'Adam and Willa! Adam and Willa!'
Their names went well together, she thought dully, lowering her hands to stare at the carpet with unseeing eyes. Willa would, of course, be the perfect wife for him. She could see that now, but…! Oh, God! Why did it hurt so much? Why, why, why!
The answer came with a shattering force that made her reel mentally beneath the impact, but she fought against it; denied it passionately; and finally was forced to succumb to the inexorable truth. She was in love with Adam. It was ludicrous, impossible, and forbidden! She should hate him for what he had done to her, but she loved him instead. There was no joy in this knowledge, and no delirious upsurge of excitement. There was only that blinding pain which was worse than anything she had ever known before. Adam belonged to Willa and—pray God—she would be gone before their marriage.
A shout of childish laughter from the room next to hers made Lisa start nervously, and a quick glance at the time sent her hurrying into the bathroom to shower and change into a cool, cotton frock. She dried her hair vigorously with a towel, brushing it thoroughly before she twisted it into a knot in her neck, and applied a touch of make-up to her face. She was pale beneath her newly acquired tan, but, with luck, no one would notice, and with Adam away working on Howard Jackson's electro-generator, Lisa had the rest of the afternoon in which to find the courage to face him again.
An absorbing game of marbles with the twins temporarily took her mind off things, but, when the game came to an end, Lisa sank into a fit of depression from which there seemed to be no escape. Josh and Kate were fortunately too involved with diverting the path of a hairy worm to notice any change in Lisa, but. Erica Vandeleur's shrewd glance missed nothing when she called Lisa to join her on the verandah for a long, cool orange drink.
'You're looking rather pale, child,' she remarked with concern as the silence lengthened between them. 'Aren't you feeling well?'
'It's this heat,' Lisa explained, and it was not altogether a lie, for her body felt clammy and uncomfortable with perspiration despite her recent shower.
'Yes, it does sap one's energy at tunes,' Mrs Vandeleur replied absently, her grey-green eyes searchingly intent upon Lisa. 'You are happy here with us, Lisa, aren't you?'
Lisa stared out across the colourful garden, but her glance lingered with tenderness on the tousled-haired twins where they played on the lawn. 'I'm not unhappy here, Mrs Vandeleur.'
'You're not missing the city life?'
'Oh, no,' Lisa said quickly, glancing at the older woman just in time to witness a flicker of humour flash across her lined face.
'Am I right in thinking you'll be sorry to leave here?'
'Yes.'
Lisa looked away. There was too much pain inside her at that moment. There was the pain of loving unwisely, and the pain of knowing she would have to leave eventually, but she would not be able to bear the pain of having to stay and witness Adam marrying Willa Jackson. There was pain, too, at having to leave this slightly barren but beautiful part of the country where the sunsets held you spellbound, and the stars clustered like diamonds in the night sky.
'The Karoo has cast its spell on you,' Erica Vandeleur observed quietly as if she had caught the drift of Lisa's thoughts.
'Yes, I'm afraid it has,' Lisa laughed shortly, but she looked away hastily when her throat tightened and her eyes filled with tears.
The ringing of the telephone saved the situation for her and, as Erica Vandeleur went to answer it, Lisa pulled herself together and dashed away her tears. It was ridiculous and foolish to weep over something which could never be hers, and the sooner she accepted this fact the sooner she would get over it.
'That was Adam,' Erica Vandeleur explained when she came out on to the verandah a few minutes later. 'The Jacksons have invited him to dinner. He's working on their generator, and it may take some time yet to repair it. It's a nuisance really, but they've done so much to help him in the past since Jacques—' Her voice broke slightly, then she sighed resignedly. 'Oh, well, I'd better go and see what's going on in the kitchen… and you'd better check up on those two little horrors of ours,' she added laughingly as shrieks of excitement reached their ears.
Lisa hurried down into the garden and was just in time to save a chameleon from being submerged in the fish pond.
'Oh, Lisa!' Josh and Kate complained almost simultaneously as she set the creature free. 'We wouldn't have let it drown,'
'Perhaps not,' Lisa agreed, 'but it would have been cruel.'
'Can we go for a swim?' Josh demanded, casting aside the incident with the speed of an energetic child and, as Lisa agreed, he grabbed Kate's hand. 'Let's go and put on our costumes. Quick!'
Lisa did not join the children in the pool on this occasion, but sat quietly on the grass while she kept an eye on them. The memory of what had happened there earlier that afternoon was still too vivid in her mind, and, as her pulse quickened, she concentrated fiercely on the twins while they splashed about in the water. They were both good swimmers for their age, Lisa realised once again as she watched their deeply tanned little bodies moving about lithely in the water, but she agreed with Adam's ruling that the pool was forbidden to them unless they were accompanied by an adult.
A dragonfly hovered above the sparkling water and they shrieked with laughter as their efforts to splash it failed. Lisa smiled indulgently at their antics, but, as their bath-time drew near, she ordered them out and took them back to the house.
'Can't we stay up a bit later this evening?' Josh pleaded when it was eventually time to put out the light.
'No, you can't,' Lisa replied firmly as she tucked them up in bed.
'But Uncle Adam isn't here. You said so,' Josh persisted.
'That makes no difference. Rules are rules, and you're going to sleep right now.'
'Oh, no!'
'Oh, yes!' Lisa insisted.
'Uncle Adam won't know if we stay up just a teeny bit longer,' Josh pouted, adding persuasively, 'and Gran won't mind.'
Lisa straightened between the two beds and looked down at them with as much sternness as she could muster. 'Your uncle gave me very strict instructions, Josh, and I daren't disobey him.'
'But, Lisa…'
'No, Joshua.'
There was a startled silence, and their usually dirty faces looked almost angelic with cleanliness as they stared up at her in wide-eyed dismay.
'You only call me Joshua when you're angry,' Josh said at last, and the hurt look in his eyes very nearly succeeded in shattering her resolve, but the thought of Adam's anger saved the situation.
'I'm not angry with you, but you must go to sleep now,' she said a little more gently as she picked up a few scattered toys and put them where they belonged.
A whispered conversation took place between the twins, but Lisa pretended not to notice, and when she finally turned to face them, two very serious-looking children were staring up at her from beneath the sheets.
'Lisa,' Kate began hesitantly, 'don't you love us any more?'
Lisa's heart twisted painfully, and she was on her knees between their beds almost instantly, hugging each one of them in turn. 'I love you both to bits,' she explained with a lump in her throat, 'but I can't allow you to stay up later than usual. Your uncle will be very angry with me, and you wouldn't want that, would you?'
'No,' they both agreed solemnly.
'All right, then,' Lisa smiled, smoothing down their dark curls with gentle, loving hands.
'Why doesn't Uncle Adam love us too?'
'But of course he loves you,' Lisa replied instantly to Josh's unexpected question, but he was far from satisfied.
'He never ever plays with us,' he said truthfully, and Kate added: 'He just always scowls at us.'
'Your uncle is a very busy man,' Lisa prevaricated, finding it difficult to argue against the truth, but she had to defend Adam somehow. 'There's so much to do on the farm, and—'
'But he's always riding around with that lady from next door,' Josh interrupted frown
ingly.
'Well, I—' Lisa faltered and bit her lip. What was there she could say to that? she wondered helplessly.
'Is she going to be our aunty?' Kate asked, and her anxiety found an echo in Lisa's heart.
'I… don't know,' she replied carefully. 'Perhaps.'
'I think I'd hate that,' Josh exploded, his thunderous expression bearing an uncanny resemblance to his uncle's.
'Oh, no, you mustn't say that,' Lisa whispered anxiously.
'But it's true,' Josh insisted, 'and you said we must always tell the truth.'
'Yes, but—' Lisa faltered, at a loss for words, then she resolutely tried to bring an end to the conversation. 'It's time I put the light out.'
'She doesn't like us either,' Kate's remark stopped her in the act of reaching for the light switch between their beds, and Lisa needed no explanation as to whom Kate was referring to.
'Miss Jackson hasn't had much to do with you, so how can you say that?' Lisa rebuked her gently.
'We just know,' Josh explained a little defiantly.
'Why can't you marry Uncle Adam?' Kate wanted to know. 'Then you'll be our aunty.'
Lisa's hands trembled as she straightened the sheets once more. 'I couldn't do that.'
'Why not?' the twins demanded with childish arrogance.
'Because—' Lisa took a steadying breath. 'Because your uncle and I… we don't feel that way about each other.'
'What way?' Josh frowned.
'Well, we don't—love—each other.'
'But can't you—?'
'No, I can't, and your uncle certainly won't,' Lisa cut in abruptly, rising to her feet as an indication that the conversation had gone far enough. 'Now, shut your eyes and go to sleep so I can put out the light.'
'Aren't you going to kiss us goodnight?' Kate demanded tremulously, and Lisa's heart melted.
'Yes, of course I am,' she smiled warmly as she bent over them and kissed them lightly on their foreheads. 'Goodnight.'
'Goodnight, Lisa,' they chorused, snuggling down beneath the sheets, and Lisa stood looking down at them for a moment with a lump in her throat before she switched off the light and left the room.
The conversation she had had with the twins disturbed Lisa more than she cared to admit even to herself, and her attention wandered On several occasions at the dinner table, resulting in the embarrassing situation of having to ask Erica Vandeleur to repeat herself.
It was a dark night, Lisa noticed when they went out on to the verandah after dinner in search of a breath of fresh air. Clouds had appeared from somewhere to gather swiftly in the sky, and the stars were obliterated from view, but the heat remained oppressive and slightly ominous.
'The weather looks promising, but then one never can tell,' Mrs Vandeleur remarked, and, when Lisa did not reply, she glanced at her sharply. 'You've been very quiet this evening, Lisa. Have the children been particularly trying today?'
'No, not really,' Lisa smiled faintly into the darkness. 'They wanted to stay up later this evening, but I'm afraid I couldn't allow it.'
'No, of course not,' the older woman agreed, and they lapsed into silence once more.
'Mrs Vandeleur…' Lisa began eventually, the cane chair creaking beneath her weight as she altered her position nervously, 'how does Adam feel about the twins?'
'What do you mean, my dear?'
'I mean… is he fond of them?'
'Naturally he is, and he's very concerned that they should have the kind of upbringing Jacques would have wished them to have.' She paused briefly and Lisa could feel those eyes searching her face in the darkness. 'Why do you ask?'
'It's something Josh and Kate mentioned when I put them to bed,' Lisa explained, pushing her hair away from her forehead and grimacing when her hand came away damp. 'Adam never takes much notice of them, and they seem to think that he—that he doesn't like them very much.'
'What nonsense!' Mrs Vandeleur exploded. 'I hope you told them they're mistaken?'
'I tried, but—' Lisa passed the tip of her tongue over her dry lips nervously, 'I don't think I convinced them somehow.'
'The guardianship of the twins is a tremendous responsibility, and Adam…' Erica Vandeleur paused, obviously realising that there was some truth in the children's suppositions, and then, like Lisa, she tried to excuse his behaviour. 'He hasn't much time lately for himself and for his family.'
'I know.'
'Perhaps I should speak to him, but—Oh, dear,' she sighed heavily. 'He's been so boorish lately, and when he's like that, it's best to leave him be.'
'I suppose so,' Lisa agreed with her, but the problem still remained unsolved. The children felt unloved, and Adam was sublimely oblivious of the fact that his callous behaviour was the cause of it.
'What he really needs is a wife,' Erica Vandeleur said at length. 'It's time he settled down with a family of his own.'
'It's time who settled down, Mother?' a deep voice enquired out of the shadows, and Lisa's heart leapt into her throat as a dark shape loomed up in front of them.
Adam had approached the house so quietly that neither of them had heard him, and, as he leaned back against the wooden rails surrounding the verandah, Lisa could almost sense a certain anger vibrating through him as he crossed his arms over his chest.
'Good heavens, Adam! You startled me,' his mother exclaimed, but Adam had no intention of being diverted.
'Whose life are you trying to organise this time, Mother?'
'Yours, Adam,' came the undaunted reply, and Lisa could not help but admire her fearlessness. 'It's time you found yourself a wife. Someone gentle, loving, and warmhearted enough to smooth off the rough edges, and someone who would mellow you slightly.'
'That sounds delightful,' Adam mocked his mother. 'Have you someone like that in mind?'
'No, but—' Erica Vandeleur paused, and then said quite distinctly, 'It will have to be someone like Lisa, I think.'
Lisa felt as if she had been flung into a bath of ice cubes, and then, painfully, the blood surged back into her body while she wished frantically that she could shrink quietly into oblivion.
'Why someone like Lisa?' Adam was demanding in that harsh, mocking voice of his. 'Why not suggest Lisa herself?'
'Nothing would please me more,' his mother stated adamantly and, having set the cat among the pigeons, she rose to her feet. 'Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to have an early night.'
Lisa had no intention of remaining out there alone with Adam, and she hastily followed Mrs Vandeleur, muttering apologetically, 'I have a few letters to write.'
'Just a minute.' No matter how much she had wanted to escape, the imperious command in that thundering voice could not be ignored, and Lisa turned back slowly to face the man she feared… yet loved above all else.
'Was there something you wanted to discuss with me?' she asked in a voice that sounded deceptively calm.
Adam pushed himself away from the rails and moved a little into the light emitting from the living-room window, but the sardonic amusement etched so clearly on his features made her wish he had remained in the shadows.
'What do you think of my mother's suggestion?' he demanded suddenly, and Lisa felt the tension spiral through her body.
'I would prefer not to think about it at all.'
'I don't appeal to you as a husband, then?'
'I didn't come to Fairview to look for a husband, and your mother was merely speculating,' she side-stepped the question. 'She would like to see you married and—and settled, that's all—but not necessarily with me.'
'Who would you suggest, then, as a suitable wife for me?'
Lisa looked away from those eyes that saw so much of what she hoped to hide, and her voice was coldly detached as she said: 'I wouldn't presume to make any suggestions.'
'A pity,' he murmured mockingly. 'It might have been interesting to hear your views on the subject.' His hand came down on her shoulder unexpectedly. 'About this afternoon.'
Lisa flinched away from his touch as if she
had come into contact with a red-hot branding iron. 'If you don't mind, Mr Vandeleur, I would rather not discuss it.'
Adam pushed his hands into the pockets of his pants and smiled a little cynically. 'I thought we'd progressed beyond the "Mr Vandeleur" stage.'
Lisa's colour rose sharply at the thought of the intimacy they had shared, and she silently blessed the darkness for its protection as she said tritely, 'I don't want to talk about it!'
'All right, we won't talk about it,' Adam snapped, his voice harsh with impatience. 'Let's just forget the entire incident, if that will make you happy, but will you explain to me, please, why you felt it necessary to run like a scared rabbit the moment my mother went into the house?'
'I didn't run, I—'
'Oh, yes, you did,' he interrupted forcefully, 'and you've been poised for flight from the moment we were left alone.'
'I haven't! I was—' His hand was at her throat, momentarily choking off her voice as he forced her back against the rails, then the pressure of his fingers relaxed and moved in a slow, caressing motion round to the nape of her neck. 'Don't do that!' she gasped in a strangled voice.
'What are you afraid of Lisa? Me? Or yourself?'
'I don't know what you're talking about,' she said icily, at a disadvantage now with the living-room light playing across her taut features. 'I'm not afraid of anyone… or anything.'
'I think you are, and I also think I know what it is.'
The sensuality flowing from his fingers was beginning to penetrate the barrier of cool detachment she had erected about herself, and she said sharply, 'Don't touch me!'
Adam removed his hand, but he brought it down on to the rail beside her to imprison her securely without actually touching her. 'When you were engaged to Rory, didn't he occasionally make love to you a little?'
Summer of the Weeping Rain Page 11
