by Lux,Vivian
"Shut up," I said, taking him into my mouth.
He groaned, lifting his hips upward. I felt the silky slide of him moving past my lips and I was suddenly eager to take all of him, as much as I could. It didn't seem possible, but he somehow grew even harder as I began to move my head.
"Fuck," he chanted, a profane prayer. "Fuck, Maddie, goddamnit, I fucking love you."
I wrenched myself upward with a gasp. His hand was still tangled in my hair and he yanked me upward to bruise my lips with his. "Ride me," he growled into my mouth.
Chapter Forty-One
Rane
Her mouth was exquisite, but I couldn't let go. Not until I felt her from the inside. Not until I made her break into pieces around me. I needed to feel Maddie come, from the inside out.
She hovered over me, half eager, half hesitant. "You're not going to break me, Princess," I promised her. "It hurts more that I'm not fucking you right now."
Those October sky eyes were like sapphires, the most precious jewels I'd ever seen. She blinked, biting her lip. And then she lowered herself onto me.
"Shit," I cursed. "This is what I needed."
She rolled her hips, doing this undulation thing that felt like nothing I had ever come close to feeling. My eyes rolled back in my head. "Aren't they feeding you the good drugs?" she asked, pressing her hands lightly on my chest.
"Ain't no drug that's better than this," I said. That rolling hip thing she was doing felt incredible, but I needed more. I needed to fuck her deeper.
I arched my hips, ignoring the stab of pain, and gripped the creamy white softness of her ass. She yelped as I drove upward, the satisfied smirk on her lips falling away with a gasp. "Rane!" she cried, driving herself back down to meet me.
For a moment, the only thing in the world was her ragged breath in my ears, the smack of her skin against mine and the white-hot blaze of pleasure gathering in my chest. I reached upward, grabbing the back of her neck and yanking her down to my lips. Her forehead pressed into mine, so that the only thing I could see, the only thing I wanted to see, was the blue of her eyes as they went wide the second before she cried out. Her body shuddered above me, around me, and just when her last spasm subsided, I surged upward with a gasp of my own. But I didn't close my eyes as I came. Because I never wanted to stop looking at Maddie, my Maddie, when I was inside of her.
She kissed me as I came, gasping against my mouth, and then I felt her lips curve into a smile.
"What?" I asked.
"I wondered if you'd be happy to see me," she said, burying her face into my neck with a sighing laugh. "I was so worried."
"Nothing to worry about," I told her. "You've never got anything to worry about with me."
She slid to my good side, immediately curling her slick body so that it pressed against mine. "But..."
"No buts," I told her, turning and pressing my lips to her forehead. I could taste the salt on her skin. "I've made up my mind."
"About what?
"What I'm doing when I get out of here."
"And what's that?" She sighed, snuggling closer.
"Being with you."
She stiffened a little.
I licked my lips. "Gotta say, Princess, that's not the reaction I was hoping for."
She lifted herself up on her elbow. "Being with me...meaning what, exactly?"
I was confused. "What else could it mean?"
Maddie pushed herself up, sliding her dress back down. I wanted to yank it back up again, pull her back down next to me, but I was stuck in this goddamned bed.
"What does 'being with me' me to you? Because I've gotta say, I've been kind of freaking out about that. Us? Together? At the expense of what? Your career? The band? Your brother? Keir hates me, Rane. He blames me for what happened to you. He told me not to come by."
"Fuck him," I growled.
"You don't mean that."
"Sure I do."
"He's your brother, Rane. Your bandmate. You told me yourself, no one is closer to you, no one knows you better."
"You do."
"Do I? I love you but I'm not getting in the way of your family. That's not right."
I swallowed hard, pushing back down the string of obscenities that were gathering, waiting to be let loose on Keir...on her. "Can we just...not talk about this right now? Come here. Lie with me."
She looked reluctant, but she snuggled back down with a sigh. Her body was still stiff against mine, but she relaxed by degrees as I set about kissing her forehead, her cheek, her mouth. Kissing away her worry. While ignoring my own.
Chapter Forty-Two
Madeline
Forever after I could remind myself that I tried to do the right thing.
I knew he was stubborn. I knew he was reckless, but I had no idea just how willing he was to torpedo his entire life for the sake of his desires.
An uneasy dread fell over me even as he sighed into my neck, kissing me everywhere. But the heat of his kisses couldn't melt away the icy cold running in my veins.
What was he doing?
What he was doing was falling asleep.
I lay there, frozen with nerves. Should I stay? Be with him like he wanted? Should I sneak away, give him rest and space and talk about this madness another day? Should I dissolve into a puddle of indecisiveness on the floor?
A squeak of rubber sole on the linoleum brought me back to reality. A nurse, I told myself.
But nurses didn't growl curse words under their breath.
I opened my eyes, my heart sinking even before I saw Keir standing there.
Fuck.
I unwound myself from his brother. He inhaled sharply, his nostrils pinched white.
I wanted to run, but there was nowhere to run. I wanted to hide, but he had already seen me. Seen me cradled in his brother's arms. My stepbrother. Who still had traces of me on his fingers and lips.
I swallowed and opened my mouth to speak. To apologize and explain.
"Don't," he growled, holding up his hand. "Fucking spare me a bullshit explanation."
Rane's eyes fluttered open. "Keir?"
Keir was a raging bear. He looked like her could tear the room apart, shatter windows and rip the doors off the hinges. His words came too fast, in a flood of hurt accusation. "Didn't you think?" he exploded. "Don't you ever fucking think, Rane? Or do you just say fuck it to everything? Fuck it to the band, fuck it to Dad and Sylvia? Did you ever think about what this...this..." He seemed to swallow back his disgust, and shame burned a hot hole in my heart. "This...means?"
I felt Rane stiffen next to me, pulling me protectively closer. Keir saw it too.
"And you!" He whirled on me. "I knew what you were when I met you." He twirled his finger near his temple, his eyes mocking and wild. "You're batshit. Completely crazy. Yeah, I knew that. But I didn't think you were this crazy. I didn't think anyone could be this fucking certifiable."
"Keir," Rane growled. "Watch your fucking mouth."
"I'm going to go," I said, sliding off the edge of the bed. If I stayed here one more second, I was going to break down sobbing.
"You should," Keir snarled. "Get the hell out of here, before you ruin everything all over again."
I stumbled as I hit the floor in a blind panic to escape them. Keir growled as I shoved past him, while Rane roared curses, shouting my name, shouting for me to stop, but I kept running.
I ran headlong down the hallway, tripping over my sandals, my stupid sandals, the same ones I had worn on the hike with Rane. The ones that made me hang back, whining and distracting him, the ones that made Rane fall. I kicked out violently, sending one strappy, little jeweled thing skittering down the hallway. Wrenching the other off my foot, I hurled it after its mate.
I knew, I knew this would happen and I came anyway. All my pep talks in the mirror, all the therapy, all the pull yourself togethers, and the get ahold of yourselfs. All that work I had done and I still could not control my basest urges. I was still slave to my wild tumult of emotions.
I really am Mad Maddie.
As the elevator door closed, I caught a glimpse of myself in the reflective surface. Flushed and wild-eyed, with sex-snarled hair, barefoot and gasping.
I was a raving lunatic. There was no use denying it any longer. And my craziness was no longer just hurting me anymore. No, now it had torn two brothers apart.
Chapter Forty-Three
Rane
Red rage hovered at the edges of my sight, blurring my brother's body so that I could barely see him as I told him, very calmly, "I'm going to kill you for that."
"You are, huh?" Keir's voice was bitter and biting. "I should break your other arm, you ungrateful piece of shit."
"Ungrateful?" I spat. My mouth was still tingling from where Maddie kissed me, my lips still tasted like her. "Now I'm supposed to be grateful to you for butting into my life?"
Keir stalked to the window, his eyes darting everywhere at once. "I spent the last few weeks standing over you," he said. His voice was no longer bitter. No, I recognized this Keir. He'd gone from angry to fucking dangerous. "Hours, days, fucking weeks, Rane, doing nothing but watching and waiting, and yeah, fucking praying for you to wake up." He shook his head. "People kept telling me, 'go home, get some rest,' but I couldn't. I had to be here the second you opened your eyes. 'He's my brother,' I told them."
He swiveled on his heel and turned to face me. His hands were shoved deep in his pockets but I knew that his fists were balled and ready to punch something. Maybe me. "And you're going to kill your brother over a girl?"
"She's...not...just a girl!" I exploded, lurching upwards with a roar. From outside of myself, I heard machines dinging and felt the sting of something ripping my skin, but I cared only about wrapping my broken hands around my brother's throat. "If I wasn't strapped to all this shit, I swear to god I would make you pay for that!"
"Fucking hell," he swore. "Have you lost your mind?"
"Yes! I have. I've lost my mind. And my heart. Do you even know what that's like? Or are you so serious and self-controlled that human emotion is an alien thing to you?"
Too late, I remembered Scarlett. Keir's face pinched tight. "Fuck you, Rane," he hissed under his breath.
"Keir, I'm sorry."
"Damn straight you are."
"But I'm not going to stop seeing Maddie. I've made up my mind."
"So you're choosing her. Is that what you're doing?"
"Choosing her?"
Keir straightened. "You're fucking up your entire life by being with her."
"You're the one who told me to go for her in the first place!" I screamed.
"I was drunk!" The cords in his neck stood out as he roared and slammed his hand into the side table. "I was thinking about fucking Scarlett and being stupid. You can't do this, Rane. It's a fucking mistake."
I clenched my good hand. "Who says? You? Are you trying to fucking fix me, Bulldog? I don't need to be fixed, I'm not fucking broken in the first place."
His eyes flashed. "You're going to get tired of her, Rane."
"No, I'm fucking not."
"You are. You're gonna get bored and want to move on. You'll say fuck it when things get hard, and then you know what happens? It's going to break up our family. Sheila will take Maddie's side and Dad'll take yours, and there's two more lives your stupid decisions will ruin. You'll get fucking depressed and quit the band, and there's three more people you fucked over with this."
"You've got a hell of a lot of fucking nerve."
"And I can't stand by and watch you do it. I know I can't fix this; it's already too far gone. But hell if I'm going to stand by and watch you set your whole world on fire." He crossed his arms over his chest, and if I wasn't watching I wouldn't have seen the way his eyes glinted with unshed tears. "Her or me, Rane."
I opened my mouth to answer, but he seemed to lose his nerve right at the end of his speech. Because instead of hearing my choice, he turned and left without saying another word...
Just as a nurse came hurrying into the room and started shouting for an aide to help hook me back up again.
I glared after him, then winced as the nurse reattached the IV. "Fuck all of this shit," I growled.
There was a hot sting, then the feeling of cold running under my skin. "This will help you calm down," the nurse said, her voice already sounding miles away.
Chapter Forty-Four
Madeline
"Ten million?"
My agent sounded like she was going to burst with pride. "Ten million," Jen repeated. "It just hit that number today. Congratulations, Maddie! You're viral!"
I leaned against the baking brick exterior of the studio. All morning, I had been immersed in the world of Skyline Drive. Jonathan Neil was every bit the director of my dreams—quick with notes, precise in his direction. He left very little to chance and hated improvisation. My kind of guy. I threw myself into working, desperate to prove to myself that I could handle it, and had been so wrapped that I forgot that my breakthrough was still floating around out there.
"Ten million hits," I repeated. I liked the sound of that.
"And here's what's even better, Mads," Jen continued breathlessly. "I've got a stack, no, not a stack, a fucking mountain of scripts on my desk. You're hot property again, girl. Everyone wants to grab you while you're the talk of the town. You can have your fucking pick."
"No shit?"
"No. Fucking. Shit," Jen enunciated in her strong Long Island accent. "You're about to make me rich, baby. Haven't I always told you you're my favorite client?"
I had to laugh at her brashness. "You've never told me that."
"Well, it's time for me to make up for that. I could kiss you for making that video. Sure, you went behind my back all sneaky-like, but I forgive you, baby girl. You made the right move."
I licked my lips. Did I? This victory felt hollow.
I hadn't seen Rane, hadn't dared to call him. I didn't want to come between him and his brother. I never wanted to cause a problem and yet I had caused a huge one. Regret flooded my stomach even as Jen kept on yammering.
"...prestige piece. I mean, you should really consider this as an Oscar push. You've got the chops, that much is amply clear, and if they're not going to take you seriously, you gotta tell them where to get off. And if you're not up to it, then I will, gladly...."
"Hey, Jen?" I interrupted. I was on overload, and if I didn't get somewhere quiet...fast... "I'm so glad you called, but I'm here at the studio and Jonathan is waving..." I lied so smoothly, I half expected to look up and see Jonathan doing just that.
"Oh, yes, go! Go, go, my viral celebrity. I'll send over the scripts I think are worth a read-through." I heard the ruffling of pages and Jen muttering for a second before she popped back on the line. "I'll be in touch!"
"Great." I smiled. Acting.
Chapter Forty-Five
Rane
It turned out didn't have to decide between Maddie and my brother. It seemed like Maddie had already made the choice for us.
Slumped in my wheelchair, I stared out the window of the therapy room. The bright sunshine outside seemed surreal, like something from a book or a movie instead of my real life. Real life was the gray of a hospital room.
Maddie hadn't called, hadn't come by, in over two weeks.
She was staying away...just like Keir wanted.
And I hated it.
"Can you make a fist?" the therapist prompted, drawing my attention away from the window.
I scoffed. "Of course," I muttered.
This was my third appointment. There had been no progress. My hand still lay useless at my side, curled up like a claw.
I was bored of this.
The very act of lifting my arm felt alien to me. Instead of the smooth, strong motion I was used to, my arm felt creaky. Rusty with disuse. I looked down at the white blimp thing at my side. It still didn't register as belonging to me.
"Make a fist now." The therapist nodded encouragingly.
Her hyper-po
sitivity irked me. I shifted in my wheelchair, an uncomfortable pain settling into my lower back. I moved to stand up and stretch it out.
"Easy, easy now, Mr. Wilder," she said. "Walking exercises will come next."
"I don't need exercises to be able to walk," I told her. "I just need to stretch." I hefted my foot off the leg brace, and it fell to the tiled floor with a thump. Shifting forward, I dug my elbows into the armrests and began working my way towards the edge of the seat.
"Mr. Wilder, I'm going to have to ask you to wait." The little therapist placed her hand in the center of my chest and pushed.
She was a small, sturdy little thing. Before my accident, I could have lifted her with one arm, given her a piggyback ride around the perimeter of this room, and then laid her down on the table and fucked her into oblivion right afterward. Now, this little thing pushed me back into my place like I was no stronger than a gnat.
I looked down at her smooth, strong hand. Disgust and anger fought for control of my body.
"Make a fist now." She smiled brightly.
"What's the fucking point?" I asked.
"To regain mobility in your hand?" she parroted robotically.
I looked at her. "I'll say it again. What's the fucking point? Fuck this. Fuck all of this. I'm done. Bring me back to my room."
If I thought I was going to get a break there, I was mistaken.
"Jesus Christ, don't you have somewhere to be?" I exploded.
Keir was leaning against the radiator, one of his ever-present paperbacks dangling from his fingers. His working fingers.
"I'm going to chalk that nice, brotherly greeting up to the pain," he replied.
I grunted as the attendant lifted me back into bed. Keir averted his eyes until I arranged the sheets back around my legs. "What do you want?"
"The video just passed ten million hits, Rane." He eyed me sidelong. There was a hopeful tone in his voice. "Ten million."
"Huh." I looked away. What the fuck was he doing showing me the video with Maddie?
"Were you in therapy when I got here?" Keir prodded.
