by Kara Hart
Besides, when it came down to it, he wouldn’t want to be with me now. I was a single mother to a beautiful angel who was more than a handful. He was the cutest ray of sunshine the world had ever seen, but I knew what football players were like. They were selfish. They didn’t care about babies. If he found out about Alex, he would leave in an instant. That much I knew.
Look, I said to myself, that night was wonderful and perfect, but that’s all it was. It was a great rebound. He’s not going to be your husband. He can’t be a father to your child. It was time to give up the dream.
Even though I had the day off to go back home and be with my son, I decided I needed some time to myself. I headed to my favorite park in LA to seclude myself from the rest of the world.
When I got there, I sat on the bench and tried to meditate. I was never very good at stuff like that, but I figured it was better late than never. I thought about what I really wanted in life. At first, it was a great job. Then it was security. But now I had gotten everything that I wanted and more. I had the whole world in my hands. I whispered in the wind, “I want the thing I cannot express. The one thing I am missing.” Even I didn’t know what that meant.
It was clear that I was restless. I sat in silence for a good thirty minutes until I heard someone calling out, “Hey! Hey! Reporter chick!” I looked up and squinted my eyes. “Yeah you! You used to be on Channel 5 News, right?”
“Channel 5 news.” I said, feeling confused. Who the hell remembered me from that?
The man walked up to me. He was incredibly muscular and toned and had just apparently got done with his morning run. “You remember me?” He asked.
I didn’t. “No, should I? I’m sorry, but I meet a lot of people in my line of work.”
“Nah, it’s okay. The name is Jenkins.” He said. “I used to play ball with a guy named Liam Conway. You remember him, right?”
I shook my head in disbelief and smiled. “Uh, yeah I remember him alright.” I laughed. If only he knew the situation.
“Yeah, well, long time no see. Man, Liam is going crazy without you, you know that right?”
“What?” Was I dreaming or was this really reality? Liam? Missing me? “Bullshit.” I said.
He laughed, “Ha, fine, don't believe me then. But I'm tellin’ you, he told me himself. He's losing it out there in Boston.”
“If that's true, then why the hell didn't he call? I gave him my number and everything. He promised me.” I said. The whole thing was starting to really piss me off. My life was incredibly hard and it was all because I had met Liam. He used me, got me pregnant, and left me in the dirt. He wasn't a stand up guy. He was just a typical dickhead.
“Beats me. I'm just tellin’ you what I know. Shit, I didn't even know you lived out here. You should have hollered at me!”
“It kind of just happened on the fly. A lot has changed since the night of the Super Bowl.” I said.
“Tell me about it. Never thought I'd say this, but I actually miss Texas. I don't know what it is, but Dallas just vibed with me better.” He said. “Anyway, I'll leave you alone. Just thought I'd say hey.”
I was still a little dazed. Liam missed me? “Yeah, it was good seeing you.” I said.
He started to walk away, but turned around after a few steps. “You should come to the game on Monday. I’m sure Liam will want to see you.”
I felt my heart sink as I thought about how nice that would be. I could take Alex. He could meet his father. We could be a family. But then reality sank in again. No, of course that couldn't happen. It wasn't possible and I didn't want him as Alex’s father anyway. He left us to drown here. “Can't. I'm going to New York.” I said. “I leave Monday morning.” I shrugged.
“Ah, that’s too bad. Well, I'll tell him you say hey.” He said. “See you around sometime.”
“Yeah, definitely.” I said, waving goodbye.
Life was really crazy sometimes. Liam was coming here, just as I was leaving. Jenkins appeared out of nowhere. It just wasn't meant to be. Life must have different plans for us. Oh, well. I brushed it off as best I could and made my way home.
Liam
“Man, I don't know what's wrong with me. It’s like I've lost my powers since I met that woman.” I laughed into the phone receiver. I didn't talk to Jenkins much, but when I did, it felt like I was back home. “Nah, for real. She's got some weird hold on me. It's like we’re connected or something.”
“Look, bro. I'm telling you. I saw her in California. She's doing work out there now. But she's fucking leaving Monday morning! If only you could get to her the night before. I'm an idiot for not getting her number for you, but she didn't seem interested anymore. She's invested in her new life, you know?”
“She mention any guys? Is she seeing someone or something? I don't get it. How could you just move on like that?” I breathed in and shook it off. “The Patriots’ schedule is all screwed up though. I get in Monday morning, all early and shit. Then I gotta play a game against you! I feel like I'm in an alternate reality or something.”
Jenkins howled into the receiver. “Sounds fucking rough! But it ain't gonna be as rough as that game, man. We’re going to dominate that field tomorrow.”
“Don't hold your breath.” I laughed. “So we going to party after or what?” I asked. I hadn't been in the mood to get crazy, but I figured Jenkins would make it worth while.
“You know it, man. Can't wait to celebrate with you, regardless of who wins.” He said. “Shit, I have to run. Be seeing you tomorrow, brother.”
“See ya.” I hung up the phone and walked out of my house. Practice was in an hour and I still had some time to kill. Yet, there was nothing else I wanted to do but get back on that field. I had let my team down in so many ways. Some of them didn't even know it. But I did. Last season I was a fucking killer. That's why I had to prove myself. From here on out, I was going to be the best player the NFL had ever seen.
I got to the field and suited up. I did my stretches and ran my sprints. I imagined tomorrow’s surroundings. The screaming fans. The other players around me and the ones coming to tackle the life out of me. The pressure. I had been carrying a weight in my heart for so long, and even though Laura seemed to be out of reach, I just knew things weren't as hopeless before. Just hearing Jenkins talk about her made me realize she was still within reach.
“Hike!” I yelled, grabbing the ball off the turf. I dropped back, looked left and right, and imagined one of my guys in the end zone. I threw the most perfect spiral I had probably ever thrown and it landed right in my guy’s hands. Touch-fucking-down. I'm back, baby.
All of a sudden, I could hear the sound of clapping coming from behind me. “Bravo.” A voice said. I turned around.
“Coach!” I called out. “I didn't know you were there.”
“I come early every practice. The empty field helps me center myself. It brings me back to old times.” He smiled. “That was a good throw. A damn good throw. Where've you been all season? We could use someone like you.”
“I know, coach. I feel like I lost myself for a second. But I'm back. I can feel it, the energy I once had. It feels…hopeful.” I admitted.
He nodded to himself and looked off into the distance. “It was a girl wasn't it?” He asked me.
The question left me stuttering. “I, uh. Yeah, I guess so. It's complicated.”
He shook his head. “No it isn't. It's simple. You met a woman who changed your life. So what happened to her? Why isn't she with you, Liam?”
“It's weird, coach. We just kind of lost each other. I moved here and she moved to LA. I lost her number. I don't know. It doesn't matter much anyway. I need to man up and accept what happened, you know?”
The coach looked angry, possibly even angrier than he was at the last game. “Like hell it doesn't matter. Listen to me boy. You meet a good one, you fucking keep her. I met my wife during my 23rd game. We lost each other too. I was heartbroken, sick, and feeling just about every other bad thing you could thin
k of, but I went searching for her and found her. Yeah, you gotta man up and play the damn game to your best potential. But that don't mean you gotta forget about her. You have to do whatever it takes, you hear me?”
I didn't expect to hear it from a coach. I expected him to tell me to get my head out of my ass, not to go after her. Maybe both options weren't so different. I nodded my head with understanding and said, “I've been taken under a lot of coach’s wings and I've learned a lot. But damn did I learn a lot just now.”
“Anytime, Conway. Anytime. Now get your ass in that locker room. It's time to be with the team.” He spit on the field, looked at the end zone, and headed into locker room.
* * *
That practice was incredible. I mean, it was fucking life changing. Any play we made I could visualize with ease. From the get go, it was all smooth sailing. All I had to do was imagine her face and the play would come together like magic. I told myself, if you want this girl, you play for her. You play to fucking win. Hike!
“Good game out there, boys!” The head coach called out, standing against the bleachers. We all formed around him and the rest of the coaches, and took a knee. “I feel real confident we’ll win this one. How are you all feelin’?”
We all gave a loud roar and rumbled the ground with our helmets. I couldn't help but feel the energy flood into my veins. I was born for the game. I would win this. We all would.
“Well,” he started speaking again, “I'm feelin’ pretty fucking good as well. Tomorrow is a big night not just because it's a game. No, it's a big night because it's the night we turn the tables. I know you got it in you. Let's kill ‘em tomorrow!” We brought it in and screamed the team’s name with as much fire and determination as possible.
When I got back into the locker room, however, things had changed for the worse. I opened my locker, only to find my towel had been stolen. I turned to see Charlie smiling. “Missing something?” He asked.
“Yeah, actually I am.” I said. I wasn't in the mood for this kind of bullshit. We had a flight pretty soon and I wanted to get ready fast so I could decompress and tune the world out. Charlie just sniggered like a little boy.
“You want to give my towel back? Or are you just going to laugh like an asshole?” I asked him, feeling my blood begin to boil.
“Oh, an asshole, huh? Is that really what you think of me?” He held out his hand to show that he was holding my towel.
“Look man, you're being an asshole.” I grabbed my things from my locker. That's when I noticed my wallet was missing. Of course, this only made Charlie laugh louder.
“C’mon, man, why don't you stop being a pussy for once?” He replied, as he threw my wallet onto the ground. Things got heated fast. He came up to face me and I simply smiled.
“What, are we not friends now?” I mocked him.
Taking my comment serious, he replied, “I guess we stopped being friends, pal, when you left me high and dry at the club.”
I couldn't help but laugh. Was this really the big issue he was losing his shit over? “Man, relax. You're at that club almost every fucking night. What do you care that I left?”
He turned to get support from the other players, but no one was backing up. In fact, they were trying to act as if nothing was happening. It was embarrassing for him. But even more embarrassing would be if he were to actually throw a punch. I would gladly embarrass him in front of our team.
“What do I care? Seriously? We’re supposed to be brothers, man! I bring you a girl, drugs, and provide you with a good time, and you leave me alone? Not cool, man. Not cool.” He lightly shoved me.
“Back off, brother. You don't want any more trouble. Trust me on that. I have enough shit to think about right now.” Laura… I clenched my fists tightly and waited for his move. Charlie was a good player and I liked him okay before this, but he had kind of a bad reputation around here. Coming from a shit team in the Midwest, he's always had something to prove. Unfortunately, that try-hard mentality made people dislike him. Not to mention, he was a total creep. Take the other night for example.
Charlie decided to follow his gut. However, that might have not been the best decision. He took a swing and I fell back, dodging his punch. “Nice try.” I whispered. He regained his balance and swung again. This time, he hit me square in the jaw. Not a good idea.
I grabbed his wrist and pushed forward with all my strength, slamming him on the ground. I twisted until I could feel the tension in his bone and muscle. He screamed out in pain. I bent over him and said through my teeth. “Now, I want you to listen to me. The only reason I'm not breaking your wrist is because I need you to play a good game tomorrow. I'm taking my towel and wallet. Don't fuck with me ever again.”
I turned around to an astonished team. Most of them just laughed and shook their heads at Charlie. The coach, tucked away in a corner, oddly calm and observing, made eye contact with me. I walked past him and said, “I'm not out to hurt one of my own.”
“I know that.” He said. “Just do me a favor. Get your girl back.”
I would. I had to. If I didn't, everything would fall apart. I'd quit the game and then it wouldn’t be just Charlie hating me. I started to think about how I could find her again.
Laura
I held Alex in my arms, slowly rocking him back and forth. “It's okay.” I whispered to him. “Everything is okay.” Beads of sweat were forming on my head. It was six in the morning and I was already completely exhausted. Who was I trying to kid. I was a terrible mother. At least, that's how it always felt. There was no one there to help me. No one there to back me up.
“It's just for a few days.” I whispered to Alex, my baby boy. “Momma will be home before you know it.”
“Don't worry, Mrs. Perkins. I have it all taken care of. Have fun on your trip.” The sitter said. I knew I could trust her. It was just hard sometimes to let go.
Before I knew it, I was at the airport, waiting to check my bags. A woman next to me was holding her crying baby, trying her hardest to stop it from crying. She looked as if she were about to cry herself. I knew the feeling.
“Cute.” A passenger waiting in the baggage check line sarcastically said.
“He's normally not like this! I'm so, so sorry.” The woman whimpered.
“I just hope we’re not on the same flight as them.” A short bald man with glasses whispered to his wife.
They didn't know what it was like, the selfish bastards. Everyday I felt as if I was going to fall over with anxiety. But I was a strong woman and that meant picking myself back up, no matter how far I fell. And as a single mother, I felt like I was teaching Alex some important life lessons in that regard. I had feeling she was too.
Still, I knew how much he would want a father someday. It was hard not to imagine him playing ball with his daddy, going on hikes and adventures, and bringing Alex to his games. I shook the images away. There wouldn't be any of that. Even though I had faith we might meet again, it had been too long to think everything would be the same since that night. Plus, I didn't even really know the man. All in all, he kind of just seemed like a jerk. Jenkins assured me on a lot of things, but it was obvious he was just being nice.
This trip was already feeling weird. Everything was telling me not to go. The signs were everywhere. Yet, I had to. My job depended on it. It was time for the next step in my career. I pushed forward through the airport and made my way past security.
Once I got through, I checked my phone for the time. “Shit!” I exclaimed. It was ten minutes till boarding time. “Cmon, Laura. You have to hurry.” I muttered to myself. On the speakers above, an announcement said, “Flight 733 from Los Angeles to New York is now boarding.” I ran as fast as I could to my gate.
“Excuse me, miss.” A voice said behind me. I turned around and saw an airport police officer. He was sitting in a small cart. “I'm sorry, but for safety reasons we can't let you run inside the building. Here, why don't you sit down. I'll take you to your gate. The doors will be open wh
en you get there, don't worry.” He said
“Thank you.” I whispered. “But I'm okay.” I began walking as fast as I could without this guy yelling at me. The man simply nodded and trotted along.
I ran and ran until I thought I could run no more. Pretty soon I was out of sight from them. “Please don't let me miss my flight…” I whispered. Then, my foot clipped something on the ground and I felt my body sway to gravity. Yes, I was falling and it wasn't going to be pretty when I hit the ground. However, out of nowhere, I felt a pair of hands grab me. I looked up and nearly fainted from what I saw.
I choked back tears and gulped loudly. “Liam?” I muttered, not knowing whether to scream at him or kiss him.
“Holy shit. Laura?”
We stood in silence, purely staring at each other. We didn't have to say anything. The situation said enough.
We spoke at the same time. I said, “Why didn't you call me?”
And he said, “Your number didn't work. I called you every single day until I had to leave.”
We both laughed awkwardly. “I tried to call, I promise I did.” He said. “To be honest, I thought you just weren't interested anymore. Shit, I even went to your house to find you! I know that sounds crazy, but—“
I cut him off. “That doesn't sound crazy at all.”
“Really?” He asked me.
I shook my head, nearly crying. “Not one bit.” I said.
“I thought maybe you had forgotten about me, but Jenkins called me a couple days ago. He gave me hope I might find you, even though I heard you were moving to New York.” His eyes stared into my soul. I was so mad at him for not calling. At the same time, however, maybe he was telling the truth. Maybe I had put in the wrong number. It was really early in the morning.
“Yeah. It's, uh, part of the job I guess. You understand I bet.” I said. I looked behind me and saw a crowd of people running to catch their flight.
