Darci cried unconsolably for a little while, muttering randomly about her father, their friends—except Renee who they knew to be safely here—teachers, other kids they knew from school, and random people like the waiter they both kinda crushed on at TGIF. She sounded as if she only woke up this morning and realized the world ended. Had Harper been playing a drinking game, taking a shot whenever her friend said ‘I can’t believe they’re gone,’ she’d have suffered alcohol poisoning.
Worry crept into Harper’s brain. Darci almost always wore outfits designed to show off skin. She’d also been on the promiscuous side for the past few years, and ended up trading sex for food in the Army survivors’ camp. Seeing her all of a sudden wearing oversized, baggy clothes like a female version of Shaggy from Scooby-Doo set off alarms.
If she’s only now realizing nuclear war happened, is she ashamed of what she did to eat?
“Darce? Did something happen to you this morning or recently? I noticed you were kinda on edge the other day. It’s totally not like you to freak out.”
“Uhh.” Darci sniffled.
“It’s totally cool. I’m here for you. But I gotta know what’s going on before I can help. Whatever you need, let me know.”
“Umm.”
“Except shooting children or dogs. Not gonna do that.”
Darci sob-laughed. “Dork.”
Harper smiled. “Yeah, that’s me. Introvert Prime, full time geek, part time badass. Not really. I just play a badass on TV. I’m really screaming in my head the whole time.”
“Don’t sell yourself short. Renee told me about the guy who tried to get into the van. He totally deserved it.” Darci wiped her eyes. “I’m not even freaked out knowing you killed a dude.”
“Ugh.” Harper scowled off to the side. “I don’t really even remember it much except for seeing his face in the window before he opened the door. He’s the one who killed Dad. One second, he looks at me, the next thing I know, we’re driving away from a bloody smear on the road. Tegan thinks I disassociated from reality or something due to extreme emotion. But, enough about me. What’s up with you right now?”
Darci folded her arms, looking down. Pale bare toes poked out from the floppy legs of her black BDU-style pants. “I’m, I dunno. Just freaking out.”
“Wow. I don’t think I ever remember seeing your toenails not painted black. Even when we were in fifth grade. Mrs. Connors tried to get you suspended for it.”
“Bitch,” muttered Darci. “She also tried to get Robin-what’s-his-name kicked out of school for having long hair.”
Harper fumed. “I hated that woman. Some people just shouldn’t be teachers. You remember how when she couldn’t get him expelled, she started referring to him as ‘she’ or ‘missy’?”
“Yeah. I mean, ‘Robin’ is kind of an odd name to give a boy, but still. Not his fault. I don’t understand why people who hate people become teachers.” Darci wiped her face again, then stared up at the clouds. “Harp, I don’t know if I can handle this.”
“Sure you can. You’re a badass. I only pretend to be one. Did something happen at the Army camp?”
Darci rolled her eyes. “Oh, yeah. A lot happened at the camp. Nothing I didn’t ask for, though. No, it’s got nothing to do with any of that.”
“So…”
“It’s been two weeks since I had any weed,” whispered Darci.
Harper blinked in shock. “Most people don’t say that in a tone like they’re admitting to doing something wrong.”
“Heh.” Darci chuckled.
“Did you run out?”
“No… Lucas has plenty. We’re growing enough for the whole town. It’s just…” She looked down. “Oh, hell. I gotta tell someone.”
Harper bit her lip, bracing for horrible news.
Darci lifted her shirt to expose a small, but noticeable, baby bump. “I stopped smoking as soon as I realized.”
“Holy crap, Darce!” She stood there in shock, trying to process her eighteen-year-old friend having a baby with a dude in his thirties, though their age gap didn’t surprise her as much as Darci laying off weed for the sake of a baby.
“Yeah…” Darci let her shirt fall back over her stomach. “Guess having Elijah has like showed me how to be responsible or some shit. Don’t wanna take a chance getting high will mess up the kid on the way, yanno?”
“You are awesome.” Harper hugged her. “Can I say something you might want to hit me for?”
“Do I have to promise not to hit you?”
“No.”
“Then go for it.”
Harper grinned. “I’m honestly surprised to see you give up weed, no questions asked the instant you realized you got pregnant. That’s like… really mature.”
“Yeah… well… I’m a pothead, not an idiot. Babies can’t handle it.” Darci shivered. “But I haven’t been sober this long since seventh grade. Or was it sixth?”
Harper gawked. “You started smoking weed at twelve? Didn’t notice you were high until freshman year.”
“Umm. Well, one joint a week at home is still more than a whole month without touching the stuff.” Darci fidgeted at her thigh pockets. “I’m splitting the hairs of technicalities here. But, yeah. Being sober is making me deal with all the bullshit that’s happened. It all kinda hit me at once and I’m losing it.”
“The weed let you coast along like the world wasn’t real. It’s a crutch. And no, I’m not going to try talking you into staying off it after you have the baby, just saying.” Harper exhaled. “Wow. I guess I should be more freaked out you’re having a kid with an old man.”
Darci raised both eyebrows. “The world’s this messed up and you’re freaking over his age?”
“Yeah, kinda.” Harper flashed a cheesy smile.
“Umm, well.” Darci laughed. “I kinda am, too. Dunno. Maybe I shouldn’t have started being with him, but he really does care for me. He’s not the oldest dude I’ve—”
Having no interest in her friend’s next words, Harper clamp-hugged her. “I’m so sorry…”
“It’s not your fault.” Darci squeezed her back. “Couple days after I stopped getting high, all I could think of was the arguments I used to have with Dad”—she choked up—“how he used to get on me about going too far with the whole rebellious thing. We had an argument like two days before it happened.”
Harper patted her friend on the back, listening as Darci tearfully rambled about various arguments she’d had with her father over the past year or two about drugs, cutting school, staying out late, having sex, and so on. Her friend had always been the serene, cool, laid back, aloof member of their little circle. Even if Darci’s supernatural ability to stay calm in any situation came from being permanently baked, seeing her completely fall to pieces legitimately bothered Harper more than shooting a Lawless in the face at close range.
“… last time we talked, Dad was still kinda mad at me. We were just starting to get back to not being pissy and then he’s dead. I’d be dead, too if my bedroom wasn’t in the basement. I…” Darci shuddered from grief. “I don’t think he even woke up.”
“I’m sorry. None of it is your fault. Or his. Not like we knew civilization was going to end ass-early on a Friday morning.”
“Bastards.” Darci sniffled. “They could’ve at least waited until Monday. Had to ruin the weekend.”
Harper didn’t know if she should laugh, so merely sighed.
“Wasn’t all bad. I had a test in Mr. Manning’s class I wasn’t prepared for,” said Darci in a toneless voice.
“He gave the worst tests.” Harper fake rolled her eyes. “The nerve of him actually expecting kids to study.”
“Yeah, really.” Darci glanced down the road. “Am I going to get you in trouble for just standing here?”
Harper scrunched her nose. “I don’t think so. Not like I’m goofing off or sleeping. I’m helping a friend having a crisis.”
“We can walk if you want. Sitting still is bothering me.”
“Sure.”
A minute or two after they began walking, Darci stopped.
“You okay?”
“Yeah.” Darci squatted, pulled the legs of her BDU pants up, and tied the ankle closures. “Getting annoying stepping on my pants. Gonna wear them out.”
Harper waited for her to stand, then continued walking.
“Guess I don’t have to keep wearing baggy stuff.” Darci flapped the front of her shirt. “Gonna be pretty obvious I’m preggers soon. Course, none of my clothes are going to fit when I blimp-ify.”
“Oh shit,” whispered Harper. There are no maternity stores left. “What are you going to wear?”
Darci held her arms out to either side. “Probably just sit around wearing a bikini top and no pants. It’s going to be cold soon, so I’ll just stay inside. Maybe I’ll go Greek and wrap a bed sheet around myself when I’m huge.”
“Uhh…” Harper blushed.
Her prior hesitation at having a child with Logan came mostly from fear giving birth might kill her. She hadn’t even thought of maternity clothing. Bed sheets sounded like the most reasonable option unless Renee’s team drastically upscaled their cloth production. She didn’t think it would take them too much longer and had no problems waiting for handmade clothing before having a baby. Darci, however, didn’t have the option to wait. However, the girl also had no shame. Unlike Lorelei who simply didn’t care, Darci would streak specifically to shock people.
“Ugh.” Darci scratched idly at her stomach. “How did women deal with it back in the day? Taking care of a house while barely able to walk. At least Lucas is amazing. He’s going to take care of everything when I look like a telephone pole with a watermelon taped to it.”
Harper cackled. “What? Watermelon?”
Darci struck a pose. “I’m like ninety pounds. In eight months, I’m going to look like a stick with a giant ball attached to it.”
Eek. For her sake, I hope Tegan is willing to do a C-section. “Oh. Yeah.”
“I miss my dad. More than I ever thought I would.” Darci let out a long sigh. “I got what I wanted… and then realized I don’t want it.”
“Independence?”
“No. The total destruction of an oppressive, patriarchal capitalist society that exploited low-income people and treated women as objects.” Darci half grinned. “It was edgy to talk about, not so edgy to live it as reality.”
Harper looked over at her. “You miss society?”
“Hell yeah. I can deal with some societally programmed unconscious sexism while walking from the car to the store. I am so fiending for some Doritos right now, it’s not even funny. Or a Twinkie.”
“I’m sure with enough searching, we could probably still find some edible Twinkies out there somewhere.”
Darci laughed. “It’s only been a year. The Twinkies survive nuclear war joke is a lot funnier when it’s like two centuries later and everyone’s carrying spears and worships an old car headlight as a god.”
“I wasn’t going for the apocalypse Twinkie joke… being serious.” Harper feigned innocence. “So, wow… you’re really holding off on weed until you spawn?”
“Yeah… at least until the pod person hatches. Maybe longer. Dunno.” Darci waved her arms around randomly. “I’m so messed up right now, my thoughts are all over the place. They say weed’s not supposed to be addictive or have withdrawal, but I feel so out of it.”
At sudden motion coming toward them in the trees on the left, Harper stopped short and swung the Mossberg off her shoulder, not quite aiming it into the woods.
“What?” whispered Darci.
“Saw something move.”
Seconds later, a deer bolted away from the area.
“Oh… just a deer.” She slouched with relief and resumed walking. “So, yeah. Anyway. You went from like permanently supermellow to being normal. It’s gotta feel like you’re having a continuous anxiety attack, but you’re not. This is how people are supposed to be. You spent the past four years a few degrees separated from the here and now. Just try to take stuff as it happens.”
“Harp?” rasped Darci, her voice fried in grief.
“Yeah?”
Tears streamed down Darci’s face. “I can’t even remember the last thing I said to my dad.”
“You guys seemed to get along great. Every time I came over, he was more like the cool uncle than dad.”
Darci gave a sad sort of laugh. “Yeah. But we did have arguments. Nothing real bad, though. But he’s gone and I can’t tell him I love him. I just wanna tell him one more time.”
Yeah. Me, too. Harper hugged her, comforting Darci while she cried, alternating between talking to her dead father directly and telling Harper how much she missed him. She abruptly shifted from sobbing to freaking out, muttering, “Oh shit,” “Crap,” and “Dammit!” repeatedly.
“Whoa, whoa… what happened?” Harper grasped her by the shoulders. “Calm down. Talk to me.”
“I might die. Having a kid could kill me.”
“Giving birth could kill even before. The US had a pretty awful maternal death rate compared to other major developed countries.”
Darci blinked. “Why do you have that piece of information at the tip of your brain?”
“Social studies project junior year. I did a report on it.”
“Oh.” Darci slouched.
“Hey, Beth gave birth to her daughter not long ago. She’s doing fine.”
Darci pulled up her shirt to show off her ribs. “Beth is normal. I’m a twig. Gawd, it’s going to hurt so much, isn’t it?”
“Ehh, probably about as painful as having Mrs. Carr’s chemistry class first period after not sleeping the previous night.”
“Ack! Just shoot me now if it’s gonna be that bad,” said Darci.
Harper cringed. “I’m honestly not sure what would be worse.”
“Between Mrs. Carr’s monotone or having a baby?” Darci laughed. “You’re obviously kidding.”
“No… I meant normal delivery or a C-section. They don’t exactly have anesthesia anymore. We’d be wide awake for a C-section… and the stitches afterward.”
Darci shuddered. “Okay, stop. Cheer me up with a happier subject. Like, let’s talk about everyone we knew from school and guess if they survived or not.”
“That’s happier?” Harper kicked another rock off the road.
“Compared to how much this kid is going to hurt on the way out, it is. Yeah.” Darci squirmed. “Damn. I feel like the girl in that one movie with the three-headed alien pilot.”
“Don’t remember…”
“The human girl had a bomb in her stomach and they had to get to some planet in time to remove it before it blew her in half.”
Harper chuckled.
Darci looked at her stomach and made ticking noises.
“It’s good to see you’ve still got your sense of humor.”
“Can’t have weed for at least another six months. Dr. Hale said most girls wouldn’t even show yet. I’m too darn skinny. Guess I shouldn’t have signed up for the apocalyptic survivor camp diet.”
“Hope you’re eating enough.”
“Yeah. The big P is worth extra food allotment.” Darci looked over at her. “Hey what happened to the bike? I thought you rode patrol now?”
Harper shrugged. “Usually, I do. Felt like walking today for some reason. Having a bad case of the glooms.”
“How come?”
“September coming up. I keep thinking about that morning…”
Darci nudged her. “I’ve got plenty of weed if you want some to take the edge off.”
“You know… if the war didn’t happen, I might give it a shot. Have too many people depending on me right now for me to stick my head in a cloud. Only thing I can do is deal.”
“Don’t bottle everything up, either.”
Harper glanced down at the Mossberg in her hands. “I’m not. It took me months to process everything and come to terms with what I didn’t do, could’ve done,
and what I’ve been forced to do. I’m not the same person I was a year ago.”
“None of us are. Can I say something without you hitting me?” asked Darci, half smiling.
“Sure.”
“You didn’t ask if you had to promise not to.” Darci cocked an eyebrow.
“Because you know I’d never hit you.” Harper chuckled.
“Heh. Right.” Darci gazed off at the sky. “You’re the last person I ever expected to ‘go hard’ and kick ass. Figured you’d be hiding under a bed crying.”
Harper laughed. “Pretty much what I did the first two months. After the Lawless… I had no choice.”
“I’ll make you a deal. If I lose my shit, I’ll come talk to you. If you start falling apart, come talk to me. Okay?”
“Totally.” Harper held up a fist.
Darci bumped it.
12
Perimeter Watch
Madison trailed along at the rear of the pack, feeling a little bit like an outsider.
Nothing had particularly happened, but for whatever reason that afternoon, some weird invisible separation stood between her and the others. Mila had been ‘the weird kid’ everyone avoided and didn’t want to be friends with back when she’d acted all sorts of creepy and morbid, but at the moment, Madison felt even more isolated. No one had done anything to her recently, nor had she purposefully alienated herself. For some reason today, she wanted to hang out with Harper—only Harper.
She recognized it as being selfish, so didn’t act on it. Jonathan and Lorelei had become her siblings, too. Sometimes, she thought of them more as ‘really good friends’ while only Harper was her sister. But, Jonathan had been super upset the night Troy almost killed her. He’d probably even saved her from suffering frostbite or something by sharing a winter coat. As far as Lorelei went, Madison felt responsible for her and couldn’t leave her to run off for something as dumb as wanting to pretend the war didn’t happen or she had Harper all to herself.
I’m jealous, aren’t I? Madison frowned at herself. This sudden resentment for Lorelei bothered her. The poor girl had an awful life before the nukes. Harper once said the war improved her situation.
Evergreen (Book 5): The Nuclear Frontier Page 9
