by Lisa Suzanne
I’d think more clearly the next morning. I didn’t want to make any rash decisions or phone calls or texts when I was under the influence of Pinot Grigio. I wanted to make sure that I was in the right state of mind if – when – I called Reed to set things right again.
So I ordered another glass of wine, I let Joey talk my ear off about his ex, and I watched Avery get her flirting on.
She didn’t go home with Carl, but the two of us headed home in a cab together. I threw her some money, made my way into my apartment, and cried myself to sleep for the second night in a row.
When I woke up the next morning, I knew what I needed to do.
I needed Reed in my life any way I could get him, and I needed to find him, apologize, and fix this mess that I suddenly found myself in.
It wasn’t just that I missed him; it was that I couldn’t breathe without him next to me.
It wasn’t just that I felt sad and lonely without him; it was that I was haunted by blue eyes whenever we were apart.
I needed him, and it just took a couple of days apart – hours apart, really – to admit that to myself.
I took a shower and made a plan while my coffee brewed and I slammed a diet Coke.
I’d head over to Grant’s place and apologize and beg Reed to take me back. I could only hope that he hadn’t changed his mind overnight. It was entirely possible that while I had determined that I couldn’t live without him, he had determined that he could, in fact, live without me. It was possible that he’d tell me that he didn’t really want to try things again. Maybe he had decided that I wasn’t worth it, that he didn’t want to keep getting hurt because of me.
But he’d told me enough times that I was worth it, that he wanted me, that he wanted to take the risk. And it was time for me to believe his words and to believe in him. To believe in us and the potential that we had together.
I chugged two scalding hot cups of coffee and then brushed my teeth.
I grabbed my purse and my keys and walked toward my front door, each step closer causing my heart to pound a little harder.
And when I opened that door to leave my apartment to head on the road toward my future, there stood Reed, his hand raised to knock on my door.
It’s funny how fate works. It’s funny how some things are just “meant to be.”
I gasped in surprise, and Reed lowered his hand and smiled at me.
“You said to leave you alone last night, so I did.” He walked past me into my apartment, and my heart raced. He was here. He was really here. “You didn’t say anything about today.”
I couldn’t help but smile. I shook my head. “I knew I missed something.”
I closed the door and leaned against it with a sigh.
He gazed at me. “I was miserable all night last night without you.”
I shrugged. “I could see how that would happen.”
“So modest. Aren’t you going to yell at me for barging in?”
I shrugged. “My yelling at you isn’t going to change anything.”
“True story.” He took a step toward me and then stopped. “Wait a minute. What’s wrong?”
“What do you mean?” I was acting innocent because I liked playing the game with him. I liked that he was in my apartment and I liked that he was in my life.
I wanted to play games with him on a permanent basis. I just wasn’t sure how to tell him that.
I kind of wanted to make him sweat it out for a minute.
“I mean you’re different.” He took another step toward me.
“How?”
“You’re not being all crazy like yesterday.”
“Crazy?”
“You’re talking to me again like everything is normal.”
“Then read between the lines.”
“Everything’s normal?”
I shrugged, and he closed the gap between us.
My heart raced at his close proximity, and then his hips had mine pinned to the door and I couldn’t help but feel safe and protected.
No anxiety.
No blurred vision.
No fear.
No shortness of breath.
Just a whole lot of lust and love and excitement for what was to come for us.
He gazed into my eyes. “What changed?” he whispered.
“I did,” I whispered back. “Because of you.”
His lips tipped up in a smile before crashing down to mine.
Dear God. I missed the living fuck out of him.
He pulled back before the kiss got too intense, much to my complete irritation. I groaned in annoyance, and he chuckled.
“I had this whole thing planned,” he said. His body still pressed mine up against the door.
“What thing?”
“Given your typical level of difficulty, I assumed I’d have a fight on my hands to get you back.”
I couldn’t help my smirk. He had a point. “And you were willing to fight?”
“Haven’t you realized that I would fight forever for you?”
“I think that I finally did realize that.”
“I have something to show you.” His voice was nervous, and it was odd seeing the always unruffled Reed turn uneasy.
He backed away from me, and my body immediately missed the closeness of his.
“What?” I asked. His nerves were setting me on edge.
“Can I just do this how I planned it?”
“You’re making me nervous.”
“Fine.” He pulled off his shirt, the action slow as he winced at lifting his arms over his head. My breath caught in my throat as I took in that perfect physique. There was still some bruising from the attack, but overall his wounds had healed.
“This was your plan? To distract me with your abs?”
He grinned. “You like those?”
I nodded, running my fingertips over the defined muscles. “Oh yeah, I like those.”
“Thanks. But that’s not what I was going for.”
“What are you going for?” I was confused. He came over to take his shirt off? Not that I minded, but it was just… strange.
“Yesterday you said this was temporary.” He motioned between the two of us. “Quinn, this isn’t temporary for me.”
“I realized last night that it isn’t temporary for me, either.”
He smiled. “This is permanent.”
“How do you know?”
“I just do.”
“What if you decide in a month or a year or five years that I was just a rebound for you?”
“You know how I know it isn’t a rebound?”
“How?”
“Because I didn’t know what love was until I met you.”
How does a person listen to a line like that and not melt into a pile on the ground?
“I thought I did,” he continued. “I went through the motions and I got hurt. But it was nothing compared to the thought of losing you. This thing between us has moved quickly, but I know it’s forever.”
I wanted to kiss him, to confirm that I believed everything he said and that I agreed with him, but he wasn’t done.
“I started thinking about ways that I could prove to you that I meant that. And I could only come up with one conceivable way that would mean something to you and would prove to you how serious I am about you and me being permanent.”
“So what is it?” I asked. He leaned toward me and kissed me, and then he turned around.
Nothing could have prepared me for the shock that lanced through me when I saw what now graced his shoulder blade.
Where it had been an empty canvas the last time I’d seen him, now he was the proud owner of some gorgeous and permanent ink.
But it wasn’t just any tattoo. This one was laced with meaning for us.
A “Q” was tattooed on his shoulder blade, and perched on the tail of the Q was an owl.
I gasped. I stared. I gaped. I melted.
“Holy fuck, Reed.”
He turned back around and grinned at me.
I held
myself back from leaping into his arms. The idea of permanence should scare me, but it just didn’t. The idea of permanence with Reed was exciting and thrilling and intoxicating. “So you were pretty serious about the whole permanence thing, then?”
He chuckled. “Yeah. Kind of serious.”
“When?”
“Last night.”
“Does it hurt?”
“Not as bad as someone breaking my ribs with his fists.” I flinched at his words, and his eyes softened. “It itches more than anything else.”
“I want to see it again.”
He turned around, and I stepped in for a closer inspection. “I love it,” I whispered, staring at the stunning, permanent black lines of the “Q” and the owl that was a masculine and beautiful piece of art. I wanted to touch it, but it was so fresh and new that I was afraid to hurt him. Instead, I kissed just beside the new artwork and laced my arms around his waist from behind.
“Thank you,” he whispered, leaning back into my hug. He turned around and faced me, and those captivating blue eyes pinned me to my spot. He tucked an errant curl behind my ear. “I’m serious about you, Quinn. When something happens in life that shows you how quickly it can end, you know that you have to hold onto the ones you love.” He reached out and pulled my body against his. “And you’re the one that I need to hold the closest.”
His lips found mine before I could respond, and as his firm lips pressed against mine, I realized how dumb I’d been. I had almost given up the best thing that ever happened to me through some misguided attempt at protecting him.
What I didn’t realize was that the only way I could protect his heart was to hold it close to my own.
And as soon as his mouth opened to mine, all coherent thought left my mind as I found myself wrapped up in the love of the man that I’d nearly lost.
I broke our kiss and grabbed his hand, leading him down the hallway to my bedroom. We kissed some more, those hot, intense kisses that only Reed could deliver, and I stripped him out of his clothes and then my own. I pushed him gently down on my bed, careful not to push too hard, and I took control on top of him.
His eyes were full of desire as I hovered over him. He lifted both of his hands up, and my palms met his before I lowered myself onto him.
I had the sudden inclination that I was home.
My heart was hopelessly entwined with his.
Permanently.
CHAPTER 24
It was two weeks later, and finally Reed was at a point where he wasn’t in constant pain from his ribs.
“Stop being such a baby,” Reed said with a grin.
“It’s my first one. I’m scared.”
“It won’t hurt that bad. I’m telling you, the itchiness for the next few days is far worse than the pain.”
“I can deal with a little itchiness.”
“A little?” he huffed, and Axel grinned up at me as “Paradise City” blared from the speakers.
Cliché, maybe, but I had to hand it to Reed. He knew how to pick out a tattoo artist. Axel looked a lot like Axl Rose from Guns N’ Roses, the very band blasting through the speakers. Apparently he moonlighted in a cover band.
“Ready, darlin’?” Axel rasped at me. God, even his voice sounded like Axl Rose’s.
I nodded, trying to set my nerves aside.
I’d been with plenty of men who had tattoos, but I had somehow remained tattoo free. It was Reed, the preppy blue-eyed environmentalist, who finally convinced me to get my first one. Not Tyler, the bad boy bartender who had a variety of sexy tattoos that I’d spent countless hours tasting. Not Caleb or any of the two or three handfuls of men before him. Not Jared and not Griffin.
Reed. The one who I least expected and who had managed to surprise me the most.
The permanent one who I never expected to fall for.
The one so different from my type and yet so perfect for me.
The one that I’d marry someday, the one I’d raise children with someday, the one I’d dream with and love and honor and cherish for the rest of my days.
Axel ran an empty gun across my wrist. There was no ink, but the gun imitated how getting the tattoo would feel. “Can you handle that?” he asked.
It felt like something scratching my skin. It wasn’t so bad. “Yeah,” I said, squeezing my eyes shut as I clamped my other hand onto Reed’s.
“Jesus,” he muttered. “You’re going to break my fingers.”
“Deal with it.”
Axel chuckled and lit a cigarette. It hung between his lips as he switched guns and got to work on outlining the design I’d brought with.
I couldn’t stop staring at it once it was done. It was perfect.
I was the proud new owner of a permanent mark on my body that was laced with as much meaning as the one on Reed’s shoulder blade. On the inside of my left wrist now lived a cursive letter “R” with an owl perched on the extended bottom right side of the letter.
Reed kissed my cheek and then kissed my wrist. “It’s perfect. Just like you,” he said as he paid Axel for his services.
I smiled while I stared down at my new ink. It really was perfect.
He held my hand as we walked out to the car. He opened the passenger door to his Prius for me, and before we got in, he said the words that would later become part of our wedding vows.
He held his right palm up, and I placed my left palm against his. His fingers laced through mine as they had countless times before. “I love you, Quinn. Palm to palm, heart to heart, always to forever.”
Maybe the side effects of being with me had changed. Apparently the side effects included getting a tattoo, shortness of breath from all the steamy sex, and finding the kind of love that lasts forever.
The End
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
First and foremost, thank you to my husband. Neither of us knew how writing would take over our lives when I clicked the publish button last May at his suggestion, but this has been such an awesome year. Cleaning gets neglected, TV shows don’t get watched, and we eat the easy meals rather than the yummy home cooked stuff, so thank you to my hubs for dealing with all of that and for knowing that you always come first even when you won’t admit that you’re feeling neglected. Well, you and the dog. The dog is pretty high on my list.
Thank you to my street team. Your constant support and encouragement and love (and, of course, eye candy) is more appreciated than I can express. I received a message from Crystal today telling me that I have a gift for writing, and messages like hers are so humbling. I never thought anyone would ever read a word that I wrote, and now I have the wonderful women of Team LSD telling others every single day that I’m their favorite author. It’s an indescribable feeling every single time I see that. Writing books is what I want to do for the rest of my life, and your support makes me feel like I can. Special shout out to the blogs run by the wonderful women on my street team: Just One More Page, Swooning over Books, The Book Bar, Sheri’s Look at Romantic Books, Akiikomori Reading, Amazeballs Book Addicts, Whispered Thoughts Book Blog, Asylum for Book Addicts, Evy’s Books, Just Another Girl and Her Books, and Grammar Inspection Task Force.
Thank you to my awesome beta readers! Kelly, Jennifer D., Anna, Jessica, Sheri, Jen W., Tiffani, Crystal, Jenna, and April, your feedback helped me so much.
Thank you to Laura Dunaway, my author bestie who I met through the Nighttides Anthology that we are both part of, for beta reading Quinn’s story and supporting me. Thank you most of all for your friendship.
Thank you to Christine from The Hype PR for the cover reveal and for making me a Hype Author. Thank you to Lydia from HEA Bookshelf for organizing my release day blitz and blog tour (and for making me squeal and smile every time we exchange PMs on Facebook).
And finally, thank you to YOU. If you’re reading this, it means you’ve read Quinn’s story. I hope you loved her story and I hope you will leave a review for me wherever you purchased your copy. I’ve already started writing my next book, and it’ll be base
d on a character in this story! Let me know who you think it is – you can find me on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/authorlisasuzanne. If you haven’t read Separation Anxiety, make sure you pick it up! It’s Veronica and Jesse’s story, and it’s where you first meet Quinn Carpenter.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Lisa Suzanne started handwriting her books on yellow legal pads after she took a creative writing class in high school. She still has those legal pads full of stories, but now one of them is published under the title How He Really Feels. She currently works as a full time high school English teacher, and her favorite part of the year is summer. She has been blessed with the world’s best dog, a supportive family, and a husband who encouraged her to publish after reading one of her novels. She likes the advice of Ernest Hemingway’s famous quote, “Write drunk. Edit sober.”
Web: http://www.authorlisasuzanne.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AuthorLisaSuzanne
Twitter: https://twitter.com/LisaSuzanne24
Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/AuthorLisaSuzanne
Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/lisasuzanne24
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/+LisaSuzanne/posts
ALSO BY LISA SUZANNE
HOW HE REALLY FEELS (HE FEELS, BOOK 1)
Julianne Becker is desperately in love with her boss, Nick Matthews. She has daydreamed about him since the day she first met him a year earlier, but she is firmly stuck in the friend-zone until New Year’s Eve, when the game completely changes and she finds out how Nick really feels about her. They embark on a sexy affair that’s everything Julianne ever dreamed of… except she can’t tell anyone about it. What will happen if anyone finds out about their secret relationship? And how will her lifelong best friend, Travis Miller, react when Julianne begins a relationship with someone who isn’t him?
How He Really Feels is a novel that explores relationships and love between coworkers and friends. It contains some adult situations and is intended for mature readers.
WHAT HE REALLY FEELS (HE FEELS, BOOK 2)
He told her How He Really Feels and had his heart broken. Now Travis Miller is trying to move on from the greatest heartbreak of his life by getting out of town. But two nights before his big move to California, Travis meets a mystery woman who grabs hold of his broken heart and gives him hope that he can piece it back together.
