Our World

by Ash Mio

  “So, is there something bothering you?” He asks innocently.

  My heart squeezes again. “It’s strange hearing you ask that.” He frowned. “Just because I’ve got a shit personality doesn’t mean I’m heartless.”

  Is that his opinion of himself?

  “You’re straightforward. Your personality isn’t shit though. Nobody who squeals and gets all sparkly eyed over dogs as much as you do has a shit personality.”

  “You must be still half asleep. “ My eyelids drop a little. It’s hard to concentrate on his words. I feel myself drifting and bump into Hikari’s shoulders. I really should have tried to sleep more.

  “Hey, you’re heavy Will.” I feel myself fall further onto Hikari’s lap.

  “Sorry…” I mumble. “…just so sleepy…” He’s quiet for a moment. His lap is warm and his uniform smells like a meadow.

  “Hikari…fix my hair would you?”

  “Are you a dog? Idiot.” He sounded embarrassed, but I feel him gently combing my hair. His fingers are small and delicate. “Thanks.” I mumble before drifting off completely.

  Ch. 7 Hikari

  Lately, Will has been acting strange. Last week, I saw him put ketchup on his rice. He also ran into a door. He’s been friendly. He uses every chance to ruffle my hair or put his arm around me. He zones out a lot more during break and doesn’t bother with making as much polite conversation as he used to. He’s still as popular as ever, but every time he gets a confession letter, he sighs and gets depressed. I saw him bang his head on the locker when he got his 10th confession letter.

  He looks at me strangely during lunch sometimes like he’s waiting for something. I give him my rolled omelet, and he seems to cheer up a bit. Today, he’s eating lunch with other people in the class. He said he couldn’t avoid it. The others are talking but Will doesn’t seem to be paying attention.

  “Chizu-chan was really good at singing karaoke.”

  “I know. I was surprised. We should go again sometime.”

  Today, lunch feels a little lonely.

  “Hikari,” Emi skips energetically to my desk. She hands me some dog stickers. “I’m giving these to you because I know much you like dogs. They came with the new manga I bought.” I take them quietly.

  “Thanks Emi.” Normally, something like this would make me really excited. She looks concerned.

  “What’s the matter?” I look at her, but I don’t have an acceptable answer to give her. She looks over at Will eating with other people. “Are you perhaps lonely?” She smirks and puts her arm around my shoulder. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She ruffles my hair. “Emi….”

  Yamaguchi had been watching Emi ever since she’d come to my desk, and he wasn’t happy with all the touching. He came over to give me a piece of his mind.

  “Why are you always talking to Emi, you nerdy otaku (someone who is obsessed with a certain hobby).” He fists are balled up. At least hide your jealousy, you childish dumbass.

  Emi was irritated. “We have similar hobbies, and I’m the one who came to talk to Hikari.” Yamaguchi’s mouth scrunched up. “Still, a guy reading girly manga is gross.” He may have meant that or he was just saying it in the heat of the moment.

  “What’s your problem Shun?” Emi yells at him.

  We used to all be friends at one point. It’s a little hard to believe now though… “Leave Hikari alone. It’s not like he’s hurting anyone. You’re the one disturbing everyone like with that stunt you tried to pull last time.” Emi was always harsher towards Yamaguchi more than anyone else. I think that’s part of the reason he gets frustrated easily. I’d better stop this before it become troublesome.

  “Emi just loans me manga to read. It’s nothing like you’re thinking at all Shun.” I accidently used his first name. Shit. It shouldn’t be a big deal, but he doesn’t want to be reminded that we were friends once. He grabbed my collar. “Don’t go calling me or Emi by our first names. Don’t go thinking you’re the shit just cuz Will and Emi are nice to you. ” What does Will have to do with this?

  At the commotion, everyone was watching us including Will.

  “Shun let him go,” Will’s usual calm face was twisted with worry. Yamaguchi looked even more angry since everyone was turning against him.

  “Are you gonna drag Will down too?” What was he talking about?

  “You can be who you are but don’t drag Emi and Will down with you. There are rumors again this year you know. Last year it was senpai and now this year.”

  At the mention of senpai, I understood. I know why he’s angry and what he’s implying, but I just don’t care. I’ve ignored his hatred of me until now, but he’s being too much of an asshole now.

  “There’s no need to push your jealousy onto people. If you’re unhappy about something, then say it.” He shoves me backward and I fall into the chair. My glasses fly somewhere.

  “Shun! Stop!” The boys were trying to hold him back.

  “Shut up! With your girly face. Alright, how about tell everyone then!”

  “Shun! Don’t say anything,” Emi pleaded.

  I can feel what he’s about to say next. “No I’m not going to shut up because this guy is a dirty homo! Last year, I saw him put a letter inside a guy’s locker! A guy’s!” His voice cracks. This entire altercation has only taken a minute or two to get to this point.

  The class went quiet. Nobody said anything, and it felt like an eternity.

  The stares were nothing new, but it was overwhelming. My hands started to shake , and I could feel the numbness In my face. The class begins to murmur.

  “Is he blushing?” I’m not blushing idiots. You’re misunderstanding.

  “It’s really red.”

  “He turned red last year too when there was that rumor going around.” I felt the heat of my cheeks burn and the room began to muffle. The room was starting to spin a bit. I saw feet move in front of me, and the next thing I knew, I felt a jacket being placed on my head.

  “So what if he likes a guy?” Will’s voice brought me back. I snap out of the hazy atmosphere just like that. He places his arm around me protectively.

  “But he’s a homo,” Yamaguchi’s resolve was weakening.

  “You keep saying that like it’s some kind of scary disease. Just because it makes you uncomfortable, it doesn’t give you the right to call him that or tell him that he’s gross.” The class fell silent. I couldn’t see their faces but no one spoke.

  “Come on Hikari, let’s get you checked out.” He led me gently from the classroom. As I looked back, I saw Emi slap Yamaguchi across the face. He looked stunned.

  She ran after us. “Hikari are you alright?”

  “I’m okay. It just takes a while for the redness to go away.”

  “I’m so sorry I couldn’t stop him Hikari even though I knew what he was about to do.” She looked like she was about to cry. So she knew. She was quite perceptive.

  “Emi, you did more than most people would have. And what’s more, you never treated me any differently even though you knew. “ I put a hand on her head even though she’s taller than me.

  She quickly wiped away her tears. “I’ll get you some ice.”

  “Thanks Emi.”

  When she left, my nervousness took over. What does Will think of me? My real “condition” was exposed.

  “Hikari, are you okay now?” I could only nod.

  “Then let me see your face. I can’t tell how you’re doing like this.” He began lifting his blazer off my head. “Wait.” I grab on as tightly as I can.

  “Tell me first.”

  “Tell you what?” His voice is so gentle.

  “Tell me if we can still be friends even if…It’s true what he said….that I like other guys.” I whispered the second part. There was a long pause. He lifted the blazer all the way off.

  “What a dumbass.” He smiled. “I’d be lonely if we weren’t friends anymore. I only wish you’d told me earlier so that I could tell you that it’
s okay sooner.”

  My chest suddenly felt light. It was a burden that lifted with his words. “Yeah.” I clung to his shirt. He put his arms gently around me. “It’s okay,” he said gently, softly as he stroked my head. I could feel the redness and the nervousness fading. It really did feel like it was okay.

  We stayed like this until Emi got back with the ice and a towel.

  “I think I get all the cursing now,” Will said as Emi put the ice on me.

  “What?”

  “You’re actually a super softie on the inside, and you only curse at people to scare them away.”

  Emi nodded. “He’s squishy.”

  “Like a muffin.”

  “Like mochi.”

  “Soft.”

  “Like a marshmallow.”

  “Like anpan. Crème-filled.”

  “Guys…..am I just food to you people?”

  ……………………………………………………

  “Are you sure you want to come back to class right away? I can tell the teacher that you’re sick.”

  “People’s opinion of me won’t change from today and tomorrow. Plus, it’s annoying to do make up work.”

  “That’s…practical, but aren’t you affected by everyone’s staring and whispering at all?”

  “It’s going to be awkward in class, but I won’t be the one to feel it. I’m happy right now, so I won’t let it affect me like I did last year. “

  It is odd to me how okay I am though….what is this?

  “I picked up your glasses, but they cracked.” Emi hands me my broken glasses.

  “Your face is much better without them.” Will comments.

  “You’ve got a prettier face than me. It’s unfair.”

  “I won’t be able to take notes.”

  Will rubbed my head. “You can have my terrible ones.”

  When we got back to the classroom, everyone was quiet. Things had calmed down. Yamaguchi was skipping apparently. Emi’s slap must have affected him a lot. On my desk, I found notes placed there by students.

  “We’re sorry Hikari!”

  “Actually, I read boys love manga! So do your best!”

  “Sorry!”

  “We were jerks!”

  “I was expecting some hate letters too, but these are all supportive.”

  “Did you want hate letters?” Will asked.

  “Of course, adversity helps you grow.”

  The next day, I had expected my shoe locker to be filled with a bunch of letters. But when I opened it, there was a manga there instead. “What’s that?”

  I look at the cover. “It’s a boy’s love manga…I’m not sure if this is harassment or encouragement of some sort.” Will takes a look at the manga. A nice smell wafts passed me. “Looks brand new. I’m sure it’s someone’s way of encouraging you. Let’s have a look.” Will peeks over my shoulder. Emi pops out and peeks over my other shoulder. “Wow, I’ve never read one of these.”

  They flip through the pages. “Wow, it’s super cheesy.”

  “It’s cute. I thought there’d be more explicit stuff.”

  “The guy is super hot,”Emi says.

  “You know you guys are super easygoing.” I tell them.

  “We’ll take that as a compliment.” One of Emi’s friends called her over. She waves goodbye.

  “Should we keep reading?” Will’s face was really close to mine. I could almost feel the heat in his cheeks. “Is that fruity smell your laundry detergent?” He thought for a second. “Fruity? Oh that’s my new shampoo. My mom in the states sent it to me because she bought too much. She said it was expensive brand name shampoo that I should feel lucky to have.” He touched his hair. “Is it bothering you?”

  “No, it’s nice. Can I smell a little bit more?”

  He covered his face.

  “I didn’t mean anything weird by it.”

  “I know, I’m just having a moment.” Why is he embarrassed? It makes me embarrassed too.

  I can’t really believe how normal Will is behaving towards me. Maybe it’s more common to be gay in the states.

  “You’re a very unprejudiced person Will. Most people would have ditched me.”

  “Like Shun?” I looked at him.

  “I figured you must have been friends before.” He’s a really perceptive guy.

  “Before he found out, he was understanding about most things: about me liking girly things, about my blushing condition. But after he knew, he started getting weird about it. It was like he didn’t want to see my feelings because they were always on display and open. I don’t fault him for it though. I had a hard time accepting it myself.”

  “Hikari, you’re too nice a person.” Will sighs.

  Isn’t it you who’s too nice a person?

  Things were quiet in the morning. The next class was P.E. and we were playing outside today. The boys usually just change in the classroom.

  “I don’t feel comfortable changing in front of him.” I heard one of the boys say.

  Well, not everyone can be as understanding as Will and Emi. Also, who said I’d want to look at you anyways, you pudgy little shit. Well at least he’s honest about his homophobia. I quickly change into my shirt and track pants.

  “Hikari, what happened to your arm?” Will pointed to a large purple bruise on the back of my arm.

  “Must have been when I fell down yesterday. I think it’s when I hit the chair when I fell.”

  “How can you say that so casually? It looks bad.”

  “It won’t affect my running. “ In the corner of my eye, I see Yamaguchi staring at us. He averts his eyes. “You sure you don’t need to go to the nurse?” He touches my skin lightly and it tingles.

  “Are you my mother?” Well, my mother would probably cry and curse at me while tending to my arm. She’s a complicated lady.

  “At least put some more ice on it.”

  “I just bruise easily.” He’s way too concerned over something so little.

  It was getting hotter outside since it was almost June. My skin was burning already.

  “Hikari, use this.” Will handed me his jersey. Compared to the other boys, he was much more athletic. Just running, he looked dashing. I thank him for the jersey.

  Coach blew the whistle. We were going to play dodgeball next.

  “Coach, is it all right if I sit this one out?” He looked at me. “You are looking kind of pale Hoshimura. Go to the infirmary if you need to.”

  “I don’t think it’s that bad.”

  People wanted to be on Will’s team, but they weren’t as outgoing because of what happened yesterday. He did look really cool playing though. Damn it. A pack of ice fell into my lap. Yamaguchi had tossed it.

  “Use it.”

  Is this an apology? It’s sooner than I expected.

  “Thought I was too gross to get close to.” He didn’t respond. I put the ice on my forehead because I was overheating.

  “I forgot how easily you bruise.”

  “That’s because it’s been a while since we talked. You don’t have to worry about it.”

  He stayed quiet for a few minutes. “Sorry.” His face was full of guilt. When we had a falling out, he never apologized or tried to make up. This time was different.

  “I know Shun.” He crumpled his lip and showed me the face he always showed me when we were kids. He got up, feeling awkward still.

  “See ya.”

  “See ya Shun.” Guess it is still too early.

  “You guys seem close.” I jumped. Will had popped out of nowhere. My heart beat loudly. “Just yesterday he was bullying you and now you’re all chummy.” He sounded upset.

  “That’s not what happened. He felt guilty that he hurt me. Shun---Yamaguchi is a good person overall. He’s still not going to think differently about me and I’m not going to try and be best friends with him. I’ve accepted the fact that we aren’t close anymore. He’s still an asshole after all.”

  “Man you’re really cool.”
r />   “is that sarcasm?”

  He laughed. “No. I mean you have such a mature stance on everything. I’m really childish compared to you.”

  “Will is cool.”

  “You really think so?” He looks happy.

  “So cool. It kinda pisses me off.” He laughed. Every time he laughs, I notice how straight his teeth are and how nice his smile is. Shit. He really is handsome.

  “Will, want to play another game? We’re gonna do a mix game this time.” One of the boys call.

  “Yeah, I’ll be right there.”

  “Are you not playing Hikari?”

  “I don’t want to. Last year, I caught the ball with my face.”

  “I can imagine that.”

  The boys threw the ball back and forth. Some hit on the ankle and some were caught. Someone in our class almost caught a ball but it slipped at the last moment. The girls were avoiding the ball for the most part. They were just trying not to get hit by a hard ball. Someone threw one extra hard and was about to hit a girl but Will slapped it away with one hand. “Will’s out!”

  “That’s unfair!” People started arguing.

  “Out is out!”

  The coach blew the whistle. “We’ll continue this tomorrow.”

  “Looks like you were enjoying it.”

  “It’d be more fun to see Hikari play.”

  “I told you that I caught balls with my face.”

  “I’ll protect you, so if you’re feeling up to it, play.” He grins. How does he always say the right stuff?

  “I’ll think about it.”

  It’s strange. Nothing has changed really. People still look at me funny. I still hate exercise, and I still don’t like people that much either, but today more than yesterday, I’m not so bothered by it. Today more than yesterday, the hot sun isn’t so bad. Today more than yesterday, the breeze is refreshing. Today more than yesterday, I notice the color of Will’s hair, his eyes, and the warmth that spreads through me.

  Ch. 8 Will

  It’s Friday and one of the days I work at the dog café. Today, we’re taking new photos of the dogs, so I brought my camera. Kuma (bear) is the golden poodle we have. He takes an elegant picture. “Good boy Kuma.”