by Ali Parker
“Come on, man. Shit. You didn’t go out last night, J?” Caleb moved past me and pulled off his mask.
“Fuck you. Let’s run it four more times, seeing as no one cares about what we have coming up. Get to it, and if you guys bitch any more about running drills, we’ll just lock the doors and stay here all night.” I positioned myself. “Let’s go. Drop the biscuit.”
Parks dropped it and we all took off, racing around the ice like half of us were still drunk. I swallowed my frustration. Me tearing everyone down wasn’t going to get us anywhere, but forcing everyone to run drills until their legs fell off would work wonders.
I had to be at the batting cages in two hours for my next practice and was quite grateful that I hadn’t drunk myself into a stupor the night before. Coach stepped out from the side of the ice and started to call out various players, mentally kicking them in the balls as we continued to replay drills over and over and over again.
“Good job,” I called as everyone moved toward the locker room an hour later. I didn’t have time for a shower, but I sure as hell could have used one. Every muscle in my back was on fire from pushing harder than I had in months. I needed to commit, to figure out which sport I was going to give my all to and then give it.
“Moore, can I have a word with you, son?” Coach Billows poked his head into the locker room as I stripped out of my hockey gear.
“Yeah. Let me change and I’ll be right there.”
He nodded and left.
One of the younger guys moved up to my right. “You go out last night?”
“Yeah, but I tried not to drink too much. I have baseball practice in about forty-five minutes. I knew I couldn’t have too much fun.” I shrugged.
“You trying to go to the pros with hockey or baseball?” he asked before pulling his sweat-soaked T-shirt off.
“Neither?” I pulled on a clean T-shirt and buttoned my pants before dropping down to put my tennis shoes on.
“Then why the fuck are you working so hard, Moore?” Parks gave me a silly look. “Just go to the fucking gym and stop killing yourself slowly.”
“I love playing both sports.” I finished tying up my shoes and stood. “Catch you pansies later. Behave and be ready to work hard this week. It’s almost go time again.”
A smile touched my lips as I walked toward Coach’s office with my bag on my back. The guys were slinging curses at me as I left, which was humorous. I’d been the one slinging curses at Lucas the year before. Now it was my turn.
“What’s up, Coach?” I stuck my head in the office and nodded. I didn’t really have time for a sit-down pow-wow. I needed to get over to the batting cages and get everything plugged in and turned on for practice. Yet another responsibility of team captain.
“Just wanted to make sure you’re hanging in there. I know you have a lot on your shoulders, but we wanted you to know that we think you’re doing an outstanding job.” The older man stood up from his desk and pressed his fists against the worn-down wood.
“I’m assuming this ‘we’ you’re talking about is you and the other coaches.” I chuckled. “If you were to ask my professors from last semester how well I’m holding up, they’d laugh you out of the room. I failed Chemistry. Again.”
“Oh shit. Did you drop it in time?”
“Yeah, but I’m going to have to figure out what has to go this semester, Coach. I can’t keep juggling both sports and flunking out of college. It’s my last semester and I gotta have this Chemistry credit.”
“Why not choose an easier science?”
“Because I can do this. I just need to find more time in the day.”
“Get up earlier?” He smiled.
“I get up at four, Coach.”
“Go to bed later.”
“Midnight is when I usually hit the sack. I’m running on empty.” I shrugged and repositioned my bag on my shoulder. “I’ll let you know what I decide.”
“All right, son, but we think you’re doing great. Maybe what you need is a Chemistry tutor. I don’t think dropping one of your sports is a good idea, but only you can truly answer that question for yourself.”
I nodded, turned, and walked down the long hallway to the exit. It was funny how our coaches seemed to truly care about the players until the players didn’t perform or couldn’t hold up their end of the bargain. I couldn’t help but wonder how quickly my relationship with Coach Billows would change if I dropped hockey.
Did I really care? No, not in the slightest.
I jogged toward the baseball field, almost slipping on ice and snow more times than I could count. By the time I got there, I was winded, tired, and wanted to go home. Unfortunately, I had no other choice than to put on my facade of being the strong leader everyone wanted me to be and kicking ass for the next three hours.
A groan left me as I reached for the door to my apartment. Everything hurt, and a night of sitting in the bathtub with the water as hot as I could get it sounded great. I paused before opening the door as the sound of my sister’s voice spilled out from under the door.
Why was Aubrey in my apartment?
I walked in to find her dancing around the kitchen with her headphones in.
“Hey.” I reached out and grabbed her arm from behind.
She swung around and threw a punch. I ducked just in time to miss her attack.
“Jayce! You scared the shit out of me.” She gave me a hard look. “You could have warned someone.”
“What are you doing?” I let my bag slide off my shoulder.
“Cleaning up. Layla said she was planning on moving in on Monday. I just wanted to make sure the apartment was super clean for her. She’s a bit of a clean freak.” She shrugged and turned back to cleaning.
“Okay.” I grabbed my bag and half-dragged it into my bedroom. I was tired, but I needed a release from my stress. Where my sports used to be that release, now they only seemed to pile the stress on thicker, faster. I had to find something to do before my head exploded.
Boxing. Will was boxing and he seemed almost like a different man the other day.
“Where’s Lucas?” I walked back into the kitchen and stopped at the opening. No getting my ass whooped by a crazy woman with a spatula.
“Dance, dance, dance all night with me,” Aubrey sang off key and loud.
I pressed my fingers to my ears and moved into her line of sight.
“That bad?” She gave me a cute look.
“Worse. Where is Lucas?”
“Talking with his parents.”
“About?” I moved toward the small dining-room table my mom and dad had dropped off the week before.
“About the wedding. We want to have it in March.”
“March?” I almost came up out of my chair. “Isn’t that a little fast, sis?”
“Yeah, but I’m ready to have it out of the way. I know most little girls dream of their wedding day and stuff, but I don’t. I just want family and friends there. So why not do it soon and that way Lucas and I can move on with our lives?”
“Move on how? You’re taking this semester off, but you’re making it up in Washington, right?”
“I think so. I want my degree obviously.”
“I thought you were trying to get the attention of some major dance company.” I brushed my hand down my face, confused.
“I don’t know what I want to do with my future right now.” She walked toward me and sat down in the chair closest to mine. “I just want to be with him. I miss him so much when we’re not together. As his wife, I have the right to be beside him everywhere. You know what I mean?”
“Yeah. I get that, but March?” I groaned internally. I had two sports to manage, classes to not fail, and mid-terms around that time. Life couldn’t get more complicated. It could get worse, no doubt, but it was about as complex as it could get.
My chest tightened and the air seemed so hard to breathe all of a sudden.
“Yeah. If it’s too much…” Her smile faded.
“No. It�
��s great. I’ll be there. You know that.” I got up and stretched, ignoring the budding pain in my chest. “I gotta piss.”
“Eww gross.” She crinkled up her nose at me.
I pulled at her ponytail as I walked languidly to the bathroom. I’m having a heart attack. Call her in here. Get help.
“March?” I shut the door behind me, pressed my back against it, and slid toward the floor. I realized a moment later that I was panting loudly. “March?”
There was too much going on, too many things spinning around my life that were almost outside of my control. If I didn’t stay in my sports, what kind of leader was I? What kind of man was I? Why couldn’t I handle something so simple?
If I flunked college, what would happen to me getting a job somewhere? I wouldn’t get one. No one would marry me and I’d be alone forever.
I pressed my hands to my chest as sweat dripped down my face. I was going to die if I couldn’t get my heart to stop racing, my pulse to slow, my chest to stop aching.
Closing my eyes, I pressed my head against the door and focused on my breathing. I let the image of Layla brush through the torrent of fear playing with my mind. Peace. She wanted peace in her life. No, she needed it.
I breathed in deeply and let myself go, trying hard to just focus on her and nothing else. A few minutes later, I moved onto my knees and pulled myself up off the floor. I pressed my hands against the cool tile of the sink and leaned forward to stare at my flushed face.
“What the fuck is wrong with you? Get it together. Now. They all expect you to have it together. Don’t let them down. Don’t do it. Without them, you’ll be alone. Forever alone.”
Chapter 6
Layla
“I’m still not sure this is a good idea.” I glanced over at Aubrey and gave her a look. We’d worked all morning to pack up my stuff from the dorm. Living with Jayce sounded like a dream come true, but dreams had a way of looking very different when forced into the mold of reality.
“It’s a great idea. I’m worried about my brother being alone while I’m gone. I’m a little worried about you too.” She glanced over at me and gave me a warm smile. “You guys can take care of each other for me.”
“I think this is something that makes you feel better about leaving us. It has nothing to do with this move being good for me or him. I know you, you selfish turd.” I tugged at my seatbelt and let out a long sigh. “I just don’t want this to be a mistake. I’m looking for peace in my life, remember? Choking out some girl I find in the kitchen in her panties tomorrow morning because she slept with Jayce isn’t my idea of peace.”
“What’s going on with your mom?”
“You suck at changing the topic. You know that?”
“Yep. Lucas tells me all the time.” She slowed down at a red light. “Seriously though, tell me about your mom and dad. Don’t worry about Jayce bringing someone home. He’s dated a small handful of girls his whole life. He’s not like most of the guys around campus, Lay. He wants to find the right woman and settle down.”
“I’ve known him my whole life.” I chuckled. “I’m well aware of every girl he’s dated. I hated all three of them.”
She glanced over at me and smiled. “What if this living together thing turns into the greatest adventure of your life? What if it’s the push you both need to stop dancing around the elephant in the room and actually get together? Both of you are interested. One of you just needs to take a step forward.”
I glanced out my window to watch the snow fall. Providence was beautiful that time of year, so peaceful and calm. There had to be some way to usher in that same feeling into the center of my life. I wasn’t going to last much longer, chugging along like everything was fine. It wasn’t. A ticking time bomb had moved into the center of my parents’ world, and it was set to go off soon.
“If you don’t want to talk about your parents, we don’t have to. You know that.”
“I honestly don’t know what to say.” I kept my face turned away from her. She’d know how much I was hurting if I let her see my eyes. I could hide it from strangers but not from my best friend. She knew everything about me and had been stuck to my side for twenty years.
“Have you thought about whether it’s time to get your dad some help?”
“I don’t know, Aubrey. I just keep running into destruction no matter which turn I make in my mind. If I don’t say anything, he could really hurt my mom. More than a smack to the face or a bruise on her arm.” I closed my eyes tightly and pressed my cheek to my shoulder. “Maybe moving in with Jayce is a mistake.”
“You said that already.”
“Did I?” I glanced over at her. “Because it’s true. What if I break down in front of him? It’s been a long six months since my father changed jobs and became an alcoholic.”
“Then break down in front of him. He loves you, Layla. If not like a woman loves a man, then certainly as a brother loves a sister. You know that.” She reached over and brushed my hair off my shoulder. “Maybe there is a way to get your dad some help without having to involve the police.”
“Yeah. Maybe.” I reached up to turn the heater down. “I need to figure things out soon, but I just don’t want to deal with it. I don’t know the answer to solve it.”
“I can tell you that doing nothing isn’t going to help anyone. If you want me to help you before I leave for Washington, I can. My dad probably knows someone who can help your dad with his addiction.”
I nodded. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Okay?”
“Okay. I’m here if you do.” She released me and pulled up to Lucas’s old apartment complex. “Let’s go see if Jayce is up there. If he is, he can help us carry stuff up.”
“I like the sound of that.” I unbuckled and got out of the car, trying hard not to let the sickness that was swirling in my stomach rush up my chest. Living with Jayce Moore? Just me and him.
It was too much.
“You all right? You got pale all of a sudden.” Aubrey reached for me and pulled me into an awkward side hug.
“I’m good.” I leaned against her as we paused at the bottom of the stairs. “I just hope this doesn’t turn into another nightmare.”
“Just think. If it does, you just tell Jayce and he’ll help you move out. If you were stuck with a nightmare roommate in the dorm, you’d just be stuck. Plain and simple. There would be no fixing that. You know the school isn’t going to help you out.”
“I’d never tell Jayce that living with him was a nightmare.” I rolled my eyes and pulled out of her hold. “I’m going to miss you. It hurts to even think about it.”
“Don’t start that.” Her eyes filled with tears. “I don’t want to feel like I’m choosing Lucas over you and Jayce. I can’t or I won’t go.”
I nodded, biting my tongue and bounding up the stairs in front of her. I was due in the gym later that day to work with the softball girls on a weight-room routine that we’d all be using for the start of the season. I normally hated the gym, but I was looking forward to losing myself in the pain of pumping iron. I needed something to drag me from my thoughts.
Aubrey was leaving me and Jayce for Lucas. I understood it completely, but it still hurt like a bitch to think about not having her with me every day.
“You glad to be back in school?” She moved up beside me as we walked toward Jayce’s apartment.
“Hell yeah. Last semester was so hard. Between trying to help my mom, practicing ball on my own, and doing correspondence classes, I was a hot mess. It’s weird being alone most of the time.” I shivered at the thought and reached up to knock on the door.
Aubrey reached around me and opened it. “Well, you’re not alone now and you really weren’t then.”
“Aubrey. Shit.” I reached for the door, but she’d already pushed it open.
“What?”
“What if your brother was naked in the living room?” I stopped in the kitchen as Jayce walked around the corner wearing a pair of sleeping pants and nothing
else. The beautiful swell of his chest and stomach stole my thoughts and left my mouth hanging open a little.
“Hey, girls.” He moved toward me and gave me a quick hug before hugging his sister. Did he always hug us? I had to think back on it but quickly realized that he did. Of all the men I knew, he was the most affectionate.
“Layla was worried you might be naked.” Aubrey winked at me and walked toward the fridge.
“You just missed it. Sorry.” He leaned against the counter and watched me closely. “When are you moving in?”
“My stuff is in the U-Haul downstairs.” I ignored their teasing. I’d been putting up with it all my life.
“Let me throw on a shirt and I’ll help bring it up.” He got a cup of coffee before walking back down the hallway. I watched him go, letting my eyes rest on his rear. It looked good no matter what he was wearing, but in his baseball uniform? I stifled a groan and turned to walk back out of the apartment.
“Wait up.” Aubrey jogged up to walk beside me. “There is nothing in that fridge. You’re going to have to go shopping.”
“I’ll go later tonight. After we get my stuff upstairs, I need to get over to the weight room. I have a practice scheduled this afternoon.” I walked to the back of the U-Haul and tried to calm my frazzled nerves. Was this what living with Jayce was going to be like? Me feeling crazy all the time?
“You girls take the small stuff and I’ll get the big items.” Jayce jogged down the stairs, looking so much different than the boy I’d grown up with. He was still very much that guy, but he’d matured, filled out, grown intensely sexy sometime over the course of ten years.
“There’s not too much,” I mumbled and kept my eyes averted from him. I could do this. I would just leave before he got up and go to bed before he got home.
“You all right?” He slipped his hands onto my shoulders and rubbed up to my neck, squeezing firmly.
I wanted to melt into him. “Yeah. Just got a lot on my mind.”
