by Elin Peer
“When was the abbey built?” Charles asked.
“The abbey is from the seventh century although the stone ruins you see now are from around the tenth century.”
We left the bus and walked around taking pictures.
Charles laughed when I began mooing at some cows that were grazing nearby, but I kept at it until they answered me and came to see what I was about.
“So, you’re an anthropologist and a cow whisperer?”
I rubbed the heads of the three cows who were sticking their heads over the stone wall to greet me while seven others were coming closer at a relaxed pace. “Animals sense energy. I’m telling you that if an animal doesn’t want to be close to a person, that tells you something.”
Charles took pictures of me and the cows. “I thought you said that you’re from Chicago? You sure you didn’t grow up on a farm?”
“Yup, I’m sure. I just love animals and they love me.” Other tourists hurried over to have pictures taken with the cows, so after giving the closest cow a last scratch, we walked on. “Look how picturesque it is.” I pointed to the landscape surrounding the abbey.
“Would you like me to take a picture of you?” Charles offered an Asian couple who were trying to get a good angle on their selfie.
When he was done, the man offered to return the favor and Charles and I smiled at the camera with the abbey in the background.
“We only have fifteen minutes and I can’t stop thinking about the thing you wanted to show me,” Charles whispered in my ear.
“All right.” I was nervous when I led him away from the other tourists and around the corner of one of the buildings. “Promise you won’t judge.”
He nodded.
Looking over my shoulders to be sure we were alone, I walked in to stand with my back to the old brick wall. “You have to come closer.”
Charles was quick to comply, and moved all the way up to stand in front of me, his eyes shining with intense interest.
“Give me your hand.” I licked my front teeth and felt like I was taking a big chance by revealing something this private about myself. “Okay, so the thing that really turns me on is the way my lover touches me. Some men don’t like to do it, others think it’s hot.” Lifting his hand, I placed it in the middle of my chest and then I guided him to raise it higher and close his large hand around my throat.
Charles frowned and it made me scared that this had been a bad idea. He wouldn’t be the first to find it weird. Miguel had once told me I was a freak, but we’d been fighting then and he’d later apologized.
Shit. I should have never told him this soon.
I waited for Charles to say something. His shoulder bobbed up and his face scrunched in a succession of tics. I’d always found it charming when he did that, as it made him more approachable and imperfect like me. But right now, I wanted to know what he was thinking and his silence made me nervous.
“Would you rather it had been the butt thing?” My comment was an attempt to give him a way out, but he didn’t take it. Instead he moved closer and lifted his other hand to my throat as well. Lowering his head, he spoke with his lips almost touching mine. “I wouldn’t have guessed you to be submissive.”
“I’m not. It’s just the throat thing. I can’t explain what it is.”
He wasn’t squeezing but kept his hands on my skin. His warm breath on my lips, and his large hands around my neck made Ireland in October feel as hot as the Caribbean.
“Are your panties getting moist from this?”
His voice was low and husky, and although his question surprised me, I met his eyes and answered in truth. “Yes.”
“Good.” Leaning his torso against me, Charles pressed me against the wall and whispered in my ear. “Do you feel what dominating you like this does to me?”
With the way he was pressing up against me, I could feel something hard pressing at my stomach.
His accepting this part of me made me want him even more. Letting my hands slide down his torso, stomach, all the way to the front of his pants, I touched the outline of his impressive erection. His eyes closed and he moaned against my cheek. “Holy Christ.”
“Mmmm.” I moaned too.
“If you knew the things that I want to do with you right now,” he whispered and moved his face into position to kiss me, yet he didn’t.
Our breaths mixed, our eyes weren’t blinking as we looked deep into each other’s eyes, and then he leaned his full weight on me, pressing me back against the wall and tightening his grip around my throat just a little more. “I wish there was no bus and it was just you and me out here.”
I wanted him to kiss me and made a small sound of agreement.
When his lips touched mine, it made my whole body vibrate as if I was a musical instrument that only he knew how to play.
His kiss was dominant and because of his hands around my neck, I couldn’t move much. It excited me to be under his control and my brain was trying to figure out how he’d become such an assertive kisser.
Voices from people approaching gave us time to move apart just before they rounded the corner. They sounded Russian and posed on the graves for pictures.
My body was shaking from the powerful experience of what had just happened between us. There had been nothing shy about Charles just now. In fact, dominating me had seemed within his comfort zone.
Does that mean he has done it before with someone else?
Neither of us spoke as we walked side by side back toward the road.
I wished I’d truly run into him by accident because if he ever found out that I’d read a few of his diaries and been helped by a private investigator, it might make Charles question everything else that was happening between us.
No, he has to know that what just happened was real.
But if he finds out his grandfather offered to pay me to be here, he’ll be hurt and think I’m doing it for the money.
“You okay?”
I turned my head to see Charles observing me.
“You look pretty serious. Did I do something wrong?”
I kept walking and let my hand run over the wall of stones that separated two of the grass fields. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s more like the opposite.”
“You think that you did something wrong?”
“No… I don’t know… did I? I was thinking the opposite, as in you do everything right, and it has me trying to process what is happening between us.”
Charles stopped for a second with his eyebrows drawn close together. “What do you think is happening between us?”
“That’s the thing. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever tried. For me relationships have always been growing from friendships to something more. With you, things are happening so fast.”
He crossed his arms and I got scared that he misunderstood, and thought I regretted making out with him. I made my tone a bit lighter, trying to ease his tension.
“Honestly, I blame our chemistry. I’m a sane person on my own and you’re probably sane on your own, but when we’re mixed together there’s an explosion of sexual attraction that takes my breath away.” I pantomimed an explosion with my hands. “I mean, have you ever been on a date like this?” I chuckled a little and it made him visibly relax and walk on. “Well, have you?”
Charles placed an arm around my shoulder and guided me to the bus, which was filling up. “Sure, I’ve been on tons of fourteen-hour dates where I made out against ruins and kissed within the first two hours. Happened all the time back in the states.”
I narrowed my eyes and wrinkled my nose. “Liar.”
“What? Did you think you were special?”
I shoved him with my shoulder. “Be honest.”
He pushed me in front of him in the line to get back on the bus and with his hands wrapped around my waist, he whispered in my ear. “Do we have to compare it to something? Can’t this just be our thing?”
I turned my head to look at him. “At least admit that it’s special.
”
Sliding his hand up to my neck, he pulled me in for a quick kiss. “You’re special, Liv, and I’m having an amazing time with you. I’ll admit to that.”
We didn’t speak until the bus was on the road again. The guide explained that it would be hours until we reached the Cliffs of Moher on the west coast and it left us time to get to the questions that my tongue had been burning to ask since I met him yesterday.
CHAPTER 8
Worth It?
Charles
I was playing with Liv’s fingers, letting the tip of my index finger run along her nails and rings. “Who gave you those?” I asked and pointed to two rings on her ring finger. “Are they old engagement rings?”
She shook her head. “Nope. I got close, but luckily, I woke up in time. These rings I bought myself.”
“Do you like jewelry?”
“I do. But I’m more about the sentimental value of it than some large bling diamond.”
“Okay, so what’s the story behind these rings?”
“Just after Miguel and I ended our relationship, I went on a girls’ trip with some of my friends. We all bought one of these in different colors. To me it symbolizes that love doesn’t have to be sexual. It’s such bullshit the way we’ve been taught that love only comes in a package of tall, dark, and handsome. Sometimes, love comes in a group of silly, flawed friends who laugh too loud, drink too much, but who will drop anything when you’re hurting and need them to be there. We were all having love problems and just decided to get rings and celebrate life together. The idea, of course, was that men would think we were married and stay away because at the time we decided that modern men weren’t worth getting involved with.”
“Ahh… I see. And how long ago was this?”
“A few years.”
“Have there been any other serious relationships?”
“Not really. I’ve dated a bit, but…” She shook her head. “My sister says I’m way too critical and picky.”
“If you are, then I’m in trouble.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because of my tics and my issues.”
Liv tilted her head. “Don’t say that. Your tics are just cute. I think it’s what gave me the courage to try and talk to you the first time I met you. I mean you looked older and so sophisticated in your expensive clothes, and you oozed intelligence. I was just a freshman regretting that I was in my old washed-out sweater without makeup on. It was stupid, but I couldn’t take my eyes off you… and then you had tics. I don’t know, it just made you a bit more approachable. If you hadn’t had those tics, I wouldn’t have been brave enough to try and talk to you.”
“You’re just saying that.”
“No, I’m not. My friend, Sydney, was there and she watched you from a distance.
I scratched my nose. “It’s weird when you say things like that, because I never see anyone checking me out.”
“That’s because you don’t make eye contact with people.”
“Hmm… well, it comes with my issues. I’m not a people person, or at least I didn’t think I was until I met Conor.”
“Your mentor.” Liv pulled a leg up under her. “Tell me about him.”
“I’m not even sure where to start. Conor is just amazing. He attracts the brightest people from around the world, and he empowers and inspires us to be the best version of ourselves and take leadership in our lives. When I came to my first mastermind meeting it was overwhelming how nice everyone was to me. That thing you said about sharing love with your friends resonates with me because that’s how I feel about the group. All of them are accepting and kind. It’s like finding one’s tribe or family, you know?”
“That sounds amazing.”
“It is! On my third meeting they surprised me with a birthday cake and singing. I was so touched because it happened after I’d spoken about missing out on having a big family to celebrate my birthday as a child. And they had listened and gone out of their way to give me what I never had.”
“Was it your birthday?”
“No, but they said it was to make up for what I’d missed out on.” I smiled widely. “At least thirty people sang for me and then they all made a circle around me and gave me a massive group hug.”
“Wow.”
“I know. It was a bit overwhelming but one of the most wonderful experiences at the same time.”
“How many people are in the group?”
“It varies. Sometimes people move on, and other times, someone oversteps Conor’s rules and then they’re asked to leave, but thirty-four of us currently live at the Red Manor.”
“Is it like one of those hippie communes?”
I shook my head. “No, all the people in the mastermind group are driven and successful people who want to change the world in some way. There are no sex orgies or experimental drugs either.”
Liv let her fist swing from her hip and up to her chest. “Ah, darn it, I would have loved that.”
“What, drugs and sex orgies?” I grinned at her mock disappointment.
She nodded. “Yeah, so be honest: how boring is your group? Are you all sitting around eating poppy seed muffins and discussing how to outsmart the rest of us?”
“Pretty much.” God, it was so easy to be with her. She made me look like a social superstar the way we conversed with no awkward breaks.
“Are there any attractive women in the group?”
I moved my nose from side to side thinking about it. “There are a few, but they all gravitate toward Conor so I haven’t been with any of them.”
“Did you want to?”
I shrugged. “You can’t blame a single guy for being interested in some intelligent and beautiful women.”
“Okay, but in comparison, who would you rather be with? One of them or me?”
It melted my heart how Liv sat up straighter and lifted her chin, as if she had to take on the competition in a battle. “Why? Are you jealous?”
“No, should I be?”
I tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. “That depends…”
“On what?”
“On what this thing between you and me will lead to. If you were my girlfriend and living with a bunch of attractive males, I might feel a bit jealous, but since I’m not, I don’t have that right, do I?”
“I’m not talking about whether or not I have the right to be jealous, I’m asking if you’re pursuing any of them.”
“Well, in that case, the answer is no.”
She studied me for a moment.
“What is it? I can see your head spinning a mile a minute.”
“I’m just trying to figure out if you’re worth it.”
“Worth what?”
“Potentially getting burned.” She looked down before meeting my eyes again. “Let’s face it. You and I have only experienced romantic love that ended in pain. Otherwise we wouldn’t still be single, would we?”
“True, but maybe none of the other relationships worked out because it was always supposed to be you and me.” My words made her smile a little.
“I like that thought.”
“Me too.” I smiled back
“But opening up my heart to you means taking a risk of getting burned again. So, let me ask you, Charles: are you worth the risk?”
“Definitely!” My answer was confident but inside I knew exactly what she was talking about. I’d lost too many people to risk getting attached to someone who might leave me. “Are you?”
“Yes. At least I’d like to think so myself.”
Taking a sip of my water, I leaned my head back. “I like that my flaws don’t seem to scare you. You’re the first woman to call my tics cute. And the fact that you speak almost without a filter makes it easier for me to relate to you. I have a hard time reading people.” I looked down. “For years, I did therapy to learn how to express myself and read emotions and social cues. I’m a lot better than I was, but it drains me. I feel like with you, I can relax. It’s the same with Conor.
He reads me like an open book and often finishes my sentences before I do. He’s so in tune with people that it’s crazy.”
“Do you think I can meet him and the others one day?”
“Of course. You’ll love them.”
“But will they love me or will they think I’m an intrusive Yankee coming to take away their beloved Charles?”
“No, don’t worry about that. If you want, you could come and meet them before you leave.”
“I’d love to.”
I lit up at Liv’s excitement. With my having a tiny family, my new group of friends meant the world to me. And since our lunch yesterday my thoughts had been running crazy with hopes that maybe... just maybe… Liv would turn out to be that special someone my grandmother had always told me was out there for me.
The Cliffs of Moher were rugged Irish nature at its finest. We walked hand in hand like a real couple, and that was a new experience for me. I’d been in sexual relationships in the past, but none of them with the prospect of turning into something serious.
Walking hand in hand with the most gorgeous girl in Ireland made me walk prouder than usual. It was a clear but windy day, and we took pictures of the incredible coastline that went on in both directions for as long as the eye could see.
“How far down is the water?” I leaned forward to look down.
“At least three hundred feet.”
“Do you think people have ended their lives here?”
Liv pulled me back a little. “Yes, I do, and many probably unintentionally because they walked too close to the edge.”
“With this much height, you’d have time to think before you died. How long do you reckon it would take someone to fall three hundred feet?”
“I don’t know, maybe four, five seconds.”
I leaned forward again. “Huh. Imagine how many times you’d say shit, shit, shit, on your way down.”
“Yeah, so let’s not do that.” As Liv pulled me along with her, I spotted a woman selling Celtic jewelry on the path further ahead.
