by Lynne Graham
With a rueful sigh, Ben released Hope's limp fingers. 'I guess I shouldn't have said that. But Nicolaidis is an arrogant bastard. I couldn't resist the urge to give him the wrong impression. He deserves to think we're together.'
Hope tried to twitch her numb lips into a smile of agreement. Ben had got punched because of her. Ben had got punched for being kind and supportive. If he had chosen to save face by implying that they were in a relationship, he had only been confirming what Andreas already believed. Anyway, Hope reflected wretchedly, what did what Andreas thought matter any more? Vanessa had been right. She had been hiding her head in the sand, living in the past, shrinking from the challenge of the present. Now she had to face the future and accept that Andreas was gone for good. Andreas had moved on. He was seeing other women, taking advantage of his freedom. A brief, shattering image of that lean, bronzed body she knew so well wrapped round that gorgeous blonde in the newspaper threatened to destroy her self-control. If that image hurt – well, it did hurt; in fact it was a huge hurt that hit her so hard she felt traumatised. But the point was, she had to get used to dealing with that hurt.
'Andreas doesn't care about what I'm doing any more,' Hope muttered, wondering if it was possible to teach herself to fancy Ben. Loads of females found Ben madly attractive and witty. He was around a great deal more than Andreas had ever been. Of course, he did party a little too much and too often and in comparison she was really quite a staid personality. But with some give and take, who knew what might be possible? Perhaps she needed to keep in mind just how many compromises she had made on Andreas's behalf.
When had she ever dreamt of living in the city without a garden and beside busy, noisy roads? When had she dreamt of loving a guy who did not return her love and who made her no promises? A guy who was often abroad and who was so busy even when he was not that she hardly saw him. She might be breaking her heart for Andreas but that did not mean he had been perfect. He had acted like a Neanderthal if she'd interrupted the business news. He had woken her up for sex at dawn and referred to the candles she had placed round the bath as a fire hazard. He had ignored St Valentine's Day. He had given her a pen that first Christmas. It had been an all-singing all-dancing pen that was solid gold and jewelled and could be used for writing at the bottom of the sea, but it had still been a pen. She had also been left alone while he’d enjoyed the festive season in Greece. Why had it taken her so long to appreciate that Andreas had treated her rather as a married man would treat a mistress?
He had agreed that they could live at the apartment without servants, but had continued to live as though the servants were still invisibly present. He had never been known to pick up a discarded shirt or bath towel. Like a domestic goddess to whom nothing was too much trouble when it came to the man in her life, she had cooked, tidied and laundered. And not once had he noticed, commented or praised. In fact Andreas was so domestically challenged that when she had asked him to make her a cup of tea he had ordered it in. Her eyes were filmed with tears but she told herself it was regret for the two years she had thrown away on such an arrogant specimen of masculinity. He had not deserved her love and it was time she got over him. If she went out with someone else, wouldn't that be the best way to speed up her recovery?
Ben regarded her with lazy aplomb. 'Come down to the cottage with Vanessa this weekend,' he suggested. 'There'll be a crowd. We could have a blast.' 'Just friends?' Hope breathed tautly, tempted by the welcome prospect of being able to escape the city for a couple of days.
'Kissing friends only,' Ben traded teasingly, but there was an edge of seriousness in his tone.
Hope turned a hot pink and embarrassment claimed her. 'Thanks, but no, thanks. I don't know you well enough-'
Before she could turn away, Ben closed a hand over hers. 'I'm not expecting you to sleep with me yet-'
She was really embarrassed. 'No? But-'
'I know my reputation but I'm willing to go slow for you,' Ben promised.
Evading his eyes, Hope nodded. She did not know what to say. She did not think that there was the remotest chance of her ever wishing to become that intimate with Ben Campbell or indeed anyone else. Yet, without hesitation, Andreas had slammed shut the door on the past they had shared, she reminded herself doggedly. Presumably Andreas suffered from none of her sensitivities. But then Andreas had never loved her. That was the bottom line that she needed to remember, she told herself painfully. Sitting around alone and feeling sorry for herself would not improve her lot or her spirits. Perhaps if she went through the motions of enjoying herself, enjoyment would begin to come naturally.
The following week, Hope met her brother for dinner at his hotel. More than two years had passed since their last meeting. She was grateful that she had not had the opportunity to mention Andreas during the annual phone calls when Jonathan had brought her up to speed on what was happening in his life. At least she did not now have to announce that she had been dumped, she told herself in consolation. Seeing her brother's fair head across the quiet restaurant, she smiled warmly, wanting to make the most of so rare an occasion.
'You haven't got something to tell me, have you?' Jonathan enquired, arranging his thin features into an exaggerated grimace as he stood up and raising a mocking brow.
'Sorry?' Hope stepped back from him with an uncertain look. 'What's the joke?'
'Well, I suppose it's not that funny.' Her older brother sighed heavily. 'But when I first saw you walking towards me, I honestly thought you were pregnant. Don't you think it's time you went on a diet?'
Hope reddened with hurt and embarrassment. She had forgotten just how critical Jonathan could be of a body image that was not as lean as his own. His wife, Shona was a physical education instructor and the couple and their children led a formidably healthy lifestyle. Although it had been some time since Hope had had the courage to approach the bathroom scales, she was already painfully aware that she had put on weight and she could have done without her brother's blunt comments. At present only the larger sizes in her wardrobe were a comfortable fit. I thought you were pregnant. How could he say that to her? Did she really look that large? Tears burned the backs of her eyes.
'You're letting yourself go. It's time for a wake-up call,' her sibling continued without a shade of discomfiture. 'A good diet and exercise regime would transform you. Did I tell you that Shona has opened a fitness salon?'
'No.'
'Business is good, very good,' Jonathan asserted with satisfaction. 'I'll get Shona to send you a copy of her favourite diet.'
Pregnant. Hope was lost in her own feverish thoughts. She was thinking of the new bras she had been forced to buy and considering her tummy's more rounded profile. She was gaining weight in a pattern that was different from her own personal norm. Then there were those secret binges on olives. Hadn't she once read that some women were afflicted by strange cravings during pregnancy? But aside of all those vague factors, what had happened to her menstrual cycle in recent months?
'My firm is operating to full capacity. We can hardly keep up with the order book,' her brother informed her cheerfully. 'Life has been very good to Shona and I.'
'I'm happy for you,' Hope mumbled, transfixed by the alarming awareness that she could not recollect when she had last had a period. It was not something she took a note of or indeed looked for or had ever made welcome. But her cycle had always been a regular one. Yet if her memory served her well, her cycle had not been functioning correctly for several months at the very least. Did that mean that there was a possibility that she could be pregnant?
'I'll always be grateful that you had the generosity to allow me to inherit mother's estate,' Jonathan added squarely. 'At the time I needed that inheritance and I was able to make excellent use of it.'
It was only with the greatest difficulty that Hope could keep up with the conversation, for anxiety had turned her skin clammy. She was being forced to acknowledge that there was a distinct chance that she could have conceived while she was still wi
th Andreas.
'Hope… ' Jonathan prompted.
'Sorry, I'm a bit preoccupied today,' Hope apologised weakly. 'But I was listening. I know you'll have made good use of that money.'
'But it's been on my conscience ever since and it's only fair that you should get the same opportunity. After all, you cared for our mother for a long time and you sacrificed your education and prospects.' With a look of distinct pride Jonathan laid a cheque down on the table in front of her. 'I can now afford to return the original inheritance to you. If you're still planning to open your own business, a cash injection should help.'
Hope stared down at the cheque open-mouthed and blinked in astonishment. Her sibling had managed to thoroughly disconcert her. Below the level of the table she had splayed her fingers across the soft swell of her stomach while she'd focused on the shattering idea that she could be carrying a baby. But now she had to concentrate on the very large cheque that her brother had just presented her with.
'My goodness.' she said shakily.
'If you're about to embark on a new business, you'll need to be super fit,' Jonathan warned her. 'I still think a diet should be at the very top of your agenda.'
CHAPTER FIVE
ANDREAS saw the artistic photo of the three handbags first. The shot was part of a feature in a Sunday magazine devoted to Vanessa Fitzsimmons's deeply trendy photographic exhibition. There was a miniature silver-on-black Hope label in the seam of the tiny lime-green bag and it was a dead giveaway to Andreas. Courtesy of Vanessa, the handbags had been arranged against a rough stone wall as though they were works of art. His handsome mouth curled. He wondered why he was even looking at such superficial rubbish. Flipping the page, however, Andreas was wholly entrapped by a shot of Hope sitting on a rock by a river. Several other faces that were far more well known on the social scene featured in the same study, which was called simply 'My friends' but Andreas initially saw only Hope. A multicoloured gypsy-style top open at her creamy throat, her face bathed in golden sunlight and her turquoise eyes luminous, she looked knock-down stunning. A tiny muscle jumped at the comer of his clenched jaw line. His brilliant dark gaze slashed from Hope to the male standing to one side of her, that smug-looking bastard, Campbell, who had a proprietary hand resting on her shoulder. A boiling tide of rage filled Andreas. He wanted to smash something. Instead he poured himself a drink. It was only ten in the morning. Self-evidently, he was on edge because he had been working too hard for too long, he reasoned grimly. Rage had no place in his disciplined world. All emotion, irrational and otherwise could be controlled, suppressed and ultimately nullified by intelligence. He drained the glass and smashed the crystal tumbler in the Georgian fireplace. The deed was done before he was even aware of his intention.
Hope emerged from the doctor's surgery on rather wobbly legs.
Vanessa leapt up and groaned. 'You are, aren't you? I can tell by your face!' Hope nodded and did not speak until they reached the street. She had been told that she was more than five months pregnant and she was in complete shock. 'The oddest thing is,' she mused helplessly in the fresh air, 'I'm a healthy weight for a pregnant woman. I'm not too heavy. Can you believe that?'
'Andreas Nicolaidis has ruined your life,' her friend lamented in a tone of unconcealed resentment. 'You've just started seeing Ben, you're just about to look for business premises and then it all goes pear shaped on you. How could you be so careless?'
Hope went pink and cast down her eyes. She had not been careless; Andreas had been, though. Several different types of contraceptive pill had failed to agree with her and Andreas had been concerned that she would be damaging her health if she persisted. For that reason, about nine months earlier, he had said that he would take full responsibility in that field. Unfortunately he had been rather forgetful on at least a couple of occasions that came to mind. Certain methods of birth control could put a breaker on spontaneity and Andreas was a very spontaneous guy, she reflected with a pained stab of recollection.
'So how far along are you?' Vanessa enquired gloomily.
Hope sucked in her tummy guiltily, for she could see that the sight of her changing shape depressed her friend. 'I'll be a mother in just over three months.' Vanessa stopped dead in the middle of the street and surveyed her in wonderment. 'But you can't be that pregnant!'
'I am.'
'But how could you not have noticed?' The redhead gasped, standing back to subject Hope's stomach to a distinctly embarrassing appraisal. 'I mean, give your brother a medal. You do look pregnant and yet none of us noticed!'
'I've been wearing loose clothing,' Hope pointed out. 'And people only see what they expect to see.'
When she had first fallen pregnant, her life had been incredibly busy and she had been so wrapped up in Andreas that she had failed to notice that her menstrual cycle had come to a mysterious halt. The other signs of pregnancy had also passed her by. Her health had never given her cause for concern and she had shrugged off the slight nausea and the dizziness she had experienced, believing neither symptom worthy of a visit to the doctor. In more recent months her personal woes had acted like a cocoon that had blinded her to everything outside her own thoughts and feelings, she acknowledged ruefully.
'What are your plans?' 'I have to tell Andreas.'
Vanessa pulled a sour face. 'Let Ben know first.' But Hope did not fall for that suggestion. For the first time in two and a half months, she rang Andreas on his mobile phone and left a message on his voicemail asking if she could see him to discuss something important.
It was three hours before he returned her call. 'What is it?' he breathed coldly without any preliminary greeting.
'I need to see you and I can't talk about it on the phone. Where are you?'
Somewhere close by, a woman giggled and muttered something in a low, intimate voice. 'In the UK and busy,' Andreas said dryly.
She squeezed her aching eyes tight shut. She did not want to speak to Andreas and hear his dark, deep drawl and she especially did not want to listen to another woman speaking to him in the teasing tone of a lover. In fact she really could not bear that torment at all.
'I'm also leaving for Athens tomorrow morning,' Andreas informed her coolly. 'This is your one chance to speak to me. Use it or lose it.'
'No, I have to see you in person and in private,' Hope countered tautly. 'I don't think that's such a huge thing to ask.'
'Perhaps not but the prospect is not entertaining,' Andreas fielded, smooth and sharp as a shard of glass cutting into tender skin. 'In short, I don't want to see you.'
'Do you expect me to beg you for five minutes of your time?' Hope demanded painfully, angry, humiliated tears clogging up her throat, for she had not been prepared for that level of bluntness.
'OK. If you're that keen, you'll find me at the gym tomorrow morning at seven.' He finished the call without another word and left her staring into space.
How was she supposed to tell a guy that cold and unfriendly that she was carrying his child? He was not going to be happy about that. Even when they had still been together, Andreas would not have been happy about that. How much worse would it be to break such shattering news now that they were apart? It had been a long time since they had broken up as well. What male was likely to be even remotely prepared for such an announcement weeks and weeks after the relationship had ended? How could he be so cruel as to demand that she come to the gym where he trained at practically the crack of dawn? He knew the one thing she had always hated was getting out of bed early.
Andreas enjoyed extensive private facilities at an exclusive sports club and visited it several times a week. He had a fitness room at his town house but rarely managed to use it. He had once explained that the club offered him the advantage of sparring with an instructor and training without distractions. As Hope walked past the limousine in the car park his chauffeur acknowledged her with a polite inclination of his head. What did it matter where she was when she made her announcement? she was asking herself ruefully. His off
ice would not have been any more suitable and she would not have felt comfortable at the town house, which he had never invited her to visit even when they had been together. Furthermore, it was foolish to suspect that some slight was inherent in his suggestion that she meet him at his club. After all, Andreas had very little free time and she had to accept the reality that she no longer enjoyed special status in his life.
The weathered older man presiding over Reception asked to see proof of her identity and then told her where to find Andreas. Smoothing damp palms down over the long black wool coat she wore, Hope pushed back the swing door on the gym.
Clad in black boxing shorts and a black vest, Andreas was pounding a speedball with so much energy that he remained unaware of her entrance. She had always been madly curious about exactly what he did at the sports club. Now she remembered him telling her that he had boxed at university. Her attention clung to him. He looked drop-dead gorgeous, she thought helplessly. Every lean, muscular and bronzed line of his long, powerful physique emanated virile masculine strength. She missed looking at him, being with him, touching him, talking to him. She even missed the pleasure of being able to think about him without feeling guilty.
'Andreas… ' she croaked.
Although she would have sworn he could not have heard her above the racket of the speedball, his hands dropped down to his sides immediately and he swung round as though his every sense had been primed for her arrival. Veiled dark deep-set eyes with the brilliance of black granite inspected her from below inky, spiky lashes.
It was a bad moment for Andreas. He had picked the club with care. He had thought it an inspired choice of venue where Hope was unlikely to linger or stage an emotional scene. But there she was, garbed in a big black coat and reminding him very much of how she had looked in his overcoat in the barn when they had first met; all silky soft blonde hair and huge bright eyes above that ripe pink unbelievably kissable mouth. That was Ben Campbell's territory now, came the thought, and he went rigid. He hung onto that alienating awareness and welcomed the return of the cold, bitter aggression that slaughtered at source any suggestion of sexual desire.
