A Missing Peace

by Beth Fred

  “Mirriam, you’re not at home anymore. You can’t go around threatening people. People here have it out for rag—Mid Easterners anyway.”

  Caleb’s slip made me laugh harder. “Ragheads? It’s okay, infidel. You can say it.”

  “I didn’t mean—”

  I put my hand up to stop him. “I know. It’s okay. And I didn’t threaten your girlfriend, so you don’t have to worry.”

  “She’s not my girlfriend.”

  “But you haven’t been at school all week, and you know about it.”

  “Hey, I haven’t talked to Kailee.”

  “It doesn’t matter. Either way, it doesn’t change the fact that you got me out of the house for her.”

  “Why do you keep saying that? I have no idea what you’re talking about. What did you say to Kailee, Mirriam? Josh said she’s threatening to have you arrested.”

  I pursed my lips. “Hmm. I may have asked her if she wanted to be the first headless cheerleader on YouTube. But I didn’t threaten to do anything.”

  “Why would you do that? You have it hard enough here.”

  “Like you care.”

  Caleb’s eyes went wide as his brows knit together, forming a crease in his forehead. “Hey, you know what? You shot me down in front of my friends. You cut me down in front of people every chance you get, and I’ve still been the only person telling people to watch what they call you since you showed up. So don’t attack me.”

  It was true. I hadn’t exactly been nice to Caleb, and while he hadn’t exactly been nice to me either, until the paint incident, he was never cruel. His monologue was convincing. Either he had been defending me when I wasn’t around, or he was a very a good liar, and I couldn’t decide which.

  “Okay. I told your stupid little tramp to stay away from my house and my family or become a headless cheerleader. I think you know I’m not a terrorist, and I don’t behead people. I had to say something. I don’t even know why she hates me, but it was my fault we left Iraq. It won’t be my fault we have to leave here, too.”

  Caleb’s eyes softened. He looked like he was about to say something, but I didn’t give him a chance. He called my name and struggled to stand, as I walked out the front door.

  Chapter 14

  Caleb

  M had lost her mind. I had no idea why she kept saying I got her out of the house, or what she thought Kailee did. Even if I did, she had still lost her mind. It wasn’t like Mirriam singlehandedly started a war. It didn’t make sense that she thought it was her fault they had to leave Iraq.

  The night at the library flickered across my mind. She’d said it was safer for everyone if people back home didn’t know where she was. There was more to the story than she was telling me.

  This girl made me crazy. She’d saved my life. I knew that car would have hit me again if Mirriam hadn’t pulled me out of the road. But I didn’t like being accused of whatever it was she thought I had done.

  I called her name as she left. I wanted to follow her, but she was out the door before I managed to pull myself off the couch.

  Two hours later, I sat in the lobby of the doctor’s office. I spent as much time here as I did at home these days. My appointment was fifteen minutes ago, and they hadn’t called my name yet. Mom sat beside me, tapping her foot. She needed to go back to work, but I wouldn’t be driving any time soon.

  To kill time, I took out my phone and connected to Facebook. I hadn’t been on since the accident. Kailee had covered my wall with ‘Get Well!’ messages, but I was more interested in her profile pic. It was a white garage panel with pink letters, ‘RAGHEADS GO HOME!’ I knew this was connected to whatever Mirriam was accusing me of, but I hadn’t noticed anything wrong with Mirriam’s garage.

  I zoomed in on the picture until I got the corner of a beige brick house in the bottom corner. There were lots of beige brick houses around here, but there weren’t lots of Iraqis brave enough to settle in Killeen, Texas.

  While Mirriam was sitting in the hospital with me, Kailee tagged her house. It was my idea to go to dinner that night—where we saw Kailee. No wonder Mirriam was pissed. She really believed I asked her out that night, so Kailee could trash her house. Why would she even think that? I had never done anything to her, and I didn’t like it when other people talked about her.

  I didn’t know if I should try to convince Mirriam I had nothing to do with this, or leave it alone because I was pissed she assumed the worse of me. Whatever I decided to do about Mirriam, I was talking to Kailee. Mirriam didn’t deserve this, but I was tired of Kailee interfering in my life.

  I ground my teeth and howled as the doctor squeezed and pulled on my leg. He pushed my calf up, and when my knee didn’t bend with him, he tried to force my leg into a bent position. I grabbed the sides of the table and screamed.

  “It’s almost over,” he said.

  He laid my leg down on the table. I breathed in and out. In. Out. In and out, until I didn’t feel like my limbs were on fire anymore. When the pain subsided enough that the room quit spinning, I used my arms to push myself up into a seated position.

  I looked at the doctor who shook his head. I knew this wasn’t going to be good.

  “Have you been up and walking around?”

  “I get up to eat and go to the bathroom.”

  “Have you tried to walk more than that?”

  “I can’t. It’s hard. I can’t bend my leg, and after I take a few steps, I get dizzy.”

  “I think the damage to your legs may be worse than we thought. I’d like to get an MRI.” He paused for a minute and then added, “Son, you’re going to need physical therapy. You can get it right here on base, and the sooner you do, the better it’s going to be for you.”

  “You think I’ll be back to normal by the end of summer?”

  Dr. Walker frowned. “Anything is possible, I suppose, but, Caleb, you’ve been seriously injured. Recovering is going to take time.”

  I didn’t say anything, but it must have been obvious that I didn’t like this response.

  “What’s wrong?” my mom asked.

  “Nothing.”

  “Is there something specific you were hoping to recover for this summer?” Doctor Walker asked.

  “I’d planned on enlisting. Boot camp.”

  “Ahh,” he said. “I usually tell people if there is something they want to do, they can find a way to work around their injury and do it anyhow. But boot camp isn’t something you’re going to be able to do anytime soon. I knew your father. He was a great soldier, and the whole base was crushed when he didn’t come home. But there are a lot of other ways to serve your country.”

  Except that my scholarships are for athletics.

  Mom kept trying to start conversations on the way home, but I didn’t have anything to say. Not only would I not be able to follow in my father’s footsteps, but I had no future either. At least not one that I could see right now. The doctor had confirmed it.

  I lay on the couch, eating Goldfish and trying to figure out what the point in anything was. Kailee called, but I ignored it. She was the last person I wanted to talk to, although I did need to talk to her. I needed to tell her we hadn’t been together in months, and she needed to leave me alone. Leave Mirriam alone.

  Instead, I logged into Facebook and commented on Kailee’s profile picture. ‘Hey, bitch, I know it’s rough for you that a new girl—a hotter girl—moved in two months before your graduation and took the focus off you, but life happens. It probably eats you up that she actually has a brain too, but that has nothing to do with why I broke up with you. I broke up with you because of you. LEAVE MIRRIAM ALONE.’ Then I tagged Kailee Hill.

  That was that. Kailee would get the message, and so would everyone that knew her. Mirriam could get over thinking I was part of this if she wanted to. I didn’t really care. Come August, she would be off studying engineering somewhere, and I’d be living on my mom’s couch. As for Kailee, as soon as she realized I was no football player anymore, she’d mo
ve on to the next big thing.

  Chapter 15

  Mirriam

  Caleb wasn’t the only person mad about what I’d said to Kailee. Somehow Abrahem found out about it. I got lectured for hours about how I couldn’t go around threatening people. Even when I pointed out she was responsible for the garage he said I should let her ‘Slap the other cheek.’ Abrahem said if I kept this up, we’d have to leave. Ironic, because that was all I was trying to prevent. At the end of his sermon, he surprised me when he threw in, “You should try to get along with her. Lots of people think she’s a nice girl.”

  I had no idea how he could have known the specifics or what he could know about Kailee. My brother had never been a fan of American football, and the last time I checked, he thought cheerleaders were stupid.

  Whatever. I blew it off and went to school. Before I made it to my locker, some redhead walked up to me and asked, “Are you dating Caleb?”

  “Caleb? Is he back?”

  “No, but are you dating?”

  I laughed. “No.”

  I walked past her, but people stared, and I was getting more whispers than usual.

  When I got to my locker, Morgan stood in front of it with her arms crossed. “I don’t get it. We’re friends right?”

  “Yeah.” Ever since she saw me attack Kailee, we’d been hanging out during lunch and even texting some.

  “So, why didn’t you tell me about Caleb?” “What about him? How can a boy that’s not here be creating so much talk?”

  Morgan shook her head as I turned the combination on my locker. “Don’t play dumb with me.”

  “Morgan, you’re being weird, even for you.”

  “So you’re really not dating Caleb Miller?”

  I laughed out loud. “Actually, if he hadn’t been hit by a car, I’d run over him. But you are the second person to ask me that in ten minutes. Why?”

  “Why would you run over him?”

  I took my science book from my locker and threw my backpack in before shutting the door. When I turned to face Morgan, I scanned the hallway before saying, “He got me out of the house that night, so Kailee could leave her sparkling sadistic pink message.”

  “Nu-uh.”

  “I’m serious.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah.” Blood beat under my cheeks as I realized I was about to admit something I’d never said out loud. “I thought he liked me,” I whispered. “We went out for pizza, or I would have been home. I would have been the only person home.”

  Morgan put her hand on my arm. “Mirriam, I think there’s more to the story than you know. He does like you.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Right. No chance. I’m just another raghead. Oh wait—that’s what the note on my garage door said.”

  “He told Kailee to leave you alone. He said you’re hot.”

  “When?”

  “On Facebook. Why are you the only person in the world with no Facebook account?”

  “Long story,” I said as we walked to class.

  Morgan told me Kailee changed her profile pic because of it, and Kailee thinks we’re dating, which is why people keep asking.

  Every time I saw Kailee she glared at me, but it didn’t bother me. It was no worse than usual.

  Two days passed before I heard from Caleb. Morgan thought I should call him or drop by, but I didn’t care to. I didn’t know what to think about him publicly defending me. I was glad someone did, but I still wasn’t convinced he didn’t get me out of the house that night. Maybe, he felt indebted to me since I dragged him out of the road that night, and that was why he’d defended me.

  I knew one thing, though. Sitting on his couch day in and day out, wallowing in his misery because he had a bad leg now was only going to make things worse. I knew because I tried it for months after we were relocated to the U.S. It didn’t help.

  Caleb needed help, and I needed his portion of the work done for Government class. Well, truthfully, I didn’t. I could have done the project on my own and done it well, but I wasn’t going to do all the work, so he could make an A.

  I rapped on his door twice. I was already opening it when he said, “Come in.”

  “Hi.” It didn’t seem like the best opening, but I didn’t know what else to say.

  At least he’d changed clothes since the last time I saw him, but his shirt was rumpled with a big crease going down the chest. Unlike the suave guy that walked around school in pressed jeans or khakis, he was in sweats, and it looked like he’d been wearing them for three days.

  “Hey,” he said.

  “I’m almost done with my half of the project.”

  “Cool.”

  “What about you? Where are you at?”

  “I’m not doing it.”

  “What do you mean, you’re not doing it?”

  “I’m just not. Why should I? What’s the chance I’ll be there for this big debate?”

  “What’s the chance you’ll get up and come?”

  “I’d love to get off this damned couch. I’m doing good to stand up most days.”

  “Class is an hour. If you’re having trouble with your leg, use crutches or a wheelchair. I’m sure you can make it through one hour.”

  “What’s the point?”

  “I have no idea. Ask Mrs. Culpepper. I’m just trying to graduate.”

  “I don’t mean the project. The class, school, all of it—what’s the point?”

  “Because you can’t go to college without it.”

  “Yeah, well, that’s out of the picture for me. So I don’t see a point in any of this anymore. I’m sorry, princess, but you’re on your own for the project.”

  This didn’t sound right. How could you just quit a project? I didn’t miss that he referred to me as ‘princess’ and the word dripped in sarcasm. “I don’t understand. You have enough credits to graduate without Government? And why am I a princess all of the sudden?”

  “I finally figured out what you meant when you kept saying ‘I got you out of the house’. As much as I love being the accomplice to a good hate crime, I had nothing to do with it. I’ve had your back since you showed up. Life would have been a hell of a lot worse for you, if I didn’t get pissed every time someone talked about you.”

  “Well as thankful as I am for your protection, Oh Captain Football King, it doesn’t seem to be worth a lot. My house still got trashed.”

  “Yeah, well, I had nothing to do with it.”

  “Whatever. Caleb, I don’t care. I didn’t come here to talk about that. I want you to do your half of the work. Because it’s your responsibility.”

  “Not really. I’m done.”

  “With the class?”

  “With school.”

  Oh my God! Caleb Miller drove me crazy. “You can’t be serious. We’re barely weeks from graduation. You cannot seriously be quitting school. Jesus Christ, the U.S. is a messed up place. Where I’m from, if you even talked about quitting school, your parents would box you.”

  He shrugged. “Mom’s against it. She’s made that clear, but I guess she doesn’t see the point in boxing me. I’m in bad enough shape to begin with.”

  I snapped. I knew I was going to regret what I was about to say, but I didn’t care. “Caleb Miller, you’re a loser and a quitter. I’ve seen people in much worse shape than you do things a lot harder than finishing some rinky-dink American high school. Zmal. White kids are so spoiled.”

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean? You don’t know anything about me. Don’t call me spoiled.”

  “Oh? What don’t I know? You had one bad break, so you’ll just ruin your life. Sounds good to me.”

  “Why do you care?” He threw the same words in my face I’d asked him a few days earlier.

  Caleb

  I couldn’t tell if Mirriam was getting flustered or pissed. She never sat down when she came in today. Her feet were planted firmly on the ground in the same place at the end of the couch. Her book bag was slung over one shoulder—she never
put it down. Now she gripped the strap tighter. Her face drew grim.

  “I care. Obviously. Or I wouldn’t be here.” Her tone was low, each word its own sentence.

  Her words were both infuriating and calming. She cared so much she came to talk about school? She never even asked how I was. Then again, M wasn’t one of those girls who said things to say them.

  “Why do you care if I quit school?”

  “Because it’s stupid.”

  “Not what I asked you. Why do you care? And you’ve known people who have been through worse? Do you think this is easy?” “Do you want to be thirty-five and living on your mom’s couch? And no, Caleb, of course, I don’t think it’s easy. I was there. I watched it, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.” She exploded into tears, not like the first time her eyes watered while she spoke. Now she sobbed so hard her whole body shook. The girl I once thought unbreakable was falling apart.

  I moaned as I forced myself off the couch. I came toward Mirriam, and her eyes shot up in fear as she backed up against the wall. It reminded me of the day I found her face down in the curb, and I had to calm her before she freaked out.

  “It’s just me, M. You’re here with me” I put a hand on her face. “It wasn’t your fault. You know that, don’t you?”

  “Caleb, I’m so sorry. I tried to tell you. I did, and by the time I got your attention it was too late.” I hated that she felt guilty about this, but at least she’d stopped crying.

  “That was my own stupidity, but you didn’t have to call me a loser.”

  “You’re quitting. Giving up.”

  “My prerogative.”

  “Then you’re dumb.”

  “We can’t all be perfect, Miss Mirriam.”

  My hand still cupped her cheek. She made no effort to move it, but she didn’t move closer to me either, and now she glared at me. “Why do you keep patronizing me?”

  I shrugged. “I’m not sure I’m patronizing you.”

  “Caleb, you’re so annoying.” But those chocolate eyes had softened. She wasn’t glaring anymore. “And you’re not quitting school. And you will do your half of the project, even if I have to come sit in your living room and watch you work every day.”