by Jamie Lake
“You gonna cook some of that spaghetti of yours?” Hunter asked, pulling the handle of a rusty shopping cart out of the rack.
“Why?” Casey asked, stepping next to him.
“Liked it.”
Casey smiled. He knew how hard it was for Hunter to express himself, and he knew a few words went a long way with him. He’d taken over cooking duties pretty quickly, but that had been out of necessity. Last week, when he’d officially become the cook, he’d started feeling the familiar twisting in his stomach that had accompanied his last few months of meals with McDermott. The compliments had stopped and then the snide remarks had begun. If Hunter had been even a decent cook, Casey doubted he would’ve started again. Over the last couple weeks, he’d tried more and more elaborate dishes, carefully watching for any sign of distaste. While he usually just got a half-smile as Hunter wolfed down a plate or two, every once in a while, Hunter said something and Casey clung to those moments. He looked at Hunter. He didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable, but the truth was, he could have looked at the other man for days.
They weaved through the store and made their way through the drill bit aisles when something caught Casey’s attention.
It was McDermott.
He froze, wanting to turn the other way as his heart stopped. But it was too late. McDermott spotted him.
“Casey?” he asked.
Casey swallowed, took a deep breath, and hoped it was all a bad dream.
“Who’s that?” Hunter asked.
“My ex,” Casey answered. He hunched his shoulders as if that could protect him. “Shit. What do I do?”
“Chicken shit motherfucker,” he glared. His hands closed into fists.
“Calm down, Hunter,” Casey said, eyes widening.
It was the first time Casey had ever heard Hunter sound that angry before, and he kind of liked it.
“Just see what he wants,” Hunter suggested, the scowl on his face saying he didn’t really like what he was saying. He added, “Want me to beat the...?”
“No, I’ll just meet you at the cash register. This will be quick,” Casey said. He straightened. He couldn’t be a wuss about this. He had to be a man and show McDermott that he was moving on. That thought didn’t do anything to keep his heart from pounding or his palms from sweating. He rubbed his hands on his pants.
Hunter reluctantly agreed as Casey made his way toward McDermott, trying to put on a brave face and as warm and relaxed of a smile as he could, but his feet felt heavy enough to pull him over. He shoved his hands into his pockets.
“Good to see you,” McDermott said.
“How are you?” Casey asked.
“Just getting some things for around the house,” McDermott said. He smirked. “I see you still haven’t learned how to lower your voice at all.”
“Um, well,” Casey said, unsure of what to say. There was a long, uncomfortable silence between them for what felt like forever. Beads of sweat trickled across Casey’s brow. He was standing too close. He could smell the spicy cologne McDermott always wore, and it pulled him back to their life together: the nights when Casey would bury his face against his lover’s neck and deeply breathe in that scent. Then there was the way Casey’s clothes had always smelled like it too, so much so that McDermott had insisted that Casey make comments about how he and McDermott wore the same cologne.
Casey swallowed hard. Maybe he wasn’t as over McDermott as he’d thought. “Well, I'd better get going.”
“What are you doing here?” McDermott asked. It was just like him to try to get the last word.
“Just getting some things,” Casey said, purposely sounding vague. He shuffled his feet, hoping the conversation could end right there.
“Things? So, where are you living?”
“Why do you ask?” Casey replied.
“I’ve been so busy lately. Haven’t gotten a chance to check on you.”
“That’s nice. That you’ve been so busy,” Casey said.
“Um, Casey. So, I just...” McDermott chuckled nervously. “I’m kind of glad we ran into each other. God works in mysterious ways. Just wanted to let you know that, I’m kind of seeing someone.”
It felt like a knife to Casey’s chest. It’d only been a month and he'd already moved on? He pushed aside the thought that he’d been ready to make McDermott think the same thing.
“Oh,” Casey said, his throat suddenly going dry. “Good.”
“Just wanted you to know.” McDermott glanced over his shoulder like he was still worrying that people would ‘know’ because he was talking to Casey.
“Casey?” a voice said from behind. It was Hunter. Shit. Casey thought, thinking now he’d have to explain himself to McDermott without sounding like the pathetic fool he was, “You cool?”
“Yeah. Just a second,” Casey called back.
“Who’s that?” McDermott asked with an air of jealousy.
Casey had to stop the smile from curving on his face as he heard the tone. “Oh, he’s just my...”
“Your what?” McDermott asked.
“That’s my boyfriend,” Casey couldn’t help himself. The words left his mouth before he could help it.
The look on McDermott’s face said it all. The knife in Casey’s heart suddenly felt a whole lot better.
“That’s...that’s good,” McDermott said in a higher tone.
“Yeah,” Casey added. “He’s so sweet.”
“You coming or what?” Hunter said from the other end of the aisle.
“And pushy,” Casey said with a smirk. “Such a turn-on. He really knows how to take control.” He couldn’t resist, adding, “He’s so comfortable in his own skin. He doesn’t care who knows about us. So refreshing to be around.”
“Oh.”
“Good seeing you.” Casey was glad his back was facing McDermott as he walked away with a great big smile on his face.
_________ o _________
CHAPTER 18
Casey thought he’d gotten the last word in and couldn’t hide the satisfaction on his face as he met up with Hunter outside. But still, there was a part of him that felt sick to his stomach. Seeing McDermott face-to-face had been harder than he thought it would be. He’d had no idea it was going to happen so soon. He’d thought he’d have a bit more warning, some time to plan what he was going to say, how he’d behave. If he were completely honest, he thought the first time he’d see McDermott again would be at their high school reunion.
“What took you so long?” Hunter asked.
“Sorry, he just wanted to talk.” Casey said.
“About what?” Hunter asked, fidgeting with his pockets.
“You know.” Casey helped lift the bags into the shopping cart as they wheeled their way out the door. He was getting nervous. He kind of hoped the little white lie about Hunter being his boyfriend would go unnoticed. “Just a bunch of bullshit.”
“Figures,” Hunter said, opening the pickup door for him as they loaded the things in the back seat.
Casey opened his mouth to speak when he heard the familiar voice again.
“Casey!” It was McDermott jogging toward their pickup as they loaded their bags.
“Oh, fuck. Now what?” Casey mumbled as Hunter glared in McDermott’s direction.
“Hey, I was thinking...” McDermott started. Then he noticed Hunter. “Are you Casey’s boyfriend?”
Casey’s heart stopped. Oh, shit.
“What?” Hunter asked, confused, until Casey elbowed him in the rib quick enough for McDermott not to notice.
“This is Hunter,” Casey said. “Hunter, this is Father Madison McDermott. The one I was telling you about.”
“You know, Casey, you really should work on lowering that pitch, especially when you get nervous.” McDermott stuck out his hand.
“Why should he do that?” Hunter asked. “I like the way he sounds.” Hunter took the priest’s hand and almost crushed it with a grip so hard, he could have broken all of the bones. “Father?” Hunter let
his disdain seep into that single word.
McDermott pulled away, flexing his hand to make sure it could still move through the pain. He’d flushed at Hunter’s subtle rebuke, but didn’t mention it. “Just call me McDermott. Pleased to meet you. How did you two meet? How long have you been going out?”
“Um...when was it, baby?” Casey said, hoping Hunter would play along.
He stared hard into Casey’s eyes. If looks could kill, Casey would have been struck dead right there. But, to Casey’s utter shock, Hunter answered, “A couple of months ago.”
“Yeah, a couple of months ago,” Casey said. “Time goes by fast when you’re having fun. Listen, we’ve got to go.”
Hunter grunted and glared at Casey. “See ya later, ‘kay?”
“Love that little accent of yours?” McDermott said in a condescending manner, “Where are you from?”
“Forest Hills,” Hunter said.
“Pig farm country,” McDermott chuckled.
Hunter scowled, but didn’t say a word. Instead, he walked to the driver’s door and climbed in the truck, slamming the door hard enough to make Casey wince.
“Listen, McDermott, we’d love to chat, but we have to head back to the house,” Casey said.
“The house?”
“Yeah, we have a little country home out there, a ranch. Trees, animals, a few acres. It’s nice with the fresh air and things,” Casey said, rushing the rest of the bags into the back and closing the back door. The rusted hinge nearly fell off.
“You didn’t hear anything about the high school reunion, did you?”
“Yeah, it’s happening in a few weeks,” Casey answered. He didn’t add that he’d been telling McDermott about it the entire last month they’d been together, trying to convince him that it would be the perfect time and place to come out and show everyone that they were together.
“You weren’t planning on going to that, were you?”
Casey gritted his teeth. The asshole clearly didn’t remember at all. His voice was polite as he answered, “I don’t know, we might.”
“We?”
“That might not be such a good idea for either of us, would it? I mean, who would you bring?” he inched closer as he spoke in an almost threatening way.
Casey stared at the ground, “We’ll see.”
“But listen, I wanted to invite you two over some time for dinner.” McDermott said.
“Dinner?”
“That way, you can get to meet Jessie and...”
“Jessie?” Casey interrupted.
“Yeah, that’s the name. What do you say?”
“We’ll talk about it.”
Hunter honked the horn.
Casey gave McDermott a half smile that he hoped didn’t reveal how nervous he was about getting into the truck. “I guess Hunter is in a hurry. I’ll let you know. Keep in touch,” Casey said, waving from his seat in the truck.
“All right. Or as you country boys say, ‘Y’all come back now, ya hear?’” McDermott chuckled.
_________ o _________
CHAPTER 19
Hunter didn’t say a word to Casey nearly the whole ride. The two sat inches apart on the cool, torn leather, but it felt like miles, just sulking in the sea of tense silence. Casey tried looking at the scenery as they drove past. He was still mesmerized by the way the city turned into the country. Houses further and further apart while more and more trees sprouted up. The mountains grew closer, looming over him and reminding him of how small and insignificant he was. Even all of that beauty, however, couldn’t capture Casey’s attention, not with this growing distance between he and Hunter.
“Look, I’m sorry,” Casey said finally, unable to take it any longer. “I wasn’t thinking.”
Hunter kept his eyes on the road, pressing the gas a little harder.
“I know how you feel about lying, and I’m sorry to have dragged you into it.”
Hunter kept driving.
“We don’t have to ever see him again. If I run into him, I’ll just say we broke up or something.”
“Then you’d be lying again,” Hunter finally answered.
“Yeah.”
“When you moved in, I told you I hated...”
“I know, I know. I fucked up. I’ll fix it. When we get back to the house and I get some reception, I’ll call him and tell him the whole truth: all of it. I’ll tell him I was desperate, that I still haven’t found someone, that I was hurt that he'd moved on so quickly, that I’m still a loner who doesn’t even have a place of his own, and that I'm leeching off someone else.”
“Stop,” Hunter said. “You’re not a leech. You’ve been pulling your weight. The guy’s a douche. McDermott, what kinda stupid name is that? Father, my ass.”
Casey paused as a smile grew. “That’s for sure.”
Hunter sighed and after a moment of silence, and slapped Casey on the leg. Casey jumped, the sting from the playful blow turning into a tingle of a different sort spreading across his skin.
“We’ll go to this thing of yours; that reunion, and we’ll make the fucker jealous,” Hunter said.
Casey stared, not daring to believe that he was hearing and understanding correctly. He asked the question slowly, “What do you mean?”
“He thinks you’ve got a boyfriend,” Hunter said, his tone implying that this was just common sense. “We’ll do it just for that night. Then we never have to see the fucker again. I can break my rule if it means showing up that asshole.”
“Alright,” Casey said, his eyes locked onto the side of Hunter’s face.
“People don’t treat people they love like shit. Ain’t right.” With his eyes still on the road, Hunter reached over and patted Casey on the shoulder in a completely non-romantic way. “‘Sides, told you before. I got you.”
_________ o _________
CHAPTER 20
Casey brought the freshly made ham and cheese sandwiches to the table as Hunter stepped inside. It’d been a week since Hunter agreed to be his pretend boyfriend and Casey was forever grateful. He’d only hoped they could pull it off. He watched as Hunter scraped the mud off his boots. The flakes fell to the floor like confetti. He’d had an idea bouncing around in his head, and he couldn’t put off talking to Hunter about it any longer. He’d been hemming and hawing around about trying to find the right time to bring it up. He’d tried to do it over a meal or while they were working, but it never seemed right. Now he realized that he was running out of time and he just needed to suck it up and say it. He just hoped his friend would take it the way he intended it.
“The reunion is in a couple of weeks,” Casey said. “The last week in May, actually.”
“Yeah?” Hunter grabbed a sandwich and stuffed it all inside his mouth at once.
“I thought maybe we could start to prepare for that.”
“What do ya mean?”
“We want to put our best foot forward.”
“'Course,” Hunter said, slurping iced tea.
“Maybe we can work on a few things. So we fit in.”
“I don’t understand,” he answered, with a mouth full of mashed-up ham.
“People there talk, look, and eat a certain way.”
“What’s wrong with the way I eat?” Hunter asked, wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his plaid shirt. Crumbs tumbled down to where the mud lay on the floor.
Casey sighed. “There are a few things that could use improving, that’s all.”
“Improving?” he asked. “I don’t get it.”
“I just want this to be as convincing as possible. People have to believe that we’re together.”
“So, they wouldn’t think a fancy-schmancy guy like you would be with me?” he asked.
“No, not that at all.”
“Nah. It’s cool. I ain’t as edja-cated as them folks, I know. This is high school all over again.” Hunter pushed away the rest of the food, his clear eyes clouding over.
“That’s not what I meant,” Casey said, wondering if he’d just
ruined the whole thing right then and there. “I just...”
“You just expect me to change who I am ‘cuz you think people’ll look down on you for being with some dumb hick.” Hunter stood.
“That’s not what I said.” Casey heard his voice getting higher and fought to lower the pitch. “If you’ll just let me explain.”
“No.” Hunter shook his head. “I've had enough of people like you tryin’ to make dumb ole’ me understand something.” He turned and stormed out.
“Dammit!” Casey smacked the table with his palm. Tears burned his eyes. He’d known he was going to screw it all up. He’d never meant to make Hunter feel as if he wasn’t good enough. After all, he knew exactly how that felt. And he’d seen the pain on Hunter’s face when he’d confessed how people had treated him in high school. All Casey had wanted to do was help Hunter sound as smart as Casey knew he was; to take Hunter to the reunion and let them both get some vindication for all of the shit they’d put up with growing up. And now he’d made a mess of everything.
_________ o _________
CHAPTER 21
Casey saw a whole new side of Hunter he didn’t like. Being mad was one thing, but giving the silent treatment for days hurt. The quiet was deafening. He tried to start up conversation as they worked around the farm, but Hunter never responded. Casey didn’t know how to deal with this. McDermott had never been one to suffer in silence. He was the type who’d make catty, biting remarks, digging at the issue until Casey finally caved and begged for forgiveness. Then they’d go to bed, Casey doing everything he could to show McDermott just how sorry he was.
That wasn’t going to work with Hunter. And not just the sex part. Casey had a feeling that Hunter wasn’t the kind of guy who wanted begging. The problem was, Casey didn’t know what would work. He’d tried making Hunter’s favorite foods. Spaghetti. Hamburgers. Hunter had just taken the food and gone into the living room to eat in front of the television, ignoring Casey when he joined him. Casey had also tried talking to Hunter at different times while they were working together. While they were eating. When Hunter was rubbing down the horses. All attempts were met either with a cold look and silence or by Hunter simply walking away.
