“Well, I do know something about that, because, after all, Lawrence was a great friend of your father when they were on ships together.”
“Yes, of course. My mother was on the stage and she is now married to a most interesting man. They will invite you and Lawrence to Yorkshire. You will enjoy their company.”
Dorothy’s eyes sparkled. There was nothing she liked more than meeting interesting people.
“I will tell you more about them later, but first of all there is something I want to talk to you about… something that is really on my mind. When my mother was living with the gipsies, she came with them to their encampment in the woods near Commonwood House. She had seen something of the household there. She was naturally interested, because of my father’s connection with the family. We talked about the tragedy. Harriman Blakemore, my mother’s husband, is the kind of man who has wide interests. He has theories about this and that and it is fascinating listening to him. Briefly, we discussed the Marline case.
As you know, I’m convinced there was some mistake and I will never believe that Dr. Marline was a murderer.
“During the course of the conversation Harriman raised the point that Miss Carson probably knew more about what happened than anyone else.
Then we talked about them and wondered what had actually happened to her, and we came to the conclusion that she must be living somewhere, probably under an assumed name. Then we wondered whether she might like to hear from me. She and I had always been the best of friends.”
“Yes, go on,” said Dorothy.
“We decided that there would be no harm in my writing to her and telling her how much I should like to see her. If she preferred not to do so, well then, she could just ignore my letter.”
“How will you get a letter to her?”
That bothered me. Then I thought of you. “
She stared at me, her eyes round with excitement.
There was a man who campaigned for her,” I went on.
“Jefferson Craig, the criminologist, yes. I haven’t heard anything about him for some time. He seems to have faded quite out of the public eye.”
“You wrote to him once.”
“Yes. I admired his book and one day had the temerity to write and tell him so.”
“And he wrote back.”
She nodded.
“Was there an address on his letter?” I asked.
“I’m not sure. I was so thrilled to get an answer that I didn’t give a thought to the address.”
“I suppose you couldn’t remember it then?” I said in disappointment.
She shook her head and laughed at me.
“You don’t suppose I’d destroy a letter from Jefferson Craig, do you?
Of course it’s in my box of treasures. Let me get it and put us out of our suspense. But don’t get too excited. It’s some years ago. He was very prominent at the time of the case, and that made him more so. But after that he seemed to fade out. If there is an address, he might not be there now. “
“Dorothy, please get the letter.”
She went off and in a few minutes reappeared, waving it in her hand.
She gave it to me.
Dear Miss Emmerson [I read], Thank you for your letter. I am so pleased that you enjoyed my book and it was good of you to write and tell me so.
Yours sincerely, Jefferson Craig.
And there was an address. Campion & James, 105 Transcombe Court, London E.C.4.
“That would be his publishers,” said Dorothy.
“Don’t look downcast.
They will probably be in touch with him and will forward it on wherever he is. So write to Jefferson Craig and enclose a letter to Miss Carson. Then put it in an envelope with the one addressed to this Campion & James and ask them to forward it to him. It’s simple. “
“Oh, Dorothy, what a help you have been.”
“Don’t get too excited! This could come to nothing. On the other hand, it might work. And don’t thank me. I’m as excited as you are. I always wanted to know what became of Kitty Carson.”
I immediately wrote to Campion & James. Between us, Dorothy and I had decided what should be said. Dear Sirs [I had written], I am anxious to get into touch with Mr. Jefferson Craig, and I wondered if you would kindly forward the enclosed to him. If this is not possible, will you be good enough to return it to me. With many thanks in anticipation of your kindness in this matter, I am, Yours sincerely, Carmel Sinclair.
Inside this letter was the one addressed to Jefferson Craig, explaining that I wished to get in touch with Miss Carson, and in that the letter to her.
To Kitty Carson herself, I had written:
Dear Miss Carson, You will remember Carmel. I have never forgotten you and all your kindness to us all. Perhaps you will also remember Captain Sinclair.
He was my father and he took me to Australia where I remained until now. I have returned to England only recently and only just heard what happened after I left.
I remember you with such fondness that I wondered if it would be possible to see you. I should be so pleased if it were, but if you do not wish it, I shall understand.
I so much look forward to hearing from you. Your one-time pupil, , Carmel Sinclair. (I am no longer March. I took my father’s name. )
Dorothy read the letters several times and, when we thought we could not improve on them, we sent them off.
Then the waiting began.
Almost a week had passed and there was no response. It must be expected, I told myself. Suppose I were in Kitty’s place? Suppose I had suffered the agony she must have endured? Suppose I had succeeded in establishing myself in a new life? Should I want to revive the past with its anguish and misery?
Had Campion & James forwarded the letter? That seemed likely, otherwise they would have sent it back to me. Had Jefferson Craig passed it on?
I had a letter from Lucian. He was coming to London for a day or so.
Could we meet for lunch the following Tuesday? What about Logan’s? We had been there before, I would remember.
I had not seen him since my visit to Castle Folly. I was sure he would be very interested to hear what had happened and I wanted to learn what he thought of my trying to get in touch with Miss Carson. I knew that Lawrence would not approve. He would think immediately of how distressing it might be for a woman in her position to be reminded of the past. I tried to make myself believe that he would be wrong and that Miss Carson would be pleased that I remembered her with fondness.
As I entered the restaurant, Lucian rose from the table at which he was seated and greeted me. He looked happy, without what I had come to think of as that haunted look. In fact, he looked very like the boy I had known at those tea-parties who had tacitly insisted that I should be treated as the others were.
“It’s been a long time since we met,” he said.
“You always say that, Lucian.”
“That’s because it always seems so.”
He smiled at me, and, as we sat down, said: “So you have been visiting again.”
“It was a particularly interesting visit.” I told him about my mother, Harriman Blakemore and Castle Folly.
“What an interesting background you have sprung from!” he said.
“You would like my mother. She is so amusing and so different from everyone else. And Harriman is unique, too.”
“I hope I shall meet them.”
“Oh, you must. They want to meet you. It was wonderful finding her.” I explained what had happened.
“It was during that time I was staying with your mother, I found Rosie Perrin in the woods, and she put me in touch with Rosaleen … Zingara that was.”
“Tell me more.”
So I did.
“The wonderful thing is that I have a home there now. I have felt guilty about staying so long at the Hysons’. Not that they have hinted in the slightest way that they don’t want me there. In fact, there are protests if I speak of leaving. But my mother’s home will be m
ine. And I suppose Harriman is my stepfather. It’s a wonderful feeling of security.”
“Carmel, I have been wanting to talk to you seriously for some time.”
“Yes?”
“When you came back, it was so interesting for me. I felt as though we were young again. I wish we had not lost all those years.
We ought to have grown up together. “
I laughed.
“When we knew each other all those years ago, I was just a little girl. You were far above me. You only condescended to know me because I was a poor little outsider and you had a kind heart. It was like that, you know. I wasn’t even as old as Estella or Camilla.”
“That’s true, I suppose. But I did miss you when you went away.”
“As you did Estella and Henry.”
“Differently. That is the point. Everything is different. There is something missing at the Grange. It’s my fault, of course. It ought to be as it used to be when I was young. I suppose it is because I made the most ghastly mistake that anyone can make. I’ve changed everything. I’ve brought a gloom into the place. I want to break out of that, and I want you to help me.”
I looked at him steadily and said: “You had better say exactly what you mean.”
“I want to marry you.”
I felt a lifting of my spirits. I had not felt like this since that terrible night when they had put me in the lifeboat, leaving Toby behind. I knew that part of me wanted this and that I felt for Lucian what I would never feel for James or Lawrence. I liked them both very much, of course. I enjoyed their society, but my feelings for Lucian were different. There was an excitement for me in his company. With James or Lawrence I knew exactly what to expect, but there was something in Lucian which mystified me. I felt there was something secret he was keeping from me.
It was because of this that I hesitated and he was immediately aware of my hesitation.
“You don’t like the idea?” he said.
“No, no, no. It is not that I am not very fond of you, Lucian.”
“That sounds like the classic refusal.
“I am very fond of you, but…” Carmel, tell me quickly. There is a “but” , isn’t there? “
“I will say what I intended. I am very fond of you, but…”
“Ah,” he said.
“There it comes.”
“It is just that I am unsure. So much has happened. I do care for you very much. You were the hero of my childhood. You must understand. I hope we shall continue to see each other as we have been doing. They have been very happy times for me, but we have to know more of each other. You see, it was for me a very particular childhood friendship, but we have both changed since then. So much has happened to us … both. Important things. They have had their effect on us.
That is what I mean. I do care for you, but there are times when I feel I do not know you as I should someone with whom I propose to spend my whole life. “
“You are thinking of my marriage.”
“I think that might have something to do with it.”
“I will tell you exactly what happened. I can understand your feelings, of course. It is the whole set-up in the house, isn’t it?
The wife who died so soon after the marriage, the child, that old ghoul of a nurse. I will tell you everything. I intended to. In fact, I have come near doing so on several occasions, but I am afraid that, like most people, if something is unpleasant, I try to forget it and deceive myself into thinking that it is all past and forgotten. It happened quickly. There was a sort of gathering . those of us who had been at university together. It was a grand weekend party. There were several girls with us. Laura was one of them.
“I had met her once or twice before. She was very young and pretty, in a rather artless way which had an appeal. We had all drunk more than we should. I suppose I felt I must be like the rest… sophisticated, worldly. You know what young men are like. I make no excuses for myself. I must be like the rest. Later, one realizes that in one foolish moment things can happen which will affect one’s whole life. Let me hasten over that act of folly. Some time after, she came to me in great distress. She was pregnant. What was she to do? She said her father would never forgive her. He had given her a London season in the hope that she would make a good marriage. There was only one course open to her. She was going to kill herself. “
I looked at him in horror and he went on: “I did not know then that that was the way she talked. I believed her. She was so small and helpless.” He looked at me steadily.
“Imagine what it would be like to be responsible for some one’s death. It would be something you would have to live with for the rest of your life. How would you feel about that, Carmel?”
“It would be unendurable.”
“It did occur to me that I might not be responsible. In fact, I had a very strong conviction that that might be the case. But she was so certain, so determined that if I did not marry her there was only the one course open to her. I could not have that on my conscience as well as …”
“So you married her.”
He nodded.
“It was a speedy wedding. Her father was agreeable. He said that he had the brass and all Laura needed was a good handle to her name. He would have liked a grand wedding, but he had to be contented with what we could have in such circumstances. Well, the rest was inevitable. I suppose I discovered that the child could not have been mine, and that she had tricked me into marrying her. Her father would never have allowed her to marry her lover so she had chosen me to help her out of her dilemma. There was only one good piece of luck in the affair. The child was a girl. I should have felt very guilty about foisting someone else’s bastard on the family.”
“Lucian, I am so sorry for you. You must have suffered a good deal.”
“You can imagine it, can’t you, Carmel? The wretchedness, the frustration. And she brought Jemima Cray with her, that woman who had been her nurse and, as some nurses do, stayed with her to be her constant companion and confidante. She knew of Laura’s secret liaison with the father of the child. He was some distant connection of hers, I discovered. She had hoped Laura’s father would relent when he knew there was to be a child, but he had done no such thing. He wanted to be rid of the child and he would have had it adopted as soon as it was born and the matter kept a secret. Then Laura saw the chance … and, like a fool, I was duped. The father was agreeable that she should marry me and all would be forgiven.
“I don’t suppose it is the first time this sort of thing has happened.
It is in a way funny, like a comedy in which I play the part of the fool who is easily taken in. “
“And it was only after you married that you discovered all this.”
“Yes. She was going to pass off the child as prematurely born, but I learned the truth. I will tell you how. Laura developed a terrible fear of childbirth. I think her conscience may have troubled her. When people have wronged someone, they often hate them for reminding them, by their very presence, of their own perfidy. At least, I think that was how it may have been with Laura. She was unbalanced and this fear became an obsession. She was convinced she was going to die. Sometimes she would be overcome by hysteria. It was in one of these moods that she admitted to me that I was not the father of her child, that I had been completely taken in. How clever she had been to plan it, and how foolish I had been. Although by that time I had begun to guess something of this, I was deeply shocked. I hated her and I told her so. Jemima, of course, was close at hand, ear at keyhole. Laura shouted, ” I shall die. I know I shall die. ” And I said, ” Well, that will be a good solution to the affair. ” Jemima hated me. I am sure she believed that if I had not married her, Laura’s father might have relented and she would have been allowed to marry this connection of hers. I am sure she had set her heart on that. She hinted that I had made Laura bear this child, knowing that she was not strong enough to have children, and it was all for the sake of the family. It was absolute nonsense and she knew it. She even
hinted that I was responsible for Laura’s death. “
I said: “There is one thing you should do without delay, and that is get rid of Jemima.”
“She looks after the child.”
“Bridget is a normal little girl. You can’t let that woman bring her up.”
“The child would grieve if she went.”
I thought she might as no one in the house seemed to pay much attention to her apart from Jemima.
“You see, I am telling you all this because you thought I had changed.
Do you wonder? “
“No. Life leaves its mark. We all suffer in our different ways.”
“I can imagine what that shipwreck did to you … and losing your father.”
“It is something which I shall never forget.”
“As I this. Carmel, I have thought more often of it since you have been back. Life seemed to change when we lunched in the Bald-Faced Stag after all those years. I saw a way out… with you. I thought:
Len Cherry is an excellent manager. He could run this estate without me. I’d get a new and experienced man to help him. And I would get away from the place. In Cumberland there is a small estate which belongs to the family and I could enlarge that and start afresh. I’d like to put everything that happened behind me. “
“What of your mother? What would she think? What of Bridget?”
“My mother would come with us.”
“She would never leave the Grange.”
“I think she would understand.”
“It’s a wild dream, Lucian. You could never leave the Grange. Think of all the years your family has lived there. There must have been troubles before. People grow away from them. Your wife is dead. I know you were unhappy, but nothing can be changed. She deceived you and she was unhappy. You both were. If she had married her lover and lost her inheritance, she might have been happy. It was her decision not yours. You were the victim. You can’t run away. You would despise yourself if you did. Besides, it wouldn’t work. You should take an interest in the child. She has no mother. And where is her father? She will ask questions when she grows up. I know what it means to be without parents. I spent the early years of my life believing that I was not wanted. Don’t let that happen to Bridget. But I am convinced that Jemima Cray should go.”
The Black Opal Page 28
