“Going up?” The weird fellow let out a short bark of a laugh, more like the shriek of a crazy man than anything else, ending with a sudden “meep.” “Don’t go up myself.” The yellow (not yellowed now that he was up close) eyes shifted slowly between the two of us. “Two menfolk, one with no heart, going up … one named Frank …” The voice trailed off into an incoherent gibber as the thing swung to his feet. I could see now why his footsteps had clicked as he had walked.
Instead of shoes or even normal bare feet, there were half-cloven hooves only half hidden under a layer of eighties era leg warmers. As the weirdo turned, his pale white hands with thick fingers curled and what I had taken for long fingernails in need of clippers sprang into filth-crusted claws.
Yeah, there’s giving the benefit of the doubt and then there’s being a naïve idiot. I drew down on our new friend, aiming right between those yellow eyes. “Okay, pal, cool it down!”
Whatever he was, he didn’t listen. He was also surprisingly fast, despite the hunched posture and loping gait. The thing lunged forward with no fear of the 9mm pointed at him, so I squeezed the trigger. The crack of the bullet came right after the creature backhanded my gun arm.
The shot went down and wide, but still slammed into the thing’s side, tearing through four layers of shitty clothes and into the rubbery flesh below. The blood was very red and very human-looking as the beast let out a keening meep and staggered back. Off in the distance, that cry was picked up by other “meeps” in the night, mixing with the growing sound of a car’s engine. A BIG engine.
Shutting that out for the moment, I re-centered my aim, bracing myself against the back of the bench, but our attacker was already throwing himself forward again … right into a translucent wall of force courtesy of Gabriela’s spell. The rubbery quality of his flesh and skin must have gone down into the bones as well, as he bounced off like a Happy Fun Ball and into the road.
His scarf had been torn away from the bounce and as he rose to his cloven feet, I could see the twisted, vaguely canine muzzle, still hairless, and the slavering, sharp teeth. In fact, it was really well lit by the headlights of the oncoming 1958 Thunderbird convertible tearing down the road at it.
It was a mercy to the twisted monstrosity to put it out of its misery with a double-tap from the Beretta right in the skull before it was run-over by the muscle car. The vehicle was a red-and-gold blur, the whitewall tires squealing as they ground over the corpse of the thing. With the top down, I could make out a driver and two passengers as the car hit a sweet bootlegger’s reverse, tearing up pavement as it skidded to a halt down the street from us.
I didn’t know anyone with blue skin like the driver, but I recognized the passengers before they even pulled up, even if I hadn’t recognized the voices crying out, “Frank! Gabriela! It’s us!”
Sitting next to the blue-skinned, long-haired Hindu was the neckless barrel body of Tyrone, with Molly standing up in the backseat and waving like an idiot. I’ll be honest, I was never happier to see two people in my whole life.
“Whatcha waitin’ for, ye two?” she cackled like a madwoman. “Ain’t ye lookin’ for a ride to Heaven?”
As we both gaped, the Thunderbird rolled up the bus stop, Tyrone smiling like he’d won the lottery, while the blue guy, a studded leather biker jacket draped around his slender-if-chiseled torso (and nothing under that jacket, to be clear), smiled with perfect, white teeth. The only thing I could tell for certain about the power of the presence in front of us is this, no doubt, was another god. “I’m sorry to keep you waiting. The cross-dimensional barriers are down, but it still takes a bit for some messages to travel.” He put an open hand out towards us. “I’m Krishna and this” – he slapped the side of the car door – “is Garuda.”
13
Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, Mom says incessantly, and she’s usually right. I wasn’t going to question this particular horse, especially as it was hauling two friends back from what I was sure was their deaths.
“Don’t stand there gaping like a buncha goons,” Tyrone grumbled. “All that meeping means there’s a small army of ghouls coming now.”
Only a deaf person could miss the gibbering howling and calls echoing through the night. “Right, got it,” I said with a nod. We could have our touching reunion scene once we were out of here. “I’m calling shotgun.”
Gabriela’s shock turned into a smile as she followed me to the Thunderbird. “With how horrible everything has been going, I can’t even say how happy I am to see you two right now.”
Molly stuck out her tongue at me but obligingly flipped into the backseat. Unlike Blue Man Group’s pristine clothes, both Molly and Tyrone’s gear had seen better days. They were torn up and splattered with ooze and gore. Otherwise they looked no worse for the wear. In fact, they were both grinning like insane people.
“Slide over and suck it in, boyo.” Molly shoved an elbow into the big guy’s side. “We’ve gotta make room before the nasties be nippin’ at our heels again!”
Tyrone grunted and tried to comply, huffing and puffing as he squished up against the side of the car. “Worry more about the ghouls and less about my fat ass!” It came off more as good-natured sniping than actual bitching.
Krishna smiled, showing pure white teeth as he snapped his fingers. The car’s door obediently snapped open as the engine let out a shrill roar, more like an eagle’s cry than any of Detroit’s fine creations. “I will do my best to enlighten all of you, but first we need to get clear of the stop.”
The meeping bounced back and forth, growing closer and closer as we piled into Garuda. The doc crowded into the back next to Molly while I took the seat next to Krishna. He might not have been a fan of shirts, but he did have on well-worn jeans and black leather boots with a yellow silk sash tied about his waist. Still pretty normal other than the blue skin until I laid eyes on the large, ornate rod of gleaming gold with a wide, heavy tip that looked perfect for cracking skulls, leaning right next to the stick shift on Krishna's side.
I didn’t bother with the seat belt as the white leather upholstery creaked under me. “What the hell are these ghouls anyway?”
As the door slammed closed on its own accord, a shuffling army of the same hunched over, rubbery fleshed things came into view down the street, barely illuminated by the powerful headlights of the Thunderbird. Like our first friend, most wore grungy street clothes but a fair few eschewed clothes altogether, their pale bodies smeared with dirt, mud, and other nastiness.
Krishna gunned the engine as the doc provided my answer. “Things from the Dreamlands. Ghouls eat dead flesh especially that of humans. They usually aren’t directly hostile, but their master is said to be one of the Great Old Ones. Still, even with the barriers down, how could so many arrive here on Earth so quickly?”
“Dinnae matter to me, Doctor dear,” Molly grinned, producing her wand and yet another knife from some hidden pocket. “If we have to carve our way clear, so be it!”
Never a dull moment, eh? I raised my pistol and took aim at the first beast in line, but held my fire.
“We’re going to break through,” the blue god announced. “Once Garuda is out of the influence of the magic here, we are in the clear.” His foot caressed the accelerator, sending a rumble through the car. It sounded more like a challenge than mere engine noise and the twenty-some-odd ghouls loping down on us seemed to respond to it, letting out a defiant roar.
I could hear Gabby’s whispered Latin behind me alongside Molly’s knife sliding on steel and the loud click of Tyrone’s safety going off. Had to admit, there was a feeling of invincibility in the air, an infectious insanity I could only assume was coming off our godly driver. It felt good to feel in control for once.
“Don’t spare the horsepower, friend,” I smirked and took the first shot.
The Beretta’s report was louder than your average starter pistol, but it worked just as well. As the bullet struck home, putting a bloody hole in the chest of the ghou
l, Krishna drove the pedal down to the floor. In response, Garuda shot forward like crimson lightning and tore into the leading edge of the monstrous wave with a thunderous crash.
Bodies slammed and bounced off the front end, sending ghouls scattering to get clear of the divine vehicle. A few braver ones tried to leap onto the car, using their brothers and sisters as a buffer, but got nothing for their troubles but an extra-large can of whoop-ass opened in their direction. If Tyrone or I didn’t shoot their asses, Gabriela’s wards or Molly’s knife did the trick.
It was a brief but frenetic symphony of violence, to be sure, a whirlwind of speeding steel, shrill cries, and swirling gunsmoke. I couldn’t tell you how long it was before we tore through their slavering ranks, but the battle was truly over before it started. Outclassed, outmatched, and definitely out-styled, the ghouls were left in our exhaust fumes as we sped down the street in strangely good cheer for being covered in ghastly blood and bits of moldering ghoul flesh.
After another block, there came the sense of relief heralded by the sounds of traffic and the scramble of modern life. You never know how much you miss that constant buzz of meaningless white noise, even the squeals of shitty pop music blaring from an open car window, until they’ve been shut off.
Krishna flipped on the windshield wipers, cutting the thin red sheen of blood off the windscreen. “While that was a fun diversion, what would you fine mortals say to blowing this pop stand, as they say in these parts?” He hefted the golden rod and pointed upward into the cloudy night sky. “You still do want to go to Heaven, yes?”
Gabriela leaned forward, wiping ghoul blood off her cheek. “That’s where Max is, so that’s where we’re going.”
Krishna flipped his hair and laughed. “Hold on! Garuda’s going to spread his wings!”
The magic was thick in the air as golden light streamed off the leading edges of the car’s hood. Metal creaked and groaned as the frame expanded, panels flexing and melting into wings of steel. The hood stretched and narrowed, the ridge and hood ornament turning into the center of a shining beak.
I decided to put on my seat belt and just go with it because if I tried to rationalize what had just happened, I’d go loopy. The driver in the Jeep next to us almost rear-ended the sedan ahead of him as he stared transfixed as Garuda flapped his giant metal wings, launching the metal bird-car into the sky.
It’s hard to say when we left Earth and went somewhere else. There wasn’t the abrupt stomach-churning sensation I’d come to associate with the portals I’d used in the past. No, once I had gotten adjusted to the ringing sounds of Garuda’s wing beats, harmonic in a way similar to the chiming of the Ophanim, it was actually a pleasant flight, so much so that I barely noticed when we broke through a cloud bank and emerged from the other side into broad daylight.
“We have a few hours of peace before we come onto the gates of the One’s Heaven, my friends,” Krishna said cheerfully, taking his hands off the wheel as he turned towards the center of the car. “Make the most of it, for I doubt there will be much peace to follow in the days to come.”
I nodded, trying not to harsh the good vibe by looking too grim. The thing was that I wasn’t looking forward to what I knew was coming. Who relished the idea of being in dispute with God? Then again, a lot of my preconceptions about what gods were, even the Big Guy Upstairs, were being shaken.
To take my mind off of that, I glanced at Molly and Tyrone. The waifish girl had practically crawled into Bluto’s lap to make more room, wiping her knife clean on her pants leg while he was looking vaguely embarrassed. “So who wants to start with Heaven Airlines’ Story Hour?” I gestured around at the car-bird and the god beside me. “How’d you guys get away from Monster Truck? And where’d you meet up with our friendly neighborhood god here?” I flashed a smile at Krishna. “No offense, I’m not too up on my Hindu stuff past the guys handing out pamphlets at the airport.”
“Technically, I am more of an aspect of Vishnu, but to delve into the full cosmology of my family and our faith would take away from the important stories here,” Krishna smiled with a cheery laugh. “Those stories being that of you and your fellow heroes here.”
Gabriela’s nose wrinkled. “I’ve been hearing that word a lot lately.” She glanced sidelong at me, who was sharing her look of vague discomfort. “I’m not sure it sits well with me. I just want to find my son.”
Tyrone seemed happy to have something to focus on than the attractive crazy lady in his lap. “Well, I like it. False humility doesn’t do me any good.” He patted Molly on the shoulder. “Hell, after what we’ve been through, I’ll slap a dozen hero badges on my chest without hesitation.”
“I’ll second that, laddie,” Molly grinned as she slid her knife into a thigh sheath. “Oh, Frankie, ye should’ve seen it. It was glorious!
“There we were, aye, just Tyrone and me with that big pile o’ color-changin’ snot bearin’ down on us! Me big boyo here was spittin’ fire as I cut away at it snickety-snack! There was goop slingin’ left and right, but whatever we cut back kept limping back into the slimy bastard, but no matter how bleak it looked, we weren’t goin’ to roll over and show our bellies, no sir!”
“Like I’d expect anything less for you two crazy kids.” I tried to match their enthusiasm but the constant spilling of blood and sweat was wearing on me. The whole “one-step-forward-two-steps-back” aspect of the whole fucking situation didn’t help, especially considering we’d nearly succeeded rescuing her son twice now. Then again, the third time’s the charm, right?
“We were holding our own pretty damned well, even with how big that snot pile was,” Tyrone added. “Hell, we were burning it down to a nub, would’ve finished it off when the rest of those rust buckets navigated through the wreckage. Even then, I had the bright idea of getting us down an alley, limit how many of them could come at us at once.”
“I still say it’d a been a glorious last stand to fight ‘em on even ground.” Molly was certifiable, yeah, but I’d never taken her for a full-on death wish. Of course, she’d been through a lot, betraying everything she’d been raised to believe in and the men and women she’d fought alongside for years. That’ll put some crazy ideas into your head, ya know?
“Don’t talk like that, Molly.” Gabriela put a hand on Molly’s knee, giving her a reproachful glance despite the soft smile. “No one’s dying on a hill, especially for something as silly as pride.”
The redhead stuck her tongue out at Gabby, but stopped when I weighed in. “She’s right, kid. No one in this car wants to be the one to bury you.” Tyrone was already nodding (at least as much as a man with no neck can nod) and I glanced at Krishna.
“If I have any inkling of the future, you have many more battles to fight and victories to take before your time on the Earth is at an end, Molly O’Shaughnessy.” Though the words themselves were heavy, the god’s tone remained light. Unlike the imperious Zeus or the soft-spoken Apollo, talking with Krishna felt more like hanging out with a best buddy.
“Oh fine then,” Molly said with a roll of her eyes. “It’d still have been amazing.” She turned the vague frown into a smirk. “Anyway, we had our backs to this dead-end alley, aye? Threw down what wards we had left and flipped over a dumpster. The oily bastards couldn’t squeeze in with the cars attached, so the cultists got off their sorry duffs and piled out. Tried to flood us with numbers, they did!”
Tyrone laughed. “That’s where they fucked up. Monster cars are one thing. A bunch of mutant assholes who spent more time chanting in sewers than kicking asses is another.” His ugly mug looked almost handsome with the fond look he gave the Irish girl. “We took those assholes down hard, is what I think we’re getting to right, Moll?”
“Aye, we were about to have to stack their bodies like cord wood to keep fightin’! Cu Chulainn woulda been proud!” Molly nudged Tyrone with an elbow. “But Ty and I were still good an’ trapped, to be sure. Those devil cars were prowling like hungry wolves.”
I glanc
ed sidelong at Gabriela, who just so happened to be doing the same to me. We exchanged a look and a bit of a smile. Not at the content of the tale, educational as it was, but I think we could both see the Wonder Duo doing some serious bonding. Evidently Tyrone would get the girl. Who knew?
“This would be where I came into the picture,” Krishna said, tying back his long locks to keep them under control in the wind. “The walls going down caught everyone’s attention, of course, and my people already had our watchful eyes on the world when it happened.” Seeing my uncomprehending look, he smiled. “Though we were forbidden by your Peacekeepers to directly interfere in the world, wherever we have worshippers, we gods can perceive the world. Our followers, after all, are the life of us beings and the source of our power.”
“Right, that makes sense,” I nodded. “There’re millions and millions of Hindus around the world, if not billions.” Rubbing my chin, I thought out loud, “It’s pretty damned easy to forget, growing up in the States, that there’s still some pretty big religions out there that aren’t just worshipping God in some respect.”
“Very true, Frank.” Krishna gestured to Molly and Tyrone. “But back to the end of this particular tale. Your San Diego stood out as the epicenter of the disturbance and the point of return for the Old Ones. As soon as the paths between worlds had stabilized, Garuda and I rushed to the heart of the problem, hoping to slow the advance of the corruption.
“Needless to say, following the slimy trail of the shoggoths, those slimy beasts you speak of and powerful servitors of the outer beings, took me straight into the battlefield. I was fortunate enough to arrive just as the two other beasts had torn free from their bindings and were oozing into the alley where your friends had made their stand.”
Krishna patted the gold mace at his side. “Powerful and ancient they may be, the monsters stood little chance upon my arrival. Unlike some of the other pantheons that still cling to existence, my kin and I have returned to the height of our power.”
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