“I’m going to lose you, all because you want a kid?”
“It’s more than that!” Her hands go to her eyes as she furiously brushes away tears.
I press on, “You’re leaving so you can let some motherfucker inseminate you?”
“Oh, my God!” Kat shrieks, shoving my chest with one hand. “I can’t believe you just said that!”
Grinding my teeth, I heatedly shake my head. “No. It’s not happening.” I lean closer to her and snarl, “If you want a kid so much, I’ll be the only one donating to the cause, not some offhand cocksucker.”
Her eyes and mouth gape at me before she yells, “Stop saying shit like that!”
“Why? Because you’re actually considering it?”
“No, because it hurts me you’d say something like that just so I won’t leave Annapolis!”
“And it hurts me because you’d leave for that very reason!”
“You expect me to stay here, date you, and then what? We’d resent each other for not meeting each other halfway!”
“Fuck! You’re not—!”
“Jericho, what the hell is going on?”
I look over my shoulder and Kat rushes past me. Dash tries to grab for her, but she jerks past him, too.
As I storm over to him, he asks, “When did you get in, and why haven’t you been answering my calls or texts?”
Without hesitation, I push him up against the wall and get in his face. “Are you fucking her?”
He nearly chokes on his fear. “Jesus! No! I’ve been helping Kat with her hours! That’s it!”
“Is she seeing anyone else?”
“I thought you!”
Ignoring his comment, I yell, “I know you’re behind her decision to leave! You put the goddamned idea into her head!”
“No! I found out after you did! I swear to God!”
“You’re not even stopping her!”
“I can’t!”
“She’ll listen to you!”
“No, she won’t! She’ll only listen to you!”
“I’ve tried it, so if you know what’s good for you, you’ll do it!”
“So threatening me is going to make her stay, or make me work on your behalf?”
I grab his T-shirt. “Don’t get fucking mouthy with me, Dash!”
“Jared, calm down!”
“You’re telling me to calm down? You’re the reason I’m losing her! You’ve been feeding her bullshit about me ever since you found out we knew each other!”
“No, I haven’t!”
“You’re lying! Tell me the truth before I shove your mother’s stripper pole up your ass!”
He shoves at me, but still, I’m stronger. “I’ve been trying to help both of you! That’s the truth!”
“I fucking doubt that! You can’t be loyal to both of us at the same time! I’m sure you two laugh it up about me!”
“Fuck! We don’t!”
I ignore his lies. “I thought you were my best friend! But you’re off, talking about me behind my back, criticizing me! Telling her to leave me!”
“Christ! I’m not! We don’t! I just know what’s going on with you!”
“Fucking hell! Nobody does!” My eyes widen at the thought of Kat betraying me with what I told her about Blair. “Holy shit! What did Kat tell you?”
“Jared, I can’t…”
“You can’t tell me what? You can’t tell me what I told her not to tell you?”
He pretends to be confused. “What are you talking about?”
I double-fist his T-shirt, yanking him to me. “Goddamn it! I can’t trust any of you!”
Dash squeals, “Yes, you can! I promise!”
“Then who’s it going to be, Dashiell? Her or me? You can’t be friends with both!”
His hands go to mine, trying to pry them off him. “Jared, come on!”
I shove him against the wall again. “That’s what I fucking thought!” I let go of him and my hands go to the top of my hat, gripping it. “Fuck all of you!”
Dropping my arms, I turn and storm out of the kitchen with Dash yelling, “Jared!”
I blow past Tony and Cy coming through the front door, and go for the Nissan.
This time, I go to the marina, the park not being a favorite of mine anymore.
Sitting on the picnic table, I watch some people already preparing their boats for the races tomorrow night. Either they’re unemployed, or they’re gym teachers on summer vacation who lie to their best friends. If that’s the case, I hope they all fall in and drown.
I’m officially alone. I thought I was alone before, but no. This is solitary confinement. That’s what I get for caring about damned people. This is all my doing, though. Maybe I should embrace the robot inside and turn off every emotion I’ve ever felt toward another human being. Anger, happiness, empathy, sadness… Everything. They all can take a fucking flying leap off a tall building. It’s easier not to feel. I was stupid to feel things. I’ve been with Dash and Rio so long that I let them do the feeling for me. They were sort of that extension of me. I listened to their shit, and gave them advice if it didn’t pertain to females. Well, the joke’s on me.
Then came Kat Merrick back into my life. My junior year, she grabbed me by the nuts and hasn’t let go. Holy fucking shit. I thought she was gone forever, physically from my life, at least. Yet, in my head, she was with me every God-forsaken day. It has been my Hell on Earth. That was the truth. Always so close, but always so far out of reach. I can’t really blame all of it on her. Kat’s right. I am stubborn. However, I thought I had vastly changed in a matter of weeks, rendering me powerless. She got under my skin in ways nobody ever has, not even her, our first time around. Kat had wanted me to see and feel things, yet she was the one who didn’t see or feel a damn thing.
Letting her in was my fundamental mistake. I shouldn’t have offered to help her drive, just shrugging her off and continuing on my way. I should’ve kept to myself and not let her in to claw me inside and out. But I couldn’t.
I thought I felt…something…with her. Shit. I almost…
Jesus. I’m an idiot.
All that shit does is tear people apart, and I nearly fell for it. Christ. I was just as gullible as my father. Kat has no fucking clue what she feels, either. She spewed it, and look where that got us. Estranged.
Well, I’m not gullible anymore. I’m not anything. I’m closed for shop. I function better when I don’t feel. When I’m a machine.
Looking at my watch, I notice that I’ve been staring at the bay for almost two hours. Time flies when you just don’t give a fuck.
Since my phone had rung some time ago, I finally check my voicemail, expecting it to be my dad or Dash, but it’s the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania telling me that I have a meeting I need to attend Friday for my new job. Mostly meet-and-greet nonsense. Good, though. A distraction can’t come soon enough and I can soon throw myself back into work, forgetting this fucking place and all that inhabit it, or soon won’t.
With my dad still at work, that gives me time to go to his house, grab something to eat, and then switch cars again, before heading back to Philly. Unfortunately, when I turn down the street, I see his truck in the driveway. Christ. Of all the fucking days for him to be home early. Still, I have to get out of here.
I punch the garage code into the panel and go through the utility room, automatically looking for a case of beer, but knowing there aren’t any here.
Walking into the kitchen, it’s quiet, which is a welcomed respite. I go to the refrigerator, looking for something, but not feeling so hungry again, despite my stomach growling. I grudgingly grab a water and slam the door.
“Jared, can you come in here when you’re done?”
Fucking shit.
Twisting the cap, I sigh and mouth, “What the fuck?”
Tossing the cap onto the counter while taking a chug of the water, I walk toward the living room. Rounding the corner, I stop in my tracks when I see, Rio, Dash, and my dad sitting on the couc
h.
I snarl, “What the fuck is this?”
Dad raises an eyebrow. “Have a seat.”
I disbelievingly laugh. “I’m out of here.”
He yells, “Sit down, Jared!”
I turn around and head for the garage, but Dash, living up to his name, surges past me, cutting me off at the doorway, and I nearly spill my water. “Get out of my fucking way,” I warn through clamped teeth.
From behind me, Dad says, “You aren’t going anywhere. Your grandmother said she doesn’t want you driving her car once you’re here. Therefore, if you do, she will call the cops to report it stolen.”
I spin around, almost knocking over Dash. “What the hell?”
“Now.” He nods to the armchair. “Sit down.”
I confidently laugh this time. “She wouldn’t do that.”
“You want to try it? Lose your brand new job for grand theft auto?”
Dropping the merriment, I yell, “She has my car!”
“Uh, no. Not anymore.”
“You stole my fucking car? I’m calling the cops!” I reach into my pocket for my phone, but he shrugs with a cool smile that stops me.
“Go ahead. So will she. I hope you have a good lawyer.”
“She would never do that to me!”
Now, he laughs. “Oh, you don’t know my mother. You wouldn’t believe what she did when she caught me drinking in my room at 16. Do you really want to risk it?”
“How in the hell did you know I was back and had her damn car?”
Sitting next to my dad again, Dash clears his throat with a twitchy smirk.
“Shit! Damn Judas, Calder! I was right not to trust any of you! Not even my own grandmother!”
Dad shouts, “Zip it and have a damn seat!”
Squeezing the water bottle, I glare at him as his gaze follows me. I drop into the lone armchair, slamming my water onto the end table, dribbling water onto it. My glare then falls to the coffee table in front of me, since I’ll be physically ill if I look at the other two traitors again.
My dad says, “We’re here to help you, Jared. You are out of control.”
I raise my head, long enough to shoot him a look. “I’m 30 fucking years old!”
“Watch your mouth!”
I shake my head at the floor. “Jesus.”
Dad says, “As I was saying, this is an intervention.”
Looking up again, I glare at him and then to the two assholes next to him. “What the fuck? You can’t be serious!”
Leaning forward, he counters, “And you can’t be serious if you’re not taking us seriously.”
I mutter, “Unbelievable.” I doubtfully nod at Rio. “What say you, Duquesne? I thought you were done with me. Why aren’t you elbow deep in pussy right now? Did that commandant of yours grant you special permission to be here?”
Dad yells, “Jared!”
I roll my eyes as Rio answers, “Dash called me in a panic. I said it’s time we all get everything out into the open.”
“No. It’s time for me to get back home.”
Dad says, “This is your home. You have no reason to be up in Philadelphia yet.”
“Yeah, I do. I have to work Friday. So, again, you’re wrong.”
“Well, for now, you’re here, so you’ll listen to what we have to say.”
I sit back, crossing my arms over my chest, and my ankle over my knee, smirking. “Oh, I can’t wait for this shit.”
Dad shifts forward, perching on the edge of the couch. “You’re becoming an alcoholic. I’ve said that.” I sigh, shaking my head at the ceiling. “At first, I thought you were drinking because of the stress of living here again. Old memories coming up, having me around you all the time, but then, I noticed that the drinking didn’t really kick up until a few days into working at Brenda’s.”
I yank on my bill, shielding my eyes. “Jesus. Not this shit again.”
“This will only help if you shut up and listen.”
I again roll my eyes and he says, “The change came around when you met Kat. It started slow, at first, but then the night at the races, you were a totally different person. It’s as if a light turned on, but you checked out.”
Dash clears his throat and jumps in. “The thing is: you knew her in school. I had no idea you went that far back with her. You never mentioned Kat. I did see you several times with a girl in the halls, but I didn’t think much of it and forgot. When Kat and I met at Bowie, I didn’t recognize her as that girl I saw with you. We eventually found out we had gone to the same high school, but we didn’t know each other there, so nothing more was said about it. We thought it was funny that we had gone to the same school, but it wasn’t our topic of conversation. Still, I do find it funny that we had been friends with the same Jared Beckett, yet didn’t know it.”
My dad says, “I had no clue about them knowing each other previously, and I had taken him to the hospital to visit Kat after her accident.”
I glare at my dad, and he rolls his eyes at me, which only encourages my frown to intensify.
Anxiously fidgeting, Dash nods and says, “Anyway, Kat and I stayed in touch over the years and we’re both teachers, so we run into each other from time to time, too. So when you asked me to help you out at the construction, and Kat and I again ran into each other, we struck up an even better friendship.”
“Are you going anywhere with this?” I impatiently ask, glowering at him. I don’t need to hear about their symbiotic friendship. I might just barf, although, that would be better than wading through this bullshit.
Dash’s blue eyes meet mine, oddly radiating a calm significance. “Well, Kat and I have talked.” Shit. No.
I slam my fist onto the arm of my chair and roar, “I knew it! You have been talking shit to her behind my fucking back! I was right! It’s your fault she’s leaving!”
Dad snaps, “Am I going to have to tape your mouth shut?”
Dash smiles at him, but cowers as he looks back to me. “Don’t worry, Jericho. It’s been all good. She thinks highly of you, despite your bad attitude, dirty mouth, and hissy fits.”
“Fuck off.”
Dad sighs, digging his hand into his salt-and-peppered hair. “I said stop talking, Jared Adam.” Son of a cop-calling bitch.
Dash says, “Kat has been a good friend to you. We both have, believe it or not. But the day I introduced you to her, not knowing you used to be friends, I saw the change in you, too. At first, you clammed up around her, and then you slowly started to open up. I don’t mean with things you may have said to her, but you’re actions. I could see them. I’m not as dopey as I look. You liked spending time with her, not with just driving. You were happy.”
Rio leans forward and clasps his hands. “I know you thought we were making you the butt of a joke, inviting Kat to the beach house. That’s not so. As I told you, it was all my idea to invite her. I knew you’d never ask her, and I thought you’d like to spend more time with Kat, other than with driving. You had a good time with her at the club. That was evident. You smiled with her. You don’t smile much, unless you’re making fun of my job, or Dash in general.”
Dash eagerly nods and I scowl at both. Rio says, “When you and I lived together, there were several occasions that you were asleep and you mentioned the name Kat. How you missed her, thought she was pretty, and other things I couldn’t make out.”
I scoff, “You did not.” However, the look on Rio Duquesne’s face exhibits his sincerity. As usual.
Fuck.
He licks his lip and says, “It’s true. When I met her at the club, I knew she was the one you had talked about.”
I argue, “I was drunk at the club, and just like when I allegedly said her name, I didn’t know what I was saying.”
My dad frowns, but Rio chuckles. “At the club? You weren’t drunk when she showed up. The look on your face was stone sober, and the rawest expression I’ve seen from you, Jare.”
“Maybe you were the one who was drunk,” I grumble, reaching for
my water.
“You know I didn’t have a drop of alcohol the entire night.”
I scoff before taking a drink, “Yeah, because you weren’t allowed to.”
He sighs. “Everything I do is on my own volition. Spending time with Lib. Putting up with your shit. Moving to Virginia. Being here for you right now. All on my own free will.”
I want to roll my eyes, but his unwavering gaze is disturbingly serious, and I gawk at him in dread. He goes on, “We’ve all been trying to help you, Jare, because we see you suffering. You’re unsure of what to do because it’s never happened to you before, and it’s something you’ve fought since I’ve known you. I’ve never seen you go through this, but as Dash said, neither has he, and he’s even known you a lot longer.”
Growing more anxious each second, I set down my water and lean forward, gripping onto my fist, nearly matching how he’s sitting, resembling a faceoff. “What are you getting at, Duquesne?”
He sadly smiles. I suddenly look to my dad and then to Dash, who are giving me roughly the same expression. What the fuck is going on?
Rio says, “We’ve seen the aftermath of the arguments you and Kat have had.” He nods at Dash. “He told me about the one earlier.”
I growl at Dash, “Traitor.”
“No way, Jare. He could technically press assault charges.”
I inhale and sit back. Dad says, “Look how far you’ve sunk.”
Before I can argue, Rio states, “Your outbursts stem from buried feelings you have.”
I roll my eyes. “What the hell? This psych diatribe is tiresome. I’ll tell you all damn day what I feel for him. Contempt would be the first word that comes to mind.”
Dad says, “Jared, shut up.”
As I rub my fingers over my jaw, Rio raises an eyebrow with a smile, and shakes his head. “No, Jare. Your feelings for Kat.”
My fingers freeze on my face.
Jesus Christ.
Rio says, “You’ve said you don’t believe in it, and you thought you could avoid it.”
My eyes widen and I can’t look anywhere else. The only actions I can do is grit my teeth, shake my head, and say, “No. Don’t even, River.”
He sighs. “Jare…”
I don’t know if I’m ready to bolt or ready to scream. I clutch the arms of the chair as I begin to lose my grip on everything I’ve held to be true.
The Keys to Jericho Page 58
