What the fuck just happened? I was going to kiss her, but I froze. I’m a grown man and I’m having performance anxiety about damn kissing. Then, she bumped into my cock, and I panicked. There isn’t hope for me at this rate.
After a few minutes, it’s safe for me to stand. When I go up the stairs and into the gazebo, I see Kat walking across the benches lining the perimeter. Baffled, I laugh. “What’s going on, Kit Kat?”
“Just walking.”
“Why?”
“Feel like it.”
“We still have to walk to the car.”
“I know.” She reaches the end of the bench at the gazebo entrance, and promptly turns around to retrace her steps. She seems antsy, like Dash does regularly. “Have you ever seen The Sound of Music?”
“Once or twice. Another unfortunate fact.”
Kat grins and tucks hair behind her ear as she hops to the next bench. “I love that movie!” She stops walking to look at me with a giggle. “Holy shit! I’m Liesl and you’re Rolfe!”
“Who?”
“The messenger who danced with Liesl in the gazebo during a rainstorm?”
“Yeah. I guess. I believe my dad used that movie as a punishment for me when I was grounded for something, so I really didn’t pay attention.”
“Not even funny.”
“Not even joking.”
Kat holds out her hand and beckons me with her index finger, and I ask, “What?”
“Come here,” she impatiently instructs.
When I approach her, she holds out her hand. I glance up at her as I take it, and the tingling starts anew. She pulls me along with her as she returns to walking the benches. She says, “Thank you for bringing me here today.”
“You’re welcome.”
Halfway to the other side, she stops and turns to peer down at me. “I’ve had such a great time with you.”
“Me, too.” Those two small words seem to say too damn much for me.
Kat stoops and puts her hands on my shoulders, bringing our faces close together once more. Vowing not to lose it this time, I inhale a steady breath.
Smiling, she wistfully looks around us and says, “I want to get married here someday.”
“Oh.” Even though I know I’ll never get married, the thought of Kat marrying someone else pillages me. Yes, she was married before, but I didn’t know about it or have to watch her marry him.
“You’d come to my wedding, wouldn’t you?” Seriously?
I scowl. “Why would you want me there?”
“Because we’re friends, aren’t we?”
“Yeah.” I grit my teeth. I really want to stop talking about this.
“So, you’d be there for me?”
I bite the inside of my cheek as I nod. “I would.”
Kat smiles. “I’d love that. I want you around for everything. Maybe I’ll even name my first baby boy after you.”
I wince. “What?”
Clutching my shoulders, her smile broadens. “You wouldn’t like that?”
I irritably roll my eyes. “Kat, come on.”
“You don’t have to name your son after me.” She laughs, but I don’t find this conversation entertaining at all.
“I’m not having kids.”
“Oh.” Her smile falls and she oddly looks disappointed, which makes no sense, since she just told me she’s going to have a baby with a man she’s never met.
I restlessly say, “Let’s get going so you can drive.”
She sighs, suddenly perturbed. “Can I not do that today? How about you take me back to my apartment, so I can change? We can grab takeout and sit outside one of the runways at the airport to watch planes take off and land.” I can’t be totally alone with her. In the dark. Without an audience hovering nearby. I have absolutely no willpower left. Especially now that I realize she’ll promptly continue her life right after I leave town. Isn’t that what I had expected her to do, though?
“Kat, you’ve got to practice.”
“I will. When you get back from your trip. I promise.”
She pulls me closer, sticking out her bottom lip, and I can’t resist her plea. “Fine.”
Kat squeezes my shoulders. “Can you help me down?”
“Here.” I put my hands on her hips and pick her up, stepping away from the bench to set her on the ground.
“Thanks,” she says, peering up at me.
“Anytime, Kit Kat.”
When I let go of her, she grabs my wrists and says, “Jared, when—” Voices and stomping interrupt her and we both look to see people encroaching on us. Kat heaves a hasty sigh. “Let’s get out of here.”
Packing up the blanket and the rest of our shit, we make it to the parking lot in record time. Not because I’m rushing her, but because she seems to be in a hurry to leave now. She had wanted to stay here all day.
Driving to her apartment is distracting because of her constant leg bouncing. “Why are you so antsy?”
“I’m not.”
“You seem agitated or something.”
“I’m fine.” Not fine.
Kat’s phone vibrates and when she looks at the screen, she loudly groans, “Shit!”
I instantly look at her. “What?”
Her head goes to the headrest. “My dad is at my apartment, waiting for me on my porch.” I’m suddenly irritated by that, even though I shouldn’t be. I’m trying not to fuck her…yet. Maybe if I wait until I’m close to moving. However, what my dad said about romancing her and then leaving enters my mind, and I grind my teeth.
What the fuck is my problem? Do I need to fuck her or not?
Hell, yes I do. It has to happen. She’s currently looking for her second husband. After I move, the next time I hear from her could be from a fucking wedding invitation, so it’s now or never, apparently. I just have to present the issue to her somehow or make a move and hope she goes for it, opening myself up for that rejection.
I have to, though. I can’t live with the what ifs anymore when she’s right here in front of me again.
Firmly decided, I glare at the road. “Why is he there?”
“He brought pizza and wants to visit. He wanted to surprise me.”
“Oh. I should pack anyway.” I don’t give a shit about packing.
“You can come in and eat with us.” Not what I had in mind.
My knuckles ache as I clutch the wheel. “No. It’s cool. Thanks, though.”
Pulling alongside the one-car driveway, behind her dad’s Range Rover, she says, “I’m going to go let him in. Don’t go anywhere. I’ll be right back.” She jumps out of the car and tears up her stairs.
Holy fuck. I’m more than ready to consummate our friendship, not caring about the aftermath anymore. We’ll work it out so it’s not weird. Truthfully, I don’t give a shit about afterward. I’ve waited so long for her, and I’m so close that I won’t let something like that stop me.
“Did you miss me?”
I jump as she slides back into the car, but I smile. “I did.” Her perfume grabs me by the nuts and I squeeze tighter through the pain in my knuckles.
Kat says, “I want to thank you for indulging me today. I know I should’ve been practicing, but after last night, I needed a day like this. With you.”
“Me, too.” There I go again.
She drops her gaze, and falters, “Jared, I need to tell you something. I don’t know if you’ll laugh at me or say you don’t care.”
My eyebrows sharply pinch together. “I would never laugh at you or say that.”
She takes a deep breath and quietly says, “In high school, I liked you.” What…?
I lick my suddenly dry lips and tentatively admit, “I liked you, too.”
She shakes her head at the console before peering up to me. “No. I mean, I liked you. I had a massive crush on you.”
“Uh… What?”
Taking my blank expression as a negative, she recants, “Shit. I don’t know why I just told you that. You must think I’m… I didn’t
want to mention it, but I needed to. I’ve wanted you to know that for years. I wanted us to be more than friends in school, but now you know the extent. I never thought I’d ever have the chance to tell you that. Now I did, and I’ll leave you alone.”
She reaches for the door handle, but I grab her arm faster, making her freeze. “Wait. You can’t drop a bomb on me like that and leave. I know your dad is waiting, but…”
She shrugs and looks out the windshield. “He’s already on the phone, so he’s okay.”
“Kat, I had no idea you liked me.” How’d I fucking miss that? She gave me no signs that she liked me while I was throwing myself at her.
She shakes her head. “Not past tense.”
What the hell? I can practically hear my dad’s self-righteousness.
“I… I… I’m…” I’m a fucking clueless idiot.
She gives me a side-glance as I stare at her in astonishment. “Did you like me, even a little?”
I swallow and hoarsely whisper, “Kat…”
Shaking her head again, she sadly laughs at the windshield. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything.”
I automatically say, “It was more than a little.” Fuck. There’s no turning back now.
Kat swings her head to me, her eyes widen and she inhales a cutting breath. She honestly didn’t know? I’m not the only one who was clueless?
She asks, “So, you really had wanted to ask me out?” I nod without hesitation.
A relieved smile graces her face and she shifts toward me. “I have another confession to make then. We’ve been going out on dates.”
I’m confused. “What?”
“Don’t you realize we’ve spent every day this week together, all day? Talking, driving, eating, laughing. Did you hate spending so much time with me?” I shake my head and she giggles. “Then, I guess we had nothing to be nervous about.”
That renders me speechless, but I am aware that we’ve unconsciously leaned closer to each other. My heart hammers in my chest as if I’m a grade school kid getting his first kiss. Christ. This isn’t my first kiss, but it’s with Kat and I honestly want to kiss her. Shit. I need to do more than kiss her.
Our noses touch, and it’s do or die. However, when I anxiously lick my lips and slowly inhale to calm myself, it only serves to rattle me more. I know Kat is waiting for me to kiss her, so I can’t fuck this up by freezing again. I faintly angle my head to the left, but my apprehension refuses to let me close my eyes or allow me to even look at her.
Our collective breathing heats the small space between our mouths, and I can taste her before I actually do, causing my entire body to throb for the real thing. Yet, my wheels are squealing pavement, and I’m going nowhere.
As I spin through my inner chaos, Kat’s hand sneaks to the back of my head. Her fingers digging under my cap, she flings it off my head, and brushes her fingers through my hair. My breaths become faster and shorter, and I noisily swallow. Shit. I’m derailing right in front of her. This is my worst fucking nightmare come true.
Before I crash and burn at her feet, I vaguely see Kat’s lips slide into a gentle smile, and she whispers, “Like this.” She slowly leans in and for the first time ever, our lips finally meet.
Initially, I’m stunned from the sensation of her lips on mine. The feel of them is nothing like I thought it would be. Kissing has never been enjoyable to me before, but instantly, I’m irreversibly hooked.
When she pulls away, she whispers, “Thank you for letting me do that. Have a safe trip.”
Suddenly, my apprehension is gone. I need more.
Kat gives me a sweet smile and turns to open the door. Without any forethought, I grab her arm and jerk her back to me.
“Huh-uh. You can’t kiss me like that and then leave.”
Now seemingly uncertain, her smile is shaky and she blinks fast before dropping her gaze to the console. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have… I thought—”
“Like this.” I reach up, putting my hand on the side of her head and I hurriedly guide her back to my mouth. As I hold her to me and my lips take on a hungry rhythm, she whimpers, turning me on full-blast. This is the hottest thing I’ve ever done, which says a lot about every one of my past experiences. I never kissed any of my girlfriends this way. I was only present, not really in the moment with them.
On the contrary, I already can’t get enough of Kat, which I knew I wouldn’t. When her lips part, I go for more by plunging my tongue into her mouth, feeling her gasp into our kiss. I eagerly lick her tongue and her breathing becomes rushed, making mine quicken with hers.
Now this is the first time I’ve kissed someone.
Her hand goes to my chest and I silently beg her to slide it down to grab my dick through my shorts. That would be enough to make me come, without a doubt. I’ve been close all damn day, and since we can’t be alone in her apartment, it’ll be another one-hander for me as soon as I get home.
Kat moves her hand from my chest to my face, holding my jaw as she removes her lips from mine. As our panting fills the air around us, her thumb slowly glides across my bottom lip, and I whisper, “I told you I was starting to like this car.” I softly laugh, but Kat appears awestruck.
“Jared, what’s this mean for us?”
“What do you mean?”
Her hand falls from my face. “This changes things.”
“It doesn’t have to…much.”
“But it will.” Fuck. Her gaze goes to my lips before her hopeful eyes look into my guarded ones. “Are we… I know you don’t…” She impatiently sighs. “Can we be together now?”
Closing my eyes, my head falls back and I groan, “Fuck. Don’t go ruining this. I’ve done the girlfriend thing before. I got bored with them.” I look at her disappointed face and frown with her. “Can’t we just…?”
Kat sighs and sits back some. Biting her lip, she drops her head and stares at the floor. Having had too much distance between us for so long, I impulsively lean forward and kiss her neck. When she doesn’t respond, I lick up to her ear, tasting her skin, and making me ache for her when she stifles a moan, masking it as clearing her throat.
She whispers, “You want me as a fuck buddy?”
I whisper over her collarbone, “It’s not like that. We’re friends. Let’s just add benefits.”
“Jared…”
Before I can stop myself, I move up to her ear and growlingly whisper, “I want you, Kit Kat. Not just present tense.” I fucking laid my cards out on the table I promised myself I never would. Fucking stupid, but it is what it is now.
She whimpers, “Jared.” I return my mouth to her neck and she says, “My dad is in my apartment.”
“I’ll fuck you in the backseat then.”
She gasps into my ear. “It’s still daylight.”
“I don’t care.”
She scoffs, “I have neighbors.”
“You have a garage. Is there a chair in there?” She shakes her head against mine. “Isn’t your mom at work? You have a key, don’t you?”
“Jared, stop. I don’t want a quickie with you.” She sits back, breathing hard, but with a scowl on her face. “Sex. That’s all you want from me?”
It’s like she slapped me across the fucking face. Sex is all I can have from her.
“Kat, I already told you. Plus, I am moving to Philly when you go back to work.”
“You’ve never heard of long-distance relationships?”
I return her scowl. “Relationships don’t work or last.”
“But you’ve had girlfriends. Why then?”
Looking out the windshield to her dad’s car, I idly shrug, not wanting to get into that one.
She presses, “So, you don’t even want to give us a try?”
“I don’t want it to get complicated and then one of us gets hurt.”
“I guess I know which one of us that would be.”
I swipe a hand over my face and sigh. “Kat, be realistic. I’m trying to avoid a bad situation.”
<
br /> “Oh. Being with me would be a bad situation? Wow. Thanks.”
“No. I did not mean it that way.”
“What do you mean then? Is this your idea of a trade for helping me get my license?”
“Jesus, no! This has nothing to do with me helping you! I’ll help you no matter what!”
“You would just rather do it if I’m putting out.”
Bowing my head, I shake it, and mutter, “I never fucking said that.” I sigh and reaching behind me, I pick up my hat, putting it on my head backwards. “Kat, you wanted us to be closer, and I just told you something I’ve been keeping for years. Isn’t this a chance for us to do that? Maybe not the way you were thinking, but…” I swallow, and leaning to her, I gingerly whisper, “Kat, I want you. Don’t you want me?”
Without giving me another look, Kat shakes her head and grabs the door handle. “Have a good trip.” She swiftly gets out of the car, and I watch her storm off until she disappears from my view on the other side of the garage.
What in the fuck?
I fell into a trap. I was lying in the middle of the goddamned road and she ran over me without a second thought or even kindly tapping the brakes, and she loves riding those fuckers. Rejection is ruthless the second time around.
I’ve been trying to avoid a bad situation, but I just fucking entered one.
CHAPTER 16
“Is this the calm before the storm or something?”
“What?”
“We’ve been on the road for 45 minutes and I’ve been doing all the talking. You’ve said 10 words and six of them were fuck.”
“Fuck. Seven.”
“I texted you, but you never texted back. I asked you earlier, but you never answered me. I’ll try again: How’d the park and driving go yesterday?”
When I continue to stare out my window, he shouts, “Jericho! What the hell happened? I know something did because Kat won’t talk about it, either!”
I snap at the rapid scenery, “Take. A. Hint.”
“I thought I was your best friend?”
“Dash.” I sigh and faintly shake my head. Dash has always been a good friend, but I’ve always kept him at a comfortable distance. And after last night, I’m not leaving myself open to another person. I made that mistake against my better judgment and was brutally rewarded in kind for it. Besides, he’s probably more loyal to Kat. He’d tell her anything I said, which isn’t much since I’ve told her more than I’ve ever told Dash.
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