A Precious Gift

by Karen Rose Smith

  When Carrie nodded, he saw the worry in her eyes and something more…something deeper that bothered him even more than her questions.

  When he started to his office, he wasn’t at all sure what later would bring. That troubled him most of all.

  Seven

  When the doorbell rang, Carrie hurried to answer it, glad Katie had arrived. She didn’t know what had happened to her over the past week. She couldn’t believe the honesty that came out of her mouth when she was talking to Brian lately. Befriending Lisa and the idea that she and Brian might actually have a child had given her more courage than she’d ever possessed. Was it courage…or recklessness? Courage…or the foolhardiness of wanting to spill everything about her life to Brian?

  She knew she couldn’t do that yet, not now with all this tension between them. He’d made it clear he thought right was right and wrong was wrong. He’d made it clear that nothing absolved a mistake. How could she ever tell him about the abortion, knowing it would probably destroy their marriage?

  Opening the door to Katie, she was stunned by the changes she saw in her friend. They’d met each other about three years ago at a local health club. Katie had just started a minimal exercise regimen. Back then she’d been overweight, had dressed inconspicuously and had worn glasses. She’d always let her brown hair fall long and straight, and it had hidden her face. Over the past few months, Katie had finally dropped quite a few pounds. However recently, Carrie had noticed other changes in her friend besides the weight she’d lost. She hadn’t seen her since December, though, when she’d loaned her a dress for the bachelor auction and charity ball. Then Katie had gone down another dress size and hadn’t had time to shop. In Carrie’s closet they’d found an emerald sequined gown that had fit perfectly. Today her glasses were gone, and her hair was short and wispy around her face. Her black leggings and tall boots were topped by a hunter-green jacket.

  “You look wonderful!” Carrie exclaimed before she could stop herself.

  Katie gave her a shy smile. “You think so? This is the new me. I’m still trying to get used to her.”

  “Come on in.”

  After Katie came inside and unzipped her jacket, Carrie could see she wore a green cashmere sweater underneath that hugged her new figure.

  “You know, if I’d seen you out on the street, I don’t think I would have recognized you.”

  Looking away for a moment, Katie folded her jacket over her arm. “I’ve had that reaction before,” she murmured.

  Carrie wondered what was causing the sadness in her voice. Although Carrie loved her sisters dearly, she’d been the oldest and more like a second mother. Katie had become a good friend because they were around the same age with concerns they could share.

  Taking her friend’s coat, she hung it in the foyer closet. “Dinner will be ready shortly.”

  “Will Brian be joining us?”

  “Yes. And we have a houseguest.”

  Katie looked taken aback. “Oh, I didn’t know you were having company.”

  Her friend had always been shy and reserved, and Carrie tried to put her at ease. “Lisa’s not exactly company. She’s an unwed mother who’s staying with us until she delivers her baby. Brian and I are hoping to adopt.”

  “That’s terrific! When is she due?”

  “Soon.” Carrie hooked her arm through her friend’s and guided her into the living room. “Can you believe I might become an instant mother?”

  Sitting on the sofa, the two women grinned at each other. “After all the waiting and all the procedures, you’re going to be a great mom. I can see you’re obviously excited. Is Brian as thrilled as you are?”

  Although she and Katie were close, Carrie had never told her about the rape or the abortion. But Katie did know how much she wanted a baby and how much Brian wanted a family.

  Carrie felt as if she needed someone to talk to about all of this. “I’m not sure how Brian feels. Sometimes I think he’s excited, but then others… I think he wants his own child. I’m so afraid he won’t be able to accept this baby if we adopt him, that he’ll think I let him down and we’ll never have the perfect family he’s always wanted because of me.”

  Katie’s expression turned somber. “Have you talked to him about your concerns?”

  “In a way. But I’m not always sure Brian knows what he’s feeling, or will admit it.”

  “Did you go through an agency?”

  “Yes, through Children’s Connection.”

  “Did any of this come up during the interviews?”

  “The questions came up and Brian answered them to the caseworker’s satisfaction. He said he can accept an infant as his own. But he’s having trouble accepting Lisa.”

  “Trouble?”

  “She’s…different. She’s homeless, and she can be defiant sometimes. I think Brian just wanted someone to put a baby into our arms and then he could pretend the baby was his. I think he’s having trouble with Lisa because she reminds him this infant won’t be our biological child.”

  “Oh, Carrie.” Katie’s voice was sympathetic.

  Brushing her hair behind her ear, Carrie shook her head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lay this on you.”

  Katie clasped Carrie’s hand. “We’re friends. You can talk to me whenever you want.”

  “Thanks.” After taking a deep breath and shoving her problems aside, Carrie suggested, “Let’s talk about you. How were your holidays? With this new look, they must have been busy and exciting. Did you wear the dress you borrowed to the bachelor auction and ball?” The emerald-green dress was one of a kind. The designer’s trademark was evident in the scalloped hem with its distinctive embroidery. The fashion designer had given it to Carrie on her very last modeling assignment. Brian had always liked the dress and kept a picture on his desk of her wearing it.

  “I wore it,” Katie said without elaboration.

  “How was the event? Brian and I had another commitment that night but I would have liked to have gone. I heard Jenny Hall won a date with Eric Logan. Or shouldn’t I mention the Logan name?” The Crosbys and Logans’ long-standing feud often fueled gossip in the social circles around Portland.

  Looking down at her hands in her lap, Katie said, “I hear Jenny and Eric are very happy, that their date led to a lot more and they’re engaged. But you’re right, I’d rather not talk about the Logans.”

  Carrie noticed Katie twisting her hands nervously. The Logans no doubt brought up bad memories for her friend. Katie had been a baby when Robbie Logan had been kidnapped, but she’d grown up in the Crosby family with the repercussions of it. However, Carrie thought Katie had gone on with her own life and put most of that in the past.

  A little too quickly, Katie offered, “I spoke to Danny last week. He said you and Brian might take a trip to Hawaii.”

  Carrie remembered Ted and Brian talking about the possibility of asking Danny to be a reference for their Hawaiian deal. “Maybe Brian will be taking a trip to Hawaii, but I won’t. I don’t feel I should leave Lisa. Once her baby’s born—our baby—I won’t want to go anywhere.”

  So intent on her conversation with her friend, Carrie hadn’t been aware of Brian and Lisa coming into the room.

  Brian’s deep voice was gruff. “Hawaii’s still up in the air. I didn’t know you’d made up your mind about it, Carrie.”

  “I’ve thought about it a lot,” she admitted, meeting his gaze. “Traveling with you this time just doesn’t seem right.”

  She could almost hear what he was thinking—a lot of things between them now didn’t seem right.

  Addressing Lisa, Katie tried to diffuse the tension in the air. “I’m Katie Crosby. It’s nice to meet you.”

  “You, too,” Lisa said, lowering herself into an armchair. “You’re as pretty as Carrie. Were you a model, too?”

  Katie laughed. “Afraid not. I work in research and development with Crosby Systems.”

  “She’s being modest.” Carrie tore her eyes from her husband’s and e
xplained to Lisa, “She’s a vice president.”

  “Wow! What did you take in college?”

  Relieved when the conversation moved in the direction of what colleges Lisa might be interested in, Carrie excused herself to get dinner ready to put on the table.

  Although Brian spoke with Katie and Lisa, he didn’t seem to have much to say to Carrie during dinner. She tried to pretend nothing was wrong, but she was having a hard time. Her friend wasn’t fooled by polite conversation that revolved in large around her sister Ivy, who had married a prince and become queen of Lantanya. The royal couple would be having a baby in April.

  Lisa was fascinated by the fairy-tale story and she got along well with Katie. Carrie knew she shouldn’t be surprised. Katie was a compassionate woman. She patiently answered Lisa’s questions about Ivy, college and her work at Crosby Systems.

  After dinner, Carrie quickly loaded the dishwasher and joined everyone in the living room. When she did, Brian excused himself to work in his office.

  The women soon found themselves talking about fashions and clothes Katie had bought for her new image. She produced a picture and showed Lisa what she used to look like.

  “I never knew anybody who had a makeover,” Lisa said.

  Katie laughed. “Well, now you do.”

  Finally Katie admitted she had to be going. “I have an early day tomorrow.”

  As Lisa went to her room, Carrie walked her friend to the door.

  When Katie gave her a hug, she was encouraging. “Everything will work out with Brian and Lisa. You’ll see. If you need to talk, give me a call.”

  Carrie gave Katie a tight squeeze. “Thanks. I’ll do that.”

  A few minutes later, Katie had gone and Carrie stopped at Lisa’s bedroom to say good-night. The teenager smiled at her. “I like your friend. She’s cool.”

  “I like her, too. I guess that’s why we’re friends.”

  “Vice president of a company. That’s really something.”

  “Do you want to be vice president of a company? You could. Business management is offered at a lot of colleges.”

  “Yeah, I saw that. Mr. Summers was a big help showing me how to get around the sites.”

  “I’m glad he could help you.”

  “He showed me how to download applications. I’m going to list this address as my home address.”

  She said it almost hesitantly, and Carrie realized Lisa still wasn’t sure they’d let her stay even after the baby was born. “That’s fine. This is where you’ll be.” Carrie suddenly had an idea that would involve Lisa more in their lives as well as in the community.

  “I’m emceeing a telethon to encourage people to register for bone marrow transplants.”

  “That’s where they donate their bone marrow, right? And then it’s given to somebody else?”

  “Right. People are going to call in and sign up and then later someone from the hospital will follow up with anyone who telephones. How would you like to man one of the phone lines?”

  “Me? You’d let me do that?”

  “Sure. I think you’re responsible enough to take down all the necessary information. You’ll get a chance to see the TV studio and get out for a bit. What do you think?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I can’t wear jeans.”

  Carrie smiled. “We did buy that one dressier outfit. It’d be perfect.”

  “When is the telethon?”

  “Tuesday evening.”

  “It’s not like my social calendar’s full or anything,” Lisa muttered. After another moment’s thought, she said, “All right. I’ll do it.”

  “Great! I’ll sign you up. You get a good night’s sleep, and I’ll see you at breakfast.”

  After Carrie closed the door to Lisa’s room, she went to Brian’s office. His door was slightly ajar and she could hear him talking on the phone. She’d wait for him upstairs no matter how late it was when he came up.

  Carrie had been reading for about an hour when Brian entered the bedroom. He was wearing a red-and-black Henley shirt today and black jeans. His hair was mussed as if he’d run his hand through it a few times.

  “I stopped at your office after I said good-night to Lisa, but you were on the phone.”

  “A call to Japan,” he said absently. Then, looking at her in her nightgown, he suddenly suggested, “Let’s get into the hot tub.”

  “The hot tub?” She couldn’t remember the last time they’d gotten in together. Once in a while in the evening she took a long soak. Now and then, after his exercise regimen in the mornings, Brian would get in for a short amount of time. He didn’t like to relax there as she did with music playing in the background.

  “It’s getting late,” she said softly.

  “Does it matter?” His question was almost a challenge.

  Rising to her feet, she thought the hot tub might be a good place to talk—no interruptions, no phones ringing, just the two of them in the gazebo in the middle of the winter night.

  Crossing to the closet, she said, “I’ll change into my bathing suit.”

  “Just wear a robe.”

  Her gaze met his and a thrill of excitement rushed through her. Maybe he intended for both of them to simply be comfortable. Maybe he intended more. But with Lisa in the house…

  As if reading her thoughts, he assured her, “Lisa’s tucked into her bedroom for the night. After what happened with the alarm last time, I don’t think she’ll venture outside.”

  He was right about that. Suddenly the idea of being in the hot tub naked with her husband unnerved Carrie. They had things to discuss, they had their relationship to talk about. Maybe, Carrie hoped, that would lead to an intimacy they never had before.

  A few minutes later, Carrie had wrapped herself in a long, fluffy yellow terry-cloth robe and slipped into sandals. Brian’s robe was a navy-and-wine geometric design she’d bought him one Christmas. She wasn’t sure he’d ever worn it before. He didn’t bother with shoes.

  When he let her precede him down the stairs, she felt a bit breathless. Her hand went to her hair. She’d used a scrunchie and fashioned it into a high ponytail. She’d also worn no makeup and now she wished she’d at least added a touch of lipstick.

  The walk from the stairway through the family room seemed endless. Brian opened the doors onto the flagstone patio and they stepped outside.

  “Your feet are going to get cold,” she said inanely as they crossed the patio to a short, curved concrete path that led to the gazebo-shaped hot tub enclosure.

  “They’ll warm up fast enough in the hot water.” His gaze met hers.

  It was a cold January night, and it seemed to warm up more than a January night should. She hardly noticed the stars or the sliver of moon in the sky that was huge and black and enveloping in spite of the outdoor lights.

  After Brian opened the door to the hot tub house and flipped the switch on the wall, he set the jets on the hot tub on low. There were blue lights set in the floor around the perimeter of the gazebo and now he switched those on, too.

  Carrie stopped by a small redwood bench, sat on it, and removed her sandals while Brian uncovered the tub, set the cover aside and switched on the interior hot tub lights. Steam rose into the enclosed space, and he opened two of the jalousie windows to let the cooler night air in. As Carrie prepared to drop her robe, steam billowed from the tub and swirls of white wisps bathed the gazebo in almost otherworldly light. After Brian dropped his robe onto a redwood chair, he waited for Carrie at the steps, then offered her his hand.

  He almost took her breath away. He was a magnificent-looking man. His shoulders were broad, the muscles in his upper arms defined. Curling light brown hair matted his chest from his throat to his navel. Carrie’s breath became more shallow and she decided to forgo further appraisal of him. She would be too obvious. He would know what she was thinking. Wouldn’t he?

  That was what this was all about tonight—learning what the other was thinking, finding something they’d lost, reaching for
something new.

  Taking his hand, she climbed the two steps. Brian joined her and waited. She eased herself down onto the lip of the tub, then onto the seat. With room for six people, the hot tub almost felt like a small swimming pool.

  However, as Brian lowered himself into the water beside her on the bench seat, he seemed to fill up the tub. Cool air became nonexistent, and she was lost in the swirl of mist as she watched her husband’s face. She didn’t know where to start with him, and she wondered now how they could have grown apart so much. Wanting to have a child should have brought them closer together. But she’d become lost in her guilt, and he’d become intent on his determination. Their paths had veered away from each other.

  Needing to put words between them, needing to find a thread they could weave into something meaningful, she grasped the first topic that popped into her head. “Katie looks wonderful, doesn’t she?”

  “Yes, she does. Did she say why she suddenly made herself over?”

  “Not really. She didn’t seem to want to talk about herself except for her job. In fact, I thought she seemed a bit distracted.”

  “You didn’t ask why?”

  “I didn’t feel I should pry. She’ll tell me whatever it is when she’s ready.”

  There had been a few inches separating them on the bench, but now Brian moved closer to Carrie, stretched his arm out behind her and entwined one of his fingers around the hair of her ponytail. “I don’t want to talk about Katie.”

  Tipping her head back, she looked up into his intense dark eyes. The blue glow of the perimeter lights faded into the yellow light emanating from the bottom of the tub. The mist between them seemed to float away or else it evaporated in the electric current zapping between them.

  “What do you want to talk about?” she whispered, thinking about things like trust, time together, a new baby.

  Untangling his fingers from her hair, he bent closer to her. “Maybe I don’t want to talk at all.”

  Before she could protest that they had to, his fingers went to the scrunchie in her hair. “Mind if your hair gets wet?”