“Thanks for telling me nothing, I guess.” He frowns and I say, “Oh. Dash and I are going to Philly tomorrow morning. I can get into the apartment early, so he’s helping me move my furniture.”
He grins. “Good. Do you need my help, too?”
I frown. “Uh, no. Hold your horses. You’re not losing me as a roommate just yet.”
Dad leans against the ladder. “I like having you here, but I’m glad that things are happening for you.”
I roll my eyes. “Things. I’m moving furniture. I didn’t win the lottery.”
“But you’re starting a new chapter. It should be exciting.”
“Yeah. A real ball tickler.”
He sighs. “Jared Adam.”
Laughing, I shake my head. “Still out of reach.”
Going upstairs, I poke my head into the rooms, nodding at Chris and Tony, before I try the corner bedroom. However, voices stop me.
“So, what are you going to do when he leaves?”
“I’ll need you to help me get my driving hours and take me to class.”
I have to strain to hear them because of all the noise in the house, but I can’t go too close to the door or I’ll be seen. Fuck.
“No problem. No. I mean, when he really leaves?”
“What am I supposed to do, Mom?”
“I see what he’s done to you.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Kat, it’s written all over your face.”
A hand goes to my shoulder. “Hey, I haven’t seen you for a while, buddy,” Lange says.
“Oh. Yeah. Helping Kat get driving hours still, so she can get her license.”
He nods. “Helping the boss’ sister. Nice.”
I laugh. “He’s not my boss.”
Lange grins. “He has a black belt in karate, though. I’d watch just how much you do help her.”
“You’re quite a comical guy, Lange.”
“Watch her around your coffee beans, if you know what I mean.” He howls in laughter as he slaps my back and goes down the stairs.
From in the room, I catch Brenda saying, “What are you going to do?”
“There’s nothing I can do.”
“Did you tell him?”
“No!”
She sighs. “Kat.”
“What difference will it make?”
“It might make all the difference.”
“Forget it. Please, Mom. I’m begging you.”
“Okay. I won’t say a word.”
I hear movement, so I duck into the bathroom, pretending to be busy, inspecting the countertop alignment. Kat walks in, and cautiously says, “Jared? I didn’t know you were in here.”
“Yeah. I was double-checking things for Tony.” I lean my arm against the wall and say, “I’m not staying in Philly after I move into the apartment. I still have time here.” I glance past her, and in case anyone is listening to us, I say, “For driving.”
Kat peeks into the hallway before closing the bathroom door. Walking over to me, she crosses her arms and I say, “Dash and I are going up to my apartment tomorrow. We’re staying until Wednesday as long as your mom can help you with your driving, and take you to class all three days.” She nods as she stops in front of me. “I want you to stay in Philly with me next weekend. We just need to work out details.”
Doubtful, she shakes her head. “Why do you want me there?”
“Because I do.” It’s the only reply I know to give.
She sighs. “I don’t know.”
I pull on one of her crossed arms, towing her closer. “I want you with me. We can be alone and not worry about everyone else.”
Her eyes flicker over my face with thoughts, or lies, unsaid. Reaching up, I stroke her cheek and ask, “What’s wrong, Kit Kat? What aren’t you telling me?”
Without taking her eyes off mine, she shakes her head, and it has me on edge because she’s hiding something.
“I’ll miss you, Jared.”
I scowl because I can’t help it. “Is that the truth?”
She whispers, “With all my heart.”
On impulse, I bend, kissing her, with my tongue leading the way. Kat unwinds her arms, wrapping them around my neck. Dragging her closer, my hands go to her ass, pushing her into me. Also without thinking, my hands go to her fly, and I yank the button loose, and tear down her zipper. I breathlessly ask, “Door locked?”
She nods and pushes down her shorts and underwear. I walk her backward to the sink, and picking her up, I sit her on the granite counter. She kisses me relentlessly, almost painfully, and I work on my own fly, the frantic ripping of my zipper mixes with the sound of our lips, and the distant sound of a saw.
Moving my mouth to her ear, I say, “Tell me you want me.”
“I want you, Jared. Fuck, I want you so much.”
My hands go up her shirt, digging into her bra, and I clutch and roll her tits in my hands.
“Fuck me, Kat. I need to be inside your pussy again.”
She opens her legs wider. “I’m all yours. I always have been.”
As my cock burrows into her hair, voices in the hall both make us look to the door, and she pleads, “Don’t stop.”
“Fuck, I don’t want to.”
The voices are louder outside the door, and I recognize one of them as my dad.
I angrily whisper, “Fucking hell.”
Stepping back, I pull up my shorts and Kat hops down from the counter to hurriedly put on hers. She says, “I’ll go out first.”
“Wait a minute.” I grab her arm and haul her to me for a long kiss. Before she turns to the door, I whisper, “I will miss you, baby. I don’t know what I’ll do without you.”
Kat sadly smiles and whispers, “Something you’ll have to get used to again, isn’t it?”
Rendering me speechless for the second time today, she opens the door and leaves the room.
What the fuck was that?
And what the hell isn’t she telling me?
CHAPTER 26
KAT
“I see what he’s done to you.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Kat, it’s written all over your face.”
“Then I guess I need to wash it.”
“You’re in love with that boy.”
I wanted to deny it, but I couldn’t find the words or will to, so I looked away.
She shrieked, “I knew it! Oh, my God, Kat! Since when? Why didn’t you tell me you’re doing more than driving with him?”
“We’re not.”
“Doesn’t he feel the same way?”
“Just stop, Mom.”
“Oh, no. Kat…”
After I left the bathroom with Jared, I went back to the corner bedroom, where my mother was. I didn’t have to say anything. From the look on my face, my mom knew I wanted to go home.
What he said in the bathroom was an unexpected blow. I don’t know what I’ll do without you. Then why doesn’t he do something about it? I can’t make him change his mind. He’s too stubborn for that, but then again, maybe I am, too. Even if he did want to have a long-distance relationship with me, I’d still have to give up everything I want, and I’d resent him. I think.
Shit. Maybe I know nothing at all.
When Jared figured out I had left my mom’s, he tried calling and texting me, but I couldn’t talk to him. I went straight to my bedroom, took off my shoes and shorts, and crawled into bed, not bothering to eat or shower.
Although I’ve decided to resume having sex with Jared again, I’m still fraught with the inevitable outcome that awaits me. At the beach house, I had sex with him because I needed to experience it, only then to call it off after he made light of us, causing me to feel like a cheap whore who can’t control herself.
Yet when I broke away from Jared, I was sick for days, throwing up, not eating, not sleeping, and not caring about moving out of my bed ever again. When he showed up at my door the first time, it only made me sicker. The next day, I had asked Pete to stay with m
e for a couple hours. I didn’t want to be home alone if Jared came back, just because I’m so damned hopeless when it comes to him, which was exactly the case the second time he came by and I gave in to driving. I did notice that Jared seemed jealous, thinking I had another man at my apartment, which made me feel somewhat coveted.
Even after my divorce, I wasn’t this sick. I actually felt relieved then. No. I haven’t been this sick over someone since, well, high school when a guy named Jared Beckett left me there alone, not looking back. I had mostly stayed in my room then, too, losing 26 pounds that summer.
It’s painful either path I take: avoiding him, or giving in and having sex with him until he leaves. However, choosing the road that allows me to express how much I love him is the only logical choice to make, even if he doesn’t love me, which puts me right into being the cheap, desperate whore that I was afraid I had become. It’s a tangled web.
Ultimately, the decision of loving him is the one I can live with, since I’m heading for the same heartbreak in the end, regardless, because the only future Jared wants with me is needing a place to park his dick when he’s in Annapolis.
I’m not pressuring him for anything. I’m not on a timetable or schedule. I don’t need to set a wedding date or plan the dates I give birth to my babies. I just need Jared’s all-encompassing love with the promise of a future with me. I want to marry him, but it’s ridiculous to hope for something that will never happen, and he’s made that clear it won’t.
Nevertheless, I have to tell Jared I’m in love with him. Dash and my mom are right. Jared should know. Every day it gets harder not to tell him, and I bite my tongue so much that I’m starting to get ulcers from chewing on it. I just don’t know when is the right time to do it, if any, or what his reaction will be. He may laugh at me. He may get pissed off. He may ask me to pass the remote. I hope for the possibility that he would be happy and he’d tell me he loves me, too, but that’s horribly unrealistic.
Therefore, going to Philadelphia with him is something I honestly don’t want to do because it’ll give me a taste of how his life will be without me in it.
Despite wanting to be alone, when Dash texts me that he needs to come over to talk, I stupidly relent.
Putting my shorts back on and not fixing my bedraggled hair, I wait for him on the couch, but it’s not long until I hear the familiar purr of his car. Getting up, I open the door and flop down again.
As he comes up the stairs, I already smell his cologne and hairspray. Pushing the door open, he looks at me and laughs. “Hey, Merrick. Slumming it?”
I cross my arms, giving him the evil eye. “If you’ve come over here to commentate on my appearance, you can just go home.”
Walking over to the armchair, he takes a seat while studying me. “You okay? Jericho said you left without saying a word to him. He keeps texting me, asking if you’re okay.”
“I’m awesome.”
He laughs again. “Doesn’t look like it.”
I glare at his surfer-boy blond hair and mumble a fib, “I took a nap.”
“On a wing of an airplane?”
Frowning at his grin, I snap, “Fuck you.”
He loudly laughs this time. “Wow! You sound like Jericho!” I don’t know if that unsettles or comforts me.
Still glaring at him, I nod to the kitchen behind him. “If you want a drink, you’ll have to get it yourself.” Not in a very hospitable mood.
“No, thanks. So, how are things really going for you and him? He doesn’t talk much.”
“It’s going okay.” Another lie.
“Kat, you don’t have to be uncomfortable about what happened at the beach. I just feel bad that he didn’t seem to take it seriously.”
I pull up my leg and rest the side of my head on it, and honestly say, “He’s apologized.”
“But it’s different between you two now, isn’t it?”
“Somewhat.” Truth.
“Are you going to tell him?”
“Tell him what?” Playing dumb does not buy me time to make up an excuse.
“Oh, you know. That little matter of you being in love with him?”
When I can’t come up with something else to say, I sigh. “I don’t know.”
“It has to suck for you. Being with him…like that…and then…not.” If he only knew.
“It does.” The truth does hurt.
“Do you want me to talk to him about it?”
Panicked, I sit up straight. “Hell, no! Dash, don’t—”
He laughs, showing his dimples. “Chill. I won’t. If you don’t want me to say anything to him in Philadelphia, I won’t.”
I put my elbow on my knee. “Why should I even tell him? It’s not going to change his outlook on life.”
“Probably not, but he’d at least know.”
“And what would that do? It could push him further away.”
“How much further can he get, really? He’s moving to another state. I mean, technically, that’s far.”
I frown, resting my chin on my hand. “Thanks for reminding me, Dash.”
“I’m sorry.” He sighs. “What can I do to help?”
“There’s nothing you can do.” The desolation of that fact sinks in, and makes my stomach and chest hurt again.
“Kat, he does love you, but he’s too stubborn and afraid to admit it. And for a brainy guy, he’s pretty clueless. Did you tell him why you were sick?”
“Because I’m hopelessly in love with a man who doesn’t feel the same about me, and I make myself sick over him? No, I left that out.”
“You need to tell him.” Dash suddenly laughs. “You could always ask him to take you up to his apartment for the day.”
“What would that do?”
“You’ll spend time alone together and maybe he’ll confess his love for you.”
“Remember the last time I took your advice?” He sports a sad face and I shrug. “We spend time alone in a car every day and he hasn’t said anything yet. So even if he did, it doesn’t change that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me. I told him I want to get married and have a baby eventually, but he said he doesn’t want those things.”
Dash leans back, anxiously bouncing his legs. “Jesus. I feel like I could be doing more to nudge him in the right direction. I just don’t know what.” As I stare at the wall, we sit in silence until he says, “Shit. He was so pissed that you and I went to see a movie. Too bad we really didn’t.” He laughs and I shake my head.
“I didn’t feel like it. He was mad about us seeing a movie?”
He rapidly nods. “Oh, yeah. If steam could come out of his ears, it would’ve. He’s so obviously in love with you, it’s not even funny. Sad, really.”
“He’s going to figure out that you’re messing with him and he’s not going to be happy.”
“Jericho’s never happy.” I smile to myself thinking of what Jared told me about me making him happy. “You can tell him about it during your honeymoon.” He laughs and I flinch, as the knot in my stomach tightens.
“Dash.”
“Mark my words.”
“As crazy.” Impatiently, I drop my leg, cross both at the ankle, while crossing my arms. “How do you stay friends with both of us? I tell you things I don’t want you to tell him, and I’m sure he tells you things…”
He shakes his head with a sigh. “He doesn’t tell me shit, nothing that matters, anyway. I was friends with you long before I knew you were his reason for living, so whatever.”
“Dash, stop.”
“It’s true, Merrick. You’re soulmates. Your horoscopes say so. I say so. Plus, your birthdays are both on the 26th of M months.”
“Oh, no,” I groan and roll my eyes.
“Jericho’s horoscope forecast for the next month predicts he’ll make major life decisions soon.”
“Good?”
“It didn’t say.”
I frown. “Thanks a lot. Does mine mention major meltdowns?”
“No. Yours
talks about work, keeping an open mind, finding a hobby, and eating right. Boring.”
“Again. Thanks.”
Dash laughs and leans forward, pointing at me. “I’m telling you, I’m not wrong. We should bet on it, but I won’t lose this one.”
I roll my eyes and then close them as I shake my head. “I’m going to bed.”
“Do you want me to call Jericho? I bet he’d spoon with you.”
Tossing a pillow at him, I stand. “Goodnight, Dash.”
Getting up, he steps closer to me, and teasingly whispers, “Goodnight, Mrs. Beckett.”
I jump back from him, as if he showed me a snake. “Holy shit! Don’t do that!”
“Why? That’s what the kids will be calling you, or will you be keeping your maiden name?”
“Because it’s not going to happen, Dash! Another problem? We live in two different kinds of cities. I could never live in Philadelphia. It’s way too big.”
Dash smirks and says, “I thought women liked big things.”
I smack his arm and try not to laugh at his baby face. “I’m serious.”
He sighs. “Kat, I don’t know then.”
Opening the door, I give Dash a smile. “Go. Have a safe trip. Tell Jared I said hi.”
“If you also want me to grab his junk, it’ll cost you, but I’m reasonable.”
Rolling my eyes at his grin, I shut the door and wonder why I even got out of bed this summer.
Monday night, Jared calls me from Philadelphia. “Hey, Kat. How was class today?” I imagine Dash is nearby, so I don’t expect to talk about much of anything, not that we would anyway.
I grin. “Good. I was right. My instructor is hot.” Not.
“Huh.” And he leaves it at that. Why did I bother?
“How was your drive up there?”
“I had to murder Dash at a rest area, so that was a time suck.”
I laugh. “Did you get all your furniture moved in?”
“Yeah. Now I just have to unpack shit.”
“You don’t sound thrilled.”
“I’m in no hurry to go through boxes.”
“Do you need anything for your apartment? I want to get you something.”
“Don’t go buying me anything.”
The Keys to Jericho Page 49
