Across Jeremy’s head, Adam’s glowing ebony eyes held Tanya’s, and she knew he was recalling the night Hunter was bom. For long minutes, they silently shared the memory of that magical moment when Adam had helped his firstborn into the world and held him in his hands.
“I love you,” he mouthed soundlessly.
“I know,” she mimed back, her eyes misting once more. Without so much as a touch, they were wrapped in the warmth of their love.
As promised, Adam patiently taught Jeremy how to ride, selecting a gentle mount for him. Part of each morning was set aside for Jeremy’s lessons, and often Tanya watched, recalling how Adam had taught her in a similarly patient yet entirely different manner. Here, Adam was teaching Jeremy to ride his first horse, instilling fundamentals of a fairly routine measure. In the Cheyenne village, he had taught Tanya, who already knew how to ride a horse in the usual fashion, how to ride as an Indian brave should.
Sometimes, while Adam was occupied with Jeremy, Tanya would chat privately with Rachel. The more the two women got to know one another, the closer they became.
“I wish you’d had the chance to know Adam’s father,” Rachel told her. “He was a fine man.”
“If Adam is anything like White Antelope, I am sure I missed meeting a wonderful person.”
Rachel smiled wanly. “It helped and it hurt at the same time to see Adam grow up to be so like White Antelope, not only in looks, but in attitude. I loved White Antelope, even after we parted, and I grieved for him then and when he died.”
Her face took on a wistful expression. “I’ve often wondered what would have happened if I’d stayed with the Cheyenne. I suppose in time White Antelope would have come to hate me for not accepting his ways. It was better this way, perhaps, after all. At least I have provided my son with an education, and the option of living 6as a white man someday if he chooses.” A long sigh escaped her lips.
Tanya touched Rachel’s hand briefly. “I’ve been told White Antelope loved you until the day he died. He grieved as you did at being parted, but it gave him great joy that you shared your son with him. He did not resent you because you could not conform to his way of life.”
“Thank you,” Rachel murmured, her eyes soft with memories. “That is kind of you, especially since Adam has told me how dearly you had to pay for my mistakes.”
“I don’t understand what you mean.” Tanya frowned thoughtfully.
Rachel explained, “Adam told me what rigid tests Black Kettle set up for you before you could become Adam’s wife. I thought you might resent me, for it was because of me that Black Kettle did not want Adam to marry a white captive. It appalls me to think of what you endured, and yet you met Black Kettle’s standards. Knowing how hard it must have been, I admire your courage and stamina.”
Tanya shrugged. “It was not an easy goal to attain, and I had to work harder at it than I ever have for anything else, but it made me strong and gave me pride in myself. It also made me realize that I can survive anything — but the loss of Adam and his love.”
“My son tells me you like the Indian way of life.” Rachel shook her head in wonderment. “I loathed it so thoroughly that I can’t imagine how you could possibly enjoy it.”
Tanya smiled. “I love the simplicity and freedom of Cheyenne ways. There is a basic, raw-boned honesty — a thing is either right or wrong. Everything hinges upon basic needs; food, shelter, clothing, families. Everyone pulls together for the good of the tribe, sharing and caring for one another, putting individual needs aside. Petty squabbles and backbiting are less noticeable than elsewhere in the so-called civilized world. There is less time for it, and more important things to worry about.”
“But Tanya dear, it’s so primitive!”Rachel shuddered. “I’ll never forget how shocked I was. No snug homes with cheery fireplaces; china, silverware, or utensils. I was astounded to see people actually eating with their fingers and children running about naked. I yearned for a soft bed, a comfortable chair, a real bath with scented soap! My fingers bled from scraping hides and working bone needles through tough leather. The sight of buffalo or deerhide sickened me, and I longed for the feel of silk and satin, or even muslin! And when I discovered I was pregnant with Adam, it frightened me that there were no doctors for hundreds of miles, nor anyone with whom I was close to comfort me. Most of all, I missed my family. Everything was so strange to me there; the language, the people, the entire way of life. When I married White Antelope, they merely tolerated me. I prayed for rescue even after I came to love my husband. He and Adam were the only bright spots in my existence.” She sighed. “I hated the cruelty and the bloodshed. It made my blood run cold to see the warriors in their warpaint and hear their horrid chants. I detested the food, the clothes, the land, the people; literally everything about the village!”
Tanya laughed ruefully. “It doesn’t sound as if much has changed in the last quarter of a century. Life among the Cheyenne is still pretty much as you described it then. The hard work was satisfying to me once my muscles were accustomed to it. It was music to my ears to awaken to the sound of Panther — er — Adam chanting his morning prayers, and the day I dis- covered I was carrying his child was one of the happiest in my memory.”
Tanya’s eyes rested on Rachel’s face, willing her to understand. She held out her arms, revealing her wristbands. “These are the only wedding bands I need, and the other jewelry I treasure is all Cheyenne.”
“As with you, the Cheyenne did not like me at first, but I won their respect and I proved myself worthy of their friendship. Now there are many I grieve for, and others I yearn to see again. Once I’d proven myself to be as capable as any brave, they willingly accepted me as one of their own; Black Kettle’s adopted daughter, and the bride of A-Panther-Stalks.”
Rachel studied her thoughtfully, then asked, “What about your sons, Tanya? Is that the life you want for them?”
Tanya answered without hesitation. “Yes. It is what Adam wishes, too. Our sons will grow up strong and brave, proud and loyal, with good values. They will have a religious belief that is natural and pure in its basis. They will have a knowledge of nature that no classroom could instill in them. When Adam decides the time is right, we will see they are educated in the proper white schools. Meanwhile, they will be learning three languages from childhood, and all else that Adam and I can teach them of both cultures.”
“Didn’t you miss your family?”
Tanya nodded. “Yes, and I will miss them again when we return to the village. Adam has suggested that we tell my parents we wish to live elsewhere for awhile, or that we are traveling. We will return for visits as often as we can so all of you can see your grandsons.”
“I hope so,” Rachel said with a sigh. Then she gave Tanya a little smile. “Now, Tanya, please tell me one thing you do notlike about Cheyenne life so I do not feel so inadequate!”
Tanya thought a second, then grimaced. “I do not like scalps, especially those I am forced to take myself. They are grotesque! Thank goodness Adam understands this, and except for those rare occasions when I am required to wear them, they hang abandoned on our lodge pole.”
Rachel shuddered. “I don’t blame you! Brrr!”
“I try not to think of it,” Tanya admitted, “as I prefer not to think of the massacre at Washita.”
“It is better to think of the good times,” Rachel advised.
Tanya smiled. “I have treasured memories of love and laughter with Adam. When he first discovered I loved him, he looked so victorious, and he was so proud and handsome on our wedding night. I still miss his braids,” she confided. “The look on his face the night we first talked about our unborn child was beautiful; and the night Hunter was born, all wet and warm and new, Adam’s eyes glowed with the wonder of it. He is a magnificent man, a marvelous husband, and a wonderful father. You should be very proud of your son, Rachel.”
“I am,” the older woman confessed softly, “and I am proud that he chose you for his wife. You are a unique and s
pecial woman.”
Tanya shook her head. “No, Rachel, I am merely a woman deeply in love with her husband.”
Tanya spent many hours riding over the ranch with Adam. Sometimes, if they were only going a short distance, Jeremy went with them. What Jeremy lacked in ability he made up in determination. He enjoyed his new accomplishment so thoroughly that his exuberance spilled over onto the others.
More often, Tanya and Adam rode out alone. Tanya learned the boundaries and lay of the land that comprised the ranch. Under Adam’s tutelage, she began to grasp a basic knowledge of how a cattle ranch was operated. It was much more complicated than she’s first thought, and her admiration for Rachel grew as she realized the responsibility her mother-in-law shouldered. It was no easy undertaking to run the ranch so smoothly in Adam’s absence.
As they stopped their mounts on a knoll, watching the cattle grazing placidly below them, Adam turned to Tanya. “You like it here,” he said. It was more a statement than a question.
“Yes,” Tanya concurred. “It is beautiful. Your mother does a spectacular job.”
His hand directed her gaze in an arc about them. “This, too, is my heritage,” he said with a heavy sigh. “It was not an easy decision to join my father’s people. All my life I’ve been pulled in two separate directions.”
“Your Cheyenne blood must have had the stronger pull,” Tanya said.
Adam smiled down at her. “Yes, but someday I will have to come back and take up my responsibilities here. My mother will not be able to handle it alone forever, and then I will have to take over. There will come a day when I put aside my personal preferences to do what I must as my mother’s only child.”
“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” Tanya said. “As you say, you are the only son both of your mother and your father, and I know your responsibilities weigh heavily on you. You can only give your best, Adam, and I will help you in any way I can.”
“Tell me about Melissa,” Justin requested of Tanya. They were standing outside the corral watching Adam give Jeremy his riding lesson.
Tanya slid him a sidelong glance. “What exactly do you want to know, Justin?”
He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “Something, anything that will help me break down the barriers she has erected. I love her, and I think she loves me, but every time I suggest anything remotely connected with marriage, she backs off as if I’d slapped her. I simply don’t know what to do.”
Tanya leaned her arms on the fence rail and thought for a moment before speaking. “Missy did not have an easy time of it with the Cheyenne, Justin.”
“I didn’t think she had,” he countered.
“No,” Tanya went on, “but I don’t think you realize how bad it truly was, and I’m not sure how much I should tell you; how much Melissa would want you to hear.”
“But you know why she holds me off; you know what her fears are,” Justin suggested hopefully.
Tanya nodded. “First you have to understand that of the five of us captured together, I was the most fortunate. It was pure luck that the kindest, most considerate of men claimed me.”
Here she stopped to gather her thoughts. “Go on, please,”Justin pleaded.
“We were all frightened nearly to death, not knowing what to expect at first,” she recalled.
“Melissa was the youngest, barely fourteen; and she drew the ugliest, most vile of all the Cheyenne who happened along that day. Ugly Otter was a beast! When he had had his pleasure with Melissa, he tried to rape me.” Tanya shuddered at the memory. “I fought him, and Panther pulled him off me before he succeeded, but not before I’d bitten off part of Ugly Otter’s ear. Of all of us, Melissa fared the worst. Ugly Otter’s wife was nearly as cruel as he was, and she took out her spite on Melissa at every opportunity. After a long, hard day’s work, Melissa had to look forward to meeting Ugly Otter’s savage demands each night. As if that were not enough, he took added delight in loaning her out to other warriors in the tribe.”
“Enough!” Justin choked, his face twisted in pain and anger.
“No!” Tanya answered, her golden eyes blazing. “You insisted on knowing, and now you shall hear it all! If you think it is hard to hear, try living through it, as Missy has done! She was so young and delicate that I feared for her life. As my wedding gift from Black Kettle, I begged him to buy Melissa from Ugly Otter before his cruelty killed her. She became our servant, and Panther and I saw to it she was clothed and fed and clean. It took a long time to convince her that Panther would not beat or rape her, but finally she stopped flinching each time Panther entered our tipi.”
Here Justin interrupted, “Did your husband have her too?”
Tanya shook her head. “No. It was within his right to do so, but he did not. He was thoroughly appalled at Missy’s condition when she came to us, and soon it was certain she was pregnant, most likely with Ugly Otter’s child.”
Justin groaned in wordless agony, and braced himself for the rest of the tale.
“Because of her weakened condition, she miscarried the child halfway through her term. It was a merciful end to a disastrous situation. She almost lost her life in the process. She was deathly ill for a long time, and only the constant care of the medicine woman pulled her through.”
By now, all the color had fled from Justin’s face.
“Someday,” Tanya concluded softly, “she may recover enough to marry and have more children, but she will never fully forget the terrors she went through. Physically, there is no lasting damage, but emotionally and mentally Melissa is still very bruised. She has endured abuse and terror that might have killed her or left her mentally crippled, but she has survived, and I pray she will recover fully one day and be able to live a normal life.”
“The poor child,” Justin murmured, still in shock.
“She doesn’t need your pity, Justin,” Tanya told him. “She needs your help and understanding. She needs someone to cherish her with gentle patience; someone to protect her from all the inquisitive gossip-mongers who profess concern and only succeed in reopening already raw wounds. She needs time to regain the pride and self-respect that have been stripped from her along with her confidence in herself. She needs your love.”
“She has it,” he assured her, his eyes gentle. “I’ll help her any way she’ll let me, but I don’t know where to start.”
“I sincerely hope you mean that, Justin. Too many of the proper citizens of Pueblo would be repelled by what I have told you. Many would shun her and hold hersomehow responsible for that which she had no control over.”
He nodded in understanding. “I know, but I’ll gladly protect her from those who would hurt her. If she’ll marry me, I’ll adore her all my life.”
Tanya, convinced of his sincerity, touched his arm gently. “In her mind Melissa knows you are not like Ugly Otter, but she fears the physical side of marriage and the pain of childbirth, even though she helped me the night Hunter was born, and she’s seen how happy I was with Panther. With time and patience you can convince her, Justin. She loves you, I am sure. If only she can conquer her fears, you’ll be very happy together.”
He nodded. “Thank you for explaining everything to me, Tanya. At least now I know what it is she fears, and why. I will go very slowly and gently with her. I’ll make her see she can trust me.”
“I hope so,” Tanya replied, “for both your sakes. She has so much love to give, and she deserves so much more than life has dealt her so far. Fill her world with love and joy, and I’ll be forever in your debt, Justin.”
“I’d give her the stars if she asked for them,” he said solemnly.
Chapter 22
THEY HAD been at the ranch for a week, when one morning a young dark-haired girl rode up. Tanya and Adam were in the barn, showing Hunter the new foal. They heard the girl shout at one of the men, asking where Adam was.
Minutes later, she raced headlong into the barn, stopping only long enough to let her eyes adjust to the gloom. Spotting
Adam, she ran to him, throwing herself into his arms.
“Oh, Adam! You’re home!” she squealed. “It seems like forever since I’ve seen you.”
She drew back a bit and eyed him balefully through soulful brown eyes. “You’ve been gone for over three years,”she scolded. “I’ve had a dreadful time keeping Stuart Hammond at bay all this time, but I waited for you just as I promised.”
Tanya, who had been standing to one side, could not decide whether to be perturbed by this forward, dark-haired beauty or amused at the disconcerted look on Adam’s face. Obviously, he was completely surprised by her sudden appearance.
“What the …”he started, then his eyes widened in startled recognition. “Pru? Little Prudence Barnes?” he questioned. “Heavens, Cricket! How you’ve grown!”
The girl’s face glowed. “Of course, silly! I’m sixteen now, and we can be married. When I asked you before, you said I’d have to grow up a bit.”
Tanya barely stifled a giggle at the dumbfounded look Adam could not hide.
Before he had a chance to say anything, Prudence pushed back from him and twirled about gaily, showing off her faultless figure. “There!” she announced pertly. “You can see I’m all grown up now.”
“You certainly are,” Adam concurred, a smile twitching at his lips, “but Cricket…”
“That’s another thing,” Prudence interrupted. “Once we’re married, you’ve got to stop calling me that — except in private, of course. It’s much too juvenile to suit me. Why have you always called me that?”
“Probably because you’re always chirping about, interrupting when someone is trying to talk to you, and rattling on constantly,” he stated dryly.
Temporarily taken aback, Prudence frowned. “Oh,” she murmured. “Yes, well, I’ll have to learn not to do that, I guess.”
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