by Jason Kenyon
Just inside, garbed in a great black cloak, was Belias, along with two heavily-armed skeletons. The farmer’s back was turned, and he did not notice his new visitors.
‘So aye, we’ll get Obdo up on a stake an’ start the feedin’,’ Belias told his soldiers. One of the skeletons pointed a finger at Obdo, and the farmer whirled round with a comical look of surprise on his face. ‘Obdo!’ he said. ‘Uh, ye’re back. I was jes’… eh…’ He looked at the skeletons, who tapped their feet impatiently. ‘Ah, sod it. Get them!’
‘Oh bugger,’ Obdo said, turning to flee, and his companions tried to do the same.
Unfortunately, their exit was barred by the sudden appearance of the two gruesome Shadows, which made strange noises in unison and cackled as magical bindings surrounded the four companions.
‘I think we’ve found our necromancer,’ Anjilo said.
‘Was this your plan?’ Neurion demanded of Obdo.
Obdo, who was similarly bound, gave Neurion a deathly stare. ‘Sir Shiny… before we die, can you at least try to find your brain?’
‘Shush,’ Belias said, limping over. ‘Oh, aye, quite the catch fer tonight. Two of ye paladins, aye? Holy knights with holy powers fer me! Was plannin’ on jes’ suckin’ wee Obdo dry, but ye’ve handed me a feast instead!’
‘Sounds like I’ve been spared something very unpleasant indeed,’ Obdo said.
‘Screw you, you aren’t going to win!’ Anjilo said. ‘It is at the darkest hour that we see the light shine strongest!’
‘Ye pallydin fellas always thought the bleedin’ Light shone our yer arses,’ Belias said. ‘I’ll be showin’ ye the true meanin’ o’ darkness tonight! If I can steal yer life-forces p’raps I can steal yer precious Light! Either way ye’ll be dead!’
‘Obdo, did you seriously spend your life working for a closet necromancer?’ Valia asked with a sigh.
‘My life goes from strength to strength,’ Obdo said.
‘Come on, let’s take ‘em ter the platform an’ get started,’ Belias told his undead cohorts.
‘Just you wait,’ Anjilo said. ‘Even now the Light will have dispatched an agent of vengeance to bring you down.’
*
Archimegadon returned to New Valanthas with a great flash of light and found himself standing upon the spot where he had exploded that night. A cursory look showed him that his former captor and his demons were absent, which was just as well, really.
So, the question. Was it time to do as Antagules had said and meekly tell the paladins all about Vortagenses and then sit around waiting for the world to be saved? Or, was it time to tell Antagules to sod off and save the world himself?
‘There’s no bloody question there!’ Archimegadon said to the forest, which was his only audience. ‘What would sound better? Archimegadon the Great Hero, or a bunch of paladin asses saving the day? I clearly owe it to bardic tales or the people will be short-changed with sub-par protagonists. It is time for New Valanthas to change.’
He strode through the trees with an arrogant swagger, even though not a soul was around to see him. He was a little heartened that none of Belias’s soulless creations were about either, although it was quite clear that if they did bother to show they would be blown apart. After all, was he not now Archimegadon, true mage and soon-to-be hero of Valanthas?
And so did the forest give way to the town of Horan, bringing back vague shadowed memories of an unpleasant night in a pub. Hmph. Never would such foolish times occur again, now that Sen’s blasted spell was undone.
He pondered what was to be done about his former companions. All he could remember was that Obdo had been with him, so the first step would have to be Belias’s farm. In any case, he had a score to settle with that bastard necromancer.
So, just a case of finding the direction, and then…
‘Oi!’
‘You!’
The Mage for Hire looked up to see three thuggish men fill his vision, waving fists in a rather loutish manner. A memory stirred at this.
‘You’re that mage!’ one of them said.
Archimegadon smiled at him. ‘Indeed so, sir. And what if I am?’
‘Thought we warned you not to come back!’ the lead lout shouted, even though he was two paces away and thus quite clearly within auditory range.
His smile stuck in place, Archimegadon nodded. ‘You are some of those who attacked me that night?’
‘Yup, that’s us,’ the lout replied. ‘You had it coming, going off at the old farmer like that.’
‘I see,’ Archimegadon said, his cheerful tone disappearing in an instant. ‘Well then, knaves, I have two things to tell you. One – Farmer Belias is indeed a necromancer.’ He rose to his full height and transfixed them with his mightiest glare. ‘Two – you are about to see a most splendid…’
He pointed a hand dramatically.
‘Flamebolt!’
*
Several hours later, and the sickly red sun was draining below the horizon as Belias looked over the four poles that stood proudly in the centre of the platform in the Valley of Horan, and then ensured that the ooze underneath was back and bubbling nicely. Check. Then he smiled at the four who were tied to the poles.
‘There ye go, mates,’ Belias said, tapping the floor with his dark staff. ‘I hope ye like the view.’
Obdo looked around at the band of skeletal soldiers, two Shadows and indeed the necromancer himself. Not forgetting the ropes that rather inconveniently bound him to these wretched stakes. Valia shot him a glare – some things hadn’t changed, at least.
‘Any ideas?’ she asked him.
Obdo couldn’t help but grin. ‘Two paladins here and you ask the farmhand for advice?’
‘Don’t worry,’ Anjilo said. ‘Salvation is but a moment away. I’ll just… move… a bit, and…’ She struggled briefly and then frowned. ‘…And stay stuck.’
Belias cackled. ‘I should keep ye all there alive jes’ fer the entertainment. But nay, ‘tis time ter start the fun. Any last words, aye?’
‘Indeed so!’ came a thunderous yell, and one of the armoured skeletons exploded. Everyone gazed at the cloud of dust, which parted to reveal the Mage for Hire in all his robed glory. ‘Good evening, Belias, old bean.’
Chapter Thirty-One: Return to Form
‘You!’ Belias said. ‘How can ye be back? I thought ye blew up, mate!’
Archimegadon smiled, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he was standing in the midst of skeletons, demons and a necromancer. ‘I simply cast a splendid spell to escape! And now, my good fellow, I am back to finish things.’
‘You really are back?’ Obdo asked in disbelief. ‘No more curse? Did you break it, then?’
‘Indeed so!’ Archimegadon replied. ‘For I am…’
‘Ye’re Archimegadon, aye?’ Belias asked.
Archimegadon froze mid-phrase and frowned irritably, before letting his arms drop. ‘Well, yes,’ he replied.
‘I thought you’d gone for good,’ said a disappointed Valia.
‘It turns out you were wrong!’ Archimegadon said. ‘Furthermore, I have returned to save your lives, so shut up and be grateful!’
‘Right you are, Sir Mage!’ Obdo yelled, looking like someone had just given him a wonderful treat.
Archimegadon smiled with arrogant confidence. ‘Now then, Belias, you dim slob of an oaf, it’s time to pick up where we left off. I said you wouldn’t get away with it, and here we are. I have grown in power and wisdom, while you…’ He eyed Belias. ‘Well, I’m not certain you can grow any further.’
‘Now look here, mate,’ Belias said, ‘ye’re not jes’ gonna write me off like that, aye? I ‘ad a big ‘and in everything that’s bin ‘appenin’!’
‘Pish,’ Archimegadon said. ‘You’re simply the pawn of a preserved corpse locked away underneath a mountain. I would hardly describe you as an impressive foe.’
‘Ye wouldnae?’ Belias gestured at his skeletal guards. ‘Well, let’s see yer strength, aye?’
>
Archimegadon backed away from the two Shadows and the skeletons, circling towards the four stakes, where he folded his arms. ‘Do your worst, you decrepit old fart.’
‘I’m nae decrepit!’ Belias said. He tapped a finger on his chin. ‘I’m the figure o’ health. Ye look like ye’re about ter keel over.’ He signalled at his seven remaining skeletal guards. ‘Finish the bastard off, aye?’
The skeletons raced to the fore and adopted defensive positions. Swiftly noticing he was heavily out-numbered, Archimegadon turned and unravelled the rope that bound Valia’s arms and tied her to the pole. The knot came loose easier than Archimegadon expected, though Valia’s feet were still bound as she landed. One of the skeletons came close while Archimegadon knelt to untie the rope around her ankles, and Valia nearly overbalanced as she grabbed its sword arm and punched it hard across the skull. She shook her hand and winced.
‘Ow, okay, that wasn’t the best idea,’ Valia said. Her expression strained as the skeleton tried to wrench its sword arm free. ‘Hurry up, old man!’
Archimegadon was struggling to untie the ropes and threw his hands up in the air at this. ‘Bollocks to this,’ he said, and he muttered something indistinct. Fire burst into life around his hands, and the bindings fell from Valia’s ankles, though she skipped away and let out a curse.
‘Careful with that!’ Valia said, but before she could add any more she ducked as two of the skeletons attacked her.
‘Keep them busy!’ Archimegadon said as he moved onto the next bound companion.
‘I don’t have a weapon, you idiot,’ Valia said, kicking one skeleton back and attempting to disarm another.
‘Very well, let’s speed this up,’ Archimegadon said, and he fired a flamebolt at Obdo’s stake, which splintered and dropped the still-bound Obdo onto his face.
‘Ouch!’ Obdo wriggled uselessly on the ground. ‘Nice aiming, Sir Mage,’ he said.
‘Terribly sorry,’ Archimegadon said with a smirk, releasing Anjilo in the same manner that he’d freed Valia.
‘Yeah, well could you give me a hand?’ Obdo asked from where he lay on the floor.
‘Here ya go!’ Anjilo replied, untying the ropes and helping the farmhand to his feet.
Archimegadon eyed her with pursed lips. ‘What is this anyway?’
‘It’s a paladin,’ Obdo replied.
‘Oh no,’ Archimegadon said.
‘You guys sure don’t like paladins,’ Anjilo said, quirking an eyebrow.
‘Bad experiences,’ Archimegadon said as he untied Neurion. ‘I trust you are not related to Neurion?’
‘I’m Anjilo Dawnfield,’ Anjilo replied.
‘Yes, well, I never got as far as learning his surname, so that doesn’t tell me much,’ Archimegadon said. ‘Oh, and afternoon, Neurion.’
‘Stop making friends and help me!’ Valia called. Surrounded as she was, she’d still managed to steal a sword from one of the skeletons, which she wielded in her left hand, and was holding the others at bay.
‘Very well,’ Archimegadon said with a sigh, and he fired a flamebolt at the skeletons that burst one of them into all its separate bones.
The other skeletons backed away from Valia and Archimegadon warily, looking somehow frightened and confused despite having expressionless skulls. Valia, red in the face and panting from holding off all the skeletons single-handedly, gratefully took the opportunity to recover some strength. Anjilo intoned a prayer of some sort, and light washed over Valia, who glanced at the paladin in surprise and gratitude as her weariness faded.
‘Master Archimegadon,’ Neurion said. ‘Those robes! The spells! You really are a mage!’
‘Indeed so!’ Archimegadon said. ‘For I am…’
‘Aye, aye, ye’re Archimegadon, we know,’ Belias said. ‘Can we get on with things, mate?’
Archimegadon glowered. ‘Now look! This insolence will not be tolerated! I have been through much knavery to get here… and indeed banished from Horan by the town elders. Heh.’ He allowed himself a smirk. ‘Be that as it may, I have returned to save the day! Some imbecile like yourself will not get in my way!’
‘Stop tryin’ ter hurt me feelin’s,’ Belias said. ‘Pokin’ fun at a fella’s jes’ cheap an’ nasty.’
‘Yes, well so is killing people and turning them into your foul soldiers,’ Archimegadon said with a shrug, ‘so I will say whatever I like to you, Belly-ass.’
‘Ooh, ye’ve done it now!’ Belias said. ‘Stop bein’ bleedin’ cowards, ye stupid bones, cut ‘im ter pieces!’
The nervous skeletons rushed forwards in a bit of a jumble as they all chose different targets and stumbled over one another. Anjilo reached into a pocket and pulled out a small cube.
‘Bet you’ll be glad to have a paladin now though,’ Anjilo said, not noticing Neurion’s offended expression behind her.
The cube lit up as Anjilo seemed to pinch it while holding it up in the air, and she then cast it at the oncoming skeletons. As it came into contact with them it exploded, and the resultant flash caused Archimegadon’s vision to blur, which in turn invited a few shocking profanities. On a more positive note, the spell appeared to have frozen the skeletons in place, and they were all looking with confusion at their unmoving boney feet.
‘Sorry, should’ve warned about the flash,’ Anjilo said, scratching her hair. ‘Still, wasn’t that awesome? I’ve been making some cool test weapons like that recently, was hoping to get a chance to try them.’
‘I totally want some of those,’ Obdo said.
‘Tush, knave, observe true power!’ Archimegadon said, and with a yell he sent a flamebolt crashing amongst the skeletons, destroying two outright and throwing the rest aside. Neurion and Anjilo quickly snatched up the slain creatures’ weapons.
‘Oh handy,’ Valia said. She blinked as she noticed one of the skeletons was wielding a familiar glaive that had been confiscated from her by the necromancer. ‘That skeleton over there has Uldraxios! Could you blow him up next?’
‘Bah, if I must,’ Archimegadon replied.
‘By the way, Sir Mage,’ Obdo asked, ‘have you learnt any spells other than flamebolt?’
‘Shush, I am in the middle of a glorious battle,’ Archimegadon replied, blasting the skeleton Valia had pointed out, and the knight quickly retrieved her family heirloom and tossed the sword away. ‘Now then, just four more… try to get yourself a weapon, Obdo, old bean.’
The skeletons blundered another charge and Anjilo cast another spell (this time without a cube) which slowed the skeletons, and Archimegadon blasted two of them, while Valia lunged in and slashed the remaining ones apart with her glaive. Obdo had a rather nice selection of a few weapons to choose from the fallen skeletons, but he picked out a large bone that resembled his old club instead. Archimegadon meanwhile smiled at Belias.
‘Well, there you go,’ he said. ‘Not so bloody tough after all. Mind you, those were some of the stupidest undead soldiers I have ever seen. Don’t you give them any fake intelligence?’
‘If I did that they’d overthrow me!’ Belias replied.
‘Hmm, quite probably,’ Archimegadon said. ‘Say, does anyone have the Staff of Antagules?’
Belias grabbed the staff from a collection of stolen goods and chucked it through the air, and Neurion caught it. ‘Aye,’ the necromancer replied. ‘Took it off yer paladin here. ‘Tis a bleedin’ disgrace, I tell ye.’
Archimegadon snatched the staff from Neurion and stared at it in shock. ‘You bastard!’
The Staff of Antagules was broken, appearing to have been snapped in the middle enough so that it bent into a V shape, but still with both halves joined together. Belias let out a chuckle.
‘Aye, didnae seem worth keepin’, mate,’ Belias said.
‘Well, balls to the staff,’ Archimegadon said, tossing it to one side. ‘Let’s just blow this arse apart.’
‘Not so fast!’ yelled a new voice, and everyone (including the two Shadow demons, who could not understand a word being spo
ken and had been engaged in their own conversation during the majority of the proceedings) turned to see a band of five men walk onto the platform, each one armed to the teeth.
‘Ye’re the bleedin’ mercenary!’ Belias said.
‘Aye, I’m Felick Broadblade,’ the mercenary said.
‘Jes’ as well, I forgot I had ye marked fer execution, aye?’ Belias said, sniggering.
‘Whereas I am being paid to kill the necromancer,’ Felick said. ‘Now I’ve only been here a couple of seconds, but I think the evidence points to you two,’ he added, pointing at Belias and Archimegadon. ‘Farmer Belias Greeva, and… Arkermechadon?’
‘Indeed so!’ Archimegadon replied. ‘Sort of. And no, I am not a necromancer, you ass. Now help us out here.’
Felick roared out laughing. ‘I thought you were out for the count!’ He cracked his knuckles. ‘Guess I’ll have to make it final. You’re an enemy of his Lordship, necromancer or not.’
‘Broadblade, in case you had not noticed, we have a necromancer at hand,’ Archimegadon said. ‘Unless you have totally lost your limited senses, do you not think it would be wiser to team up against him?’
Broadblade gestured at his Breakers. ‘Plenty of us here,’ he replied. ‘Might as well make the most of the opportunity and kill you both.’
‘Ye stupid bonehead,’ Belias said. ‘Ye’ll make a fine skeleton, aye?’
‘Nay,’ Felick replied. ‘You country bumpkins are all the same. I regret leaving full-time work in the city.’
‘Wait a sec, did you say you worked for his Lordship?’ Obdo interrupted. ‘You don’t mean Lord King… Bartell, that is?’
‘The very same.’
‘There’s consistency for you,’ Obdo said. ‘Didn’t take him long to start hiring mercenaries again.’
Archimegadon shrugged. ‘I presume it is because he wanted some expendable fellows, rather than his competent troops. That ass Broadblade and his Breakers fit perfectly.’
‘Oi!’ Felick said. ‘I take offence at that. Me and my boys here, we’re professionals, yeah?’
‘I’m… like… goin’ ter kill ye all in a wee second,’ Belias said.
