Her eyes filled with tears again. If the situation had been bad before, it could only get worse.
He couldn’t believe he had done that!
Felipe paced his room, but there was no way he could ease the agony he felt. He had almost made love to Rebecca…
Hell, he had made love to her! Why should he spare himself when the truth had to be faced? He had kissed and caressed her in the most intimate way, and even though technically they hadn’t made love it had felt as though they had. He’d felt more while he’d been kissing her than he’d felt after spending a whole night in bed with another woman.
The thought brought him up short. Kissing Rebecca had felt more wonderful than making love even to Teresa. With Rebecca he hadn’t been able to keep any part of him separate. His whole being—everything he was—had been caught up by the need to love her. If he hadn’t felt her withdrawal, who knew what might have happened? But it was the reason why she had drawn back that caused him such pain.
Had Rebecca suddenly thought about Antonio? And had she been ashamed of what they’d been doing?
He swore softly. He was too experienced not to know that she’d been with him every step of the way, that her desire had been just as great as his. But had it been right to make her feel like that? Was it right to want her this way? She was the mother of his brother’s son, the woman Antonio had loved, and he had been making love to her.
He doubted if he could have felt more wretched as he was assailed by guilt. What made it even worse was knowing that Rebecca was probably in her room at that very moment, torturing herself with the thought of how she had betrayed Antonio.
She had no need to blame herself, though. She was still a young woman with her whole life ahead of her. Even though she had loved Antonio, she couldn’t live on her memories for ever. Antonio wouldn’t have wanted her to—he knew that without the shadow of a doubt. Antonio would have wanted Rebecca to be happy.
The thought seemed to wash away his guilt and it no longer felt as though he needed to reproach himself. Antonio would have wanted only the best for Rebecca and Josh, that they would be loved and cared for, cherished. Maybe he was being presumptuous, but all of a sudden Felipe knew that he wanted to be the one to care for them. The question was, would Rebecca let him? Would she trust him to help her, tell him why she was afraid?
She might if he was honest with her, a small voice inside his head suggested, and he laughed.
Why on earth hadn’t he thought of doing that before? He knew in his heart that she hadn’t used Antonio for his money, that everything she had done had been with the very best of intentions, so maybe it was time he told her that.
His heart lifted. He would talk to Rebecca in the morning, tell her how he felt then ask her to tell him the truth. No matter what this secret was that she was keeping from him, it couldn’t be that bad. They would find a way to work it out, he and Rebecca.
Together.
Becky was up before six and had Josh washed and dressed a short time later. She took him into the kitchen and let him crawl around the floor while she made him some breakfast.
He was still a little unsteady and kept going backwards instead of forwards, but he would soon get the hang of it. In another few weeks he would be walking and talking, growing from a baby into an inquisitive little boy. She only hoped that she would be around to watch him growing up, but there were no guarantees. Not after last night and what had happened. Felipe might use it as the perfect excuse to get rid of her.
A sob caught in her throat but she refused to cry. Tears weren’t going to help. She had to face what she had done and deal with the repercussions it was bound to cause.
She picked up Josh and put him in his high chair then helped him spoon cereal into his mouth. He was at the stage of wanting to do everything himself so mealtimes were rather messy affairs. She was just wiping up a dollop of cereal that had ended up on the floor when she looked up and saw Felipe standing in the doorway, watching her.
‘Buenos dias,’ he said politely, coming into the room and pausing beside Josh’s chair to ruffle his hair.
‘Good morning,’ she replied, praying that he couldn’t hear the strain in her voice. She finished cleaning up the mess then went to the sink to rinse out the cloth, glancing round when Felipe reached for the coffee-pot on the counter beside her.
‘Would you like coffee, Rebecca?’ he asked in the same perfectly polite tone, which was starting to grate on her nerves.
‘If you’re having some,’ she said equally politely, then felt herself flush when she caught the amused look he gave her.
Turning, she took a towel off the rack, dried her hands then went to get Josh a banana. She sliced it up and put it in a dish, taking her time because she wasn’t sure how to handle the situation. Should she mention what had happened last night, or wait and see if Felipe brought it up?
‘I’m making toast—would you like some as well?’
She jumped when he spoke, casting an uncertain glance over her shoulder at him. He was slicing bread to go in the toaster and he smiled calmly at her. ‘You really should eat something, Rebecca. You didn’t have any dinner last night and you must be hungry.’
‘I’ll have a slice if you’re making some,’ she said quickly, afraid that mention of dinner would lead to other topics.
She took a deep breath as he turned to put the bread in the toaster, trying to blot out the images that filled her mind. It would serve no purpose recalling how his mouth had felt when he’d kissed her, how his hands had caressed her, how his skin had smelled…
Josh knocked his dish onto the floor and Becky jumped. She bent to pick it up, but her hands were trembling so much that it was an effort to make them obey her. Slippery bits of banana slid through her fingers and she bit her lip in dismay.
‘Let me do that.’
Felipe gently grasped her shoulders and helped her to her feet, and she was shocked by the tenderness in his eyes. He quickly cleared up the mess and wiped Josh’s sticky fingers then lifted him out of his chair and put him on the floor.
Becky looked round uncertainly, feeling at a loss to know what to do. Felipe seemed to have taken charge, making her superfluous. When he placed a cup of coffee on the breakfast bar, along with a plate of buttered toast, she automatically sat down.
He poured himself a cup of coffee and sat beside her, and she flinched when his arm brushed hers. All of a sudden the tension in the kitchen was palpable. She could feel it and knew that he could, too.
‘What happened last night wasn’t planned, Rebecca.’
His voice was perfectly level so that for a moment she didn’t realise what he meant. She felt a wash of colour run up her face when it sank in. She doubted if she could have sounded so matter-of-fact, but maybe he found it easier to deal with the thought of them making love than she did. It was an effort to keep her mind focused when he continued in the same even tone.
‘Nevertheless, I do not regret that it happened. In fact, I’m glad that it did because it has helped me see this situation far more clearly.’
She looked at him, unable to hide her surprise. ‘What do you mean?’
‘That I’ve been wrong about you, Rebecca.’ He shrugged but she could see a nerve beating in his jaw and realised that he was nowhere near as calm as he was pretending to be. ‘You aren’t who I thought you were.’
‘I don’t know what you expect me to say,’ she said hoarsely. The statement had come like a bolt from the blue and she had no idea how to react. ‘You had formed your own opinion of me before we even met.’
‘I know. And now I realise that I was completely wrong about you.’
His voice was so gentle that she couldn’t find it in her to resist when he turned her to face him. ‘I know in my heart that you aren’t the scheming, mercenary woman I thought you to be. I apologise for having thought that of you in the first place.’
His fingers brushed the soft skin under her jaw and she shivered because it had triggered memories of t
he night before. It was an effort to focus on what he was saying when he continued in the same butter-soft tone.
‘You are a kind and caring woman, a loving mother to Josh and a skilled nurse. I know all that now, Rebecca, and I admit that I was wrong. What I don’t understand is why you let me believe the worst when you could have told me the truth. What are you hiding from me?’
Felipe held his breath. Would Rebecca find the courage to tell him? Would she open her heart and share this dreadful secret with him so that he could help her?
He had barely slept with worrying about it, but he didn’t dare let her see how important it was to him. He had to make her trust him, had to make her understand that he wouldn’t do anything to hurt her. All of a sudden that seemed more important than anything. She had suffered enough and she shouldn’t be allowed to endure any more.
‘I…I don’t know what you mean,’ she began, then stopped and swallowed.
He heard the dry click of her throat and his heart ached because of what she must be going through. It was obvious how afraid she was and he wished with all his heart that he could think of a way to make this easier for her, but there was nothing he could do. He had taken the first step and she had to take the next all by herself.
‘I’m glad you realise that I never deceived Antonio,’ she said at last with a catch in her voice. ‘I loved him too much to hurt him.’
Felipe’s heart contracted on a spasm of pain. Even though it made him feel awful to admit it, it hurt to hear her say how much she had loved his brother. It was an effort to keep the ache out of his voice, but he couldn’t and wouldn’t put her under any more pressure.
‘And I know how much Antonio loved you because he told me in his last letter.’ He sighed when he saw the sadness in her beautiful eyes. ‘I chose to ignore that and believe only what I wanted to believe, but now I want to know the truth. What haven’t you told me? Has it something to do with Josh?’
He knew he was right the moment he saw panic flare in her eyes. This secret Rebecca was keeping concerned his nephew, but for the life of him he couldn’t imagine what it was. The boy was obviously Antonio’s son so that couldn’t be the problem…
She suddenly pushed back her chair and stood up. Bending, she scooped Josh up into her arms. Her face was set into tight lines that hinted at the strain she was under, but she faced him squarely.
‘You’re imagining things, Felipe.’ She shrugged but he’d seen the tremor that had raced through her slender body and knew that she was lying. ‘I’m not keeping anything from you.’
He stood up abruptly, knowing that it was pointless trying to press her at the moment. She was too afraid to tell him the truth even after what had happened between them last night…
Maybe because of what had happened, a small voice inside him whispered. Maybe she regretted those minutes she had spent in his arms, and it was that which was causing her such distress now.
Felipe felt a knifing pain run through him at the thought. The last thing he wanted was to cause her any more distress, but there was little he could do about it. Rebecca had to deal with her feelings for Antonio in her own time—if she ever learned to deal with them, of course.
It was an effort not to show how much that idea upset him, but there was no way that he would add to her anguish. ‘Then there is nothing more to be said on the subject, is there?’
He gave her a gentle smile but his heart felt like lead. Had he been a fool to imagine that she’d responded to him last night? Maybe the true explanation was that he had been merely a substitute for his brother. Had Rebecca pretended that it had been Antonio holding her in his arms, Antonio who’d been kissing her?
‘It will not be possible for you to work with Maria not being here to look after Josh,’ he told her, amazed that his voice sounded so normal when it felt as though he had been dealt the most horrendous blow. ‘I shall inform your colleagues not to expect you today.’
She shook her head. ‘No, don’t do that. I’ll take Josh to the crèche. He will enjoy being with the other children for a change.’
‘If that is what you wish to do. The staff who work in the crèche are all highly trained.’
‘I know. Like everyone else who works at the Clinica Valdez.’
‘I wanted only the best when I opened the clinic,’ he said flatly. ‘The best staff, the best facilities, the best of everything.’
‘And you’ve achieved all that. It’s a wonderful place, Felipe. You must have worked very hard to set it up,’ she said softly.
‘Sí.’ He shrugged but he couldn’t deny the hollow feeling it gave him to realise how much of his life had been spent achieving his dream. Would he do the same again if he was given the same choices? Once he would have said yes, of course he would, but now he was no longer certain.
It scared him to have to face that fact. If he didn’t have his work, what did he have that meant anything to him? Maybe it was that thought which made him open his heart when it should have been the last thing he did right then.
‘It was my dream to one day open my own hospital, but it came at a price. It left me with very little time for a personal life.’
‘And you regret that?’ she asked, as though his answer really mattered to her.
‘Yes. By now I might have had a wife and family if I hadn’t devoted so much of my time to the Clinica Valdez.’
‘At least you have Josh,’ she said with a catch in her voice which made his heart ache even more. Even now she was worried about him, cared how he felt. It was both a pleasure and a pain to realise it, to know once again how wrong he had been about her in the beginning.
‘Only for as long as you choose to remain here.’ He took a deep breath but there was no way that he could lie to her now. ‘If you decide to leave, I can’t stop you, Rebecca. After all, you are the child’s mother.’
‘Yes,’ she said hollowly. ‘I’m his mother.’
She turned to leave but he’d seen the fear that had flared in her eyes once again. Felipe frowned as he heard her footsteps crossing the hall. He was convinced that whatever she was hiding from him had to do with Josh, but what was it? What was this dreadful secret that she was too scared to tell him?
He knew that he wouldn’t rest until he’d found out the truth. Maybe Rebecca could never be anything more to him than the mother of his brother’s child, but he needed to solve this last piece of the puzzle.
CHAPTER TEN
‘HE JUST opened his eyes and said, “I’m thirsty, Mum.” I couldn’t believe it!’
‘I’m so pleased for you both!’ Becky hugged Diane and Tim Palmer then laughed as she wiped a tear from her eyes. ‘I don’t know why we’re crying when we should be celebrating!’
Ryan had suddenly awoken from his coma that morning. Felipe was with him at the moment, running some tests. Silvia Ramirez had told her that a neurologist was flying out from Madrid that afternoon to carry out more tests, but so far the signs were encouraging.
‘Does this mean that we’ll be able to take Ryan home soon?’ Diane demanded eagerly.
‘Hopefully, although you might need to stay a while longer just to make sure that he’s stable,’ Becky warned, sitting down beside Diane on the sofa.
They were using the relatives’ suite—a comfortable little apartment attached to the children’s department. Diane and Tim had been staying there ever since Ryan had been admitted to the hospital. Becky found herself thinking that Felipe had thought of everything when he’d had the plans drawn up for the Clinica Valdez.
The thought naturally reminded her of what had happened that morning and she sighed because it was hard to recall the sadness in his voice when he’d spoken about the emptiness of his life. She’d never imagined that she would feel such sympathy for him, although sympathy wasn’t the only thing she felt.
Heat rushed through her as she recalled the way he’d kissed her. Even though he’d appeared to regret it afterwards, it didn’t change what had happened. It had made it even more difficu
lt to deal with his searching questions that morning. She longed to tell him the truth, but how could she take that risk?
Felipe had told her he’d revised his opinion of her, but how would he feel if he found out that she wasn’t Josh’s real mother? His views could change again and the fear that he might try to take Josh away from her couldn’t be quietened.
It was an effort to put aside such worrying thoughts when Tim asked her about the tests that were being carried out on his son. Becky explained that Ryan’s responses to various stimuli would be tested to ascertain that his brain was functioning properly. The child’s basic responses such as breathing, yawning, coughing and swallowing had been fine all along, so there was obviously no damage to his brain stem. However, there might be damage to other areas.
Diane and Tim listened intently, asking questions whenever they didn’t understand. Becky didn’t go into too much detail about the problems they might face in the future because it would be best if the neurologist completed his assessment first. Physical and mental disability couldn’t be ruled out at this stage, but there was no point worrying them unnecessarily. However, by the time Felipe arrived, they were beginning to realise that Ryan wasn’t completely out of the woods yet.
He smiled as he sat down. ‘Ryan is asking for you, but before you go back to see him I just wanted to say that the signs are very encouraging. Obviously, my colleague, Dr Menendez, is the expert in this field, but we’re hopeful that there is no serious brain damage.’
Becky heaved a sigh of relief as Diane and Tim left, looking a lot happier. ‘Thank heavens for that! It’s been such a worrying time for them.’
‘It has.’ He smiled and she felt heat ripple along her veins when she saw the warmth in his eyes. When had he started looking at her like that? she wondered. Since last night? She’d thought he’d regretted what had happened but maybe—just maybe—she’d been wrong.
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