by HJ Bellus
Table of Contents
Prologue
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 7
Chapter 28
Chapter 32
Epilogue
The Flight of Hope
HJ Bellus
Contents
Prologue
1. “I’ll never finish falling in love with you.” –Unknown
2. Years Later
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
5. “Her eyes held an endless kind of love for him.” -Karen Kingsbury
6. “Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.” -Mother Teresa
Chapter 7
8. “We are made of all those who have built and broke us.” –Atticus
9. “Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.” -H. Jackson Brown, Jr
10. “The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love.” -Hubert H. Humphrey
11. “A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.” -Josh Billings
12. “Our lives may have not fit together, but ohh did our souls know how to dance.” -K. Towne Jr
13. “Courage, dear heart.” C.S. Lewis
14. “Love isn't something you find. Love is something that finds you.” -Loretta Young
15. “True love stories never have endings.” -Richard Bach
16. “A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and man cannot live without love.” -Max Muller
17. “You can't blame gravity for falling in love.” -Albert Einstein
18. “Hide your eyes darling people can see your heart through them.” –Unknown
19. “You’ll forever be my always.” -Unknown
20. “Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.” -Kinky Friedman
21. “We are born of love; Love is our mother.” -Rumi
22. “Love is a trap. When it appears, we see only its light, not its shadows.” -Paulo Coelho
23. “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”
24. “a sky full of stars and he was staring at her” Atticus
25. “Always be brave.” –HJ Bellus
26. “And in the middle of the chaos, was you.” -Unknown
27. “What’s meant to be will always find a way.” -Unknown
Chapter 28
29. “Life is a game and true love is a trophy.” -Rufus Wainwright
30. “What I love most about this crazy life is the adventure of it.”
31. “There is more pleasure in loving than in being beloved.” -Thomas Fuller
Chapter 32
33. “Intense love does not measure, it just gives.” -Mother Teresa
34. “I have found that if you love life, life will love you back.”
35. “If you have only one smile in you give it to the people you love.” -Maya Angelou
36. “The course of true love never did run smooth.” -William Shakespeare
37. Eight Years Later
38. “You are my today and all of my tomorrows.” -Leo Christopher
Epilogue
Craving Midnight by A.M. Hargrove
Acknowledgments
Playlist-
THE FLIGHT OF HOPE
Copyright © 2017 by HJ Bellus. Small Town Girl Books, LLC.
Editor: Emma Mack, Ultra Editing
Proofreader: Julie Deaton @Deaton Author Service
Formatting: HJ Bellus
Cover Designer: Cassy Roop @Pink Ink Designs
Photographer: Perrywinkle Photographer
Model: Shailey Collier
No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Thank you for respecting the hard work of HJ Bellus.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to locales, events, business establishments, or actual persons—living or dead—is entirely coincidental.
Dedication-
Here’s to the heartaches that didn’t break us. You’ll never know until you dive head first into the murky waters and pray you come out floating.
Prologue
“For me, there is only you.” –Unknown
There are people. Rows and rows of cars. Black everywhere. I can’t feel my feet as my high heels sink into the grass. My face is numb, as are my fingers. The searing pain burning my insides is alive and well.
Momma urges me down into a chair draped in velvet. It’s front row. My view? Two caskets with flowers covering every surface. The sweet, floral smell is making me so sick; to the point, I clutch my stomach.
“You okay?” Mom whispers in my ear.
I shake my head. If I open my mouth, a torrent of emotions will seep out. Sara screams in the background. I peer over my shoulder to see Maddie with tears streaming down her face, trying to soothe her upset toddler. She offers me a comforting smile, but I don’t return it. I can’t stand the sight of Sara, and her cries only infuriate me.
“Mom, shut that baby up now.”
“Marlee, that’s enough.” She clutches my hand.
“Mom.” This time my voice escalates to a scream. “I can’t take it!”
“Okay. Okay.” Mom rises, and it’s only minutes later until Sara’s cries fade.
I turn to see the backside of Maddie making her way to the parking lot. She glances back one more time before disappearing behind a row of trees. She’s devastated, but I don’t have it in me to care.
Silence. Caskets. Flowers.
The pastor welcomes everyone before the Military Honor begins. A muted bugle starts to play “Taps,” the well-known song for a fallen soldier. I stare at the man in his uniform playing the song. He’s only feet away. The song should be so much clearer, but it’s not. I’m drowning.
Once the song is over, our country’s beautiful flag is stretched before me and my family. The soldiers are meticulous as they present, fold the flag, and salute. Why couldn’t it have been them? Anyone, but who God chose to take.
A soldier with bright blue eyes kneels before me. His pristine white glove is on top of the flag. Mom tries to get me to stand, but I refuse to. Dad’s arm wraps around my waist, pulling me to my feet. He keeps me clutched to his side.
Nightmare after nightmare has played out in my sleep of this scenario and now I’m living it. My knees begin to quake, the effects of the pills wearing off, and I sob. The first, wracking my chest with a brutal force. I can feel my sternum crack under pressure then it becomes hard to breathe. The soldier’s words are barely recognizable.
“This flag is presented on behalf of a grateful nation and the United States Army, as a token of appreciation for your loved one’s honorable and faithful service.”
Dad grabs my hand, holding it out to receive the flag. The red, white, and blue material burns my palm. My gut reaction is to let go of it in hopes of making this whole scene disappear. Dad won’t let me. He’s my rock right now.
The smell. The sight. Every damn element destroys me to the point it hurts to think about surviving. Once I’m able to pull in oxygen, a brutal force slams into my spine, reminding me of what I had. It was all taken away in a split second. The decision to run a red stoplight unraveled my past, present, and future.
My life flipped upside down. That doesn’t accurately represent what happened. I died that day. My soul vanished, and my heart quit beating, yet, I’m still alive with blood pumping through my veins, but I was a casualty on the side of the road.
I had everything, and it was the
idyllic American dream. Hell, some would label me as spoiled, and I wouldn’t have argued. It was always my life. I was the center of everyone’s attention. A girl and then a woman who had to be the best at everything no matter the circumstance. I had no friends. I had him. Then he was gone.
“Birdie, lunch is ready. Your favorite, sweetie, grilled cheese and tomato soup.”
I peer up to my mom, regretting losing the scent of him once my nose leaves the sheets. His scent is barely there, and all it does is shatter the already broken pieces of my heart. I’m forced to bury my face back into the bed sheets. I do my best to shake my head. She knows I don’t want to eat, but she’s never given up on me.
Mom has made my favorite meals day after day. Grilled cheese and tomato soup used to make my world spin, and I’d squeal like a little girl. But, then again, I used to love life.
“Baby girl, you need to eat something.” The bed dips and then her familiar hand soothes trails over my dirty hair.
I shake my head again. My raw throat is sliced open by agony, making it sore, dripping with pain and blood. I’m unable to speak a word.
“Here, Birdie.” She nudges my shoulder. “Take these, and when you wake up, I’ll have another meal ready for you.”
I hold my palm open and hear the crinkle of the water bottle placed next to me on the bed. These three little, white pills have been the only things holding me together. It’s the magic keeping my shell of a body glued. But I’m tired, so sick of being numb, tumbling into slumber, and then springing right back into heartbreak. When the effects of the pills wear off, it’s unbearable to open my eyes. I hear it, smell it, and feel death all over again.
My chest grips my heart. My vision fills with their caskets we buried in the fertile soil of the earth. The smell of fresh dirt was tearing me apart, and all the while, I sat there and watched their bodies sink down six feet.
“It’s not fair, Mom. He fought for our country and then…” It hurts too much to finish my sentence. My words die off like they have since the doctors hit me with the news.
“I know, Birdie.” Her tender lips pepper kisses all over the side of my exposed face. “You have to push on, baby girl; so many love and need you. You’ll always have us. Always.”
I remain silent, waiting for her to leave the room. The pills roll around in my palm. The silent clinking of them screams to the point of gifting me with a migraine.
It’s at this moment I decide I can’t stay here. I don’t belong here any longer. The place I called home for so many years and then built a future with my husband doesn’t belong to me anymore. I’m a foreign stranger trapped in the confines of a house.
The pills fall without sound to the sheets. I take one long inhale of his scent, branding it to memory forever. I’ll never ever forget the man who was my first love and my only love who gave me everything. He was and always will be my best friend. No one will ever replace his force. It’s too painful to stay. Death is screaming my name and clawing for my soul.
One slit of the wrist with the sharp edge of my fishing knife or a forceful stab to the heart. That’s what I want. I hunger for the blood to drain from my body until my heart ceases. I won’t have time to bleed out in peace before someone barges in, checking on me. My parents and his parents are enduring the same kind of hell I’m stuck in. I can’t put them through more pain, but I can’t breathe here. It’s too damn much.
I have one option.
Run and never come back to my personal hell.
I take his shirt and the bag next to our bed and do just that, never looking back again.
Sorry, Mom.
1
“I’ll never finish falling in love with you.” –Unknown
“Momma, Bentley is here!” I dance in place, my fishing pole in hand.
“Just a minute, Birdie,” she sings back with the clatter of the oven accompanying her voice.
“Mom!” I holler, knowing it’s my rude voice and not caring.
I’ve been to so many new houses, but this one is different. It’s gonna be my forever home like puppies get because Papa Wally is here. Momma and I get to stay with him at his homestead while Daddy stays on the base. It’s all in the same town. I don’t have to ever move again. No more new schools, making friends, and sick tummies.
Papa Wally’s place has everything. He lets me do it all. And my new friend, Bentley, is here to go fishing. I stamp my foot feeling my temper coming on strong.
“Mom!” I stomp my foot again harder this time about to lose it.
“Birdie, enough.” Her soothing palm pats my head. “You need to learn to control that temper of yours. You can go to the pond for two hours, okay? It’s going to be your job to watch the time. Use your watch we bought in town the other day.”
“Okay, bye, Mom.” I swing the door open, beginning to jet out the door.
I’m pulled back by the collar of my shirt. It makes me madder. I feel the heat on my cheeks and have to bite down on the inside of my cheek.
“Birdie, what did I just tell you?” Mom is in my face not joking around.
I pry my gaze to the side to shoot Bentley a grin. “Two hours and to check my watch.”
“Do you cross the highway?” she asks.
“No, Mom.” I roll my eyes annoyed.
“You do know I can keep you home, right?” she asks.
No, Mom. I think sarcastically.
“Yes, Mom. I’m just so excited. Papa Wally said fishing was gonna be good today and he’s going to meet me and Bentley down at the pond. I’ll be home in two hours and check my watch. We won’t cross the highways. Okay, love you, bye.”
This time I escape her grip. I don’t miss her sigh and the slapping sound of her palms against her apron. I’m the only kid and just don’t get why she’s always so stressed and cranky. Laundry and cooking can’t be all that bad.
“Be safe, Birdie.”
“Love you, Mom.”
Bentley nudges me with his free elbow while juggling the pole and worms in his other hand. He’s such a fool. I only have a pole in my hand, and the can of corn is tucked in my back pocket. Papa Wally taught me well. I feel bad that I’m about to out fish my new best friend, but not that bad.
“You ready, Birdie?” Bentley drags out the damn nickname Momma always calls me.
“Don’t be a jerk like P.J. at school or you can’t go to my fishing hole!”
“Birdie, really? P.J., the biggest jerk of the class?”
“Don’t call me Birdie. Only my momma calls me that.” I elbow him right back in the ribs.
I growl at the thought of the dumb nickname. Momma always says it’s because I flit and flutter everywhere and am always into everyone else’s business except my own. She’s crazy because that doesn’t even make an ounce of sense.
“Okay, Birdie.” This time there’s no taunting in his voice.
We run side-by-side through Papa Wally’s pastures, ducking under the fences we need to, and then racing each other to the pond. Our elbows fly and our arms swing as fast as they can.
We are breathless when we reach the pond. Both so exhausted we can’t speak a word. Bentley is my first friend that I know will last forever. He’s like my forever puppy friend.
I never have to move again because Papa Wally said so. He’s tired of my family moving for the damn military, but he also loves the damn military, so it confuses me. All I know is Momma, Dad, and Papa Wally told me I don’t have to go to a new school again because we are going to live here forever. It’s a good thing because I’ve heard fourth grade is hard. I want to be able to stay in one place now. I need some turf in this area.
“Slowpokes.”
Bentley and I both look up to see Papa Wally and Bill, Bentley’s grandpa. His grandpa and mine with their poles cast in the pond. Their cooler lid is propped open with fish already on ice and their adult beverages fire up my competitive side.
Daddy is always telling me that my fighting side is gonna get the best of me. It’s nonsense.
“Papa Wally,” I scold him.
It barely comes out. I’m still bent over with one palm on my kneecap. Bentley recovers faster than me, and that just won’t fly in my book. Still huffing, I stride over to Papa Wally and sit on the edge of his chair. He kisses me on the cheek. He’s the only person whose kisses I’ll never wipe off.
“Cast in.” He points his hand. “For sure bite right there.”
Remaining perched on the edge of the chair, I follow his instructions. I glance over to Bentley who’s doing the same thing. My flare to be the best fuels right up.
“Got a bite!” we both holler in unison.
I reel in my line as fast as I can even though I know better. The excitement is too much. A beautiful, huge trout dangles on the other end of my pole.
“Yes!” I fist pump the air, nearly losing my pole all together.
Once my thundering heart calms down a bit, I glance over to Bentley and smile. Mine is way bigger.
“Baby girl, don’t gloat when it comes to fishing now.” Papa Wally pats the top of my head.
“Don’t you see the size of this bugger?” I point, kneeling down, steadying my trembling fingers to get the hook out of its mouth.
His hearty chuckle is the only answer I get while prying on the hook. The thing isn’t budging, so I give it one more go. White flashes of pain shoot through my hand; I pull it back, and it only gets worse.
A chorus of wails and cries fly from my mouth. “Ouch. Ow. Son of a biscuit.”
Bentley’s at my side crouching down next to me. “Don’t move, Birdie.”
Hot tears roll down my cheeks as the blood streaming from the tip of my finger comes into view. Bentley works the hook with gentle ease until it’s out and then wraps my finger in the hem of his shirt.
I use the back of my hand to wipe away the tears and then fight to control my breathing. I’m riddled with hiccups and gasps.
“Nice fish.”
I look up to see Bentley smiling down at me.
