by Ash Mio
It’s the typical story. My parents worked late hours. My brother always fought with them about finding a job and getting into a good university. He was, for lack of a better description, a freeloader who liked partying.
“You’re a minor. Drinking is illegal and irresponsible. You’re graduating in six months Alex. What are you going to do?”
Alex rolls his eyes. “Would you quit nagging me? I told you I’d figure it out.”
“When exactly? Between the skipping classes or the drinking?”
It was always switching between hot and cold at home. One moment there was chaos and then there was nothing. They’d be yelling at each other or ignoring each other completely. When I got home from school our dog was the only one to greet me.
“Let’s go for a walk Ginger.” She barked and I scratch her behind the ears. “I’ll grab my camera.”
We lived in the suburbs with a lake nearby. I’d take Ginger and go take pictures down by the lake and the surrounding area. At dinnertime, either Mom or Dad would order take-out food, whoever was home at the time. They worked opposite schedules for the most part. But there were rare days when they were both home. We’d eat in silence on those days.
When I ate with Mom, she’d ask what I did for the day. “I just walked Ginger by the lake. I took some pictures too.”
“That’s nice.” She’d never ask to see them nor did I feel like showing her.
When I ate with Dad, he’d tell me stories about when we lived overseas and how happy he was. He’d talk about how much he missed traveling.
Alex would grab food and eat in his room with his headphones on. “Alex, here’s your portion of ice cream.”
“Thanks kid.”
“I’m not that much younger Alex.”
“Dad’s on a business trip this week and mom’s working the late shift at the hospital. It’s up to you to cook.”
“Sounds like a real pain. Want to order food Will?”
“You’ll get fat.” We never talked about anything serious. Nothing we needed to talk about. We just lived in the same house.
During school, I used advanced classes to keep me busy. I learned languages to pass the time. It was something to do.
“Hey Will, can I borrow your homework man?”
“Sure, go for it.” I hand him my math homework. “Hey, you wanna go bowling this weekend? We’re going with a bunch of hot girls.”
“Nah, that’s not really my thing.”
“Come on man, you never come. Just once, that’s all I’m asking.”
“Alright then.”
“Truthfully, going to those places gave me a headache, but if I offend my friends, who would I talk to?
The music at the bowling place as too loud. My head spun while everyone else was laughing, making jokes.
“What’s up with Will? I heard he’s loaded, so I asked him here but he’s such a wet blanket.”
Well sorry for being a wet blanket for an event I didn’t even want to come to. I paid my portion and went home. I texted them saying sorry and that I felt sick.
I got home earlier than I expected. I fed Ginger and walked towards my room when I heard something coming from Alex’s room.
Alex had a guest over. He was laughing. I’d never heard my brother laugh so brightly. I was curious to see what made him laugh so hard. I’d never even met one of my brother’s friends I realize, not one.
His friend had curly brown hair and was telling a joke. Alex was lying on top of his bed with a smile he’d never shown around the house. Alex kicks his friend playfully with his foot and then suddenly tackles him. They both fall on the bed. The next thing I see, they start kissing passionately.
I was shocked, and the only thing I could do was quietly slip away to my room embarrassed. Alex never brought a girl home. He never told me he was gay, but of course that’s because we never talked. Except for the initial shock, I didn’t feel any different towards Alex. Either it didn’t bother me or we simply weren’t close enough for it to bother me. I pretended not to know. It wouldn’t have changed anything. On the contrary, it might take away Alex’s one happiness. I wasn’t going to be the brother who took away his happiness.
Dad used business trips to avoid us, and Mom and Alex continued to get into fights.
At school, I started hanging out with the photography club and the Japanese culture club, which was mainly a club that watched anime. The kids in the club were all nice though. They were honest about the things they liked and nobody told anyone else that their hobbies were dumb.
A girl named Lauren asked me out on a date. I told her sure. It’s not that I liked Lauren. She happened to like animals, so I thought we could bond over that somehow. Plus, I was at the age I was supposed to be dating.
On our first and only date, we went to the zoo. I got some good shots of the animals, and Lauren wanted some of her with the animals as well.
“Look! So cute! Oh my god.”
“Yeah, it is cute.”
“Have you heard that in Japan they have cat cafes? Like you can pay to play with cats. There are dog ones too but they’re not that common.”
I’d like to visit one of those, I thought to myself.
Lauren was nice I guess, but it really tired me out just being with her. It took a lot of effort just to keep myself interested in what she was saying.
“Riley was like dubs are so much better than subs…” Who’s Riley? “and I was like I totally agree. Reading translations is such a pain.”
“ I prefer the original audio. The language is beautiful. I’ve been re-learning it, so watching is fun.” She didn’t seem to like my opinion at all. “That’s nice.”
She asked me to buy her a stuffed elephant and to take a picture for her, which I obliged. When we ate dinner, she made a big deal about how the restaurant didn’t give her enough onion rings and made a scene until she got them. At the end of the date, she said she’d really had a good time. Really? Was she referring to the date we’d just had? I thought it was kind of a disaster.
She closed her eyes and leaned in. I realized at that very moment that I definitely did not want to kiss this girl. I gave her a peck on the cheek as a compromise. Maybe I could escape with this. She pressed her chest against me. “Oh come on. Give me a real one,” she giggled. She was close enough now that I could smell the onion rings she had for dinner and I gagged involuntarily. She seemed to take offense to that a slapped me. Needless to say that our relationship went sour. I didn’t care nor did I want to deal with anything troublesome again.
I got home from school one day to find everyone in a tense standoff. Alex had brought over his boyfriend, which made the situation easy to figure out.
“This is so unnatural. Two men.”
“Don’t say that about Sam!” Alex was holding his hand tightly.
“Mrs. Thompson, I love your son very much. I’m not asking for you to accept us right away, but I couldn’t stand making Alex keep this from you. If I can, I want to relieve at least one of his burdens.”
Dad looked pale all over. “Is this your way of rebelling against us?”
“No! NO! Sam is not a tool in my fight against you guys. He makes me happy, happier than I’ve ever been in this family. I’m sorry. I just never felt like we were a family anyways, so I….”
“I’m not going to hear this!”
“We’re moving in together,” Alex blurted.
“The hell you are. You think we’re going to pay for that?”
“No, I’m going to get a job. I’m going to go to college now. Sam convinced me.” That seemed to shock them even more than Alex being gay.
“I can’t believe this! Get out! Why can’t you ever do what we want? Get out!”
My parents are unbelievable. How could they say that? I couldn’t hold it in anymore.
“Are you kidding me?” They notice me for the first time.
“The one time Alex actually wants to have a serious discussion with you and you tell him to leave?”
“Wi
ll…”
“Didn’t you hear him? He said he wants to go to college. He’s found something he wants to do and someone who gave him the motivation to do it!” How can you be so narrow minded? Alex is finally happy! Can’t you see it? He’s happy!” Everyone in the room just stared in silence.
“I really want to see it again. Alex looking happy and you guys too.”
“Will…We…” they couldn’t deny it. Their faces said so.
Things didn’t get better immediately after that but it at least got me and Alex talking. He introduced me to Sam, who was a really good guy. They’d kiss in front of me. “Could you two please stop being so lovey dovey?” Alex gave me the middle finger. “You’ll understand someday kid.”
“Alex, don’t just flip people off.”
A month before graduation and we were still tip toeing around each other. Alex had found a job and gotten accepted into university (miraculously). I guess Sam had gotten him to make up his hours and pass his tests.
Our parents did make an effort to accept things.Dad gave Alex the account number to his college fund. Mom bought movies featuring gay characters, but she was still having a hard time accepting it. She’d tired not frown every time she saw a gay couple in public. She did feel better about him going to university and getting his act together though.
Alex would laugh at how hard she tried, and when he finally moved out, he gave her a hug. One step at a time. They began talking over the phone. Then they began smiling, and then laughing together. It was a peaceful place, but it still wasn’t a home. Mom and Dad divorced. They had been unhappy for quite some time now. For a while, I ate nothing but ready made meals and take out. I checked on Dad to make sure he was eating properly.
It was the typical story of a family who wasn’t a family.
I caught up with Alex a few months after he moved out. “Sorry you’re the one to deal with all this Will. It must be really quiet huh?”
“It is.” I laugh. “But me and Ginger are making the best of it. Look at how cute she was at the dog park the other day. Oh and I went to a convention with my club too. Got some interesting shots. This guy dressed up in a sailor uniform was giving everyone free keychains.”
“Was that Lauren girl who slapped you there?”
“Yeah, she looked really angry the whole time.”
Sam came back with our drinks. “Will have you ever thought about study abroad? You can live there for 3 months to a year and do all the cultural stuff you want. Maybe you’ll find a cute girl.”
“Study abroad…”
The idea Sam gave me took root. It took some convincing but I got Mom’s permission. I told her that Alex was reliable now and that she could talk to him if she needed to. She still had Ginger too. She was also dating this new guy, so I figured it was okay for me to leave.
A few months later, I came to Japan, and I met you. You who are always honest. You who are surprisingly shy. You who are my light, my warmth, my home…
I woke up with Hikari in my arms. The space between us was incredibly warm. He was snuggled against my chest.
I whisper to him. “Tadaima.”
Ch. 11 Emi
Do they think they’re being secretive? It’s so obvious. Hikari and Will are most likely dating, and they’re not hiding it well at all. They’re always eating lunch together and laughing during breaks.
Hikari never used to laugh like that in middle school. I guess I knew something like this would happen eventually. Will would fall for Hikari’s cuteness and Hikari would fall for Will’s charm.
I watch them from my desk because I’d just be in the way if I went over…
“Emi-chan , good morning.” Mei is early today and she greets me with a smile. Her short hair really suits her pretty face.
“Good morning Mei.”
“We’re doing research in the library today right? I wonder if it’ll take long.”
“Probably…”
Will just passed Hikari a note. Hikari opens it and turns red all of a sudden. Geez…at least try to hide it you two.
Hikari used to be so self -conscious about his blushing condition too. Back when Hikari, Shun and I played together, he was always so nervous and fidgety. His personality really switched to gangster mode (why did you do that aunty?). He used to hold my hand when we crossed the street and he’d secretly peek at my manga when he thought I wasn’t looking.
Honestly…why did I ever fall for that shoujo manga reading gangster?
That’s right. I like Hikari. It didn’t make any sense at all! He’s effeminate and gets way too excited about cute stuff and then there’s the fact that he likes other guys.
I didn’t have a chance from the start.
When we were younger, he’d call me “Emi-chan” and share his cake with me. He’d ask to hold my hand all the time. His fingers were all cute and pudgy.
He used to be this nervous kid, but one day he came to me and said “guess what Emi-chan?” “What?”
“Some kids made fun of me, so Mama showed me this film on how to deal with mean people and it worked.”
“What worked?”
“I told some kid that I don’t give a shit what he thinks and that I could totally mess him up if he ever messed with me again.”
I couldn’t believe aunty would show a yakuza film to someone so easily influence. The delinquent speech stuck but at least the behavior didn’t. He’d tell people off with harsh words, but inside he was still a marshmallow. He was definitely more of a princess than a prince, if not a slightly rude princess.
“Emi-chan, have you decided on your research project yet? Emi?”
“Ah. I’m sorry Mei. I’ve been distracted lately.” She looks at me and smiles knowingly.
“I understand how you feel Emi-chan. Please come talk to me if you feel like it.” I hugged her. “Thanks Mei.” Having girlfriends is wonderful. Mei-chan is smart, so I’m sure she already figured it out unlike some people. I hang onto her as she pats my back sympathetically.
Sensei said we only had 30 minutes in the library and we needed to get our books before the next class was scheduled to come in. I go look for a book in the corner of the library. It’s secluded and the books are a little dustier.
“Want me to grab it for you Hikari?” Will reached over Hikari and pinned him against the bookshelves.
“Stupid. I can get my own book.”
“Is that so?” Hikari hops and taps the book. He hops again and moves the wrong one. Will laughs.
“It’s like having my very own little bunny…Can I help you now?”
Hikari pouts. “Okay…please help me.”
Will gives him a kiss on the cheek. “Okay.” He grabs Hikari by the waist and lifts him up.
“This isn’t what I signed up for.”
“This is so you can feel like you’re getting it yourself.”
“You really are too much.” Hikari grabs the book and Will gently lowers him down in his arms. “People will see.”
“I don’t care.” He hugs Hikari and brushes his lips against his neck. Hikari jolts up. Two students from our class walk by and they separate frantically.
In my head, I think I’ve definitely read this manga scene before. At lunch, they eat together. Hikari puts some octopus sausages and fried chicken in Will’s bento lunchbox. Will opens Hikari’s drink for him ,and then they both smile like idiots. The lovey dovey atmosphere is leaking out you two.
“They get along really well don’t they?”
“Do you think those two are…?”
“Maybe?”
“it’s hard to interrupt…”
“It’s kinda cute actually….”
In home ec, people wanted to team up with Will’s group for baking, so he got separated from Hikari. Will looked visibly bummed. His eyes were all teary.
“Hikari, which cake do you want to bake?” I was in his group with Mei. Shun was glaring at us, well just Hikari really. I don’t understand why he’s such a jerk to Hikari.
�
��I want to bake carrot cake,” Hikari said shyly. I could guess why he wanted to bake carrot cake. It was probably Will’s favorite. Why are you saying that looking all shy? What are you his wife?
“Then let’s do that since I have no preference. How about Emi-chan?” Mei asks.
“Emi likes strawberry shortcake.” Hikari says immediately.
“Wait Hikari don’t just tell everyone.”
“I don’t mind doing that one either since Emi likes it.” He smiles so gently. I haven’t seen that smile in a while. My chest feels all warm.
“No. Let’s do the carrot cake. I bet tons of other groups are doing strawberry shortcake.”
Will’s group was loudly deciding which cake to bake.
“Chocolate!”
“Strawberry!”
“Lemon crème!”
I’m not sure how they would decide. Everyone seems to want to bake their own type of cake. Will was trying to calm everyone. “We can make a plain cake and put different toppings on it.”
“Ah that’s a great idea!” They all look cooperative now. He’s got some strange persuasive power. Must be his stupid, good looking face.
“Emi, do you want to grate the carrots or measure the ingredients?”
“I’ll grate the carrots. Leave it to me.” I roll up my sleeves and grate the carrots intensely.
“You’re amazing Emi. “ Hikari laughs. “It’d take me an hour just to do that.”
“Hikari has his own strong points.”
“I have to agree with Hikari though,” Mei smiles me.
What’s that about? When we finished baking and cleaning, we got to sample our cakes.
“The carrot cake is so soft and not too sweet.”
Shun’s group made a strawberry shortcake but it didn’t rise.
“You forgot the baking powder Shun!”
“Shut up! A cake is a cake.”
“This isn’t a cake! It’s a brick!”
“Hikari are you not going to eat your piece?” He shook his head. “I’ll save it for later.” You’re obviously saving it for Will… He looked stupidly at the cake and smiled while we cleaned up. After we were done, he slipped out somewhere.
