The cougar cubs added another element of excite-
ment to their lives. Never still a minute, the gamboling kittens were constantly into mischief. They playfully attacked anything that moved, especially bare feet, and adored anything with feathers or fringe. Tanya and Melissa were very careful to keep all clothing hung out of their reach, but not before the young cats had already demolished a fringed skirt of Tanya’s and ‘killed’ one of Panther’s feathered headbands.
Their favorite treat was honey, and this pouch had to be carefully guarded from the little darlings, who had a definite sweet tooth. They also showed a preference for Panther’s tobacco and developed a taste for coffee. More than once Tanya had reached for her cup to find one of them had emptied it ahead of her. The women had to be very careful not to leave the stewpot unattended or an animal half-skinned.
After the second night in a row of being awakened by Tanya’s hysterical giggling as one or the other of the cubs licked her ticklish bare feet, Panther decided they must be properly trained. Thereafter, Tanya and Panther would go out together, each with a cub on a leash, and Panther taught Tanya how to gently but firmly make them obey. In due time, once they had learned how to conduct themselves properly around the camp, they would be free to roam at will. They were smart little devils, and Panther ventured a guess that before too long they would learn what was acceptable and what was not.
Tanya, on a whimsical note, decided to name them Kit and Kat, explaining to Panther the English meaning of ‘kitty cat.’ The male, Kat, took an unmistakable shine to Panther, while Kit, the smaller she-kitten, obviously preferred Tanya. Both cubs learned to obey either their master or mistress, but both had a decided preference for one.
Tanya loved them, and though Panther would not come out and admit it, so did he. Melissa liked them, laughing over their antics, but she wasn’t honestly crazy over them. Undoubtedly, they were adorable, soft and cuddly, with brown splotches in their tawny fur and black-ringed tails. Panther had said they would lose the spots and rings at about six months, but Tanya thought they were cute as they were. Cute or not, they were a trial at times, and Tanya began to doubt they would ever outgrow the kitten stage.
All in all, Tanya’s life had changed drastically, and she was more contented than she’d ever dreamed she could be. Life with Panther was a constant joy, and she was forever learning from him. Here in the mountains, far from home and friends, she had found a new life. She had a new mother and father, the respect of the tribe, good friends, Melissa to help her, a baby on the way, and Panther — above all, Panther.
Chapter 9
WINTER CAME with a vengeance that year, but not before the Cheyenne warriors had launched several successful raids against the Utes, and a couple against white settlements. Tanya, in the company of the other wives, anxiously awaited her husband’s safe return from each of these ventures. As October passed into November, and then December, her anxieties grew in direct proportion to her added girth.
Each time Panther set out, Tanya, like a dutiful wife, brought him his horse. She packed food and blankets, and stood by as he mounted his stallion. Then she quietly handed him his weapons and watched stoically as he rode from sight.
Before each parting, in the privacy of their tipi, Panther bid her farewell, kissed her and held her close to his heart. In public, they parted proudly and serenely, and after each departure Tanya would seclude herself in their lodge and weep sad tears and pray for his safety.
When the braves returned, there was always great rejoicing, and throughout the raids only one warrior was killed and four others slightly wounded. It was a season of triumph and honor for the Cheyenne.
Returning from one of their raids in December, Panther inadvertently sparked Tanya’s temper. They had been gone a week longer than expected, and Tanya’s nerves were frayed from the wait and the worry. As soon as the scouts had announced spotting the returning war party, Tanya rushed out to gather with the others to greet them.
Panther, on his great black stallion, and Winter Bear, were in the lead. In her joy at seeing her husband returning unharmed, Tanya did not at once notice anything different, but as he drew closer, the welcoming smile froze on her face. Her golden eyes flamed as she saw two pale, slender arms encircling Panther’s waist.
When they reached the outskirts of the village, Panther shoved his captive from his horse and led her at the end of a thong to the center of the encampment, as did the others who had brought captives. All along their path, Cheyenne had gathered to taunt the captives, in the same manner as they had when Tanya had first arrived.
Tanya stood rooted in her place just outside Black Kettle’s lodge. Her mind refused to believe what she was seeing, and her heart thudded heavily in her chest. As they neared, her eyes were drawn to the white girl Panther was leading. Even as tired and dirty as she was, her long brown hair in tangles about her shoulders, Tanya recognized her beauty. The girl raised her head and Tanya beheld the doleful hazel eyes and the clear ivory skin. She was of average height, but with a slim, well-rounded figure that immediately made Tanya feel fat and ungainly.
Only pride kept Tanya from fleeing as Panther rode directly to her and tossed the end of the leash into her hands. Tanya’s nostrils flared in anger, and she knew she dared not look at Panther just yet, though she was sure her emotions did not register on her face. Without a word, she led the girl to where the women were herding the other captives, Ute and white alike. Then she busied herself caring for Panther’s horse, and while he and the others reported to Black Kettle, she set about preparing his meal.
By this time a bleak numbness had settled like a huge rock in her chest. Unshed tears burned behind her eyes as she dressed in a soft doeskin skirt and top, adding her necklaces and armbands in preparation for the celebration to come. Her fingers fumbled endlessly as she rebraided her tawny hair, and her hands shook as she held them across her expanding stomach, trying to stop the trembling within.
It was the closest Tanya ever came to resenting her unborn child. Even as she sought to soothe the babe, she wondered if her burgeoning figure was becoming distasteful to Panther. Was this why he had come back with another woman?
Melissa gazed at Tanya with large, questioning eyes, wanting to comfort her friend. Tanya caught Melissa’s sad look, and cringed at the sympathy she saw there. It was this that saved her from self-pity and held her pride intact. Resolutely, Tanya squared her shoulders, schooled her features into placid lines, and prepared Panther’s paints and clothing.
Tanya’s back was turned, but she felt his presence as soon as he entered the tipi. She felt his eyes upon her as she ladled his dinner into his bowl and placed it near the fire. Gritting her teeth, she sat back and stared into the flames, refusing to look at him.
For long minutes Panther stood there. Finally he spoke, softly, but with a ring of underlying steel to his voice. “You have not greeted me, Wildcat.”
With effort, she answered cooly, “Welcome, husband. Your meal is ready if you wish to eat.” Still she did not face him. Instead, she picked up a blanket she was sewing for the baby and started to work on it.
Panther sat and took up his bowl. “Have you tended to Shadow?”
“Your horse has been cared for, Panther. Your clothing and paints are laid out for you.” Tanya stared blindly at the material in her hands. As the silence lengthened, she asked, “Is there something else you wish me to do for you?”
“Yes,” came the immediate, terse reply. “I wish you to look at me when I speak to you.”
It was an order, one which she knew she must obey, but she could not mask the anger and hurt as her eyes met his.
Panther held her gaze with his own, his eyes cold and forbidding. “Why do your eyes shoot flaming arrows at me, Wildcat? Your manner is cold, but your eyes are hot with anger. Explain yourself to me.”
Her chin went up in defiance. “First tell me this, Panther. Do my enlarging breasts and stomach repel you? Am I so ugly and fat that you no longer fe
el desire for me? Is this why you come dragging another woman home?” Her voice dripped venom.
Panther’s face underwent a series of changes, so unprepared was he for her reply. First it registered confusion, then surprise, and finally anger.
“Do you dare to question me, wife?” His tone sent shivers up Tanya’s spine, but she refused to back down. She watched as he set his dinner aside. For long moments they stared at one another.
When next he spoke, his voice was taunting. “She is very beautiful, don’t you agree?”
Tanya could no longer hold his gaze. Head bowed, she whispered, “Yes.”
“I thought I told you to look at me,” he grated through his teeth.
Tanya’s head snapped up, but now her eyes were bright with tears.
“Am I the head of this lodge? Do I make the rules and you obey them; without question, or argument, or recrimination?” he went on ruthlessly.
Tanya swallowed, but could not speak beyond the lump in her throat. She merely nodded.
“And if I bring this woman into our lodge, you will accept her, because I wish it.” It was more a statement than question, but Tanya responded with a reluctant nod, and the tears she longed to recall rolled down her cheeks.
Panther sighed heavily, and his long, lean fingers reached out to brush the tears from her cheeks. “Oh, Wildcat! What pain you bring upon yourself needlessly. If you had not stung me with your anger, I would not have responded in kind. Where is your faith in our love? Do you hold me in such low esteem that you think I would consider you unlovely when you carry our child within you? I have told you differently. I have told you I need no other woman but you.”
He gathered Tanya’s shaking body into his warm embrace. “The captive is for Black Kettle, to replace the one he had to trade for Melissa.”
All the pent up emotions she’d held at bay broke loose, and Tanya clung to him and sobbed. When at last she’d hiccupped her last, she lay quietly in his arms.
“I’m so sorry, Panther. My emotions run wild these days,” she explained. “You were late, and I was so worried. Then I saw her, and she is so slim and beautiful, and I was so jealous I couldn’t think straight. I swear I saw red!”
Panther drew slightly away from her so he could see her face. “Don’t ever doubt me again, Wildcat,” he told her solemnly. “It is an affront to my honor when you do so.”
“Never again,” she promised.
“Now, clear your face while I dress, and we will go together to present Black Kettle with his new slave.” The smile she bestowed on him warmed his heart to its depths.
When the braves were not raiding, they were hunting, bringing in more meat for the long winter. Then winter set in hard and fast. Almost overnight, the stream froze and the snow came down so hard, driven by a fierce wind, that it was impossible to see more than two feet ahead. Sheltered as the village was by the mountains, it did not get the brunt of the storm, but it was still unlike anything Tanya had experienced in Pennsylvania. Back home, a few inches of drifting snow slowed the city to a crawl, if not to a complete halt. Here the snowfall was measured by feet, not mere inches, and once you were snowbound, it could be spring before you could move about freely again.
The days grew shorter, and the pace less hurried. Once a day Tanya would pick her way carefully over ice and snow to Black Kettle’s lodge and visit with her parents. Usually the cougar cubs went along. They were larger now, but no less kittenish. Panther had taken over their training, and was having moderate success but they were still rambunctious little rascals.
Tanya and Melissa whiled away the hours making clothing for their babies. Unlike Tanya, Melissa was miserable, both emotionally and physically. Her pregnancy did not seem to be going well at all. Most of the time she was unable to keep food down, and her back ached constantly. Her skin had a sallow sickly cast to it, and she did not seem to be gaining weight as she should. Tanya worried over her endlessly.
Panther, when he was not in conference with the other warriors in the tribal lodge, spent a lot of his time in their tipi. Melissa was no longer nervous about him, and the three of them spent many peaceful hours together.
Panther set to work making a cradle for his child. Hour after hour he lovingly fashioned the wood, carving elaborate figures on it. He also fashioned the frame of the cradleboard Tanya would strap to her back or her saddle. Tanya covered it with sturdy leather, and then padded it with softer hides, decorating it with beads after Panther had hand-tooled patterns into it. While she sewed tiny clothes moccasins, and blankets, Panther carved miniature toys and rattles. He even made tiny wooden figures dangling from lines over the cradle to amuse the babe. These, in colorful array, would dance and clatter in the breeze, giving the child something to watch and listen to while he was yet too young to hold other toys.
The days were short and usually dreary outside, or too cold to do anything. The wind howled against the sides of the tipi. After the busy summer and fall, the quiet pace of winter did not suit Tanya. About the only thing she truly liked were the longer winter nights, wrapped tightly and warmly in Panther’s arms as he demonstrated his love for her night after night.
December came to a close with Tanya and Melissa spending their first Christmas away from their families. Here there were no holiday festivities, with caroling and eggnog and yule log blazing. There were no presents in gaily wrapped paper, no furious shopping and furtive hiding and wrapping of gifts;
no Christmas tree festively decorated and alight with candles. No church services were attended; no holiday dinner, with table groaning under the weight of turkey, dressing, pumpkin and mincemeat pies.
Tanya, in her role as Panther’s wife, had been so busy that she would not have known when Christmas Day actually was, had it not been for Melissa. She realized the holiday season was close at hand, but she had fallen into the Indian way of keeping track of time by the moon and the seasons, not days.
Melissa, on the other hand, had religiously marked off the days since their capture on a piece of bark.
“Only seven more days till Christmas,” she advised Tanya listlessly one afternoon.
“What did you say?” Melissa suddenly had Tanya’s full attention.
“It’s only a week until Christmas,” Melissa repeated with a deep sigh. “I wonder if everyone is celebrating without us? I suppose they are.”
Tanya blinked in surprise, then said thoughtfully, “Yes, I suppose so. Is that why you’ve been so gloomy lately? I thought it was because you weren’t feeling well.”
“It’s both, I guess. Don’t you miss it, Tanya? All the bustling about; all the excitement?” Melissa’s eyes filled with tears.
Tanya swallowed hard. “I miss my family. I even miss Julie, as irritating as she could be sometimes.” She laughed shakily.
“I wish Indians celebrated Christmas, at least,” Melissa complained. “I’d love to have even a small tree to decorate, a cup of eggnog on Christmas Eve, fellowship…” her voice trailed off in despair.
Tanya shook her head vigorously, as if to rid herself of the gloomy thoughts and feelings about to take root.
“Best not to think about it, Missy,” she advised, “though I’d give a sack of gold for a turkey leg right this minute. Being pregnant certainly does things to one’s appetite.”
Long into the night, Tanya thought about her conversation with Melissa. She wished she could do something to lift her small friend’s spirits, and finally decided on a plan.
The next morning, she presented her idea to Panther. He listened politely as she explained the Christian celebration of Christmas and its traditions. When she asked if they might cut down a small pine tree and bring it into the lodge, he balked. All living things were revered, and should not have their life cycles disturbed unnecessarily, but the pine tree was special beyond this. It was sacred to the Indians, as they believed it housed certain benevolent spirits. He would permit her to decorate a live pine nearby, but not to chop one down. In addition, he promised her a tur
key.
For days Tanya secretly made small leather decorations and dyed them in bright colors. She sent Melissa to help Shy Deer for hours on Christmas Eve day. Using some of her precious supply of flour and salt, Tanya made pumpkin pie and a plum bread pudding. She made honey-maple candy and popped corn using honey to make it into popcorn balls. She fried corncakes and baked squash. When Panther arrived with the required turkey, she cleaned it and put it over the fire to roast.
When Melissa returned, Tanya dragged her out to the edge of the village, where she had located a small pine tree perfect for their purpose. With several bemused Cheyenne watching, she and Melissa proceeded to decorate the little tree. Then they stood back to admire their handiwork.
Melissa, her blue eyes brimming with tears, hugged her friend. “Thank you, Tanya! You are the best friend I’ve ever had, and this is the finest present you could give me this holiday season. Now it feels like Christmas to me.”
Tanya returned the hug and smiled. “Merry Christmas, Missy.”
She left her friend for a few minutes of privacy near the tree. Later that evening, she, Panther and Missy enjoyed a truly festive dinner together. Tanya swore she’d never been happier.
Two days after Christmas, Melissa got another of her most fervent wishes. She miscarried her child. A little more than halfway through her term, she was too far along to have an easy time of it.
The girls had just finished clearing away the breakfast bowls when Melissa gave a sharp cry and suddenly doubled over in pain, clutching at her stomach. Moving as quickly as possible, Tanya managed to catch her just as her knees gave way. With Panther’s help, they eased her onto her pallet. No sooner did they have her settled, than another pain knifed through her. Melissa drew her knees to her chest and moaned.
“Something is wrong, Panther. I think it is the baby.” Tanya gave him a worried look. “Perhaps I should go for Root Woman.”
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