by Kara Hart
“Fuck you,” he shoots Ricky right in the leg and Ricky lets out a blood-curdling scream.
“My fucking leg!” Ricky’s eyes light up with pain. “I’ll kill you. I swear to God, I’ll have you hung, you little bastard!”
“Get out of here,” I tell Ricky. “And never come back. The only reason we’re letting you live is out of respect. Consider this your exile. You’ll never run a gang again.”
“We’ll be keeping tabs on you wherever you go. It doesn’t matter how far you go. We’ll be there,” Giovanni laughs to himself, glancing at one of the guards. Soon, those men will be Made. They’ll get their shot at being real gangsters. “I hope you like working in fast food for the rest of your life.”
“I’ll never fucking do it,” he hisses at us. “You can’t make me.”
“If you don’t,” Giovanni says, “you won’t get another chance. I’ll come into where you’re living and I’ll kill you in your sleep. Don’t test me, Ricky. I’ve learned a lot in these past few years. I know what it’s like to kill a man. Remember, you showed me how.”
I motion for one of the guards to take him away. “It’s over,” I say. One of the men grabs him by the shirt collar, kneeing him in the chest and dragging him out of there. Of course Ricky screamed. He kicked and tried to squirm out of it, but deep down he knew it was over forever. He had his chance to be a real leader and he lost it all very quickly. That’s how easy big men fall.
I turn to Giovanni and I give him a hug. “Thank you,” I tell him. “I know it wasn’t in the plan. But I’m glad we arranged this. It’s time you lead the family name. You’ll be a better boss than any of the guys in the past.”
“Fuck it,” he says. “I’m glad he’s gone. I would have died if I kept working for that son of a bitch. Anyway, there’s someone you should get back to.”
Bianca. “Yeah,” I smile. “She’s probably swearing me off right this second.”
“There’s always time to fix things,” he laughs. “My sister is a hard headed woman, but she’s also a good woman who knows right from wrong. She’ll forgive you eventually. You just really need to put in the effort.”
“Don’t I know it,” I laugh. “Well, goodbye. I’ll be seeing you around, brother.”
He nods and I walk out of the building, disappearing into the night. No longer would I have to walk these streets. I could leave and become normal. And if Bianca decides I’m worthy enough to take back, maybe I could follow her to the coast. I’ve never been to California before.
183
Bianca
He’s gone. He’s really fucking gone. I’m at a total loss. I’ve seen plenty of people disappear in this city, but I was never as affected by it until now. Before, it all just seemed like part of the lifestyle. With Hunter, it was different. He wanted out. He wanted a new start. He was actually trying, dammit.
And now he’s going to end up just like the rest of them. Things could have been fine. We could have worked through everything. I was willing to run all the way to Southeast Asia for Christ’s sake. If it meant I could spend a life with him, I would run.
I guess that’s why he left. He knew his past would drag me down. To most people, that would seem honorable. To me, it just felt heartless and stupid. How could he leave me to suffer like this? How was I supposed to pick up the pieces and make my life normal now? I had experienced too much with him. My hopes were through the roof. I was dumb to fall in so deep with him and I’m starting to hate myself for it.
I can’t stop crying like a fucking baby. Shape up, Bianca. You’re stronger than this. You don’t need him. You need yourself. That’s it.
I pick up my phone and dial Teresa’s number, but when it rings, I hang up. There’s nothing to say to anyone. All anyone can tell me is they’re sorry. But sorry doesn’t help to ease the pain. It doesn’t bring Hunter back. It’s just a word designed to shut people up.
Besides, Teresa isn’t anyone to talk to. She showed her true colors the other day. She doesn’t care about anyone but herself and the stupid gang her father belongs to. In her eyes, I was just another face to talk gossip with.
I just need to get back home. I needed my own bed and I needed to dive into my studies. Still, I keep staring at my window like he’s going to open it. I just want him to come in and take me away. It’s a pipe dream, I know. I know Hunter will turn into a distant memory and, someday, I’ll be forced to move on. Life is like that. It doesn’t let you hold onto things for too long. It throws unexpected punches. You have to be ready to duck out of the way.
I fall asleep, holding my pillow. Tears dry against my cheek, but quickly I forget about the night before. I dream of better times. I’m older and I’m in a foreign city. I’m working in law finally and I’ve got a few kids. They go run off and play and I’m left to sit and think about the life I’ve led.
I’m happy in this dream and it feels so real. I hear a knock at the door and I walk up to it, knowing it’s a package I’ve been expecting. At least, that’s what I think in the dream. I open the door and there’s a blinding white light.
Suddenly, I’m old and sick. I’m in my bed and I’m looking back on my life. My kids surround me and I know this is my last breath. I hear a slow and steady knock. Then I wake up.
“What?” I moan, twisting my body around. I suddenly feel a set of hands. I nearly jump out of my skin. “What?” The hands squeeze against my shoulders as I open my eyes to find Hunter and my father standing over me.
“Honey,” my dad says. “I’m sorry to wake you so early before your flight. But I believe you know this man?” Giovanni is in the hallway and he gives me a smile. I can only assume what that means, but Hunter says it aloud.
“Ricky’s gone,” he says. “We got him out of the city for good. He’s alive and well, and we’re making sure he’ll never see you again.”
“He’s alive?” I ask. “You promise?”
“I promise,” Hunter tells me, sitting on the bed.
“I’ll leave you two alone,” my dad says. I can only guess how happy he is, now that Ricky’s gone. He shuts the door quietly and leaves us to ourselves.
“What the fuck?” I nearly scream at him, jumping out of my bed. “Why did you leave me like that? Did you plan this all along? Did you really think you could just come back here after you told me this was over for good?”
“I’m sorry,” he mutters. “I had to.”
“Bullshit!” I whisper loudly so my father can’t hear me. “You selfish asshole! I’ve been crying for hours over you.”
“Hey, come here,” he says, opening his arms up. He moves forward, but I push him back. He can’t get away with what he did that easy. “Fine, I get it. You hate me. But I did what I had to do. I didn’t know I could turn this around, but your brother really helped me out. He saved my life in the end.”
“My brother? What does Giovanni have to do with this?” I ask him.
“Look, don’t get mad at me. It wasn’t my idea,” he sighs. “He came up with a plan and got Ricky’s guys to turn on him. I was on my way to my grave, Bianca. Can’t you be glad to see me alive?”
I fall back onto my bed. “You bastard, of course I’m happy to see you alive!” I say, with a shaky and emotional tone to my voice. “I’m just in shock, okay? I didn’t think you’d be here in this room again. I honestly thought I’d never see you again.”
“Me too,” he says, sitting down next to me. “Look, you’re the one thing in this life that has kept me going. Without you, I would have died long ago. I always anticipated going out in a big ball of flames,” he laughs and shakes his head. “Man was I stupid. It was always you, Bianca. Always. I couldn’t give my life up because I couldn’t bear to be away from you.”
I lean my body against his and take a deep breath in, smelling his cologne. “I’ve missed your smell. I’ve missed the way you feel against me,” I admit. “I’ve missed the way you look at me with hesitance, like you’re actually nervous to be around me. I’ve even missed your cocky
arrogance, dammit. I’m really happy you’re here, Hunter. I’ve missed you so much.”
“I’ve missed you too,” he says. “So does this mean I can come with you, or what?” he asks.
“You? In San Francisco?” I laugh, unable to figure out if this is actually reality. “Am I still dreaming? You think you’ll like it out there with me?”
“Does it feel like a dream to you?” he leans forward and kisses me, wrapping his hand around the back of my head. He caresses my body and we kiss for a solid minute or two. “I think I’d love it there with you. In fact, I know I would.”
“Actually,” I laugh. “It does feel like I’m dreaming. I can’t believe you’re here. I can’t believe you came back to me.”
“Is that a yes?” he asks me.
“Of course it’s a yes. I can’t imagine a life without you,” I say. “Even if you are a bastard.”
He laughs at that statement. “I can’t believe you don’t hate me,” he says, running his hand through my hair.
I laugh and close my eyes. There are no words to say. I just want to feel him right now. I just want to be close to him.
“I’m not mad anymore,” I smile. “I feel oddly at peace.”
“Peace,” he sighs. “I never knew what that word meant until I came across you. Just one look at you made me feel so damn good. I want to work at this for the rest of my life. I want to be the man I never could before. I know it’ll be tough. I know there will be a million setbacks. But if I’m with you, I know I can get through anything.”
“I believe in you, Hunter,” I tell him. “I know you’re better than this life. I want you to live out your dreams. You deserve to.”
“You know, it’s funny,” he laughs. “I’ve always wanted to be a cook at a nice Italian restaurant. I know that sounds crazy and maybe a little stupid. But, back in the day, I used to cook the guy’s meals and I was really good at it. It’s probably the only thing I’ve ever been good at besides the business.”
“Thank God, I’m with a guy who can cook,” I tease.
We wake up with no time to spare and my alarm is going through the roof. I slap the top of it and find Hunter wide-awake next to my suitcases. “Ready?” He’s pacing around the room.
“I’m tired,” I close my eyes and yawn. When I sit back up, I look at him earnestly. “Are you sure you want to do this? You want to move to the other coast with me? You’ll have to meet all my annoying friends and deal with me doing my homework and studying all the time. It’ll be different from Detroit. Much different.” I bite my lip and hold my breath. I guess I expect him to call it off at any second.
“Look,” he sighs. “I know I fucked up and made you paranoid. But I’m here now and I’m here for good. There isn’t anything short of ‘leave me alone forever’ that’ll make me disappear now.”
“Promise?” I ask. I need all the reassurance in the world. I’m so worried my happiness will be stolen away from me that I have to ask.
“I promise,” he says. “I, uh, was going to save this for another time. But now I can see that there isn’t any other time but now…”
He looks around himself embarrassed and reaches into his pocket. He pulls out a small wooden box and falls to his knees. “Bianca Luccioti,” he says. I’m already fucking bawling because I know where this is going. “Will you do me the honor of being my drop-dead gorgeous, trophy wife?”
I laugh. “No! I mean, I won’t be your trophy wife, you freak. But I will marry you and show you off at every party we go to.” He laughs and kisses me, running his hands all over my body.
His tongue falls across my mine and for a few seconds, we’re all over each other. “Truth is, I just want to eat your pussy every single morning, afternoon, and night. That is, if that’s okay with you.”
I bite his lip and pull back. “That’s part of the deal. When we’re at home, you live on your knees and you serve me, dammit.”
“Yes, my queen,” he says, picking me up into his arms. I wrap my arms around his neck and we kiss one more time before heading out on our way.
I fumble at the ring inside the box. It’s so fucking beautiful, I don’t even know what to do or say. My eyes turn glossy. I guess I’ll just have to live with being a crying mess today. “What do you think?” he asks me, cautiously.
The diamonds flicker against the light through the window. There’s three. One big one in the center and two on the side. I swirl it around my fingers and slip it on. “It’s perfect,” I smile. “How did you know it would fit?”
“I think it was my mom’s,” he says. “I found it when I was a young boy. I never knew. But I always loved it. I always wondered if I’d ever get the chance to give it to the girl of my dreams. I’m so damn grateful I get to today.”
“It’s beautiful,” I say, with tears falling down my cheeks. He wipes them away with his thumb and kisses me.
“Not as beautiful as you,” he tells me. Why does he have to be so sweet?
My father has the car started and he honks the horn to get our attention. Embarrassed, I jump back onto the ground, grab my things, and we head out. In the hallway, however, is Giovanni. He’s waiting to say goodbye.
“Thank you,” I whisper. “I’m sorry for getting on your case so much. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“I get it,” he says, nodding. “You’re a good sister. You always have been.” When I start to tear up, he smiles and shakes his head. “Don’t forget to call and visit. I know you hate this place, but it’s still your home. You still have family out here. Don’t forget that.”
“I won’t,” I tell him. It’s bittersweet, but I know this a turning point for us. From now on, things can be okay within the Luccioti family.”
He smiles and hugs me, and when it’s time to go, he says, “Well, I’ll see you.”
And just like that, I’m in my dad’s car with Hunter, headed back home. Only, this time, it’s much different. This time, I have a fiancé. We take one look at each other and know that this is a huge turning point. We look out the back window together and watch the houses disappear into memory.
Detroit. My home. I’ll always have a soft spot for this place. Always. And even if I get down on where my family comes from and what they represent, I know that there’s still a whole lot of good coming from these people. Sometimes, it takes meeting the love of your life to figure that out.
184
Hunter
Her dad turns to us. “You better treat her right,” he says. For the first time ever, I see him stern-faced and serious. It’s a darker shade than her dad is used to and it surprises the hell out of me. “I get one call from my daughter and I’ll be down there, and you’ll have to deal with me.
I glance at Bianca awkwardly. She just sits there and smiles. “Well, you better listen to the man,” she laughs.
“Um, yes sir,” I say with hesitance. “She deserves only the best treatment in the world.”
“Damn right, she does,” he says, staring at the road.
“Dad…” Bianca sighs. “Come on. I’m fine, really.”
“I just want to see my daughter receive the best treatment she can get. Got it?” he says. “And she’s not dropping out of school to get married, if that’s what you think.”
“I think we should have the wedding after she graduates. And then she can start working. She’ll obviously need to go to graduate school. I think she’s going to be the best lawyer in all of America someday.”
He stops at the light in front of us. He slowly turns his head to look at me. He smiles and nods, in thought. “Yes! I know it. She’ll be incredible at it,” he says.
That’s the first time we see eye to eye and it didn’t take much, other than the love we both have for Bianca. “She’s a damn godsend,” I say, smiling. “And I’m going to make sure she gets treated like a queen, every single damn day. I promise you that, sir.” It’s like I’m a young man again, taking some broad out on a first date.
It’s funny, really. Turning
a new leaf and starting over is the weirdest thing a man can do. You go throughout this life thinking you’re one person. In all actuality, it’s just a character you’ve made up.
I always thought I had to live like a gangster. I always thought that being hard was the best thing you could be. My parents were taken away from me and I vowed never to have something like that happen again. I thought that life was too hard for soft people. If you didn’t do the crime, someone else would and you’d wind up dead.
All that was wrong. Being strong isn’t good if you’re not leading a decent life. I didn’t have Bianca to teach me that before. But now I know that love is stronger than bullets. I can see the power in what we can become when we have each other.
We come to a slow halt at the airport. “Here we are,” her father says. For a second there, I thought he had tears in his eyes. He helps us with our luggage and I wait as Bianca says her goodbyes.
“You’re a woman now,” he says. Now I can see definite tears forming. I can only imagine the feeling having a son or daughter gives you. It’s heavy.
“Dad, I’ve been a woman for a while now,” she laughs. “Cut it out.”
“I just love you, my little girl,” he starts sobbing and she embraces him instinctually.
“It’s okay, Dad,” she tells him. “I’ll visit as much as I can.”
“Dammit, you better,” he cries, wiping the tears away quickly, as men often do. “I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too,” she says.
“Shit. Now I’m crying too,” I say, wiping a small puddle of tears from my eyes. “Dammit.”
“Bring it in here. You’re family now,” her dad says. Soon, we’re all bawling and I’m feeling… emotions. Is this what it’s like to be out of the game?
The plane takes off and we’re in the air. I’m surprised I got through security so fast, but I guess I shouldn’t be. I really have no record to worry about. I just always feel antsy around law enforcement. I’m going to have to get used to this shit, fast.
