by Dee Palmer
“He said foetus?” Her jaw drops in horror, and I feel the same now, although, at the time, I’m not sure I felt anything other than numb. I shrug and continue.
“He also said embryo, and no, he never called it a baby. He said if he was ever to have children, he wanted it to be a joint decision. He said it was grossly irresponsible in this day and age to bring a human into the world because of an accident. Unless it was deeply held religious belief he said it wasn’t even a consideration. He said the number of people who have children that shouldn’t, makes him sick. His exact words were, ‘Just because they can doesn’t mean they should’.”
“Wow, and you love this guy?” She raises her brow high and full of judgment.
“I know it sounds harsh, retelling it like this, and I’m not saying it’s a popular position or even that I agree, but I do understand why he believes this. Harper, you’ve seen the stories in the papers. Some people shouldn’t be parents. We both work in paediatrics. Believe me, we see the worst of the worst, and I can’t blame him for his rather dark view. When a baby comes in black and blue with tiny broken bones, it tends to colour your view. Some days it’s a very ugly world.”
“But that’s not you.” Her voice is pitched high with utter shock, and I have to wave her down.
“I know. I know it isn’t, and I said as much. He just said it’s a big decision, and if he was consulted now, he’d say no. And if he wasn’t consulted, he’d say fuck, no.” My lips fail to comply with my attempt at an accepting smile. This is so fucking hard.
“He might change his mind if you told him,” Harper coaxes, her hands squeezing mine. Reassurance and hope fill her tone, but the sentiment and wishful thinking roll off me.
“He might, because he’s known for changing his mind.” I reply flatly.
“Fair point, but you don’t really know him,” she adds, and I know she thinks that’s a good thing in this instance, but it’s the nail in the coffin, as far as this topic is concerned.
“No, I don’t.” I draw in a deep and steady breath. “So, at the very least, I have to believe he’s telling the truth when he voices his very clear opinion on unplanned pregnancies. I can’t and won’t assume he’d change his mind just because it’s me.” I watch her expression shift softly from expectation to resignation.
“So what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. I’m only in my second year of Med school. I don’t want a baby, either, not now, not like this, but—” I’m startled when my voice catches. The swell of emotion hits me like a tidal wave, and I have to stifle the rise of a sob from somewhere deep inside me. Harper pulls me into a tight and much needed hug. She kisses my hair and the difficult question is softened by her whispered words.
“But… Yeah, that is some ‘but’ you’ve got yourself, Reggie.” I sniff and let out a humourless laugh at her understatement. “If you keep it, do you think he’ll leave right away?”
“I know how he feels about this, Harper, I wouldn’t want him to stay.”
“What about money? I mean, he’s loaded.”
I pull back, and she rightly flinches at my scowl. “What the fuck, Harper…I’m not my sister…shit!” I drop my head to my cupped hands, and I don’t bother to try and stop the tears from falling. Despair descends, cloaking and choking my heavy heart. “I took the morning after pill, for fuck sake. How did this happen?” I sob, and rivers of tears stream down my face, giant heaves of sadness mixed with frustration and unbelievable stupidity. The one and only time we didn’t use a condom at the tail end of the expiration date on my contraceptive implant, and it was definitely me that said we’d be fine. I begged Joel, on my horny sore knees. I pleaded that my dates we pretty safe, and when his resolve looked unshakable, I promised to go straight to my doctor’s the next morning, which I did. ‘It only takes one swimmer.’ His humorous warning rings hollow in my ears, not so funny now. Fuck!
“Seems to me you’ve already made the decision, Regan. It’s just a matter of a few extra days.” Harper slides her arm over my shoulder and leans her body over mine like a protective shell. A little too late for that.
“Weeks, a few extra weeks,” I argue.
“But you know it’s just a bundle of cells right now, right?”
“That’s rationalizing.” I suck back the barrage of ugly sounds clogging up my throat.
“It is, but you have to do what’s right for you, and no one who loves you is going to judge you either way. I mean me, by the way.” Her lips quirk in a half-hearted smile that is still tender and warm enough to hit me where it hurts. I nod my understanding but can’t quite get my words out; she fills the silence, though. “I know it’s a shitty thing for me to bat right back at you, Reggie, but this is your decision, and it will be with you for the rest of your life. Your body…your choice.” She shifts to create some space, and I uncurl and straighten myself. She smooths the wet hair from my face and wipes the river of tears dry with her thumb…well, dry for the moment.
“I know.” I give a short nod,
“Want to talk about something else?” She tilts her head, and I sag at her change of subject lifeline.
“I really do.” Dragging the back of my hand over my cheeks I wipe dry the remaining stray tears.
“So what’s with all the outfits on the bed? I didn’t know you had this many clothes.” She lifts up a cute little sequinned cocktail dress and stands, holding it against her front, spinning to size up the outfit in front on my wardrobe mirror door.
“I don’t. Possibly the only perk to Raleigh’s shopping addiction is I get her cast offs. Joel is taking me to his cabin for the weekend. I’ve never actually stayed at his place, he always stays here.” Despite the weight of my situation I can’t hide the excitement in my voice. This is big.
“Really? How come?”
“He lives with his mother and his stepfather, but he hates it there and wouldn’t inflict his family on his worst enemy, his words. I think he’s just a very private person.”
“You’re his girlfriend. You’ve met them, though?”
“Sure, well, his mother, who is only slightly better than mine.”
“Oh, well, I can understand him staying here, then. I’d still not want a hottie like him so close to Raleigh.” Harper warns, and I get a hit of pain from a stupid teenage memory.
Raleigh stole more than my hard-earned money growing up; she stole my first love, Ansel Sawyer. It was an all-consuming, rose-tinted type of existence, and I loved Ansel from the first day of high school. It took two whole semesters before I could bring myself to even return his morning greeting. I battled my crippling shyness, and on one walk home from school, we got to talking. If my head had concocted the perfect boyfriend, talking had sealed the deal. He was funny, smart, and too handsome for my teenage hormones. He asked me to go to his house party, and I couldn’t sleep for a week. I’d never felt so high, so happy, and the night of my very first high school party I’d never felt so devastated.
Raleigh had read my diary. She thought it would be fun and humiliating to get me to my first party and make out with my boyfriend. I couldn’t understand what I was seeing. Raleigh didn’t hide her vile intention, she smiled and laughed out as I froze in the hallway, staring at Raleigh grinding down on Ansel who now had his tongue so far down her throat he could probably taste the evil running through her veins. Even as twins, there was no mistaking us. Raleigh had a sharp, cropped bob, and I deliberately kept my hair at waist length.
How could they be so cruel?
I stumbled out of the house to the echo of laughter, and even six blocks away, I still heard the ringing of betrayal in my ears. I fell asleep to that sound and woke the next day, changed. She told me that she had seduced him the night before the party, and when I asked why, she smiled and replied because she could. She told me he told her that he loved me. I cried and she stroked my face and told me she did it for me. She said he didn’t really love me if he could be tempted by a quick, meaningless fuck. They broke my heart,
and she never looked at him again, and I never looked at her as my sister after that night.
“I trust him.”
“I know, but do you trust Raleigh?”
“Not as far as I could throw her, but Joel I trust with my life, and this weekend he’s taking me to his favourite place in the world. Apparently, he’s got some news.” I explain.
“Well, that makes two of you,” she mutters, snapping her mouth shut, and the look of horror on her face lessens the sting of her flip comment. She is instantly at my side, the dress on the floor and her hand holding mine. My eyes glisten with fresh tears. “Oh, babe, it’s going to be all right. Reggie, it’s going to be fine.” I suck back the sobs once more bubbling at the back of my throat.
How can she know that? I don’t know that, still I take the comfort for what it is and pull myself together. I pull back and unceremoniously wipe my runny nose with the cuff of my sweatshirt. Oh, wait, I mean Joel’s sweatshirt.
“I’ll be fine, I’ll be fine,” I wave my hand and physically shake myself, clapping my hands to draw attention to my new focus. “Now what should I pack for a weekend in the woods?”
“I think the little cocktail dress might be overkill, more like checked lumberjack shirts and jeans. Although, are you planning on leaving the cabin at all? From what I understand, he’s not called marathon man for nothing.” She grins, and I blurt out a dirty laugh. It feels strange and welcome, even if her comment makes me groan.
“God, that place for rumours. It’s like a massive mothers’ meeting, and you don’t even work there.”
“I’m dating a doctor, so I kind of work there. Please don’t tell me that rumour isn’t true… please, please, tell me you bagged a unicorn in the stamina department.” She clasps her hands together in prayer.
“No comment.”
“You’re no fun.” She nudges me back on to the bed, and I fall back laughing. A dark shadow sweeps over my closed lids and I get a tingle on the back of my neck that I recognise before I even open my eyes.
“Oh, trust me, she’s a lot of fun, and Harper, for the record, that’s not a rumour.” Joel leans over to plant a soft kiss on my gapping mouth. I don’t know whether I’m mortified he heard us talking or terrified he heard us talking.
“Joel, you’ve been here the whole time?” I ask trying to keep my tone indifferent, my eyes dart to Harper, and we both exchange a look.
“No, just got here. Heard mention of stamina and just knew you ladies were talking about me. Why? What did I miss?” His brow furrows, and he tilts his head expectantly.
“Nothing!” We both snap. His frown deepens, and I try and brush off the highly suspicious behaviour with a lame excuse. “Just planning my weekend wardrobe.”
“Because you’re worried the bears might be wearing the same dress?” he quips.
“There’s going to be bears?” I ask with a genuine degree of fear.
“Probably not.” He takes my hand and pulls me from the bed, wrapping his strong arms securely around me. I meld to his body and have to suppress the audible groan of pleasure because he feels so damn good. His ego is such that the last thing he needs is to know he has to do so very little when it comes to making me moan. He tips my chin up with one finger, and his piercing hazel eyes bore into me. “Come on, what were you talking about, Reggie? You both look like you’ve raided the entire Maryland factory, not just the cookie jar. So damn guilty.”
“Really, it was nothing.” I shake my head and try to turn away. His fingers are replaced with fully cupped hands and intense scrutiny.
“Have you been crying?”
“No…yes, a little, It’s nothing, just hormones gone crazy.”
“Hormones?”
“Must be a twin thing.” I offer this as a lousy explanation, although the volatile mood swings and ridiculous emotional meltdown could easily be the result of hormones. I look over to Harper who nods sagely, reading my expression as I internalise and come to this somewhat plausible conclusion. “Ghost symptoms,” I add with certainty, as if that makes all the sense in the world.
“I’ve heard of that. Well, just as long as you don’t get fat.” He grins but wisely steps away from the self-confessed hormonal female with a kicking right hook.
“Excuse me?”
“I’m kidding,” He holds his hands up in defence, as if that will protect him. He steps backward and I can almost see synapses firing at lightning speed as he fetches the shovel to dig himself out of this particular hole. “I don’t care what size, shape, colour you are as long as you’re mine.” His back hits the wall, and I rise to my full five foot six and glare at him. He sucks in a breath when I lurk forward and kiss him on his nose.
“Nice recovery.” I flash a wicked grin and chuckle when his whole body relaxes.
“I thought so.” He lets out a nervous laugh and pulls me back toward him, smashing his lips to mine in a proprietary kiss that makes me tingle in all the right places. When he releases me, I am a hot, flushed mess and a little dazed. “I’m going to jump in your shower and then we’ll head out.”
“You’re packed already?” My voice is rushed with mild panic.
“Relax, baby. It’s not the complete wilderness; it’s my family cabin, and I have clothes there. Besides, trust me, all you’re going to need to bring is that sweet ass.” He grabs my face and crashes our lips together, eating up any words that dare venture forth with his hungry tongue. He dominates the kiss, and I just let him. He’s like a hurricane when he enters a room and never fails to leave me a breathless wreck when he departs.
“Wow,” Harper sighs.
“Yeah…”
“He’s so—” She leaves the word hanging, and I have to agree.
“Yeah.” I sigh, and after a few silent seconds, she steps up to me, breaking my dreamlike revelry. Her voice is hushed and sincere.
“I don’t know what you are going to decide, Regan, but my advice, for what it’s worth, is to forget everything for this weekend, Relax, enjoy the wild, and ride that ass like there’s no tomorrow.” She winks and gives me a little shoulder shake. I pinch my lips together and force a smile she’s clearly waiting for.
“Not sure I can forget, but I like the rest of that plan.”
“It’s not a plan; it’s doctor’s orders.” She plants her hands on her hips and fires her most stern glare at me, which just makes me chuckle. She can be intimidating, just not to me. I’ve known her so long, dragged her head from a toilet bowl too often, and carried her drunk arse home one too many times for her to be anything other than my super supportive best friend.
“You’re not a doctor, Harper.”
“Not a medical doctor but I’ll have a PhD soon, and this soon-to-be-doctor orders you to fu—”
“Yes, yes, I did understand the advice, and I’ll take it under advisement.”
“You need a second opinion. I’m pretty sure Cam will agree with me.”
“The fewer people know about my fuck-up the better, Harper.”
“But this is Cameron.”
“I know, but he’ll look at me that way he does, and I don’t think I could take that right now.”
“Oh…the look. Okay, but that’s only because he loves you.”
“I know. I will tell him, just…just when I know what it is I’m telling exactly, that’s all.”
“Okay, I understand.”
I pick out some clothes I think will be suitable and start to shove them in my overnight bag. Harper sits on the bed and unpacks everything I have just packed, folds it neatly and repacks like a proper adult.
“I know you joked about the twin thing, but it is kinda’ spooky that you two got pregnant at the same time, don’t you think?” I freeze as she quietly voices the thought that’s been frying my brain since I found out.
“When I was little, Raleigh and I were so close, inseparable. It was my biggest childhood fantasy, that we would both have babies at the same time, and they’d grow up to be as close as we were. However, I saw husbands in
the picture, though, so I know it’s definitely a fantasy.” I snort.
“Well, that, and she turned into a massive bitch,” Harper adds without a hint of irony.
“Yes…that too.”
Harper leaves, and Joel has taken my bag to the car while I make my bed when I hear voices in the living room.
“Back the fuck up, Raleigh.” Joel’s clipped tone isn’t remotely playful. I step into the corridor so I can hear the interaction, and I catch glimpses of Joel, with Raleigh almost pinning him to the kitchen island. A look of horror mixes with disgust and distorts his handsome features into something ugly, a little like my sister’s behaviour.
“What are you afraid of, Joel? That you might like me more?” she coos seductively.
“That I might catch something, more like.” He slaps away her finger that was trailing down the centre of his t-shirt and leans even further back.
“Aw, don’t be like that. You don’t know what you’re missing.”
“I’d have to be missing serious brain matter to want you, that’s for sure. Raleigh, if I have to tell you again to back the fuck away from me, next time I come around, I’ll have a fucking restraining order. I’m not now and will never be interested in you.”
“You’ll change your mind.” She steps away, her singsong response enough to churn the acid in my stomach and make me shiver from tip to toe.
“You’re delusional as well as certifiably insane if you think for one moment I would prefer a crazy bitch like you to Regan. How you two shared the same womb is a medical miracle.”
“Raleigh, what are you doing?” I walk into the room just as she is about to pounce once more on Joel. She holds her hands up in mock surrender.
