by Lux,Vivian
The mention of "those boys" made a different kind of guilt flood my already tumultuous stomach. Rane. I was...he was going to be....
Oh god...ew....
"So, that would mean...one big happy family, right?" I could hear the deranged smile I knew was plastered over my face.
"I hope you're getting along with them, Maddie." My mother sighed, pleading again. "I really do. I want us all to be happy."
Just like she always had, my mother was putting me first. Worrying about my happiness in the face of this life change. No. I am a different woman now. She doesn't need to worry about me. I was fine.
I was fine.
I kissed an infuriatingly gorgeous man yesterday, one who made me laugh and then made my skin ignite, and I want to do it again, but he's going to be my stepbrother now.
Completely fine.
This is actually good, Maddie. This is exactly what you need to pull yourself back from that abyss.
Everything was fine.
"We will be totally happy, Mom. I am so happy for you. For both of you. For us." It was my turn to babble. I took a breath. Pull yourself together. "Congratulations." I smiled, proud of how steady my voice sounded in my ear. "Have you picked a date?"
"May 14th."
My vision went all blurry for a second. "Mom? Today is April 30th."
"I know. It's crazy, I told you. But, why wait? We just need the two weeks to get our marriage license and we're good to go. We're old fogeys, right? This isn't our first time at the rodeo. We want to get married and get on with life."
It took me several seconds to pick my jaw up off the floor. "Wow. Okay then. Two weeks from now?"
"You'll be there, right?"
"Of course I will, Mom!" I huffed.
"Can you help me find a dress? I'm no good with fashion and you know all of the nice places..."
"I did. They're not really interested in doing me favors anymore."
"Well, no matter. I still want you there. For moral support."
What about my moral support? I asked myself plaintively, and then promptly squashed the idea. Pull yourself together. "Mom, I'm here for you however you need me. I always will be." Gray eyes flashed in my mind's eye, but I pushed them roughly aside and kept the smile in my voice. "Whatever you need, I'll do it."
Chapter Eleven
Rane
Skipping out on riding in with the rest of the band made me look suspicious as all hell, but I didn't give a shit. I couldn't deal with my brother this early in the morning. Not after my Dad's phone call last night. Two weeks from now I was acquiring a flame-haired siren of a stepsister and everything was fucked beyond measure.
I paced around the ballroom as the crew drifted in around me. A few of them shot startled looks in my direction. I was used to people staring at me, but today it rubbed me the wrong way. I made for the front door and the blinding California sunshine.
When my eyes adjusted, I looked around, too restless to focus on any one single thing. I heard a noise off the side of the deep, wide porch.
Harlow's black-clad back nearly blended in with the dark shrubbery that obscured the entrance to the mansion. I couldn't see what she was doing, but I could smell it.
"Mornin' 'Lo," I called over the rail. "Can I bum a cig?"
Harlow whirled around in the dirt like she had been caught with her pants down. She waved the air and blew the offending smoke out of the corner of her mouth, then narrowed her eyes to look up at me. "Drizzle. You quit with Casper. I'm telling."
"So he can kick my ass? All I'd need to do is go out in daylight for protection. Pretty sure Casper would burn to a cinder."
"Lay off my boyfriend. He's a proud Vampire-American."
"Do you two ever get kinky with that?"
She wrinkled her nose. "Aren't you trying to get a cigarette off me? Stop being gross. And besides, I really thought you quit."
I tried and failed to grin at her and slumped against the warm stone of the building. It felt good against my back. I hadn't slept much last night. "You caught me. But there are certain situations that demand it."
She walked around the side of the porch and came up the stairs. She was a great girl. Casper was lucky. I'd been with a few chicks like Harlow. Tough. Uncomplicated. Usually freaks in the sack. I wondered why I felt absolutely nothing close to attraction for her as she came over and extended her pack. "Wanna talk about the 'situation'?" she asked.
I nodded in thanks as she handed me her lighter and inhaled deeply, grateful for the moment to collect my thoughts. I considered opening up, but then did what I always did. Erred on the side of 'easy.' "Not particularly."
"Is the 'situation' walking towards us right now?" she asked pointedly.
I turned to see Maddie crossing the parking lot. My expression must have betrayed me because Harlow made a little humphing noise.
Madeline looked even more beautiful in the morning. Like she hadn't finished putting on her mask yet. The wind lifted the soft waves that were just long enough to curl around her face, and the morning sun set it ablaze in an orange-red fire. She held her head high and rigid atop that long, soft neck of hers, and the little spaghetti strap top she was wearing was a perfect picture frame for the glorious expanse of freckled shoulders that melted into those creamy, pillowy breasts.
She lifted her chin when she saw me. No smile. No softness. "Good morning," she said tightly. Formally.
The kind of voice you'd use for an embarrassing family member.
Fuck.
It was like a gong sounded in my brain. The ice queen is back.
It didn't make any fucking sense. I had only known this girl for a day, kissed her once while the cameras rolled. But I could see the exact moment that her mask slid back into place. And I fucking hated it.
"Morning, Princess," I called back. "Harlow's giving out cigarettes. You want one?"
Harlow socked me in the arm.
"No, thank you," Maddie answered primly. "I don't smoke anymore."
"Neither do I." I smiled, taking a deep drag.
She smiled back, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Harlow, are you ready for me?"
Harlow stubbed out her cigarette butt and brushed her hands on her jeans. "Yeah, totally. Today we do the "psycho" scenes. Ready to look crazy?"
Maddie flinched a little before smiling widely. "Can't wait." She made to follow Harlow into the mansion.
"Mads, hang on a second." Why was I even bringing this up? What's done is done. "Did your...did your mom talk to you?" Harlow shot us a look and let the door close between her and us.
Maddie turned slowly, warily on her heel. "Yeah. So, did your dad call you?"
"He...did."
"I'm happy for them."
I nodded. "Yeah, totally."
"Your dad seems like a good guy."
"He totally is."
"That's good to know." The wind played with her hair again, dropping a strand in front of her eyes. She looked down at one of her feet. They were long and slim with very high arches, almost like a ballerina's. Her toes were painted an electric violet color and wiggled as I stared at them. I imagined sucking on one of them as I slid inside of her...
Fuck. Abort. Abort.
I tore my gaze away from her feet. I'd never had a foot fetish before, but I was beginning to see the appeal. "Your mom is a nice lady," I said out loud. Thinking about Sylvia did wonders to reverse the flow of blood away from my cock.
"She's the best person on this planet," Maddie said fiercely. The love that burned in her eyes was enough to burn away the mask for a second, and in that second, I saw affection, duty and unwavering loyalty. The kind of shit that made you want to bring home a girl to meet the family.
Except this girl was already family.
"So, our parents are getting married." I had never felt awkward before. It sucked.
She nodded. "So that would make us...." She didn't want to say it.
Neither did I. "Stepbrother and stepsister."
That kiss. I can't st
op thinking about that kiss.
She wrinkled her nose. "Gross," she moaned, pinching the bridge of her nose.
I leaned back against the stone again. "Yeah, well, thanks. Kissing me is a lot of things, but I've never heard it called gross."
She at least had the decency to blush about it. "It...wasn't. At the time. But now?" She shivered. "We're going to be related..."
"Not by blood." I felt the need to clarify. I wanted her to talk about how much she'd liked it some more.
She looked away and back again. "Look, yesterday got...intense."
"I've definitely heard my kisses described that way."
"Shut up, this isn't a joke."
"It is kind of hilarious if you think about it. Yesterday you were all googly over me..."
"I was not! It was… You were…" She dropped her voice and looked around. "You were hard under the sheets. I felt you."
"You should take it as a compliment."
"Be serious. What happened...that needs to be the last time. We can..." She straightened up regally. "We need to just be friends."
For some reason, that pissed me off. I reached out and tucked that wayward piece of hair behind her ear. She immediately stiffened. "You're touching me."
"Friendly gesture. Your hair is a mess."
She jutted out her chin. "Is it?"
I tucked another strand back. Why was I doing this? "Yes. This wind. You're a disaster."
"Am I?" Fuck. What was she doing to me? I was too close to her. I could smell her shampoo, the lotion she put on that freckled skin. Her mother, my father, this wasn't supposed to happen and yet....
"Complete fucking disaster," I hissed, dangerously close to her mouth. If one of us moved a fraction of an inch....
Her lip curled. Whether it was from amusement or a snarl, I couldn’t tell. I also didn't care. I traced the curve of her jaw down to her neck. All places I could mark, claim as mine, kissing redness into her skin. She closed her eyes, and when her lips curved into a smile and not a snarl, I moved that fraction of an inch forward and fucking kissed them again.
She made a little sound—it might have been protest, but her body sure wasn't protesting. She pressed herself against me and I felt everything, and the memory of how she had looked yesterday in that beige slip of nothing burned through my brain. My hips moved without meaning to and I knew she felt how hard she was making me because she stiffened and pulled away.
I took a deep breath. "Well, fuck. That's not going to go over well at Thanksgiving dinner."
She reddened. "Goddamnit, Rane, we can't..." Her lips were bright pink and raw from my stubble. I liked that I had made that mark on her. She trailed off, looking at me wide-eyed.
Then I realized she was staring in horror over my shoulder.
"Goooooood morning!" the unmistakably annoying voice of my little brother sang out behind me. "Are we shooting outside today?"
"Rehearsal," I growled without turning, stepping back from Maddie.
Keir plopped himself right in my field of vision and looked between the two of us. Now, I might have been able to pass that kiss off as nothing...if Maddie's entire body weren't flushed bright red. "Uh huh." He nodded, his tongue shoved into his cheek. "So, I'm assuming you haven't talked to Dad yet, Rane?"
"Fuck off, Keir."
"Gladly. This is just weird." He stared at me for one beat too long, then headed into the mansion. I took a deep breath, imagining the world of shit I was in for.
Maddie poked me hard in the chest. "That can't happen again," she hissed. "That was the last time. Promise me, Rane."
I wanted to give her shit. Make a joke. Rattle her like I was rattled right now. But all I could think to say, to beg, was, "Tell me you liked it, Mads." I hated how much I needed to know. "Tell me you'd do it again if...if things were different."
She blinked slowly. Her lips parted and I would have kissed them again. Until she exhaled. "What good would that do?"
I shoved my hands in my jeans. "I don't know. I just need to know."
She darted a look over her shoulder. I bent close to her, just close enough to hear her mumble, "I would." She looked up at me, frantic. "But we can't. That's it. We're just friends. From now on." She poked me again. "Promise!"
I licked my lips. I could still taste the hint of her lip balm. It tasted like strawberries.
"I promise."
I felt like crossing my fingers behind my back the way we did back when we were kids. Give myself an out. But I couldn't find one. This—whatever it was—was over before it even started and there was no use dwelling on it.
Maddie lifted her chin and nodded at me, then headed into the mansion without a word.
Me? I went to find Harlow. I needed to bum another cigarette.
Chapter Twelve
Madeline
Harlow stood back. "Well now. I'm definitely putting this in my portfolio."
I blinked out of the makeup chair stupor and sat up. "That good?"
"I'm a fucking artist." She preened, gesturing around my face. "Look at this shit."
I turned eagerly...and gasped in delight.
Harlow had transformed me right down to the contours of my face. The girl that stared back at me looked tough and hollowed out—all dark-rimmed eyes and purple-y lips. She had pieced dark falls into my hair and blotted out my freckles. She had even done something awesome to make my snubbed nose not quite so...snubby.
I didn't look like me, and for that I was grateful. Being me was too fucking awkward to deal with right now.
Harlow helped me lace myself into the snug-fitting black corset and netted top I'd be wearing today. I dressed silently, like a knight preparing for battle, pulling myself together after that kiss on the porch. Then I turned to the mirror. "Give me a sec?"
Harlow nodded, backing slowly out of the doorway like she was afraid to turn her back on me. She lingered for a moment, her mouth opening like she wanted to say something, then thought better of it and disappeared into the mansion.
I stood at the mirror and clutched myself tightly. The pain of my nails digging into my upper arms centered me and drew my body's attention away from the memory of Rane's lips. I counted back from ten and tried to ignore the places that still burned from his touch.
I couldn't let my guard down near him. That much was clear. If I let myself be unguarded for one weak second....
Well, then you end up kissing your future stepbrother.
I knew how to keep myself in check. All I had to do was remember the endless group meetings, the one-on-ones. The tears and trust-falls and the promises I made to my mother as she checked me out the day I was declared officially sane again.
Letting yourself go is the most dangerous thing a girl like you can do. Your instincts are shit and your gut is defective. Don't trust either of them. Listen to your brain.
Be smart.
Be rational.
With that mental reminder in place, I nodded at the stranger in the mirror and went to work.
Today's scenes were supposed to symbolize when the relationship went to hell. The breakup, the heartbreak and betrayal that came afterward. All emotions I had played before. Easy stuff, really.
Well, it should have been easy. But playing these emotions opposite Rane was another level of difficulty entirely.
I decided to pretend he wasn't standing there, five feet away from me, taller and broader than anyone had a right to be. If I could somehow act at him...without looking at him...without staring into those storm-gray eyes and losing what little shreds of dignity I still possessed...
Rane shoved his hands in his pockets and turned his back to me, idly shuffling his black boots along the floor.
So he felt awkward too.
That actually...helped.
I stood in front of the camera and centered myself. "Lights!" Dee called, and the huge spot hit me full in the face. It heated my skin and sent everything into shadow.
I was ready.
"Okay, Maddie, in three, two...."
I reached down and tried to pull up the emotions I wanted to access. I knew they were there. The rage, the heartache. I was supposed to scream and throw things at Rane, to really let go. The music blared out of the speakers. Taking a deep breath, I started the scene.
"Cut..." Warlox called before I had really even begun. "Let's try that again? Maddie, I need more."
I took a shuddering breath and nodded. "Sorry."
"Take two!"
Rane raised an eyebrow. I faced him and swallowed, then the music began to pulse around us. There was so much feeling in the wailing guitars, but I felt like I was a dead thing, floating. I lifted my arms through the heavy water, my shouts sounding dully in my ears.
"Cut!" Warlox yanked off his headphones. "Maddie, honey, I'm not getting what I need here. What's the problem?"
"No problem." My voice caught. "I'm sorry, I just need to get there."
Warlox raised a skeptical eyebrow.
"Please. Just keep rolling." I bowed my head and ignored the embarrassment that roiled quickly through me. I was choking. Why was I choking?
"Take four!"
"Take five!"
"Take nine!"
"Take fifteen!"
The music cue began again and again. The world was starting to blur together. I stumbled and sat heavily on the floor.
"Dammit," Dee snarled, yanking off her headphones.
From off in the wings, I heard a sharp whisper and a knowing laugh.
My worst fears were coming true.
I really had lost it. I was the loser everyone said I was. No talent washed up hack. I wanted to cry, but couldn't.
"Can you keep rolling?" I whispered, pleading.
"No. Cut." Rane stepped in front of me, shielding me from Dee's scorn. "We're taking a break."
The authority in his voice made everyone scuttle off. I looked up at him through the haze of my failure and blinked.
He turned and crouched in front of me. Gray eyes, dark stubble, full bottom lip...and brows knitted in concern. "Maddie."
"I just need another take," I insisted, shaking my head. The way he looked at me was making me come apart at the seams.
"Let go," Rane whispered, so low I barely heard him.
