by Dee Palmer
“Spoken like a true hedonist.”
“She’s a cutie, Reggie. You’ve done good.” He pulls me into a rough tussle hug, rolling me beneath him. His lips find mine, and I surrender to his kiss. He’s a really good kisser. When he breaks the contact, my chest feels like it’s going to explode. My heart is pounding, and I have to suck in large breaths to refill my lungs. My brain floats in a haze of happiness, and that’s when my mouth thinks now would be the perfect time to contribute—unchecked.
“I didn’t have much of a choice.” My tone is harsh, and he reels back as our past peers up and slaps him in the face.
“You should’ve told me.” His voice catches, and I buckle. What the hell are you doing, Regan? Don’t fucking go there, not now, not ever. Shut it down!
“It had nothing to do with you.” I push out from under him and swiftly create the necessary distance between us.
“She could’ve been mine…ours.”
“Not today, Joel.” I fold my arms across my chest and step back, dredging up whatever strength I have to close the subject I should never have started. I don’t even blame him, we were both at fault but I know one thing for absolute certain, we can’t go back. “Not ever.”
Five years ago
“You’re very quiet.” I venture to break the silence, restlessly nursing my coffee cup between my fingertips. We’ve been driving for over three hours, both uncharacteristically mute and have pretty much endured the same unsettling awkwardness through this rest stop, save the odd comment to express needing the loo or a ‘yes please’. All very polite, yet distant, and it’s scaring the shit out of me. He knows.
“I know. I’m sorry I wanted this weekend to be special, it’s just now…I’m not so sure.” Joel shrugs and his mouth forces a fake easy smile.
“You don’t want it to be special?”
“No… yes… I mean, of course I want it to be special. I just don’t want…” He puffs out a breath of coffee scented air filled with tension.
“Don’t want?” I reach for his hand, and he flashes a genuine smile that gives me a little comfort. He’s clearly struggling with something and my tummy just keeps tightening with each unfinished sentence.
“I’ve never felt this before, you know. I hate to lay this on you when…” He sits back, pulls his hand from mine and runs it through his floppy dirty blonde mane.
“When?”
“I think you’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Reggie…it’s just…” Self-censoring once more, he bites his lips shut.
“Gah! Jesus Christ, Joel, you are going to have to finish a fucking sentence. You’re driving me crazy.” I shake my head, and my accompanying laugh is a little strained.
“Sorry, who knew I’d be stuck for the right thing to say.” He scoffs.
“I know, right, Mr Sweet-Talker Extraordinaire.” I hold my hand out across the table, palm up in offering, and I’m relieved when he captures it in both of his, entwining our fingers, locking them together.
“Let’s get to the cabin and just have the best weekend. Everything else can wait.” He stands, still holding my hand and starts to walk away. I have to stretch to prevent my arm being torn from its socket. Tugging him to a stop, he turns back around.
“Oh, great, more cryptic shit,” I state flatly.
“Not cryptic, just inevitable.” He jerks me forward and wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me flush against his body.
“That sounds ominous.” My words are muffled against his t-shirt; even so, I’m sure he heard the words if not the fear in my tone.
“Come on, I can’t wait to show you my little cabin in the woods.” He winks, and taking my hand, he kisses the palm and holds it for a long heated second against his mouth. The connection reaches my soul, so tender and pure, it steals the breath from my lungs. Wow.
The view from the window of Joel’s Mercedes G-wagon blurs in a seamless mix of golden fields, dark green forest, and crystal blue sky as we speed along the highway, toward north Michigan and the Upper Peninsula. Lake Michigan dominates the horizon on our right, and the bright spring sun bounces over the gentle waves creating a spectacular display of light and sparkles. I open the window and rest my face on my arm. My eyes are closed as I soak up the warmth of the rays, which are still too weak to chase the chill from the late spring air. My skin prickles with goosebumps, making me shiver just as Joel reaches behind my seat and, with one hand, does his best at tucking a soft blanket around my shoulders. The fresh air feels so good on my face, I’ll ignore the creeping numbness from the constant wind a little while longer. It doesn’t happen as much as I’d like, but it’s nice to get out of the city.
I grew up in a small village in England surrounded by rolling fields and footpaths that stretched the entire country if you fancied an adventure, and even though it seems forever since I moved to the States, I do miss the English countryside.
The number of cars on the Interstate becomes less and less the further north we travel, replaced with the occasional streamline trailer, pick-up truck, or farm vehicle. By the time we pull off the main road, we are pretty much the only car driving the undulating track into the centre of the Hiawatha National Forest. Joel’s truck makes light work of the uneven road even if we both get shaken to bits once he takes us off road. I grab the overhead handle as we lurch down into what looks like an open ditch.
“Um, Joel?” I yelp.
“The cabin is a little off the beaten track.” He chuckles as my ass leaves the seat, bouncing high with each bump in the road. No, not road, at best, it’s a dirt track; at worst, it’s just forest.
“A little? There’s no road, Joel!” My free hand is now braced against the dashboard. “I’ve seen films like this, and they never end well. Not for you, anyway; me, the innocent, not so cocky heroine, I might just survive, but a pretty boy like you, not a chance.”
“Nah, I’m safe. I’ve got star billing. They never kill the lead.” He winks, arrogance winning over confidence, not that it’s ever much of a competition. I’ve never met anyone as self-assured as he is. On my best days, I don’t think I carry an ounce of what rolls off of him in waves.
“God, you’re cocky.”
“You like me cocky,” He wiggles his brow and lets out a dirty laugh. “And you like my cock, so hold on tight, baby, and let’s get back to nature.”
“And by nature, you mean?”
“Fucking, let’s get back to fucking. It’s what we do second best.”
“Second best?”
“Yes.” He swings the truck on a hard right, and I almost slip into the footwell when he slams the brake on. I pull myself back straight and turn to face him as the truck dips on a gradient that feels a lot like the side of a cliff. My stomach drops, and I can feel the colour drain from my face.
“Can I ask what we do best?” My voice quavers, and my knuckles pale with the grip I am forced to sustain in order to hold me in place.
“You can ask, but I’d rather show you.” The intonation in his voice is laden with meaning too cryptic for me, and at any other time, I’d probably not give it a second thought.
“Joel?” Fear has my mind racing and my stomach churning, but I need to know what he means, what he’s thinking, where we stand. I need him to tell me.
“Look! There she is.” He pulls the truck to a stop on the brow and nods at the building hugging the lake.
“Oh wow, Joel, its…it’s perfect.” I exhale a slow awe-filled breath as I gaze ahead. I feel him turn to face me.
“Yes, you are.” Our eyes meet, and his face lights with the brightest smile, all cute dimples and straight white teeth, eyes the colour of golden dunes today, which seem to delve deep and knowing, stripping me bare, yet protecting me at the same time. Just like that, he’s told me all I need to know, and I have to agree, it’s perfect.
“How come we’ve never come here before? It’s stunning.” Joel pulls his truck to a slow stop in front of an open double bay wooden garage, which looks like it has possibl
y every big boy toy imaginable; jet skies, a small rib speed boat, fishing rods, windsurf boards, long boards, and I could be mistaken, but I swear that kit in the corner looks like a jet pack.
“I never bring anyone up here, Reggie. I wanted this weekend to be special.”
“There you go, sounding all ominous again.”
“Come on, let me show you around.” He smiles wide and swipes the keys from the ignition, leaping from the car and jogging around to open my door.
“Tell me again how you got such a bad reputation when you’re nothing but Prince Charming with me.” He holds the door wide.
“What can I say? You bring out the best in me. And if you ask the right people, you’ll find I may have played, but every single one knew it was a game.
“And this? This isn’t a game to you?”
“Baby, this…this is the endgame.” He takes my hand and helps me slide the distance from the high cab of the truck to the soft sand and pine needle-speckled drive. I look up to keep the eye contact since he didn’t step back, and I’m now pressed against his firm, fit, and incredibly hot body. I tip up on my toes, and he leans down, his lips so soft, warm, and full, I just melt into the tender contact.
How could Harper ever question why I love this man?
He breaks the kiss, and I throw my head back in a loud belly laugh when he grabs my ass and launches me high up and over his shoulder. He slaps a loud and surprisingly painful palm on my denim-covered rear end, leans down to scoop both of our bags and strides toward the most magical log cabin I’ve ever seen.
Five steps lead up to a sweeping wooden porch that seems to wrap around the entire ground floor. Stacks of logs are artistically arranged in what looks like rolling waves of wood crashing against the front elevation, and there’s a full sized bear sculpted out of a single tree trunk, standing guard over the intricately carved beech tree creeping across the double front doors.
“Babe, can you grab my keys from my pocket?” Joel drops our bags on the ‘You’re Not Welcome’ doormat. I slip my hand into his pocket, the one that’s abnormally bulging, rather than the one curved to perfection with the biteable arc of ass muscle.
“Can you let me down?” I shift to try and get a decent breath, groaning under my own weight while awkwardly pivoting on his shoulder.
“No.”
“I never knew you were such a caveman, Dr Lincoln Prescott.” I snicker.
“Me man…you woman…this my cave.” He thumps his chest once like the sexiest Neanderthal I’ve ever seen and pushes the door wide open. He carries me inside, not bothering to retrieve our bags, and I can barely get a feel for the place with the speed at which he is delivering the grand tour.
“Living room…dining area…kitchen, and down there is the play room, cinema and den.” He swings me around, and I’m going to get whiplash trying to take in the rooms as he is tearing through the cabin like the whirling dervish. “There’s a library and a bar down the other end, and the garage has a separate accommodation, but you don’t need to see that.”
“I’m not really seeing much of anything from this angle, Joel.” I grab what loose material there is on his jeans to try and steady myself.
“Out back there’s a boat house and the deck has the usual stuff, loungers, BBQ, hot tub, and we can go skinny dipping off the dock later, but first…” He leaps up the stairs two at a time, and I grunt at the weight of me jiggling against his solid shoulder.
“I’m going to hurl,” I groan.
“Not my kink, babe, I’d rather you didn’t.” He chuckles.
“Well, maybe let me down.” He opens a door and carries me into a gorgeous bedroom set in the eves, with a sloping wooden ceiling and a massive sleigh bed set against the back wall. Huge fur rugs are scattered over the floor and there’s a wood burner surrounded by plump floor cushions and more fur blankets. It’s all very luxurious and cosy. Joel stops and places his hands on my hips, lifting me off his shoulder with ease.
“Sure,” he says and then I lift my head.
“Oh, Joel, wow it’s…it’s…” He slowly slides me down the front of his body, and for the first time, I’m not distracted by they way he feels, the way he always affects me. I’m dumbstruck and staring at the most amazing vista.
I have no words.
The double height floor-to-ceiling window frames an uninterrupted view of the lake, and as far as the eye can see, it’s just breath-taking. The thick lush forest edges the crystal green lake that sparkles like emeralds as the sun dances over the rippling waves. The sky is clear save for a few fluffy balls of cotton, and it’s so quiet all I can hear is the happy beat of my heart.
“You like it?” he asks, but the pride beaming from his expression makes me think he has no doubt of the answer.
“Duh!”
“I knew there was a reason you’re top of your class, so articulate,” he teases but steps slightly out of range, just in case I’m inclined to wipe that smirk from his face.
“Funny guy.” I rush him, and he switches in an instant from braced to waiting, as I jump into his arms. “Joel, it’s amazing. I don’t know how you’d ever want to leave this place. It’s so beautiful.”
“I didn’t come here for a long time. It was my grandfather’s place, and he left it to me when he died. It caused a bit of an issue with my family, and honestly, I was just too sad to come back. I used to spend all my summers here growing up, and it didn’t feel the same coming here when he wasn’t.”
“You were close with him?”
“He pretty much brought me up. My father died when I was very young, and when my mother remarried, my grandfather didn’t like her new husband, Bradford. He made it a condition of my inheritance that he, my grandfather, that is, was my primary guardian. There were other conditions, but this was the main one, and I didn’t mind. I wasn’t so much interested in the money, and Mother was never very hands-on. I just wanted to be with him as much as I could. He was so cool; he taught me all the things he taught my father, and in some ways, it made me feel close to him.”
“That must’ve been nice.” It’s an effort to pull even the smallest smile. I’m not jealous, yet I can’t help feeling the chasm between our upbringings.
“It was. I had the best childhood. I’m sorry, babe, not a very cheery subject.” He kisses the end of my nose, and I shrug off the dark cloud before it settles.
“No, it’s fine. I like to hear about you growing up, and it’s hardly your fault my dad did a runner.” I sniff, derision thick in my dismissive quip. I unhook my ankles and my legs find the floor. He keeps a firm hold of my hips and looks intently into my eyes before he speaks.
“This is what I was talking about, Regan. Unplanned pregnancy is just irresponsible. It ruins lives, and it’s so unnecessary.”
“My life wasn’t ruined, Joel. I didn’t know any different.” I swipe my hands down the side of my body, severing his contact.
“I didn’t mean that, Reggie,” His tone softens the harsh truth coming from his mouth. “But it did ruin your mom’s life, and she never forgave him and blamed every other man that came into her life. She lived a lonely life, your words, babe, and she took it out on you and your sister. I highly doubt she was unique in this, so please don’t tell me unplanned pregnancies don’t ruin lives, because you are never going to convince me otherwise.”
“You don’t want a baby; I get it. Loud and clear.” I choke back the lump in my throat and fight the sudden spring of tears behind my lids.
“Good, and I’m not saying ever.” He closed the gap I had started to create and wraps me once more in his strong embrace. I can’t even counter his argument because a huge part of me knows it’s true. I soak up the comfort engulfing me and do my best to ignore my own truth, for this weekend at least. I’ll make my decision on Monday.
Joel speaks, interrupting my poor attempt at denial. “I’m just saying not now. Actually, I have to have children one day, another condition of my inheritance. I’m even supposed to make a deposit of m
y little soldiers just in case.” He cups himself and my jaw nearly hits the floor.
“What?” He laughs, nodding as he explains.
“When my father was killed, my grandfather really worried that the Lincoln Prescott name would end with me. He was adamant that wouldn’t happen. He took precautions.”
“Precautions?”
“Yeah, if something happens to me. If I get sick or—I don’t know—I couldn’t have kids for some reason, he wanted there to be a back-up plan in place to keep the bloodline going. It’s pretty crazy, but he was old.”
“Rich people are weird.” I shake my head in disbelief.
“We prefer eccentric.”
“Eccentric as a loon.” I snort.
“So you like it?” He twists me in his arms so my back is to his front, and he’s resting his chin on my head, arms wrapped tight around me, and we are both looking out across the lake.
“I grew up in the countryside, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a place so green, so alive, and still unbelievably peaceful. There’s not a sound.”
“Trust me, that is about to change.” The deep, husky tone makes the tiny hairs on my neck spark to life, and my insides quiver. He lifts me effortlessly into his arms and carries me across the room and lays me reverently on the impossibly deep and luxurious comforter. He covers my body with his, and sweeps his hand from my brow, gently down my cheek and continues the length of my body, as if he’s checking every inch. His eyes search mine, and I feel my throat dry and the space between my legs melt.
I know this game. He’s making sure I feel treasured, cherished, and adored. It’s not just important to him; it’s crucial to us both that we understand the position we are starting from, that we are on the same page before we begin. I tingle from tip to toe with excited anticipation whilst checking my sanity at the same time. I’m such a freak. I never believed I was this person, but maybe I’m only this person because I’m with him.
“Are you ready to play, angel?” His mouth curls in a nefarious smile that would not look out of place on the devil himself.
