by Kara Hart
“You're crazy, man.” Jenkins told me over the phone one day. “She's just pussy. That's it. You don't think I've got kids around some of the cities we played in? Shit, I've got like three. I send the women checks and I get to keep my life intact.”
“Great. Sounds like you've got everything under control.” I said sarcastically. I shook my head, actually disgusted by the thought of that.
“Brother, it's what we do. We’re sports players. We don't live for the family life. We live for the game. That's it. You know, I’m actually starting to worry about you. You're playing good again, but maybe you need a rebound or some shit to get over this girl of yours.”
“You're wrong, Jenkins. I'm sorry, but it's not like that for me anymore. I love the game. But this woman comes first. And the baby, that's my flesh and blood, bro. You don’t understand. He needs me there. He needs me to take care of him.” It was hard to convince him and I understood why. But I wasn't like that anymore. I wasn't a hound dog, trying to fuck every chick in sight. That was the old Liam Conway.
That was the scope of the conversations I had about the situation. The only person who really gave a fuck and understood where I was coming from was Coach Stevens. Every time I saw him, he'd ask me for an update. And as things progressed in my life, I played better. I had more determination to succeed and I attributed it all to the two I loved most.
Well, I took a few days off to head to the city. The Big Apple, home of our rivals. I actually liked it out there though. It felt synthetic and real all at the same time. It was a lot different from Dallas, I'll say that much.
My driver dropped me off in the heart of Manhattan, right at Laura’s beautiful new home. She answered the door and ushered me in.
She was wearing a button down pink sun dress, and boy did she look hot as fire. I wanted to fall on my hands and knees, and crawl underneath the flowing cotton. I wanted to lap at her like a dog. I wanted to consume her core, until she felt wholly good inside and out. Instead, I kissed her cheek and said, “You look beautiful.”
“Shut up.” She smiled. “You're trying too hard now and it's not going to work.”
“I mean it. You're scorching right now. Like drop dead gorgeous.” I put my hand around her waist and felt the warmth of her body. Her face turned flush and she pushed me away lightly.
“Thank you. You look good too.” She said. I got it. She didn't want to let up too easy. I still had to earn her trust back. I was cool with that. Still, it was hard not to kiss her, touch her, and pull her in close to me. “Come on. The camera crew is in the other room.”
As we walked into the other room, I started to feel hesitant about all of this. “What exactly do you want me to do?” I asked her plainly.
She looked at me and said, “Honestly, nothing crazy. You owe me that interview. I'm just making you come through on your promise. I'm not going to exploit you, don't worry. I have too much respect for you to do that.”
I thought back to the day I met her. Me, being the prick I am, saying whatever the fuck I wanted to. I remembered how she hung her head when she realized I wasn't going to say something nice. That was when I knew I wanted her more than anything. There wasn't any logic to it. I just did. I promised her the interview of a lifetime and I was going to give her more than that.
“Liam, meet our producer, Jacob. Over here is the camera crew.”
From the moment I saw him, I hated him. He was too close with Laura, always rubbing his greasy hands on her shoulder, telling her what to do. I didn't like guys like him. He was the kind of guy who got picked on in high school, the kind of guy who got a taste of money and used it to prey on beautiful women. He was a disgusting piece of trash.
“Nice to meet ya.” I muttered. “So what's the plan?”
Jacob was eyeing me with a smile in his face. I could see the dollar signs flash in his pupils. I hated producers as much as I hated any kind of manager, agent or CEO. They were all suits to me, one in the same.
“We’ll start out with an interview. I think we should talk about your family life growing up. People love that kind of stuff. We’ll cut the scenes with you enjoying a day in New York City.”
“Sounds good, boss.” I said.
I sat down in the chair, feeling the burning hot light shine across my face. Laura sat down in front of me, crossing her legs. I wanted to pounce on her, right here. I needed her so fucking badly.
“Liam Conway, I'm extremely excited to have you on the show.”
“Thanks, Laura. It's great to be here.” I said.
Jacob jumped in and yelled, “Cut, cut, cut! Let's do it over.”
“What's the problem?” Laura asked him.
He looked over at me and smiled condescendingly. “Liam. What can I do for you to make you relax? You want a beer? Hey Samantha, get him a beer.” He called out to an assistant.
“What are you talking about? I’m fine.” I was already this close to socking him.
“Get him a damn beer, Samantha!” He yelled at his assistant again.
“Do not get me a beer, Samantha.” I said, clenching my jaw tight.
“Let up, Jacob.” Laura warned him.
But he wasn't letting up. He apparently wanted to get his nose broken in by me. “Liam, I apologize. I just want the interview to go well. I have a network to run and what we air needs a certain umph to it. It was an okay start, but why don't we get that Liam Conway personality out a bit more.” He said.
“I don't know what you're fucking talking about.” I said back at him, standing up now.
Jacob clapped his hands together loudly. “Yes! There it is! That attitude. It's you, Liam we need more of that. That's the Liam our audience knows and loves.” He was smiling directly at me. I was fuming.
“You don't know me, pal.” I said.
“Jacob, relax. I got this. The interview will be good. Can you just go home or something? You're making this kind of difficult.” Laura interjected. Her face was red with embarrassment. Now it was personal for me.
“Difficult? Laura, sweetie. What's difficult is pleasing the audience.” He walked behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders. His fingers slid over, practically onto the top of her breasts. “How ‘bout you leave me to the decision making, honey. I'll steer this in the right direction. You trust me, don't you?”
I didn't even give her a chance to respond. “Don't touch her.” I said. It was an easy thing to understand. Apparently for him, it was rocket science.
“What?” He asked me.
“You don't touch a lady unless she asks you to.” I repeated.
“Why don't you mind your own business, jerkoff.” He said to me. That got me going.
I was on my feet, fists tightened with rage and fury. I swung back my arm as if I were about to throw the winning pass. Then, with the speed of a hundred horses, my knuckles came crashing down on his nose and jaw. Crack! I felt his cartilage shatter against my hand. Of course that little slimy man brought out the anger in me. It's what he wanted from me right? Well, he got it. He got it good.
“Liam!” Laura yelled, jumping toward Jacob. “Oh my God. Jacob, I am so sorry. I had no idea he would do this!” She looked at me as if I were the devil.
“Ah shit.” I muttered. “Look, I was just trying to protect the lady, okay? You understand right?” I helped him up. Blood was crusted on his jacket.
“My nose! I'll sue you, asshole! I'll sue the both of you! You'll never get any work in this town. That much I can promise you both! Fuck!” He yelled, stomping around the room like a child.
“I'll pay for the hospital bill and some. Just don't fucking touch people like that. They're not your objects, brother.” I was justified. I knew I was. The guy was a creep. I just did what others were too scared to do. He wouldn't sue me. They never did. I turned to Laura and said, “I'm really sorry.”
“Just. Leave.” She said with tears in her eyes. Her face was harsh, but she looked more heartbroken than angry. Fuck, just when I was going to make it up to her,
I thought to myself.
Laura
The next day was spent in the hospital with Jacob. Liam vowed to make everything right. He needed to set things straight. Or so he said. Here were the facts: the father of my child had punched my producer and my show was hanging by a thread. I was a wreck. Not that I wasn't before.
I begged and I begged until finally Jacob conceded. He would let the show continue, as long as I never brought Liam onto the show ever again. The episode, however, would have to wait. Production would be halted. I would have to go back to Los Angeles until his nose and jaw had healed. God dammit…
So I flew back to LA, despite it all. Liam, being the man he is, decided to come with. We flew in a jet that belonged to the team. Of course, I was bit too angry to enjoy the ride. I sat staring out the window, at the never-ending shapes of the world below.
“I'm really fucking sorry. I know I’ve got a pretty bad temper.” He said when we got back to my place. I simply looked away from him. It wasn't even that I was mad at him for punching Jacob. The truth was Jacob was a creep and he deserved much more than that. It was that he lived a life where he felt entitled to do whatever it is he wanted to do. All celebrities were like this.
“I just don't know if I can trust you anymore.” It was as if the words were just floating out of my mouth. It was the truth and I couldn't help how I felt.
“What can I do to make you trust me again? Please Laura. I'll do anything. I want to be with you. I want to raise Alex with you. At least let me try.” He pleaded. But they were just words. Things people say. They didn't mean anything. Only actions held real weight.
“Nothing. Just be a normal person, okay? For once in your life, be what you say you'll be.” I said, pushing him close to the door.
“So you're just going to kick me out then? Fine. I'll leave.” He said, arrogantly shaking his head at me.
“Good!” I screamed back, slamming the door. I fell onto the hard wood floor, back against the shut door. Alex simply stared at me.
“I'm sorry kiddo.” I said. “Mommy’s just tired.”
He crawled his cute butt toward me as I held my arms out for him. He was so damn precious, his smile could turn a shit day into something really special. But when he finally got to me, he grabbed at the bottom of the front door and actually spoke his first words: “Dadda?” He pointed toward the front yard. “Dadda go?” He asked me.
His first words. I felt the night sky envelop me. What could a lady do if there was no one to trust?
Liam
I slammed the door behind me, shaking with confusion and anger. I had fucked up again. Only this time it was different. This time I had made the only woman I cared for hate me. Correction: she didn’t hate me. She just didn’t trust me anymore. There was a huge difference when it came to those words. And losing trust was much, much worse.
I walked along the main boulevard, hands in my pocket, head arched toward the night sky. The sharp moonlight shined down on me, bathing me in its mysterious glory. “What can I do?” I asked the night sky. “How can I fix this?” Images of my child flashed through my mind. His smile, his face, the way he crawled toward me. He was so damn peaceful when he was next to me. It’s like he knew.
Even if he didn’t, I had to figure things out. I wasn’t a guy that just gave up when the going got tough. I kept walking, thinking to myself. I walked past a television store. I stopped to see the headlines. On the stack of TV’s was my face. “Rage of Fury” flashed on the screen. Then the words “Crazy Patriot.”
The screen panned to ESPN’s correspondent Chelsea Haywahl. “Hello and welcome everybody. Tonight we have an odd story for you. You may know Liam Conway as the star quarterback of both the Patriots and the Cowboys. Well, now it seems he’s gotten into a little bit of trouble. Chris Hughes is in New York City with the story.” The camera then panned to Chris Hughes in front of the Chrysler Building. It looked like a fake backdrop but I wasn’t too sure.
“Trouble in Paradise is the headline for today. I’ll tell you why. Liam Conway, super-quarterback for the Patriots has assaulted someone yesterday and it turns out it’s none other than the producer for our own network.”
I stopped watching. It wasn’t worth my time. In my pocket my phone vibrated. My PR agents were going crazy. One of the texts read “Call me back ASAP. The Press is having a field day with you. We need to issue a calculated response.” I sighed and shook my head. I could never catch a damn break.
I wasn’t a psychopath. I wasn’t a murderer or sadist, nor was I some power-hungry asshole. I was just a ball player. That’s it. A ball player with a mild problem with his temper and agitation. Was that really all that unusual?
No one knew me. No one. Not even Laura. I wanted her to figure me out, but I was like a locked box wrapped a million times over. I was hard to grasp.
When my father left us, it ruined me. I was just six years old. A child. He left my mom, sure. Men and women do that all the time to each other and it’s heart breaking. But there was one thing I couldn’t ever get over. I caught him sneaking out one night. He had a backpack and a suitcase, a few loose items, and a look on his face that said “I’m out of here.”
I said, “Dad? Where you going?”
He leaned over to me and whispered, “Go back to bed. I’m going on a little trip. I’ll be back before you know it.”
Something seemed fishy, however. I asked him, “Can you take me with you? I want to go on a trip too.” Anything to be around pops. Anything.
“No.” He whispered. “Mommy wouldn’t like that. You have to be a good boy because good boys get what they want. Are you going to be good for me?” He whispered. But I knew what that meant. Being a good boy meant keeping your mouth shut. Being a good boy meant acquiescing to bad people making bad decisions. But I was too young to fight back. I was too young to know how to scream for my mom to keep him there. Besides, it wasn’t up to her anyway. He would have beat both of us if I spoke up. I had to let him go. I had to…
* * *
I turned away from the TV’s and I grabbed my phone and threw it into the busy road. It smashed into a million pieces underneath a truck’s tire. I wasn’t crazy, dammit. I just loved someone.
I stopped dead in my tracks. That’s right. I loved her. And I wasn’t about to stop loving her anytime soon. I kept walking, aimless and confused, until I walked by an odd flower store. I stopped. It was 9 PM but the store was open for a few more minutes. I walked inside.
“Good evening.” A kind woman said to me.
“I need flowers. Lots of flowers.” I found myself saying.
“Well you came to the right place. How many do you need?” The woman asked me, cutting off the stems from a pair of roses.
“Enough to fill a yard.” I said. “Enough to say I’m sorry and I love you more than anything in this bullshit world. Enough to say…” My words fell short as the woman smiled a familiar smile.
“I think I can help you.” She said. “Come.”
She opened a back door and inside was a room full of fresh cut floral arrangements. “I’ll take them all.” I said. “In fact, I’ll take the whole damn store.”
Laura
It was supposed to be an easy life. That’s what was always promised to me. Instead, it was all heartache and pain. The thing was, I couldn’t even talk to Katherine about it anymore. Every time I brought it up, she would respond in a callous way. It was as if my troubles meant nothing to her.
I had no one to rely on anymore, besides my family. Not my friends, definitely not my producers or agents, and not the father of my child. My parents were basically clueless when it came to the kind of life I led. It would have been easy to give up right then and there. But I didn’t.
When I woke up the next morning it was still dark outside. The sound of violins rang out against the morning air. Wait, violins? Must be a part of my dream, I thought to myself. But the sound continued. I slowly climbed out of bed, aching and still barely awake, and opened the door. I squinted
against the full moonlight.
The most bizarre thing happened to me. Outside my home was a full orchestra, all dressed up as if they were going to the play a big concerto. “What the hell?” I whispered. I walked out onto the front steps of my lawn and sat down.
It was beautiful. All around the players were large wreaths, roses, tulips, and just about any other flower you could imagine. In the center were giant letters. I tried to read them but they were too big from below. I ran into the backyard and climbed on my roof. It would be a nicer view from up there anyway.
I struggled to push my feet onto the rooftop. When I finally secured a foothold, I slipped and fell backward. “No!” I screamed, sure as hell I was falling to my death. That’s when I felt a warm pair of hands grab mine. I looked up, hanging off the roof. It was Liam.
“Let me help you.” He said, pulling me up onto the roof with him. When I was finally safe, I looked at him angrily. “Just let me explain.” He said, walking to the front edge of the house. “Look.”
We both sat down, our feet dangling over the edge. The orchestra was playing the delicate strings as the city lights twinkled in the distance. It was a picturesque sight to see.
“You know, I’ve never been up here.” I admitted. “The whole city is visible up here. It’s incredible.”
“Sometimes they best things in life are right in front of your eyes. You just have to look at it in a different way to see them.” Liam said.
I looked down at the letters built by petals and stems. “I love you.” It said. A simple, yet special message. My stomach sank and my heart began to flutter. “Oh, Liam…” I whispered.
“To the ends of the earth and back.” He said, wrapping his arms around me. The cold breeze of the morning-night circled around our bodies. “I was born to win. But it wasn’t the game that I was supposed to win. I was born so I could win your love. Now, I may have fucked it all up. I know I’ve got some problems. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t love me. I’ll prove to you that I’m the one. I love you.” He stopped speaking and looked at me, waiting for a response.
