by Nicole Helm
Irritation clawed at him that she was off crying when he wanted to be the one to hold her while she did. That she wasn’t any closer to letting him in.
She swallowed as if she was working through some emotion, some deep feeling that she wasn’t going to show him. “I’m just so tired, and I don’t know why.”
That deflated some of his irritation, replaced with concern for her. “Come lie down. I’ll clean up, and you can take a little nap, and then we can have dinner with everybody.” She needed some normalcy, some company.
Rose studied the house warily, and he ignored that too. The only weapon he had against her mistrust was time. No words would take it away, no combination of actions. Just time. Much like Gabe, Rose had to be ready to take this step. Just like when they’d first arrived at the ranch and Jack and Alex themselves hadn’t wanted a therapist on the grounds, period. They hadn’t been ready, and no amount of pushing had made them ready. They’d both reached their talk to a therapist moment in their own time.
It took time and consistency and support and love to give someone the foundation that allowed them to reach out. He’d give her all that.
He forced himself to smile and slide his arm around her shoulders. “And if you just want to sleep, you can just sleep.”
“I don’t know why I’m so tired,” she said, and he was gratified when she let him lead her.
“Well—”
“Don’t say it.”
Because she wasn’t ready to think about the whole pregnancy thing yet. Which was her right and her choice. No matter how impatient it made him on the inside. He didn’t want to talk about anything else, no matter how much it freaked him out. He wanted to talk, because talking had been working, but on the other hand, he didn’t want to force her into talking. He didn’t want to fight with her or…
Well, he supposed the main thing he didn’t want to do was run her off, and he was afraid that’s what pushing would do—send her running, make her realize that she didn’t care about him.
Isn’t that what you did with Madison? Gave her space when she didn’t want to get married? Let her have the time she wanted? Never pushed. Never demanded.
It was an uncomfortable realization that he was falling into old habits. Wasn’t that how it went though? Weren’t you supposed to give the people you loved what they wanted? The things they said they needed?
He led her to the bunkhouse, confused and wishing he could find the right words, wishing he knew how to break down all those walls. Wishing he had the courage to fight her.
They were having a kid. There were plans to make. Things to learn about each other. Fears and hopes to share. He’d talked a little bit about it with Monica at his last session, but it felt so wrong to discuss his future with her without first discussing it with Rose.
Rose, who he doubted was confiding in anyone. She was so damned determined to handle things on her own.
Monica’s words about self-worth haunted his thoughts every night these days. Maybe he couldn’t make Rose believe in herself, but it was starting to feel like she was going to slip through his fingers no matter how he tried to do the right thing.
He shook that thought away. He was being a lovelorn idiot and overreacting about every little thing. She wasn’t Madison. This wasn’t the past. She said she needed time and space, and he’d give her both. Plus a bed to nap in, a shoulder to cry on—he’d be anything and everything.
He took her inside and led her to his bed. “Lie down. Rest. Once I’m out of the shower, you can decide if you want to go eat dinner at the big house, or I can go get you something.”
“You don’t have to wait on me,” she mumbled miserably.
“I don’t recall believing I had to. I want to wait on you.”
“Because I’m pregnant,” she said flatly.
“Because a lot of things, Rose. Only one of them is you being pregnant. The other reason is one I don’t think you’re ready to hear.”
She slid into his bed, avoiding his gaze, but before he could step into the bathroom, she said his name. “Jack?”
“Yeah?”
“Can you lie with me for a few minutes?”
She had her back to him so he couldn’t see her face, and her tone was something different and foreign he couldn’t read. She was reaching out though, and no matter that he was dirty and sweaty from a hard day’s work, he slid into his bed, pressing his front to her back and pulling her into the circle of his arms.
Rose nestled in, quiet but tense.
“What’s wrong, baby?” Because if she was taking nights off the bar and asking to lie with him, then something was definitely wrong. And he wanted to be the bearer of all her wrongs and all her hurts. Maybe this was the start of that—her coming to him, lying with him.
“Nothing. Everything’s going to be all right.”
She sounded so convinced, he could only hold her close and believe her.
* * *
Rose awoke to her phone going off in a dark room. She didn’t remember actually dozing off in Jack’s tiny bed in the bunkhouse, but apparently she had.
He was still there, holding her close, snoring lightly in her ear. It was in the moments like this, waking up with him, that she wished things could be different.
But they couldn’t. She shifted and pulled out her phone. A text from Dan. She swallowed and shakily brought it up on the screen.
Got the okay. Meet to talk details tonight?
Rose glanced at Jack’s still sleeping form, then at the time. It was only eight o’clock. Which meant she could make up an excuse to leave that Jack wouldn’t suspect. But she couldn’t meet Dan at Pioneer Spirit or anywhere in town where someone might see them and ask questions, or worse, overhear. Dan’s place was out as well. Mel might know some things, but Rose didn’t want her overhearing details or asking questions Dan might not think of.
There was only one place she could have the conversation she needed.
Meet me at the old, falling-down house at the end of Reece Road around eight thirty?
Jack stirred, his arms tightening around her in a light squeeze. “Time is it?” he murmured sleepily.
“Eight.”
“You want me to go round up some food for us?” he asked with a yawn.
“No, actually, I have to go. Um, my sister. She isn’t feeling well. I’m going to go bring her some food.”
“Want me to come with?”
He would offer that. Why had she fallen for this good guy? How on earth had he fallen for her? “No. No. She’s all pregnant and puking. Trust me. It’s ugly.”
He looked at her then, the sleepiness fading away. “Your sister is local. Pregnant and local?”
“Um. Oh. I hadn’t told you that?”
“Not to my recollection.”
Rose stared hard at her phone screen, quickly hiding Dan’s Sure text. “Yeah, she’s a couple of months along. She gets really sick. This is her second.”
Jack sat up a little. “Your sister already has a kid and another on the way and lives in Blue Valley?”
Rose shrugged. “Yeah. Well, outskirts of Blue Valley.”
“So our kid is going to have cousins around their age here? In Blue Valley? And you didn’t think to mention it?” he demanded. His voice was still sleepy, and she knew he was trying to sound curious instead of pissed, but he was so obviously mad that she’d kept things from him.
She hadn’t even meant to. Except maybe she had subconsciously. She’d already told him things about her childhood she’d never told anyone, but she’d needed to keep him separate from the good things.
If things went well tonight, then she would be gone soon. This baby would have cousins and an aunt and uncle local, and Jack should know that. He should absolutely know that, so when she was gone and the baby was here with him, they could be a proper family.
�
�I…”
“Rose, I know you don’t want to talk about baby stuff yet, but shouldn’t I meet your family? Shouldn’t we all know each other and spend time together? Regardless of everything else, we’re all connected now.”
Which made the lump in her throat fizzle painfully. “Yes,” she croaked. “You’re right. The baby will have cousins and aunts and uncles and…yes, you should know them.”
“So I’ll come with?”
“Not tonight.” She forced herself to look him in the eye and lie with everything she had. He’d meet them once she was gone. She couldn’t stand the thought of introducing them to him, watching their interactions. She couldn’t bear the thought of watching him interact with Sunny and knowing it would be the way he’d act with their child someday.
“Delia won’t want to meet anyone right now, feeling like she’s feeling,” Rose managed to croak. “And Sunny’s already sleeping. I’ll talk to her about a good time to meet though.”
Without Rose. Because if Dan was quick enough with the money, she could be gone tomorrow. This might even be the last time she saw Jack. That filled her with a horrible, painful pang, but she shoved it ruthlessly aside.
She was doing what was best. She was proving she was nothing like either of her parents. Her child would have the best, and that wasn’t her. She would save Jack and her baby from the pain she could inflict.
This might be goodbye, and she couldn’t tell him goodbye, but she wanted to give him something. Something.
“My tattoo. The one you’re always asking about?” It was a stupid parting gift, but maybe if she explained it in vague enough terms, he’d understand why she was doing what she was about to do.
“The bloody feather.”
“I got it after I…” She had to clear her throat and make it sound unimportant. Casual. “I tried to escape my parents’ house once, and I did some crappy things in order to do it. I hurt some people, so it’s a reminder that freedom isn’t free. Not for me.”
“You’re free now.”
Except she wasn’t. She was bound by all those old hurts, all the things she knew inside her to be true. Selfishness. Meanness. Cruelty. She wouldn’t inflict them on Jack, and she wouldn’t inflict them on this child. So she put on her best fake smile and brushed a kiss across his cheek. “I have to go.”
“Are you sure I can’t drive you?”
“Not tonight.” She slid out of bed, and he did the same. She looked up at him for a few seconds, wanting both to memorize his face and to pretend she’d never seen it.
She rose to her tiptoes, hoping he couldn’t see the tears in her eyes in the dark. “Goodbye, Jack,” she whispered, leaving as quickly as she could.
She would meet Dan, get the money, and then she’d leave. Leave Blue Valley and her sisters and a wonderful man.
The fact that it hurt so badly only meant she was finally, finally doing something right.
Chapter 25
Jack couldn’t sleep after that, not even after he’d showered and gone and gotten himself dinner. Now he sat on the porch of Alex and Becca’s house on a pretty star-dappled night, and he worried.
Something was off. Rose was not acting right, even given the circumstances, and no matter how he tried to explain it away, that gnawing, wrong feeling ate at him. Maybe he should go to the bar or find out where her sister lived and show up there.
Maybe he needed to fight for her. Like she always did. Maybe, just maybe, he needed to channel some of Rose’s strength and go after what he wanted, fight a little dirty till he got it.
Gabe appeared and slid a beer bottle into Jack’s hand. “Here. You need a beer if you’re going to be brooding all night.”
“I’m not brooding,” Jack muttered, even though that’s exactly what he was doing. He accepted the beer and took a long sip.
“Baby mama drama?”
Jack sent Gabe a scathing look. “No drama, baby mama or otherwise.”
Gabe settled into the chair next to Jack. Alex and Becca would likely join them at some point if they heard voices and weren’t otherwise occupied.
“And yet, you look very, very dramatic.”
Jack let out a hefty sigh. “Something’s not right.”
“What?”
“That’s the problem. I don’t know.” He glanced at the stars, questioning himself over and over again. “I feel it in my gut,” he said, his voice low and serious. “Like that day.” Jack didn’t need to explain—Gabe knew. They’d all felt that odd sense of unease around them the day of the grenade blast. Everyone except Geiger, who was dead.
And Jack was alive and worried about, well, baby mama drama, and he supposed that was enough to be thankful for.
“Then you should do something about it.”
“I don’t know what to do,” Jack replied. “What do you do when you know something is wrong but you don’t know how to fix it?”
Gabe was quiet a long while. “I wish I knew the answer to that,” he finally said.
Which was when Jack remembered what his mother had said. That Monica had told her that being good for someone started with asking how you could help. He didn’t think Rose would ever tell him, but maybe it wasn’t so much about the answer as it was that someone cared enough to ask the question.
“Are you okay, Gabe? Really okay.”
Gabe took a long pull of his beer. He squinted out into the night around them as he considered the weight of that question. “Yes and no. How’s that for an answer?” He took another long sip. “I’m not struggling. I like it here. I like what we’re doing.”
“But?”
He heaved out a breath, resettling himself in his chair. “But it feels like something’s missing, and I don’t know what, and that pisses me the hell off.”
Jack took a thoughtful sip of beer. “What were you and Monica arguing about?”
Gabe shifted in his chair again. “That woman drives me crazy.”
“Uh-oh.”
“No ‘uh-oh.’ I was just giving her advice is all, and she had to get on her high horse.”
“Because you love it when people give you advice?” Jack replied sarcastically.
Gabe grunted. “What am I supposed to do when Colin begs me to ask her to lighten up?”
“Not step in between mother and child would be my first suggestion.”
“She keeps too tight a rein on that kid,” Gabe muttered irritably. “And she’s way too defensive when I bring it up.”
“So don’t.”
“I was just trying to help. I don’t see what the big deal is or why she had to bite my head off.”
“She moved her kid to another state, the kid she’s been raising on her own since the kid’s dad died. Give her a break, Gabe.”
“Fine. Whatever,” Gabe grumbled.
Jack studied his friend. “You’ve taken quite a shine to that kid.”
“Yeah, well, at least I didn’t knock anyone up like an idiot, no matter how fine a dad you’ll be.”
Which Jack supposed was a compliment, all in all. It brought him back to his problems. Baby. Rose. Going after her. Before he could finish that thought, Becca pushed the door open and held out the landline phone receiver.
“Jack, it’s for you. She said you wouldn’t know her, but it’s important.”
Jack stood and took the phone, that note of unease burrowing deeper. “Hello?”
“Hi, um, is this Jack?”
“Yes. Who is this?”
“This is Summer Lane. We haven’t met, but I’m friends with Rose.”
His heart dropped, everything inside him turning to ice. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m not totally sure. Rose is fine, I think.”
“You think?” he yelled.
“Crap. I’m messing this all up. Something is going on with Rose. She and her sisters went to see t
heir father this afternoon, but then… We’re not sure what’s going on. She’s been making some plans that point to her leaving town. And I’m totally overstepping my place here, but we all kind of are.”
“Where is she?” Jack demanded, holding the phone so tight, he thought it might break.
“She’s at a house. It’s off Reece Road, way in the back?”
“I know it,” Jack growled. “I’ll be there in ten.”
“Okay, I—”
Jack hung up, already in motion. She’d had a meeting with her dad. A psychopath who had beat her. She’d met with him. She was planning to leave town? And she’d told him none of this.
She’d come here this evening looking sad and tired and slept with him and… Christ, she’d told him what her tattoo meant. He’d taken that as some step, some movement forward.
It had been a goodbye.
“Jack!”
He finally realized everyone was yelling at him and following him. “I have to go.” He absently shoved the phone toward Becca and realized he didn’t have keys. He started striding for the bunkhouse.
“Where?” Alex demanded.
“Is everything okay?” Becca added. Everyone was trailing after him.
“I don’t really know. I just know that something is wrong, and I have to get to Rose.”
“Here. Take our truck,” Alex said, pulling his keys out of his pocket. “Or I can drive you?”
He took Alex’s keys. “No. No, I can handle it myself.”
“You don’t have to,” Gabe said firmly.
Jack stared blankly at Gabe, because that hit like a ringing gong. Or maybe a grenade blast. Something big and loud and continual.
He didn’t have to do anything alone. He always had people there ready to have his back. Give him keys. Offer to go with him to do something hard.
Rose didn’t. She thought she had to get through everything on her own. No matter how hard he tried to prove that he was good and could be there for her and they could be right together, she just thought she had to do everything alone.
