“Argh,” whispered Harper. Random screams of frustration tended to make people nervous in a tomb-silent neighborhood.
The idea of Madison and boys hadn’t even occurred to her once in the year since the bombs fell. How would she handle it when—if—her kid sister became interested in a boy? Madison’s emotional state made her highly vulnerable to manipulation. The wrong sort of boy could say the right things and talk her into doing whatever he wanted to satiate her need to feel protected, loved, and wanted. Would Madison resent Harper hovering over her and getting a read on any boy she brought home?
Maybe I should talk to her now, just explain she has to be careful emotionally, so she understands later.
Harper turned a corner on the road, eyeing the houses in the area for signs of anything being abnormal. In the morning, most of the neighborhood ended up being quiet. The golf course turned secondary farm absorbed many of the adults as workers during the day. Kids spent four or five hours at the main farm learning and helping out before being cut loose to play. Older kids, fourteen and up, spent more time working. Surprisingly, she hadn’t seen any of them really complain about it.
Trying to survive is way different than a stupid mall job… and there’s nothing else to do.
She continued walking her patrol, still glowing from last night’s time with Logan. Emotionally, breaking down the last hesitation had been a galaxy-shaking tremor. Physically, she enjoyed it—but it hadn’t been quite as weird, different, or mind-blowing as she’d built it up to be. Maybe if they hadn’t spent the past few months doing so much other stuff, and she’d gone straight from never seeing a boy naked right to full-on intercourse, it would’ve been exactly as transcendental as she’d thought it would be.
Honestly, she didn’t even truly feel as if he’d taken her virginity last night. Not that she cared much about such a stupid, flimsy, pointless social construct to begin with… but she couldn’t exactly pinpoint the moment where it felt like she’d gone from ‘innocent’ to ‘woman.’ Had it been when he first touched her down below, the first time she’d gotten off due to someone else touching her? Did the tongue count as losing her virginity or all the ‘almost but not quite’ things they did that fell short of ‘traditional’ biological copulation?
Somewhere over the past few months, her ‘virginity’ melted like a snowman she’d left on the front lawn in early spring. Darci’s snowman had been dynamited into oblivion in a supply closet at their high school. Renee made hers out of concrete. Harper chuckled. Her best friend hadn’t done much beyond kissing a boy. After her experience with the Lawless, she suspected Renee wasn’t in any hurry whatsoever to find a boyfriend.
As far as she knew, none of her other friends had gone all the way yet other than Darci.
Being on the other side of the ‘virgin fence’ didn’t feel as different as she once thought it would. She hadn’t experienced a magic moment where she ‘became a woman’ at the snap of a finger. Well, maybe she had—but not due to having sex.
She’d stopped being innocent the instant she’d killed someone to protect Madison.
Harper mulled the idea of having a baby with Logan, but not yet. Probably not for a few years. She wanted to make sure Evergreen remained stable enough, that she remained stable enough. She already had Madison and Lorelei to take care of, and wanted them both to grow less brittle before she added an infant to the mix. Before she rolled the dice of fate and risked dying in childbirth, Madison had to become old enough to take care of herself if need be. Of course, she had Carrie and Cliff and Jonathan to look after her, but losing Harper so soon after their parents would destroy her.
Besides, she’d promised Madison she wouldn’t die.
She had no control over some random idiot shooting her, but she could make the choice not to risk her life to pregnancy yet. Harper’s mood swung back and forth. One minute, she wanted to shelter with Madison and slow it down with Logan for the time being… the next, she couldn’t wait for the next chance they had for sex. Damn my raging teenage hormones. Maybe she could gently suggest Madison have a sleepover at Becca’s so she could see how it felt to spend an entire night in bed with Logan… like a married couple.
Oh, ack. The M word. Are we too young for that?
She smirked, thinking of Beth and Jaden. She’d caught them doing it—well, barged in on them after the fact—in an abandoned house when Beth had been sixteen, Jaden seventeen. Months later, Beth turned seventeen. The two considered themselves married already. Harper mentally committed herself to Logan, but referring to it as ‘marriage’ still sounded weird… as if marrying at eighteen meant she threw away college and a career for the sake of a man.
Hah. As if.
Vestiges of the society that burned still haunted her with the ‘shame’ of being a high school dropout. Friday, September 7th… she’d only gone to school for about a week into her senior year before it all went to hell. She’d never earn a high school diploma even. Even though she realized no one in the United States would be getting an official high school diploma ever again—at least, not for a long time—she felt as if she’d failed. Irrational notions of screwing up didn’t care about logic.
“Wow, my hormones are going crazy.” She sighed hard, raking her hands up through her hair. “The hell am I caring about graduation for?”
To distract herself from the emotional crapstorm going on in her head, she thought back over various minor incidents she’d handled or helped deal with. By most people’s opinion, Evergreen had become a fairly ideal post-apocalyptic hamlet. However, ‘fairly ideal’ in the wake of nuclear war didn’t mean Mayberry. People fought. People got drunk. People hit their romantic partners. People got really drunk and wandered around naked peeing on things they shouldn’t pee on.
Well, okay. Not ‘people’ in that case, just Mr. Hodges.
The man spent more time unconscious in the road than awake. Earl had to ration him at the brewery, which naturally caused a scene. Fortunately, he’d only screamed and threw things at the wall. Mayor Ned hadn’t yet decided to kick him out of town.
Harper mentally rehearsed the hand-to-hand techniques Cliff taught her as well as the ‘police tactical’ stuff Roy shared with the militia. It felt beyond ridiculous to think of herself as a cop, so she didn’t, preferring to compare herself to a ‘rebel soldier’ from Star Wars, here to protect the town and everyone in it from outside threats.
Of course, she also had to protect the people from inside threats, but compared to pre-war police, the Evergreen Militia was highly laid back. For example, they didn’t care too much about things like theft since no one used money. Also, pretty much everyone in town essentially stole their houses. Besides, no one really stole from each other anymore since the food situation had stabilized.
Is it because everything’s basically free no one steals, or is it because none of the really expensive stuff works? Weird how nuclear war rearranges value. Food and clothes are a hundred times more precious to us now than a $4,000 computer or a fancy car.
One of the houses she’d been to while exploring with the kids had a massive flat-panel television, easily more than a hundred inches… and there it sat untouched, in a house with a wide-open door. No one even tried taking it. Here in Evergreen, it hadn’t even been EMP-fried. All sorts of electronics, expensive artwork, jewelry, cars, and whatnot sat around as ignored as chunks of rock on the side of the road. They’d even found a Lamborghini in a garage at one place. At least the kids played in it as a pretend spaceship, the only useful purpose it would ever serve again.
That massive television would probably kill our entire power grid by itself.
She chuckled, and resumed patrolling her route.
Whatever happened with Logan, Madison, and her future would happen. No point stressing out over it.
Civilization ended in nuclear fire. Nothing else should even rate on the stress scale.
September 7th arrived whether Harper wanted it to or not.
Some people in town h
ad discussed the idea of holding a formal ceremony to commemorate those killed one year ago. Mayor Ned thought it still a bit too soon, wounds a bit too raw, to forcibly call everyone’s attention to it yet. Sitting around talking about people’s memories of the day sounded like a horrible idea to her. Harper still didn’t want to relive it, especially the first few hours her family spent in stunned silence after all the noise stopped.
Despite her best efforts to distract herself, Harper randomly thought about sitting in the basement, staring wordlessly at her parents, having no idea what had happened other than all hell broke loose outside and the power failed. They hadn’t even noticed the giant chunk of concrete debris in Harper’s bedroom until two weeks later.
The amount of food they lost from the deep freeze in the basement made her feel sick.
Dad stocked up ‘for emergencies,’ but didn’t plan on said emergency involving the immediate loss of electrical power—or the end of civilization.
Lorelei didn’t show any sign of understanding the significance of the date. Both Jonathan and Madison seemed quiet and more reserved than usual, though neither cried or acted overly sad. Harper suspected her sister would fall to pieces if she said anything at all about their parents, home, or the past, so she triple-checked every thought in her head before letting it reach her mouth.
At least until lunch when Madison asked, “Are ghosts real? Is there an afterlife?”
“I don’t think so.” Jonathan shook his head. “Or we’d know for sure by now. So many people died, there should have been tons of hauntings. Even ghosts appearing just once to say goodbye.”
Harper cringed from heartache.
“Could be backed up.” Cliff bit off a piece of carrot. “Gotta be some damn long lines at the check-in desk for wherever spirits end up. They probably haven’t even gotten to last names starting with D yet.”
Madison and Jonathan stared at him, seemingly confused if they should laugh or cry.
“Dunno, Termite,” said Harper, her voice a little raspy from grief. “Nobody really knows for sure.”
Carrie waved a slice of cucumber around. “I think it’s a difficult thing for people to do, to confront the idea of no longer existing. Humans have such a strong survival instinct, we create theories and stories about continuing to exist in some way after the body dies. Some of us simply can’t fathom the concept of an end.”
“I hate ends.” Lorelei stuck out her tongue. “Like when we have to stop swimming, or gotta go to bed, or the cake is gone.”
“Maybe.” Harper shrugged. “I kinda think ghosts might be real. Seen some stuff that’s really hard to explain. Andrea’s house… whenever we had a sleepover, we’d hear someone walking around in her attic at night. And it always felt like someone or something watched us if we went into the front room after dark.”
“They say it’s the restless souls stuck wandering the Earth.” Cliff smiled at Madison. “If you aren’t seeing ghosts, it must mean they are at peace and know you’re safe.”
Madison let out a long, slow breath. “Yeah. I miss them.”
“Me, too,” said Harper, her voice faltering.
Everyone stopped talking—even Lorelei.
Once the spontaneous moment of silence passed, it felt as though heaviness lifted off Harper’s shoulders. Acknowledging their parents had the exact opposite effect she worried it would. Madison’s somberness lessened.
Tegan’s right. Burying stuff won’t help. Guess I’ll let Maddie lead the conversation at her pace.
The kids bounced back from the somberness of morning, but Harper’s friends struggled.
Without the haze of marijuana in her head, Darci spent most of the afternoon into the evening crying on her shoulder. Renee alternated between sadness and silence. Grace, at least, stayed calm. After all, she didn’t really miss her parents much. Harper decided to stab the white elephant right away and started talking about their other friends who’d disappeared, people from school, teachers, parents, and so on… diving headfirst into everything they all missed.
Somehow, being the choreographer of the conversation kept Harper’s emotions on an even keel. She’d tamed her heartbreak and sadness over the loss of her parents, acknowledging it without letting it rule her anymore. Darci hadn’t gotten there yet. She’d spent the past year hiding behind a pot curtain, blurring reality into a manageable, distant haze. Renee still acted shell-shocked, having buried her emotions for the most part.
They sequestered in Harper’s bedroom while she played referee for Renee and Darci, letting them get a year’s worth of crying out of their system.
“How are you so calm?” asked Darci a few hours into their reminiscing session.
“I am a raging storm of grief and anger inside,” said Harper in a deadpan tone.
Renee laughed.
“Seriously, though.” Harper squeezed Darci’s shoulder. “All the emotions, disbelief, and shock hit me right away. I’ve moved past it… admittedly faster than I’d have liked to. Didn’t have a choice. Madison needed someone there for her. Don’t take my lack of tears right now as anything more than me having dealt with things already… as much as anyone can deal with things like this.”
Darci wiped her eyes. “Yeah…”
“Hey, remember that time Christina nearly blew up the entire chemistry lab?” asked Renee.
“Holy crap!” Darci snickered. “Yeah. Sophomore year. Epic.”
“Remember seventh grade,” said Harper. “Food fight. Andrea whipped a burger at that annoying kid with the big ears. He ducked, and she hit Mrs. Connors in the face.”
Renee, Harper, and Darci burst into giggles.
Heart-wrenching grief turned into teary, but therapeutic laughter. Talking about all the goofy, stupid, or hilarious stuff their friends did made it seem as though they hadn’t gone away forever. By the time Cliff poked his head in to announce dinner, Harper’s stomach hurt from laughing so much.
On the second Saturday of September, The Express returned to Evergreen.
For two days leading up to the fourteenth, the militia had an unusual, new (albeit temporary) job: they went door to door to inform people about the Express office. Appropriately enough, Mayor Ned suggested they take over the former US Post Office on Route 74 next to the Shell station. Unfortunately, being so far south from the solar farm meant the building had no electricity, but it didn’t matter.
Letters, verbal messages, or small packages didn’t require refrigeration and sending letters could wait for daytime.
Harper might’ve been annoyed at the Express office being almost a mile south from Hilltop Drive, but it’s not as if she had distant relatives she needed to stay in contact with on a regular basis. Her grandparents on Dad’s side lived about a mile from her old house in Lakewood. The first time he’d ventured outside after the strike, Dad made the grim discovery their house had simply ceased existing. A nuclear blast wave had turned it—as well as all the other houses around it—into toothpicks. Considering the grandparents would have been asleep at the time of the attack and they hadn’t seen them since, Harper and her family assumed they’d died instantly, perhaps even vaporized in their sleep.
Mom’s parents lived in West Texas, Fort Stockton specifically. She had no idea if they’d survived the war, or the year after it. Even if they had, the Express didn’t carry messages over such long distances—at least not yet.
The Express sent a small group, including eight horses, to help get the office set up. According to them, Evergreen appeared to be among the safest and most well-established settlements in the immediate area. Consequently, they’d asked Mayor Ned if they could relocate their primary horse-breeding operation here. Granted, they didn’t exactly have a large operation yet.
In exchange for taking up enough land to breed horses, the Express would share the animals with the militia when needed—once people learned how to ride. A few had experience already, not Harper. The closest she’d ever been to riding a horse involved a coin-operated amusement ou
tside a grocery store as a six-year-old. She preferred mountain bikes, but admittedly, without the industry to support machining new parts, they wouldn’t last forever. Horses could also go places bikes could not. She didn’t particularly look forward to having to learn how to ride.
How’s the girl who saves bugs from the bathroom afraid of horses?
Only one of the Express people, Adriana Rodriguez, planned to remain in Evergreen as the official representative. She’d be managing the office and taking on a few locals as assistants, likely training a few to become couriers. Once they established enough additional farming capacity to feed more horses, more Express people—and horses—would arrive, but likely not until next season.
Madison immediately announced her desire to work there, taking care of the horses. She’d never been one of those girls obsessed with horses or even displayed any particular fondness for them, but a role where she got to take care of animals not destined to be killed for food thrilled her. Alas, she had to wait a few years, but hoped to talk them into letting her ‘apprentice’ as early as thirteen. Then again, a month from now, she might decide the chickens would miss her too much.
Once Sadie showed up to relieve her, Harper gave in to curiosity and headed down Route 74 to the old post office. Rafael used the former Shell station for his mechanic shop. He didn’t have much to do lately in terms of repairing cars, since civilization had long since run out of usable gasoline. For the past six months or so, he’d been working on a biodiesel project to somewhat limited success. Most of what he’d gotten to work involved adapting mechanized farm equipment for alternative fuels. Consequently, the increased output and stability of the farm resulted in more raw materials to work with from which to develop more reliable biodiesel. His next project beyond farm tools would likely be getting the tractor-trailer running again. The odds of successfully scavenging usable stuff from far away diminished with each passing week. Retrieving anything from a long distance became infinitely more plausible if they had a working motor vehicle. By now, most food would be iffy at best. Some canned goods might be usable, but would likely be gone to other scavengers. Tools, solar panels, clothing, soap, or cleaning products might also be found… but none of it seemed worth the effort and risk of driving fifty, a hundred, or more miles away. Too much could go wrong, not even taking hostile people into account.
Evergreen (Book 5): The Nuclear Frontier Page 19
