“A talk show?” Brian asked now. He could tell Carrie was comfortable with Gallagher and vice versa and he didn’t know if he liked it. Gallagher seemed to have an extra sparkle in his eye whenever he looked at Carrie.
“Yes. The station is considering doing a live talk show every morning. We have the market for it. I want to talk details, but all your wife will say is that she’ll take a meeting with me.”
That surprised Brian. However, Carrie was doing lots of things lately that surprised him.
“Anyway,” Gallagher said, taking Carrie’s hand and squeezing it, “I’ll see you on Thursday morning at nine. Don’t get cold feet on me.”
She smiled. “I won’t.”
After a nod to Brian, Gallagher left them on the empty set.
“The idea of a talk show just came up now?” Brian asked.
“Yes. Of course, I can’t do it, not if we’re going to have a baby. But…”
Brian knew Carrie was hoping for the best scenario—that Lisa would have her baby, give him up for adoption and then go off to college. But there were other possibilities, too.
“You want to be prepared if Lisa decides not to give up her baby.”
“I don’t know if prepared is the right word, but I learned a long time ago not to close doors. There’s no harm in taking a meeting with Charles.”
So they were on a first-name basis. “How long have you known Gallagher?”
“For years, actually. Before we were married, I organized a fashion show. He was the producer on the news then and taped it. We went to dinner a few times.”
Brian suddenly went on alert. “You never told me that.”
“Did you tell me about every woman you dated before we were married?”
“No, of course not.”
“The old double standard?” she asked easily.
Ignoring that question, he commented, “You seemed comfortable with him. Were you involved?”
Carrie had seemed so inexperienced the first time they’d made love that he’d guessed there hadn’t been many men in her life. He’d felt more than once that he’d been her first serious relationship.
“No, we weren’t involved. We might have become good friends, though, but our lives took different directions. He concentrated on his career and I married you.”
“Gallagher isn’t married?”
“Let’s just say he still hasn’t found the right woman.”
“Maybe he wishes he hadn’t let you get away.”
Her eyes widened, and Brian wondered if his suggestion was really that off the mark.
“And you think that’s the reason he’s offering me the talk show?”
“I don’t know what his reasoning is.”
“You don’t believe he thinks I’m really talented?”
“I don’t know his motives. I just know I don’t like the way he looks at you. That gleam in his eye has nothing to do with whether or not you’re a good interviewer.”
“I guess I’ll know after my meeting with him.” There was a coolness in Carrie’s voice that hadn’t been there before.
“I’m not suggesting you don’t take the meeting.”
“What are you suggesting?”
“That you be careful when you do.”
Her chin rose a notch and color marked her cheeks. “I haven’t lived in a bubble since I married you, Brian. I’ve dealt with men on the hospital board, doing foundation work, not to mention all your colleagues and associates. I know who’s safe and who isn’t. I have built-in radar.”
Something about the way she said that made him ask, “And where did that come from?”
She seemed to hesitate a moment, then she gave a little shrug. “I guess it came from knowing what some photographers were thinking when they looked through the camera lens when I posed for them. There were some I liked to work with and some I didn’t. I appreciate your protective streak, but I really don’t need it. I’m not eighteen, I’m twenty-seven, and I know self-defense.”
Not much she could have said would have surprised him more. “When did you learn self-defense?”
Again there were a few moments of hesitation. Finally, she replied, “I took the first class when I was nineteen. Since then, I’ve taken a refresher course about once a year.”
“And you didn’t tell me?”
“It’s just one of the things I do when you’re gone, Brian, just like working out at the gym, yoga and flower arranging.”
“Don’t act as if we don’t spend any time together. We do. If I don’t know something about you, it’s because you haven’t told me.”
Now his wife went paler. “If you check your daily planner for the past year, and you add up the time you think we spent together, I doubt if it would be as much as you believe.”
Carrie’s gaze veered away from his, and when it did, she caught sight of Lisa. Beckoning to the eighteen-year-old, she broke into a smile. “Leigh told me you did a great job of manning the phone. How are you feeling?”
“Like I could eat a hot fudge sundae—hot fudge over mint-chocolate-chip ice cream.”
Though Brian was distracted by everything he and Carrie had talked about, he was developing a fondness for this teenager. “I know an ice cream shop that will still be open. One hot fudge sundae coming up.”
When he glanced at Carrie, she avoided his gaze. While they were eating, maybe he could figure out which way to go with his wife. How to pull her closer instead of pushing her away. Somehow tonight the chasm between them had opened wider. He had to find a way to close it, and close it soon.
The following afternoon, as Brian took Exit 28 off of I-84, Carrie finally guessed where they were going. Brian hadn’t left the house as early this morning as he usually did and when he’d had breakfast with her, he’d asked if she wanted to take a drive with him this afternoon. After their conversation last night at the TV station, she didn’t know what he had planned. But now she knew they were headed for Bridal Veil Falls State Park. The area used to be a logging center, and large timber stands were everywhere. She remembered absolutely everything about this place. Bridal Veil Falls was where Brian had proposed to her.
After they exited the car, Brian suggested, “Let’s take the upper trail.”
That trail took visitors around the precipice and the cliffs of the Columbia River Gorge. It was an awesome sight even in the winter, or maybe especially in the winter. She and Brian hadn’t talked much during their ride here. There was a tension between them now that never seemed to go away. Old boundaries between them seemed too restrictive but they hadn’t formed new ones yet. Everything seemed to be changing.
She didn’t know if that was good or bad.
It was definitely different.
When she thought again about making love with Brian in the hot tub the other night, she knew they could have so much more than they did have. Did Brian want more? Or did he want everything to stay the same? She had the feeling “same” was a thing of the past.
The trail was neatly fenced with beams and wire to protect onlookers. Every view of the gorge was spectacular. The scents of rock, firs and damp underbrush were strong, and she hiked beside Brian, often casting quick glances at him. Her husband was wearing a sheepskin jacket and jeans. Rain was common in January, but today a reflection of sun glowed out between the clouds.
They were the only ones on the viewing platform. Bridal Veil Falls was two-tiered. The water fell from the top of nearby Larch Mountain, over the cliffs and into the river. Carrie concentrated on the beautiful veil of water, remembering Brian’s proposal. That day, before she’d accepted his offer of marriage, she should have told him everything. If he’d walked away then, she would have survived. If he walked away now—
“No land developer could create anything that would match this,” Brian said in a low voice.
Brian wasn’t the type of developer to put together a deal on a mall simply to make a profit. He believed in revering the natural setting as much as possible. They’d talked abou
t that a lot when they’d first met, and she knew Brian was still committed to that concept.
She was turned toward the falls, away from him. Brian clasped her shoulder and nudged her around.
The wind tossed her hair and although she could have raised the hood on her parka, she didn’t. Brian’s gaze was too intent, too searching, and she felt paralyzed in the moment.
“I brought you here so we’d have some time together today, so we could talk—away from the city, away from Lisa, away from everything that seems to be dragging us down lately.”
“It’s beautiful here.” Her heart was beating so fast, it was hard to catch her breath.
“You’re beautiful,” Brian murmured and took her face between his hands.
His skin was warm on her cheeks. There was desire in his eyes and something else, too…something much deeper. However, what he felt wasn’t based on truth. She realized now she had projected an image to him. She’d become that image. She understood after all these years, she was fighting it, fighting to show him who she really was.
He brushed her nose with his, then kissed her. Out here in the midst of a river canyon, high-rising cliffs, Douglas firs and the sound of the falls rushing to the water below, she felt as if they were the only two people on earth. Brian took his time with the kiss, coaxing her into it, tempting her with his tongue, seducing her with his desire.
She was so close to heaven…yet so far away.
Her need to be everything that Brian ever wanted urged her to respond completely. Lacing her fingers in his hair, she let him take her where he always took her—outside of herself and into him.
Finally he tore himself from her, came back for another kiss, then leaned away and studied her. “I brought you here to tell you a couple of things.”
Breathless, she began to convince herself that this was the moment, this was the time she should tell him about the rape, tell him about the abortion, tell him what she wanted for the two of them.
“First, I have to fly to Alaska the day after tomorrow.”
Carrie closed her eyes. She couldn’t look at her husband and let him see her disappointment.
“Carrie, it will only be for a few days. The Alaskan deal is at a crucial stage and I have to make the trip. For about twenty-four hours you won’t be able to get in touch with me. There won’t be any phones, and cell phones won’t work.”
“What if Lisa has her baby?”
“I’ll only be out of touch for a day, I promise. Believe me, I want to be there when Lisa delivers her baby as much as you do. That’s why I’m making this trip now instead of next week.”
Struggling to keep tears from filling her eyes, she took a deep breath.
“Carrie, I can’t not do this because Lisa might have her baby. Don’t you understand that?”
She shook her head. “You say you want to be here as much as I do. I don’t think that’s true. If it were true, you wouldn’t go out of town at all. Why can’t you just wait?”
He didn’t look angry, but his voice was firm. “I can’t wait. Not on this trip. But I am going to send Ted to Hawaii instead of going myself. I’m going to give him more authority on the project and see how it goes. If he does a good job, I’ll be able to cut back on traveling. That’s what you want, isn’t it?”
“It has to be what you want, too.”
“I’ve always wanted a family. You know that. I’ve always seen us with kids in our lives, and I suppose I never truly realized what that would mean. You asked me if I want to be a real father. I do. But I can’t cut back recklessly. I’ve worked hard to build Summers Development, and I want to make sure it’s still strong even if I don’t put in as many hours and take as many trips as I used to. I want it to be our child’s legacy. Can you understand that?”
She understood change couldn’t happen overnight. She understood that now wasn’t the moment to turn herself inside out and expose everything she was to him. “I understand.”
He stroked the back of his hand down her cheek. “Then why do you look so sad?”
Marshalling her emotions into a manageable lot, she tried for a smile. “I’m not sad, just concerned. If something happens with Lisa while you’re gone…” I’m afraid what will happen to us.
“Nothing is going to happen to Lisa. Worst-case scenario, I’ll miss the delivery. But the child will be ours in every way that matters, Carrie. I promise you that, too. Best-case scenario, I’ll be back before this baby even thinks about coming into the world. Okay?”
What else could she say? “Okay.”
The silence between them trembled with unspoken thoughts. Hesitantly she asked, “Are you still going to Adam and Leigh’s ranch tomorrow?”
“I told him I’d help him cut down those trees and I will.”
“I thought maybe since you took off this afternoon, you wouldn’t have the time.”
“This afternoon is ours. Let’s just enjoy it. It has nothing to do with tomorrow.”
Couldn’t Brian see that everything was connected? Couldn’t he see that she wasn’t sure what meant the most to him? Couldn’t he see that she was afraid?
When Brian turned toward the falls, he dropped his arm around her shoulders. She knew that he didn’t see, and she felt more afraid than ever that she’d lose him.
Nine
It was 5:00 a.m.
Brian couldn’t sleep. Careful not to wake Carrie, he left their bed, noiselessly slid into his jeans and went downstairs. Yesterday afternoon hadn’t gone exactly as he’d planned. He’d thought their trip to Bridal Veil Falls would reconnect them. He’d thought telling Carrie he wasn’t going to Hawaii would please her. But she’d focused on the Alaska trip and she’d known about that all along.
After they’d returned home, they’d had supper with Lisa, then Brian had worked in his office for a while, quit early and gone to the bedroom to find Carrie watching the news. Afterward they’d made love, yet he’d sensed both of them were guarded. Neither were giving everything they had, and he couldn’t figure out what was going wrong.
In his office now, he didn’t feel like working. That was a first. He found himself pulling a sketch pad from the closet. He’d put it there when they’d moved in.
Sitting at his drafting table, he took pencil in hand and let his subconscious guide his fingers. He’d been working for an hour when he finally leaned back and perused what he’d drawn. The falls were in the background, and he and Carrie were standing at the viewpoint gazing at each other. He was reaching out and touching her cheek. Sometimes he felt emotions so deep between the two of them, he didn’t want to delve into them.
A question she’d asked haunted him. Did he keep himself so busy with work that he’d be prepared if she left?
He’d denied that was what was going on. Yet in the face of everything that was happening, and looking at it now, he wondered if Carrie’s insight had been correct.
Placing the sketch he’d drawn inside the sketchbook, he returned it to the closet. Adam was expecting him today. The sheer physical labor might help him clear his head more than anything else could.
When Brian arrived at Adam’s house and rang the doorbell, Leigh opened the door with a smile. A short time later, she handed her husband a Thermos and two mugs, kissed him and told him she’d be leaving for Portland General. She had a meeting with a few of the staff members who were considering giving some of their weekend time to the Kids Camp at Cedar Run, which was what they’d decided to call their endeavor.
Brian and Adam wasted no time as they examined the area Adam wanted to clear, gathered equipment and went to work. Dampness in the air and the low-slung gray clouds portended more rain. But for the time being, they were dry.
Brian had handled a chain saw during his lumberjack days after high school. He’d earned money any way he could, and he’d saved every cent he could for three years. He still remembered the satisfaction of buying that first property. Fortunately for him, it had doubled in value in two years and he’d been on his way. He’d
done his research and gone into real estate knowing exactly what to look for. People skills had come next, and he’d learned the most important quality of all—patience. Never rush a client or a deal. That patience had paid off.
After the trees were felled and chopped into manageable sections, Adam and Brian sank down onto the thick logs and opened the Thermos of coffee.
Adam rotated his shoulder and moved his head from side to side. “I think I’m getting too old for this.”
Brian laughed. “Or maybe we should do it more often.”
“I have a feeling that chasing after the kids who come to the camp will keep me in good shape. I really can’t wait till we get the place opened.”
Besides seeing Adam’s excitement, Brian had sensed the same anticipation in Leigh. “This could be a twenty-four-hour-a-day project. Are you and Leigh ready for that?”
With a nod, Adam rested his mug on his knee. “Yeah, we are. We’ve talked about it, and we want to make sure we have enough help so she and I can sneak away together at least one day a week. There will be lulls, too, probably. Sometimes we’ll have lots of kids, others maybe only a few.”
“As busy as you’re going to be, have you and Leigh thought about having kids of your own?”
“Sure we have. And we’re practicing already,” Adam added with a grin. “I’ve learned everything happens in its right time. Suddenly I have more family than I ever expected to have. For years I felt as if I were alone, then barriers broke down with my adoptive family, I met my birth father and became a part of his brood. On top of all that, I learned I was a triplet. Now I feel as if I’ve known Lissa and Sam all my life and it’s been less than a year. It all seemed to happen when it was supposed to happen—Leigh coming back into my life in the midst of all that included. So I guess I believe when we’re supposed to have kids, we’ll have them. If for some reason we can’t make a baby, we’ll have each other.”
A Precious Gift Page 12
