They made their way back through town center where many were doing their day’s shopping. It was probably an hour before noon, and was getting overwhelmingly hot. May could feel sweat beading up and trickling down from her forehead, over her temple, and more dripped down the middle of her back. The stench of hundreds of other sweaty people was being wisped under their noses as te passed through an area so thinkwith people that they couldn’t walk side by side and had to pause their conversation.
The library was one street behind the town center, so it was a little quitter. There weren’t enough books to fill the whole space that the building occupied. It was about twice the size of any of the houses. Windows were set up at equal intervals around it, but you could never see inside of it during the day. When they entered, the librarian turned around after scribbling something on a large wall map.
“Hey May.” He said with a smile.
“Hey Vincent” She returned.
“Looking for more of those nature-theory books?” He asked Dane.
“Yeah”
“Well, I’d try to educate you, but May would be better at that.”
Dane smiled, “No offense, but yeah, I figured.”
“No problem. I was thinking about leaving in an hour, would you be okay closing up? I know you’ll be here long enough, anyway.”
May smiled, “Sure thing.”
Dane went right for a specific book, and May had already picked out three. He took her arm and guided her away before she could grab a dozen more. He led her to a table and easily pulled out the chair and seemed to set her in it before she knew what was happening. He moved to the other side of the table and said,
“Let’s start with a few at a time. I have a feeling this will take us a while.”
“When are you leaving?”
Dane smiled, “Actually after I came to the library the first time, I told Jason I was planning on staying, so we’ve got all day - plus.”
May half-smiled as though he’d just issued a challenge, “sounds good”.
…
Drifting out of her memories again, May tried to actually wake up, get up from the table, move around the room. When she felt conscious she looked to her daughter again, then outside, then back again to Janey.
May was drawn to the door; ready to walk with her daughter outside. To feel that breeze and breathe the freshness before the heat overpowered it, was like medicine. To concede to the majesty of the earth was the greatest catharsis. As she started moving slowly, sliding her arms underneath the warm and sweaty girl, she paused. Deciding something, she grabbed the little girl and slipped quietly over the threshold. One arm held the girl and the other arm scooped up the large woven bag that belonged to Gabe. With the use of her feet, she opened the door wide enough to get through, and then let it close behind her.
Janey lay tiredly with her head on May’s abdomen and May tipped over the woven bag, pulling things out awkwardly with one hand. Bags filled with something slipped out. By reading the information on the back, she discovered it was food. Finding a spot on top that said ‘tear here’, she obeyed and a pungent smell reached her nose. Just to say she tried, she took a small piece and put it in her mouth. Her gag reflexes lurched forward and she spit it out making a mess on her face. She looked at the bag again and read, ‘Beef Jerky’. Such a strong flavor was cruel and wrong. Nasty.
There were more foods but after the first taste, she didn’t dare try any of the others.
After pushing aside the food bags, she found another interesting item – a box, the contents of which poured onto her face when she opened it. After searching the contents, she realized that it was a bandage kit. Moving that aside, she found was she was looking for. A small green book. The one Gabe tried to hide weeks ago. Relentless excitement filled her fingertips. She opened to start reading. It had some weird introduction notes that she wasn’t sure what to think about. Pretty quickly she understood there was a system for finding things in it. But May wasn’t concerned with finding topic related information. She wanted all of it.
The book was written in the strangest language she had ever read, yet it was intriguing. Though she devoured it, it took almost ten minutes a page.
Two pages in and already there were almost a dozen unknown words. She needed a pen. And paper … well… hmm. Maybe it would have to wait… her chores needed to get done… she really just wanted to read. The desire to read felt desperate, like she was on the cusp of understanding everything she’d ever wanted.
___
Jonathan stood and leaned toward the window to watch her through it. It was hard to see, but he gathered that she laid down with the babe on her chest, and tipped over the bag. He knew what was in it, so he sat back down and tried to think reasonably again. They won’t gain much from the beef jerky, the cards, the first aid kit, and the dried fruit. The gun was in that bag. That won’t be a problem for the tree huggers.
It wasn’t until it was time for chores that Jonathan saw May come through the door again. Something was slipped into her pocket in haste when she set the little girl down on the couch. May moved away and around the table, somewhat noisily, where she opened up her notebook and jotted down a few words that Jonathan craned over to see, but couldn’t make it out. Though, Jonathan had made his decision, so what she was learning was no threat to him. It’s probably the words ‘beef’ and ‘jerky’.
The bag was put by the couch, out of Jonathan’s reach and she left immediately following to do her morning chore, which she was late to. Jonathan’s eyes remained on the bag. Gabe made every attempt to be as organic as possible. There was nothing that could compromise him from what she was learning from Gabe’s bag.
Not long after she left, she re-entered. Jonathan watched with surprise and fear as she unscrewed the lid on his pill bottle. It was child proof, and she understood how to do it now, but it took some time originally for her to figure it out. The opening of a small pouch that stayed at her waist was fitted around the top of his pill bottle. Dumping everything in it, she closed both strings up and re-tied the pouch to her waist. Then she went lightly and deftly into a back room. The key rattled in her hand. Pulling up a chair and sitting across from him, she stared deeply into his eyes, making decisions.
This interesting and rash attempt (to, what, trust him, or get his help?) was what disconcerted him more than anything. Maybe there was something he needed to know about what she found.
“You’re not pretty enough to seduce me, so stop trying.” He said rudely when she didn’t break her gaze. It wasn’t even a good insult, because it was a lie, so she didn’t react with any contempt. She was too intelligent to slip because of last-ditch efforts to claim power. Acting like she could give him his freedom, as if it were her gift pissed him off. It was a pompous assumption that made him feel even less in control. You have no right to give me freedom, you prude. Resentment in her made him more arrogant. It was an obvious sacrifice and frustration to her to have that key in her hand. Even Jonathan knew sacrifices were always required in matters of life. At the moment, his was expected to be pride. Yeah, right. He thought.
Those condescending eyes of his remained such, intentionally, staring, thinking about how he expected this, how he planned on it, and how he had to do nothing for it. The desire for knowledge pushed her, as he knew it would.
“Tossing a bit of bread to the dog, eh?”
“Only if the dog behaves. We’ll see if it works. Truth is, I’d like to trust you… I don’t, but I need more information, which only you have… and I assume we’ll learn what it is when you act in desperation… not when you’re chained.”
“So you think I’ll just stay here?”
“No. But you’ll come back. Even you have loyalties.”
Insolent woman. He hated her. He did have loyalties. One loyalty was to the drugs, which was now empty, because of her. No matter, there was more at the lab… however he didn’t know how to get there without a map. Another, he had a loyalty to research and they were h
is rats; his filthy, primitive, ungodly rats.
She added, “This is conditional, though, that we can trust you. No more violence. Nothing crazy.” When she stood up to unlock his chains, the young body that should have been attractive to him was repulsive with body odor. Snarling unremorsefully, he told her to take a bath.
The fact that she was getting under his skin was a serious problem. As she left, he muttered vain profanities and curdled his fists in the open air, dreaming that her throat was there. She was lucky that all of his angst from the night before was far enough gone to sanely decide he didn’t want to deal with Dane and Samson after her death. He could kill her and then run and hide, he thought. But, surely they would never let him near the cave again. Since that was what he wanted most, he put aside his lust to kill the evil wench, and tried to focus on more important things. Even he was under the twenty-second century trap of needing a GPS to get anywhere. He was lost.
When she walked out, Jonathan jumped out of his seat to the pill bottle, hoping against hope that there would be even one that she forgot. Empty. He swore loudly. Janine came out, looking displeased from what she just heard. She had hardly said anything to him beyond the politeness of their first introduction. Even with her doting on Gabe, there was little niceness left for him besides keeping him from bleeding to death. He was a waste of time and of favors. He wondered why she feared him so much. Looking in a mirror would have told him why, but there were none around. He looked terrible and not to mention he was downright offensive, and selfish… but more a problem was the game they were playing over his pills and their plans. Jonathan detested, no, abhorred games.
Janine stopped on the threshold when she saw his chains were off. Jonathan sat back down.
His frame hung down toward the floor, propping himself on his elbows and his knees, picking at the dried leftover blood on his wrists, but staring up momentarily at the threatened woman. To her he was like an escaped convict. She massaged her hands nervously. Her fear was insulting. Considering how unstable he was, and his offense by her manners, he didn’t say anything to void that fear. There was no guarantee he wouldn’t hurt her, honestly. May would be blamed for it, too, for taking the pills away, and taking off the chains. His anger didn’t go away. Part of him wished for the chains again. Then, at least, he could trust himself.
Reaching in his pocket, searching in what might be in vain hope, he found a sleeping pill, and popped it in, swallowing it without water. Before it started working and while Janine was still a distance away, he got up slowly, falling over himself a bit, putting his weight on the table, he flipped open the notebook May left on the table. Everything shook when he slammed his fist on the table. He looked up at Janine who had backed up considerably.
All hell was breaking loose inside Jonathan’s mind. What would Gabe possibly have had in his bag that would have those words? He was pissed. The decision he made wouldn’t work now. He growled and slammed the book shut. Janine flitted like a mouse, and ran back into her bedroom, closing the door.
Thomas, who was asleep on the couch, roused violently, but didn’t look up, saying, “what’s your problem, man?”
Jonathan tried to force himself to sit in his chair before he did something rash, but it wasn’t working very well. He panicked, feeling through all his pants pockets, to find an extra one, please oh please, there has to be an anxiety pill somewhere. Not that it mattered now anyway what he did to them or what they thought of him. His plan was now changed.
Chapter 10
May walked out to the back to grab her bamboo stick and two buckets for retrieving the day’s water. The pouring thoughts riddled and absorbed her for the larger portion of her walk. Trying to figure Jonathan out and give answers for questions she couldn’t even formulate, let alone answer, was occupying her.
Most others loathed this chore. That was one reason May typically volunteered for it. Aside from that, in her opinion, it was the most enjoyable… not really at the moment because she was riled up. Typically, feeling the muscles in her body work that way was a satisfying and curious feeling. Every time it felt like a new discovery of self, of humanity… which Jonathan was supposed to know about, and yet he had not even a smile to prove it… And then, as she walked, she could breathe in deeply for the sweet syrupy air. It was almost surprising to her that no one else wanted to do it, really…
Was it wise to leave him alone? She wondered. She just unchains him and walks away? What was that giving him the license to do? Shut up, May, Shut up…
The trip was approximately one mile and she needed to make that trip four times. Four gallons of water for the morning chores. About a half a gallon each could take care of them for the day.
Sometimes she wandered as she walked, not looking around her, crossing feet back and forth like she was drunk. Other times she looked up at the sky and played a game to see if she could stay on the path, even though she was looking anywhere but down. What a strange place, she thought… with the sky above and dirt beneath. What a strange green book. Why didn’t she understand it? That was hard for her to grasp. Sure, Gabe and Jonathan used words she didn’t know… had the language just dissolved? She suddenly felt pained. What don’t we know that we don’t know that we don’t know? Really… what is missing? Basics of language could be missing; definitions and practices that no longer existed felt like the annoying pinpricks of needles against every part of her skin. Things were gone that she couldn’t even articulate, or imagine. That’s how far away they were from some previous reality.
Clearly distracted and with her face to the sky, she arrived at the well where a few others were lingering. Some of them didn’t know that she had returned home and had welcomes and questions of interest… May answered most with casual honesty, not being terribly dramatic about anything, nor secretive if she could manage. To have something to hide was an awful feeling. Hopefully, things would clear up soon and she’d have something more to say. She smiled and laughed as they asked questions about the men they’d heard she’d brought back with her, and as they made comments about how tired she looked, and how she must be so glad to be home with her daughter and what fun it must be.
Luckily, May had a particular talent to be genuinely curious about other people, and so, typically, they didn’t talk long about her. Very naturally, they began answering questions about themselves and sharing details with her until she was able to excuse herself politely and head back home.
May had been very sincere with her smiles about home and the joy of her daughter. She realized that maybe that’s not where the problem was for her emotionally. So what was it? If her theory of relationships was right, she should be happy. The only ill situation she was in was with Jonathan. All in all, she had fulfilling relationships. So still… what was the problem? Maybe it was her relationship with herself. She read a book about that once…
She tried to stand straighter as the weight of the water was causing her to slump. Yes! She thought. Let it burn. Ouch. Being sore from yesterday, still, was certainly making things more difficult. A breeze diluted her masochistic humor. A wince and a smile broke on her face in her pleasure with herself.
The thought of the book in her pocket, next to the pills, never really left her mind. The thought seemed to be heavier than the water on her shoulders.
When she got back to the house and saw no one moving in the windows, she became a little nervous. It felt impossible for her to know what was really going on in Jonathan’s head. It was so difficult to pour the water, reposition the buckets and turn back to the road without poking her head in the house; without soothing her anxiety that Jonathan had ran off. The door at the moment was a temptress, trained to tantalize. Every thought in her head turned to possible hypothetical conversations, fears of what could be happening, from the very worst to the slightly better than the very worst.
Gritting her teeth and hating these compulsive feelings, May braced herself and forced herself forward through the thickest air she’d ever breathed. Tension e
ased up a bit along the way, trying to forget about it. May forced herself to stay and talk longer than she wanted. Water sloshed in her buckets as she tromped back, steadily. With her mind back on the green book and the abstractness of her life, she was more at ease.
That didn’t stop her from sending a wary look to the window when she made regulated motions into the opening where the house was. Eventually she realized she would need to find out what was going on and that if she was anxious, it was okay to answer her questions. May put down the water without transferring it to the larger bucket.
In case others were still sleeping, she opened the door quietly. Janine was up making food and talking in a whisper to Dane who was seated at the table. May had been wondering when he would get back, but this was much sooner than expected. While the conversation seemed casual enough, when May came in with apparent concern on her face they slowed the conversation until there was a good place to stop.
Dane pointed haphazardly and with question to Jonathan’s chair. May imagined that Dane must be even more alarmed because Jonathan was free… and still sitting there.
A flood of relief came over her. Why was he there? Why was he asleep? Maybe he had a secret stash of sleeping pills hidden somewhere and pulled a few out on his own. He slept sideways on his chair, with his arms over the back and his head slopped against his bicep. Always in existence in their relationship was the question of sincerity. Was he trying to get them to trust him… or was he really trustworthy? Realizing this question, May scowled to herself. Shaking her head in irritation at her paranoia May sat and shrugged it off. Dane looked at her quizzically. She knew what he was asking. She shrugged. Dane didn’t look away, but nodded at the living room.
Around the room, things were out of place, blankets were tousled and lying in a heap. Things that were in cupboards were out of the cupboards… even in the kitchen was in array; too much to be from cooking needs. The pill bottle was open and lying on the floor under the table.
The GOD Box Page 19
