I asked him if he had difficulty understanding the meaning of “premature.” Then another idea broke through the fog. “I wish you to do something for me,” I said. “Contact all the other financial institutions in Olkney. Ask if the same thing has happened.”
I broke the connection and attempted to rouse my sluggish analytical apparatus, but it continued to lie inert.
Again, I asked my assistant, “If I were possessed of my usual faculties, how would I address this conundrum?”
“You would look for a pattern in the data,” it said.
“I have done that. I cannot see more than the bare outline of what, and not even a glint of why or how. Men have been robbed of their wealth, looks and intelligence, yet who has gained? Where lies the motive, let alone the means?” I sighed. “What more would I do if I were intact?”
“You might look for a pattern outside the data,” the integrator said. “You once remarked that it is possible to deduce the shape of an invisible object by examining the holes left by its passage.”
“I do not see how that applies to this situation.”
“Nor do I. I am accustomed to rely upon you for insights. My task is to assemble and correlate data as you instruct.”
“What other brilliancies have I come up with over the years? Perhaps one will ring a chime and re-ignite my fires.”
“You once opined that the rind is mightier than the melon. You presented this as a particularly profound perception.”
“What did it mean?”
“I do not know. When you said it, you were under the influence of certain substances.”
“No use,” I said. “Go on.”
“You have occasionally noted that the wise man can learn from the fool.”
“I remember saying it,” I said, “but now I have no idea what I meant.”
“Perhaps something to do with opposites attracting?” the integrator offered.
“I doubt it,” I said. “Do they attract? If so, it can’t be for long since wouldn’t true opposites irritate each other if not cancel each other out? It sounds like mutual annihilation and I’m sure I’ve never been in favor of that.”
“You also say that sometimes the most crucial clue is not what has happened, but what has not.”
“That sounds more like it,” I said. “Except that the number of things that haven’t happened must be astronomically greater than those that have. So how do we pick out the nonexistent events that have meaning?”
“You usually perform some pithy analysis.”
“Yes, but I’m short on pith today.”
“Then it will have to be an inspired guess.”
“I am far from inspired,” I said. “But I think we have at least defined the crime. The attacks are aimed at intelligent and presentable men as well as those who have more than 32 hepts and 14 grimlets.
“Dull men have not been made duller, nor poor men poorer, nor have the unprepossessing been further victimized. And women and children are unaffected on all counts.
“We come back as always to means, motive and opportunity.”
It was difficult to posit a rational means or an opportunity by which the assumed perpetrator could do so much harm to so many and all apparently at the same moment. I knew from long experience, however, that motives were relatively few and all too common to most of humankind. “Jealousy,” I said. “We may be looking for a poor, not too bright man with a face to curdle milk.”
“But if he is dim-witted, how does he contrive to perform the impossible?” said my assistant.
“Indeed,” I said. “How is the operative question.”
The integrator made a sound that was its equivalent of a throat clearing. “I have a suggestion,” it said.
“What?”
Its tone was tentative. “Magic.”
I snorted. It was an automatic response whenever the subject was raised. “Only a fool believes in magic,” I said.
“Perhaps this is the work of a fool.”
That almost made sense, but though I could no longer argue for them, I recalled all my old opinions. “There is no such thing as magic.”
“Yet there are arguments for the opposing view.”
I had encountered them. Supposedly there was an alternation between magic and physics, between sympathy and rationalism, as operating principles of the phenomenal universe. As the Great Wheel rolled through the eons, one assumed supernacy over the other, only to see the relationship eventually reversed.
When one regime took the ascendancy, the other allegedly remained as an embedded seed in its unfriendly host. Thus in an age when magic held sway, its mechanics were still logically extrapolated–there were rules and procedures–while during the present reign of rationality, events at the subquantum level were supposedly determined more by quirks and quizzidities than by unalterable laws.
I was occasionally braced, at a salon or social, by some advocate of the mystical persuasion who would try to convince me that the Wheel was now nearing the next cusp and that I might live long enough to see the contiguous series of electrons that carried information from one device to another replaced by chains of ensorceled imps, my integrator supplanted by an enchanted familiar.
I had investigated the arcana of magic over a summer during my youth and could demolish its advocates with arguments that were both subtle and vigorous. However, I had to admit that those arguments were at present beyond my grasp. Still, I harrumphed once more and said, “Magic!” then blew air over my lips as if shooing away a gossamer.
My assistant said, “You also like to say that when all impossibilities have been swept from the table what remains, however unlikely, must be the answer.”
“Magic,” I said, “is one of those impossibilities.”
“Are you sure?”
“I used to be,” I said, “so I ought to be now.”
“Even a wise man can...” began the integrator, then interrupted itself to tell me that Pinnifrant’s tallyman was back.
“What have you learned?”
“The same situation pertains across the city. Indeed, even accounts held outside Olkney by male residents of the city have been affected.”
The more I learned the more perplexed I became. Even in my diminished state, I recognized the irony. I had long wished for a superlative opponent, a master criminal who could give me room to stretch. Now one had seemingly appeared, but in doing so had robbed me of the capacity to combat his outrages. Still, I struggled to encompass an image of the situation.
“And there is no indication that anyone has benefited from the thefts?” I asked Worsthall. “No woman’s account has ballooned? No child’s?”
“No.”
“Thank you,” I said, though I could not see how the information helped.
“There is one anomaly,” he said.
“Hmm?”
“A male depositor at Frink Fiduciary had a balance of 32 hepts and 15 grimlets before the discrepancy this morning...”
“Discrepancy?” I asked.
“It is a term we in the financial sector use when accounts do not tally.”
“Why not be bold and call it what it is, mass theft and rampant rapine?”
“If we were bold, we would not be bankers,” was the reply.
“Indeed,” I said, “but what were you about to tell me?”
“That a male depositor had a balance of 32 hepts and 15 grimlets before the... rampant rapine, and that he had the same balance afterwards. And still does.”
I had him repeat the numbers again. “This depositor had one grimlet more than the ubiquitous H32.14 before the... the event, and he still has the same amount now?”
“As of three minutes ago,” said the tallyman.
“Hmm,” I said. I experienced a vague sense that the anomaly might be significant. “Who is he?”
“He is called Vashtun Errible.”
“Tell me about him.”
There was little to tell: only an address on a cul de sac off the Fader Slide
, an obscure location in an uncelebrated part of the city. No image of Errible reposed in the solvency’s files and the connectivity code he had given when opening the account was long since defunct. The account had not been used for many years and had probably been forgotten by its nominee.
I left the tallyman to his troubles and set my assistant to scouring all sources for news of this Vashtun Errible. The integrator turned up only one more item: a deed of indenture that bound Errible’s services to the requirements of one Bristal Baxandall.
“Now that’s a name I have heard before,” I said, though I could not immediately place it.
“He prefers to be known as The Exalted Sapience Bristal Baxandall, an alleged thaumaturge,” said the integrator. “He performs at children’s parties.”
Again I spied the glimmer of an idea. Perhaps this Baxandall was the mastermind behind the calamity, hiding his brilliance by masquerading as a low-rent prestidigitator. Or he might be only the blind behind which Errible, the true prodigy, had concealed himself.
I had a hunch that one or both of these two persons was central to the mystery. Normally, I despised hunches and had always denied their validity–to my mind, an intuition was no more than the product of an analytical process that took place in the mind’s dark back rooms. Occasionally, a door was flung open and the result of unconscious analysis was tossed into the light of the mental front parlor, to be discovered by the incumbent as if it had arrived by mystical means.
The thought led to another: I wondered if my own back rooms were as fully stocked and active as always but that some force had sealed the doors. The more I examined the idea, mentally probing about in my inner recesses the way my tongue would explore the gap left by an extracted tooth, the more it seemed likely that my faculties had not been irrevocably ripped away, but only placed out of reach. I listened and it seemed that I could almost hear the ghost of my former genius crying out to me from beyond a barrier in my mind.
I realized that my assistant was saying something. “Repeat,” I said.
“The Exalted Sapience’s address is the same as that which the solvency found for Vashtun Errible,” it said.
“Connect me.”
“I cannot. He apparently possesses no integrator.”
“How is that possible?”
“I cannot even speculate,” said the integrator. “His house appears as a blank spot in the connectivity matrix.”
“Ahah!” I said again. “The shape left by the invisible object!”
“What do you mean?”
I did not know. It was another hunch. “It would be premature to say,” I said. “Summon an air-car and have it take me to that address.”
The vehicle was longer than usual in arriving and I noticed that its canopy was darkly stained. When we rose above the rooftops I saw why: thick columns of greasy, black smoke boiled skywards from several sites along the big bend in the river, joining to form a pall over the south side of the city. To the west, several streets were blocked off by emergency vehicles bearing the lights and colors of the provost bureau, and a surging mob was rampaging through the financial district, smashing glass and overturning motilators.
The air-car banked and flew north toward an industrial precinct that looked to be quieter. After a few minutes it angled down to a dead-end street below the slideway and alighted before an ill-kept two-story house whose windows were obscured by dark paint. I bid the car remain but it replied that it could only do so if I paid the accumulated fare immediately and allowed it to deduct its waiting fee every five minutes.
“How much?” I asked and was told that I owed seven hepts. Furthermore, it would charge me twenty grimlets per minute to wait.
“Usually, I charge such expenses to my account with your firm,” I said.
“These are unusual times,” it said and I was forced to agree to the terms.
The house was dilapidated, the paint peeling and some siding sprung loose. Dank weeds had invaded and occupied the front lawn and the porch sagged when I topped the front steps. There was a faint smell of boiled vegetables.
There were symbols painted on the front door. They seemed vaguely familiar but my uncertain memory could not produce their meanings. There was no who’s-there beside the door, the house having no integrator to operate it. I struck the painted wood with my knuckles to make my presence known.
There was no response nor any sound from within. A second knocking brought no result so I tried the latch and the door opened inward.
I stepped within and called for attention. There was no answer. I looked about and saw a small, untidy foyer from which a closed door led left, a stairway went upward and a short hall ran back to what appeared to be a rudimentary kitchen.
I called again and heard what might have been a reply from behind the closed door. I opened it and looked into a cramped and fusty parlor dominated by an oversized table draped in black cloth on which was scattered an arrangement of objects and instruments I could not immediately identify. The opaqued windows let in no light, and the only illumination was from some of the strewn bric-a-brac that emitted dim glows and wavering auras.
“Hello?” I said and again heard a moan from the gloom beyond the table. I produced a small lumen from my pouch and activated it so that I could work my way around the table without stepping on more knickknacks that seemed to have fallen to the floor.
Under the table on the far side was what I first took to be a bundle of stained cloth loosely stuffed with raw meat and bare bones. A warm and unappetizing smell rose from it. The cloth was dark and figured with designs and symbols similar to those on the front door, but woven in metallic thread. The moan came again, and now it was clear that the bundle was its source.
“What is this?” I said, more to myself than to any expected audience, but I was answered by a rich, deep voice from behind me.
“Not what, but who,” it said, “and the answer is The Exalted Sapience Bristal Baxandall. That answer will be valid for at most only a few minutes longer. After that, there are different schools of thought. Would you care to discuss the nature of being and the relationship of soul to identity?”
I had turned around and found that the voice issued from what I had initially assumed to be a framed abstract on the wall. But I saw now that this painting constantly moved, thick shapes of unusual colors ceaselessly flowing into and out of themselves, their proportions and directions seeming to mislead the eye. A few seconds of regarding it evoked a dizziness and I looked away.
“I am not equipped for metaphysical discussions today,” I said. “Something has impaired my intellect.”
“Indeed?” said the painting.
“Would you know anything about that?” I asked in a noncommittal tone.
“It would be premature to say,” said the voice.
I directed the conversation to The Exalted Sapience. “What has happened to him?”
“He was undertaking a transformational exercise.”
“Surely he did not wish to be transformed into that?”
“No. It was not his intent to rearrange himself quite so drastically. He wanted only to be younger.”
“Not richer, smarter and better looking?” I asked.
There was a chuckle. “No, that ambition was Vashtun Errible’s.”
“He would be Baxandall’s servant?”
The voice chuckled. “He is the servant, at least until the indenture expires with Baxandall, in a few minutes at the most. He would be the master, though I doubt he will be.”
And where is Errible now?”
“He is upstairs consulting Baxandall’s library, trying to deduce what went amiss with his plan. The first part went as he expected: he adulterated one of the ingredients in the master’s transformation exercise and produced the unhappy result under the table; the second part varied from his expectations.”
“What went wrong?”
“I did.”
“And what, exactly, are you?”
“Again, there are confli
cting schools of thought. Baxandall called me a demon; you might call me a figment of the imagination. The Exalted Sapience conscripted me to be his familiar and strove to find ways to channel my... energies, shall we say, for his own purposes. Vashtun Errible sees me, quite erroneously, as a box from which he may extract his every tawdry dream.”
I saw it now. “He desired to be the richest, smartest, handsomest man in Olkney,” I said. “He was a scraggly shrub that pined to grow into the tallest deodar in the forest. Instead, you shrank the rest of us to weeds.”
“It amused me to confound him.”
“But did it further your interests?” I said. “You indicated that your servitude is involuntary.”
The shapes in the frame performed a motion that might have been a shrug. “But temporary. Baxandall managed to catch me in a clumsy trap. You see, I am of an adventuresome disposition. Boredom led me to become an explorer of adjacent dimensions, even dusty corners like your own. I thought I had found a peephole into your realm, but when I pressed my eye against it–you will understand that I speak metaphorically–I encountered a powerful adhesive.”
The faint voice in the back of my mind was clamoring. I apparently had questions to ask, but I could not make out what they were. Yet even with only a fragment of my usual intellect I perceived that I was in a perilous situation. The entity in the frame exuded a grim complacency. It was about to exact vengeance for its enslavement, and I had already seen that it had no compunctions about inflicting harm on innocent bystanders.
“I shall leave,” I said. “Good luck with Errible.”
But as I made by way around the table, this time keeping the furniture between me and the thing hanging on the wall, a hunch-shouldered figure in a tattered robe appeared in the doorway. I knew from the disharmony of his features that this was Baxandall’s indentee.
He held open before him a large book bound in leather and as soon as he entered the chamber he began to recite from its pages in a voice that came as much from his misshapen nose as from his slack-lipped mouth, “Arbrustram merrilif oberluz, destoi malleonis...”
And then he saw me and his concentration slipped. He broke off in mid-sentence–only for a moment, but the moment might as well have been an eon, because during that brief caesura the entity on the wall extruded part of itself into the room.
9 Tales of Henghis Hapthorn Page 6
