowed with burning logs and the scent of charred wood added a comforting effect. With the doors closed, they could almost forget their icy surroundings. The journey to the train station wouldn’t be an easy one tomorrow but at least the snow was now only a thin covering. He wouldn’t complain about being trapped here with Angelina but he was keen to get their marriage details arranged and he couldn’t neglect estate business for much longer.
Angelina placed herself on the window seat and he took it upon himself to join her. “Are you catching the three o’clock train?”
“Yes. As long as the carriage makes it through in time.”
“I’d intended to catch the morning one but there’s no rush. I hope I shall see you at the train station. We can travel together.”
“How very scandalous.” She gave him a little nudge to show she was teasing.
“What will your readers think?”
“I must admit, for the first time in a long time, I am not at all that bothered.”
“You’re not enjoying writing for the paper?”
“I adore writing but I long to write about something more interesting. I think we both know I am not really the person to be writing about etiquette.”
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