by Erin R Flynn
“You think she’s going to trust either of you?” Carter asked, his tone not hiding his shock. “Fuck, I don’t, and I was rooting for Havers to become one of us. You’re lucky she doesn’t toss you out of the pack which means you can’t live in Chicago. You did all of this, decided it all, and made moves that included hiring your replacement without talking to your Alpha.”
“Shit,” Monroe whispered, getting it better. “We just meant to—”
“Still not listening to me because I said to leave,” I said from my room, taking off my robe and crawling into bed. “Whatever, I’m just the slut who lets people walk all over her. Sigh some more that I’m blowing this up. People always think I do.”
I tuned it out after that, my mind barely noting the fighting that erupted as I got lost in memories and times I thought I’d put behind me. Andrew Murray had made my life fucking shit for five months. I left the Navy when I thought there was more to life or the CIA might try to suck me up after I helped them with Naval Intelligence. The FBI seemed the way around that.
The FBI could bring me home, as they promised me Chicago. I could do more with them even if I had to keep fighting and work harder than others over and over and over again. I could do good even if it cost me my life in the end because no one would really care, no one would be left behind.
That wasn’t the case anymore.
And I didn’t know if I had the fight left in me to go against Andrew Murray again now that it wouldn’t just be months. There was no goal to reach and that was the end as he would be here for good now too.
I wasn’t sure how long I got lost in the memories but I wasn’t alone anymore and I was scared. I got out of bed, noting everything was quiet, and went for pajamas. I yanked them on and went for the door, wanting to see Topher and hold him, know he was safe.
“Not even a day ago you were sobbing at the idea of losing me and now you can’t even look at me,” Brian rasped from the kitchen, my nose too stuffed up to have scented him. “I couldn’t leave with you crying but I’ll go.”
“I just wanted to see Topher,” I muttered, not wanting it to seem I was fleeing from him.
His breath caught. “This is fear, right? That’s what I’m scenting? Of me?” He waited until I shook my head. “You’re that scared of Murray?”
I nodded. “And what I got from him. Yeah, and he didn’t have to work too hard at step one of his plan.”
“What was that?” he asked.
“Get you out of my bed.”
He swallowed loudly. “If it hadn’t been him that had been my replacement and I’d messed up without that, would you be this upset?”
“Yes, just not scared,” I answered after a moment. “You act like this is the only time you’ve done this—it’s not.” I felt my lower lip quiver as I looked at him. “Do you not respect me? Haven’t I earned your respect professionally yet?”
“You have, babe, I promise,” he rasped, tears filling his eyes. “I swear you have. I was so, so stupid but it wasn’t meant to be mean.” He sniffled loudly as the tears poured over. “Please don’t leave me. I’m so, so sorry. I will make this right. I just wanted to make you happy. I just wanted you, Sera. Fuck the FBI. I’ll quit. I just want you and the life we’re building, our family.”
I opened my mouth but then closed it, my body just feeling heavy as I slid to the floor. “Can you please just go?”
“No, please, please don’t ask me to leave you when you’re this upset and scared,” he whispered as he came closer. He knelt in front of me, tears streaming down his cheeks now, but he didn’t try and touch me.
I shook my head. “I don’t know what to do this time. I don’t think I can keep riding the roller coaster anymore. It’s been days of the up and down and spinning. Getting on another plane and then Russia and you almost died and we saved you but you’re a wolf and all of this with our families and the bomb and all you were hiding and Murray and—I need a fucking breath already!”
The door unlocked and Dain came in with bags of food, giving me a worried look as he set it down.
“Show me, I’ll show him,” he whispered.
Tears filled my eyes and I nodded, showing him what happened today once I felt his fingers touch my temple and his power. I also showed them the images that had me so extra freaked out that I got from Murray. He had plans and plans for the plans and backup plans to get on the right side no matter how the coin landed.
And honestly I thought the best play might be to call Jason. He was honestly the most duplicitous person I knew who might be able to help this one.
“Show me how he operates,” Dain guided gently. “Show me something from training.”
I nodded, thinking back to training and just a few of the times Murray pulled his magic. Something about him… I used to wonder if he was actually a supe the way he could influence people and seem to change their minds. I made the mistake of saying that and he turned it around, using how good I was at certain training to accuse me of being a telepath or clairvoyant.
“You smelled him today, is he human?” Dain asked.
I opened my mouth but then closed it. “I have no idea. I was focused on the bomb and getting everyone safe and it was so cold plus…”
“You were destroyed hearing we kept it from you,” Brian rasped. “I get how you’re seeing it. I do, I completely get it now, but I swear to you none of us saw it like that. We were going to surprise you with progress. They were talking about it—I didn’t know that, but I called Galvin on the side to admit I was considering the option and I wanted to ask you to marry me but I’d have to transfer.”
“Except you didn’t and the dominoes fell from there,” Dain muttered, nodding it was true. “You get how it seemed, right?”
“Yes, completely, and I—I was just so damn excited.” Brian wiped his eyes and let out a shaky breath. “It just seemed like the stars aligned and I’d hinted several times I was thinking about it. I thought we were on the same page.”
“Yeah, you hinted you were thinking about it but I didn’t want to push you,” I whispered, folding my legs and staring down at my hands. “I talk to you about so much but you never do me. This is not the first time. I’m not trying to dig up shit to fight about or the past but it’s a recurring theme. I didn’t want you as my boss again because of it too.”
“You never said that.”
I flinched at the jab like any of this was my fault. “Well, I should just announce that I never want you to be my boss again and lob that grenade in our relationship when we finally came past everything else. Sure. That would have worked well.”
“You’re right, I need to work on my communication.” He cleared his throat. “I asked Phobie to talk when I decided to become a wolf. Could we maybe talk with that marriage counselor?”
“Jumping the gun,” Dain warned him.
“Oh,” Brian breathed, that one word hanging in the air.
I couldn’t deny it. I couldn’t catch my breath to decide. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be engaged to my boss. He also took the job I would have been up for. Should I forgive that because he didn’t think about that? He didn’t think about how it would affect me, just what he wanted? I mean that seemed…
“The decisions you made were pretty selfish and while you’re a good person, you do have a habit of making those decisions for both of you,” Dain interjected before I spun out again. “Even when you have no filter when drinking that’s bit her in the ass career wise before.” He gave me a glance and sighed. “You are too trusting of people on ‘our’ side as being good. You have to stop that.”
I nodded in agreement before Brian argued Dain was too distrusting.
“And she needs to know if you told Murray about the ring. How to spin any of this.”
“I’ve never told anyone about the ring,” Brian promised. “Not even the idea of it when I helped get some research books through customs for Nina. That rings protects you and if anything happened to it I would be devastated as it allows me to hold y
ou at night. That’s no one’s business, not ever.”
He waited until I nodded before scooting closer and reaching out so his finger touched my pajama pants, nothing more.
“I might have some ideas on how to spin it if you want to hear them?” he said after a moment. “And some other stuff.”
“Other stuff?” I muttered, watching his finger, knowing he was trying but unable to reach out to him yet. I just… Hurt.
“I was thinking of asking about taking a Daddy and Me class with Topher for swimming,” he answered. “I guess that would have to wait now, right?”
I bobbed my head. “Yeah, at least a few months.” I watched his finger still moving like he had to touch me. “Why would you ask me about that?”
“You’re the one in charge of what happens to Topher,” he muttered, wincing when he understood the point I wanted to make. “I’m sorry, Sera.”
I didn’t reply, unsure if I accepted that meant I forgave him and I wasn’t ready to yet. “Why are you still not telling me what happened?”
“Because you asked for a chance to breathe and catch up. You asked me to leave but I can’t when you’re this upset,” he explained. “Pushing how it all went down from my side doesn’t seem like I’m listening to you.”
That was fair and I kept bobbing my head. “You get how no matter which way it went down, to others it looks like you just do whatever and either control me or—how could you not talk to me about this?”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I got it in my head this was romantic and you deserve all the romance ever and it kept getting added to and just wait until I propose and I’ve thought it all out so you don’t have to worry.”
“You’re an idiot but I’ve done the same,” Dain sighed, reminding us he was there. “I’ve tried to not add to her plate and instead she thought I was done with her.”
“It’s not helpful and leaves me holding the bag of shit in the end,” I rasped. “Just tell me at the start and—trust me enough to treat me like I’m not fucking mental and breaking or too fragile.”
“It’s not that at all but you’re pulled in so many directions anyone could break,” Brian explained. “The twins have done it too. I get it.”
“And yet none of you are learning from it,” I snapped, flicking his finger away.
But he just brought it back, like he was never leaving me alone. He let out a shaky breath. “After you were back I started to seriously consider becoming like you. Milo and his guys had all made it, those genetic tests making it so much less of a risk. I hated you had to hold yourself back and I’d get a longer lifespan, more time with you sounded great.”
“You forgot the immortality thing though,” Dain muttered, remembering the issues at the baby store.
Brian muttered. “This all started before then or Topher.”
Him saying that felt like a huge weight off my chest. Part of me maybe worried he wanted to do it so I’d let him be Topher’s dad… Which was really my own insecurities and I acknowledged that.
“I called Galvin and asked for an off the record conversation,” Brian continued. “I told him the truth, that I was considering it, and wanted to start with the genetic tests to see if it was a possibility. If I was going to do it I felt it stupid to wait until I got older but I was worried about the good we’d done in Chicago and beyond as us being human helped.
“He agreed but told me the president was on this idea you and Monroe were pushing of a deputy director of the non-human division. The problem was his replacement as you said you didn’t want the job—” He kept going even when a quiet growl slipped out of me. “And you didn’t have the years to make it not seem like a PR stunt.
“For all the good you do, it would seem like the pretty blonde people take shots at got another promotion just over a year after the last one and you were missing for months of that. It would open you to way too much shit and maybe undo all the progress. Plus, as much as everyone picks on me for being a Boy Scout, that’s a good thing when getting into the mix in this way.
“But that was it. It was a conversation of maybe an idea and some thoughts on it and it seemed like… Protecting you. You’re right that I defaulted to acting like your boss but it wasn’t because I think I’m the boss of you. It was reflex like when I didn’t tell you the CIA was pushing to use you again because that upset you. It felt like there was no need to tell you that harsh bullshit that upsets you.”
“I could see that given we never sit around and paint our toenails,” I admitted after a few moments.
“This is good and I’m completely imposing on your moment, but I also brought food,” Dain cut in. “Plus, you hate cold fries.”
I blinked at him. “I do hate cold fries but I’ve eaten like shit all day and you brought me fries?”
He nodded. “You tend not to eat at all when severely stressed and that’s more dangerous than you eating crap. So eat crap but just eat, my wife.”
I smiled when he used that fairy term for it he always did. It was comforting when I felt too much spinning out. I nodded and we went to the kitchen to eat. There was about two minutes of calm.
“You were right,” Carter announced as he came into the kitchen. “Murray was already at the club. You told us right away and got his photo out so good call.”
I swallowed loudly. “What did he do?”
“Nothing, just testing limits and us,” he answered. “He tried to get exception to bring his phone into the club because he’s FBI but no go. They followed procedure and said if they needed their phone monitored they could leave it with security and they would alert him if a call came but no electronics. He was smart and backed off without throwing weight around yet.”
“Yeah, he’s smart,” I grumbled. “Even the lobs he tossed at me today could easily be forgotten or misread, twisting it as compliments we know they weren’t. He’s really, really good at playing that line and people being too busy to remember specifics.”
“There’s more,” Carter warned.
“Of course there is,” I sighed. “What?”
“Giannis Barlos just landed and called Theon.”
I closed my eyes, about to explode all over the counter. “He just shows up? Again? Without even calling? I’m so done with this shit.” I glanced at Carter. “Tell Eva I want a very large statement made about people just showing up in my territory as this sets a dangerous precedence. Also, Theon won’t want to lie to his father so we need a line for him to give.”
“He said he will tell his father Brian did not ask him to infect him, which is the truth. He cannot lie to his father, it goes against this custom or another, but he will give that truthful answer at your order as you are his Alpha and he is now a US citizen as well, dual citizen with Greece, so his father can’t throw that at him.”
“Good, perfect, tell Alena and Eva that’s the answer.”
He nodded but gave me a look that either situation wasn’t just going to go away.
Yeah, I knew. I knew Murray would never stop and we didn’t need another loose cannon starting shit.
“I got you a new phone,” Dain told me and I swallowed a flinch, knowing he felt what I was thinking. “I took the SIM card from the last one and got the right everything.”
“Thank you. Sorry.”
He shrugged. “I could as the adult on your plan and FBI. They weren’t busy with the weather.”
Brian glanced between us but probably picked up he shouldn’t ask. “What do you want to do about Murray?”
I was petty and I thought it was deserved. “Why don’t you talk to your boys’ club about how to fix it since it’s your fucking mess because no one respected me enough to ask?”
Carter chuckled as he headed for the door. “Especially since they’ll probably need you to clean it up. Guess I won’t have to worry about Havers always sleeping over so I can’t sneak into your bed. He’s going to lose his sleepover privileges for a while.”
“At a minimum,” I muttered as I went for more cheese
fries. I gave Brian a hard look. “Welcome to being a wolf and involved with the Alpha. I suggest you get caught up fast or you could get out for good, because Simone would never let you back into her bed as it would look weak to accept that betrayal and risk all those under her.”
He swallowed loudly, giving a slow nod. “But you’re not giving me back the ring?”
“No,” I whispered, looking back to my food. “I’m not wearing it yet though. One, I’m still on edge to shift and two, it feels like a chain instead of a promise of a partnership. I can’t just forgive you this time, Brian. The stakes are too high and not just for us.”
He reached over and ran his finger along my wrist and however we were bonded, it wasn’t fully done because I got images from him which shocked me. I saw in his mind how relieved he was. He was thinking about what his life would have become if I’d ended things and my heart hurt at even seeing it, him a drunk and destroyed, giving up on everything.
I felt that hurt as well that he betrayed me. I get it wasn’t what I thought but we were far from okay.
Brian left after we ate, saying he was going to talk ideas with Monroe and Galvin. He didn’t push me for a kiss or anything other than my agreement, which was a good start.
When he was gone Dain nodded we were alone and he agreed with what I was thinking. I let out a slow breath and used my new phone to call the biggest monster I knew, in over my head and ready to call on darkness to save us because I wasn’t going to be enough this time.
I cleared my throat when the call was answered but no one said anything, remembering the time difference. “Sorry to wake you, but I think I need your help.” I let out a shaky breath. “And I’m going to ask the favor you come to me because I do not think I can get on another fucking plane. Will you please come meet with me in secret? Cloak you’re coming even? I know it’s a lot to ask…”
“But you are willing to pay that price?” he asked, his voice thick with sleep.
I closed my eyes and nodded. “You know I have limits and I’m trying to stave off another trauma, but yes, I’m willing to pay a lot for this help because I don’t think I can handle it this time. I don’t think I’ll be enough or drag others down with me who try to help.”
