by Eden Summers
“No. Not my father. But it was someone he knew was a monster and he allowed them access to me anyway.”
My punishment increases. The anger I had for her moments before escapes in a vacuum. One minute, it’s there. The next, it’s gone, being replaced by more choking guilt.
Every time I think I’ve become accustomed to how shocking the crimes of men can be, the world teaches me differently. I’m repeatedly shown that there’s no escaping the misery.
“What I was put through is nothing in comparison to what you’ve endured.” She holds my gaze, now backing away from my scrutiny. “But I’m not clueless to your suffering. And I struggle every day knowing I could’ve put a stop to it sooner if I didn’t think I was the only one. So I’m sorry.” Her eyes begin to water as she sucks in a deep breath. “I’m sorry for my ignorance… I’m sorry for the actions of my father…” Her lips begin to tremble. “And I’m sorry for falling in love with your brother, but Sebastian is the one who saved me, and I’m sure he can do the same for you if only you’d let him.”
Goosebumps skitter over my skin, every inch of me touched by her words.
I don’t know what to say. I’m not strong enough to apologize to the daughter of my rapist, no matter the severity of her plight.
She gives me a sad smile through the awkward silence. “Would you like something to eat?” Keira doesn’t wait for a response. She turns and walks for the kitchen, the muted sound of torture continuing to carry down the hall. “Tobias woke while you were gone. He asked about you.”
Tobias.
Oh, God. For a moment, I’d completely forgotten about him, my thoughts entirely selfish. “Was he scared?”
“No. Mostly curious. He sat with me for a while. I made him hot cocoa and told him about his family in Portland. He seems like a good kid.”
“He is a good kid.” The muffled cries grow louder, the sweet promise of retribution plaguing me. “Did he go back to sleep?”
“He did. But I’m not sure how long he will stay that way with all the noise.”
I cringe, knowing exactly how much that little boy can sleep through. His slumber could withstand the suffering of me and my sisters on a nightly basis. The current muffled cries are nothing in comparison.
“What is it?” she asks. “What are you thinking?”
“Nothing.” I shake my head, but I’m unable to break free of the memories as I continue for the hall. Living nightmares blur my vision. The beatings. The restraints.
“Penny, wait.”
I don’t listen. I reach the hall and turn left into unmarked territory as her quickened footsteps give chase.
“You can’t go in there.” She rushes after me, stalking at my back as I pass door upon door, the wails building. “You don’t want to see what they’re doing.”
I stop before the last door. The one that carries the blissful sounds. “Yes, I do.” I want to see it. Remember it. Breathe it deep.
She squeezes in front of me, blocking my path. “I’m sorry. I can’t let you in there.”
“Are you sure?” I hold her gaze. “Because I thought we finally reached common ground.”
“I’m trying to shield you from what’s happening.”
“And why is it that everyone seems to think they know what’s best for me? First Luca, then Sebastian, now you. I’ve witnessed unimaginable things. Traumatic, disgusting things that will forever be stuck in my head. And yet you think I can’t handle seeing a little torture? That I’m not owed the gift of his suffering?”
She doesn’t answer. Doesn’t move either.
“Get out of my way, Keira.” I nudge closer. “Don’t crack the fragile ground we stand on.”
“God damn it.” She steps to the side.
I push through the door to a soulless exercise room. It takes a few short seconds for another shout to tell me the men must be in the sauna in the far corner.
“Please be careful.” Keira continues to follow. “They won’t want to be disturbed.”
“I don’t care what they want.” I yank open the wooden door to four sets of eyes turning my way. Cole sits on the wooden bench, leaned back, relaxed, while Sebastian and Luca loom over the bloodied man roped to a chair. Otis’s eyes are now swollen and red with his naked chest marked with a hundred tiny cuts.
He’s become unrecognizable in such a short space of time. So beautifully, brutally foreign.
“Can I help you?” Cole raises a brow.
Sebastian steps back from the man in the chair, his knuckles stained with blood. The tight pinch of his face speaks of shame. My shame. Otis must have told him something.
“What did he say?” I inch farther into the small space.
I get no response. Luca doesn’t look at me. Sebastian turns away. It’s only Torian who pays me attention.
“What did he say?” I ask him. “What did he tell you about me?”
“Does it matter? We’re not here for a history lesson. We’re only interested in shutting down my father’s operation.”
“Cole,” Keira warns. “Don’t be heartless.”
He gives a tight smile. “Forgive me, sister. I assure you he hasn’t said much.”
Not much. But still something.
My heart clenches at the possibilities. I don’t want them knowing. I can’t stand the thought of them having access to the intimate details of my shame. It’s too much. I can’t breathe.
“He’s only talking shit to waste time.” Luca turns to face me, his eyes wild and animalistic. “He may have thought bad-mouthing you was a good idea. I taught him otherwise.”
“What did he say?” I step closer. “What did he tell you?”
His mouth presses into a tight line, his jaw ticking as he wipes sweat from his brow with his forearm. “Nothing helpful.”
“I told them you liked it, bitch,” Otis sneers. “You fucking loved it. We all knew.”
My eyes burn. My throat, too.
He told them. He repeated the lies from earlier.
“You should get out of here.” Luca indicates the door with a wave of his hand. “Go on.”
“It’s not true.” I shake my head, my hands trembling, my heart tapping out an erratic beat. “You can’t believe him.”
“Of course we don’t fucking believe him.” Luca steps into me, backing me toward the door. “We know it’s not true.”
The cringe on Sebastian’s face says otherwise. His expression is the definition of judgment.
“I’m not leaving.” I stand my ground, not retreating despite his approach. “Let me watch.”
“No.” Sebastian’s denial is adamant. “Go back to Tobias. He shouldn’t be left alone.”
“He’s asleep. And I have a right to be here.” I speak to Luca. “Please.”
He remains close. So close his warmth soothes the icy chill inside me.
“Please,” I beg.
Tortured heartbeats pass until Otis begins to chuckle.
“See? She’s a needy little bitch, isn’t she?”
Luca turns, his fist connecting with the guard’s stomach. Otis hunches, his laughter continuing as he gasps and coughs.
“She stays,” Luca commands to no one in particular. “She has a right to watch him suffer.”
My stomach twists at his support. Flips and tangles alongside the tumultuous mix of my emotions.
“Fine.” Cole crosses his feet at the ankles. “But keep out of the way.”
“But she likes to be in the thick of it,” Otis slurs. “Don’t you, pretty Penny? You’re all about the thickness.”
My fingers twitch, demanding action. I struggle not to let him affect me as I walk to the bench seat and sit rigid a foot away from Cole.
“Get out of here, china doll.” Sebastian walks to the door, blocking Keira from moving inside. “You don’t want to see this.”
The woman hesitates, glancing at me before nodding. “I’ll be in the kitchen. I’ll let you know if Tobias wakes up.”
The enclosed space remains quiet
as she leaves, the dim lighting making the atmosphere all the more sinister.
I cling to the seat beneath me, my palms sweating.
“You’ve got an audience now,” Luca snarls. “Be careful to watch your manners in front of the lady.”
“She’s no lady. That right there is a filthy whore.”
Luca cocks his fist and lands another punishing blow, this time to the guy’s face, the thunk of impact loud in the small room. “You’re not all that bright, are you? I suggest you make this easier on yourself and start talking.”
Otis spits a glob of blood in my direction, the remnants lingering on his lower lip. “I can tell you all you like about Luther’s pretty Penny. That bitch took everything he gave her and never lost a bounce in her step. She even—”
Luca lands another blow, and another, and another, as if attempting to beat away my shame with vicious force.
“Shut him down.” Sebastian clenches his fists. “Make him fucking stop or I will.”
The guard snickers. “Is she a sore spot? Would it make you feel better if I told you she squealed like a pig—”
My brother shoves Luca aside and grabs Otis by the throat. “You piece of shit.” His arms bulge with his exerted grip. “I’ll fucking kill you.”
“Either control yourself or get out.” Cole shoves to his feet. “Now.”
The air in the tight space becomes frenzied, adrenaline and rage making it harder to breathe. Sebastian keeps choking Otis, the constriction of blood making the guard’s face swell.
“Let him go.” Luca claps my brother on the chest. “Let him go, Deck. Let me do my job.”
My brother doesn’t stop. He keeps squeezing, tighter and tighter.
“Let him go, Sebastian.” The instruction is mumbled from my numb lips. It’s too soon for this asshole to die. He hasn’t suffered enough.
My brother glances at me, his shame and sorrow bearing down on me again. I’ve never hated someone’s attention more. Not even predators. Or tormentors. The way my brother judges me makes my worthlessness unbearable. But he does as I ask, releasing his hold enough for Otis to gasp for breath, his coughs and splutters returning to raspy laughter.
“I’m done playing.” Luca speaks to Cole. “How ’bout you?”
“Feel free to speed it up.”
“No sweeter words were spoken,” Luca mutters as he snatches some kind of tool from the floor—a small set of curved pruning shears. “Where are the other women, asshole? Where did Luther keep them?”
Otis smirks, exposing claret-stained teeth. “You’ll never find them. Not alive.”
“Have it your way.” Luca walks around to the back of the chair and leans down.
I can’t see what he’s doing. It’s the crunch, the almighty roar, the mass of splattering blood, and the lone finger that eventually falls to the floor that announces the new level of interrogation.
“I’ll ask again.” Luca returns to his standing position before Otis. “Where are they?”
The guard pants, his chest rising and falling as his attention turns to me. “Did you know I fucked your friends? I fucked all of them.” He glares at me. “Luther may not have let us touch you, but we made up for it with the other bitches. They paid for your protection.”
His words lash me like a whip, each injury deeper than the last.
I can’t stand it. I can’t sit here and take it anymore.
“Damn, Otis.” Luca clucks his tongue as he returns to the back of the chair. “You’re one slow motherfucker. I thought you would’ve learned not to mess with her by now.”
There’s another crunch. Another roar. Another drop of a finger to the ground.
It’s not enough.
Not the tears in Otis’s eyes. Not the drool blubbering from his mouth. He knows he’s going to die and it’s clear he won’t share information no matter what’s done to him. He will only continue to taunt me. To punish me.
“Chloe was the best,” he slurs. “She had the tightest ass I’ve ever fucked.”
I gasp as fury blinds me. I can’t think through the need to strike. It’s all I know as I push to my feet, snatch the shears from Luca’s hand, and squeeze the blades together to sink the sharp depths into Otis’s inner thigh.
“Burn in hell.” I push the shears deeper.
He bucks, his roar ringing in my ears. There’s so much noise. Shouts. Thoughts. Screams.
The past and present collide. Torture and freedom still battle in my mind.
I clutch those shears, staring Otis in the eye as strong hands wrap around my wrists and yank me backward. I can’t hold on. My fingers slide from the grip, making the blades creep open while still imbedded inside flesh.
Then I’m swirled around and forced to face a brother who’s ashamed of me. There’s no hiding it. It’s tattooed on his face.
“Let me go.” I thrash. “Let me go.”
“Fuck, Penny.” Luca becomes a comforting force at my back, ushering us to the door in shuffled steps. “You need to leave.”
I plant my feet, determined to stay. I have to witness the continued suffering instead of feeling it on my own.
“Don’t touch me.” I fling my arms, trying to loosen Sebastian’s unyielding grip. “Don’t ever fucking touch me.”
“Get her out of here,” Cole demands. “Now.”
I wiggle. I thrash. I fight, fight, fight, but like always, I don’t win.
“Let me take care of her.” Luca speaks over my shoulder. “I’ve got this.”
I drown in hysteria. Wanting and needing and suffocating.
Chloe is dead. Taylor, Anna, Emma, Ivy, Claire, Skylar, Naomi, and so many more, too.
They’re all gone and I’m still here.
They’re gone and I should be with them.
My legs give out beneath me as I continue to fight.
“I’ve got you,” Luca murmurs over the madness. “It’s going to be okay.”
He’s wrong.
So wrong, wrong, wrong.
I’m led from the sauna, stumbling and fumbling over my feet as a heavy hand encourages me to move faster from the low of my back.
“Keep moving.” Luca guides me into the hall, then to the closest closed door. He swings it wide to drag me into the shadows.
He doesn’t turn on the light. We’re left in the dim hallway glow with nothing but the sound of my pounding pulse, labored breathing, and those haunting, tormenting thoughts.
“Talk to me.” He begs. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”
I wish I could answer, but I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.
I need him to make it stop—the voices, the guilt, the tightening noose.
“What the hell were you thinking, shorty?” He gets in front of me, those eyes still wild.
That I didn’t want them knowing what I am. Who I am.
I don’t want anyone to regret saving me. To question whether or not they wasted time or resources. And then I was thinking that maybe Otis was right. Maybe I’m a whore who asked for what I was given. That I deserved the grief of losing my friends because my lessened torture made theirs increase.
“Talk to me.” He grabs my upper arms. “Let it out.”
He’s disappointed. Angered. And God, that feels horrible, too.
“I-I’m sorry.” The words stammer over my trembling lips. “I’m sorry.”
“Tell me what’s going on. What’s eating away at you?”
“I don’t want to see him.” I shake my head. I shake everywhere. “I don’t want…”
“Who?” He gets closer, looking me right in the eye. “Otis?”
“Otis… Sebastian… Tobias…” I shudder, the tearless sobs congealing in my throat. “Oh, God, Toby… How am I going to tell him about Chloe? He’s been through so much.”
“Forget about telling him for now. We’ll do it when the time is right. But you need to make me understand what’s going on. I get that you wanted revenge with Otis. What I don’t understand is the way you’re tre
ating your brother.”
He’ll never understand. And I don’t know how to explain it. The words won’t form.
“Do you think he betrayed you?” he asks. “Do you blame him for not finding you? Are you punishing him for being with Keira?”
Yes. Yes. Yes.
“It’s all of that.” I pull at my hair. “And none of it at the same time. I can’t think. Nothing makes sense. But that look in his eye… He’s judging me. He’s ashamed.”
“Penny, I—”
“Don’t.” I step away. “Don’t placate me. Or belittle me. You’ll never understand how he makes me weak.” I wrap my arms around my waist. “Sebastian is a vulnerability I can’t afford. Not when this will never be over.”
“But it’s already over. You’re going home—”
“What home? There’s nothing to return to.” Hearing the truth out loud only increases my sorrow. “I can never be free. And I can’t risk being around my family when I’ll always have a target on my back. You should’ve just left me there to die.”
13
Luca
“This is the shock talking.” I try to soothe her. “You’re going to be okay.”
Her suffering strips me fucking bare. I’ve never been sliced open by someone else’s wounds before, but she does that to me. She carves. Hacks.
“You’re either stupid or a liar.” She retreats. “You don’t know them. They’re everywhere.”
I follow after her. Step for step. “You didn’t think I could free you from Luther, but I did. You thought I’d fail in rescuing your friends, but I did that, too. So why can’t you believe me when I say you’re going to be okay? I promise none of them will be left standing. I won’t fucking fail.”
“Then you’ll die, too. Just like everyone else.”
I don’t know how to comfort her, but fuck, she needs comforting. And she needs to fucking realize her tormentors are all but dead. I won’t let them step foot near her again.
No new scars will be inflicted over the old. There are only the lingering nightmares to face from here.
“I can’t live like this, Luca.” Her entire body is wracked with shudders. “I won’t risk anyone else. The only person who is safe around me is Tobias because they won’t touch him. Everyone else needs to stay away—Sebastian, my family. All of them. I don’t want to see them ever again.”
