by Cathy Bussey
Inside, the building had a huge central dance floor with a DJ booth at the top, and grand-looking staircases on either side. The bar was located at the back of the room and was heaving, so to save time they all bought two drinks and Rik disappeared off to find Jason. Faith drank quickly, desperate to start moving. The music was absolutely as Lucy had promised, right up her street, and she was still full of a charged energy from the track session and the general mood of the evening, which was merry and raucous and a little bit silly.
‘Come on,’ she yelled at Lucy, Crystal, Minel and Sara. ‘Let’s dance.’
‘Why are girls always first to the dancefloor?’ Sara asked as they wound their way through the heaving crowd. ‘Girls on the dancefloor, boys at the bar.’
Faith had only meant to dance a bit, wanting to see Jason and not needing any excuse to be near Rik, especially in Lucinda’s absence. But as song after song blared noisily out of the speakers, the bass shaking the floor and her insides, she couldn’t tear herself away and they danced on and on, giggling and shouting to one another and occasionally being chatted up.
Minel got tired quickly and went back to Paul. After a while the music changed to the sort of poppy RnB that came with beats that seemed designed for one purpose alone. The entire crowd as one began bumping and grinding and Faith felt quite shocked.
Lucy, next to her, had no hesitation whatsoever in grinding herself vigorously against Lofty. Faith felt a pang of envy as she watched her supremely confident friend work her magic. I would feel ridiculous doing that, she thought, and I’d look it too.
Sara had been appropriated by an enthusiastic-looking youth and was being bounced across the dancefloor by his relentlessly thrusting pelvis. Her eyes were practically popping out of her head. Faith dissolved into hopeless giggles.
‘This is quite fun,’ she told Faith as she jerked past. ‘I’m rather enjoying this.’
Giggling, Faith made her way over to the bar, liberally cannoned around by gyrating couples. She was flushed and sweaty, and her hair was falling all over the place. She pushed it out of her eyes irritably, bouncing on her feet to try and see over the crowds of people flocking around the bar.
‘Faith!’ Rik had appropriated a stool from somewhere and shot his hand out and grabbed hers, dragging her over to him. ‘Jason,’ he said to the man next to him, ‘you remember Faith, don’t you?’
Jason’s skin had cleared up and he, too, had filled out but his face was as open and friendly as ever. ‘Of course I do,’ he said. ‘Hey Faith. Good to see you again.’
‘Good to see you!’ She hugged him delightedly. ‘I hear you’re getting married. Congratulations. She’s a lucky woman.’
He smiled. ‘Thanks. Looking forward to it. Looking forward to all the table planning and flower chat being over with,’ he said conspiratorially.
Seeing Faith was still being battered and buffeted by the constantly moving crowd, Rik steered her in between him and Jason, perching her on the end of his seat.
‘What are you up to now?’ Jason asked, and Faith gave him the brief version. Rik was watching the cavorting on the dancefloor. Sara was being humped into view again, eyes bugging more than ever but still giggling happily as her consort continued his apparently never-ending thrusting. ‘He’s got stamina,’ Rik noted, ‘the lucky bastard.’
Faith felt giddier than ever and couldn’t stop laughing.
‘Even Paul and Minel are at it.’ She watched her friends indulgently as they moved together, perfectly in tune, oblivious to the heaving and shunting that was going on all around them. ‘They’re so sweet,’ she sighed.
‘Are they having any luck getting pregnant?’ Jason asked.
Rik shook his head.
Faith squeezed his arm. ‘You’ll be an uncle one day.’ He would be a great uncle, he’d be a great dad, actually…
‘Lily wants to crack on after the wedding,’ Jason said. ‘I’m up for it. I love kids.’
‘Me too,’ Faith said. ‘I want loads. A whole bunch, following me around like a gaggle of puppies, arguing and answering back and generally driving me to distraction. Not stuck up in their bedrooms for hours on end,’ she added disgustedly, ‘watching TV and playing nicely and never making a mess.’
‘My mum used to just kick me and my brother out in the garden and lock the door,’ Jason said nostalgically. ‘We tore the shit out of each other. Good times.’ He smiled brightly.
‘Kids need to be mucky, and noisy, and silly, and outside as much as possible,’ Faith said firmly. ‘That’s what childhood is for.’
‘Riding bikes,’ Rik agreed and she saw that he was looking at her affectionately. ‘Getting into scrapes, and making a hash of clearing them up.’ She smiled and he held her gaze, his eyes soft on hers, bringing a warmth to her stomach and her already flushed cheeks.
He pushed her off the seat. ‘Let’s go and dance like all the cool kids.’
Faith wasn’t going to say no, although — ‘I’m not doing that,’ she said, watching Sara giggling with fascination as her young suitor performed a freakish-looking figure-of-eight with his pelvis.
‘I don’t think it’s supposed to do that,’ Rik said. ‘He must be double-jointed.’
He steered her by her shoulders through the crowd, bouncing a little on his toes behind her. The music was deafening and she had to shout over the racket.
‘I’m not twerking,’ she yelled. ‘My legs are far too stiff for that, or slut-dropping, or,’ what other crazy names were there for overtly sexual dance moves? ‘Daggering,’ she shouted.
He laughed. ‘Do you even know what that is?’
‘I can guess,’ she said, eyeing the bumping and grinding all around her. ‘Does all this this make you feel old and prudish or is it just me?’
‘I can’t hear you,’ Rik yelled.
Faith stepped a little closer to him and stood on tiptoes, raising her head to his ear and putting her hand on his shoulder. He slid his arm around her waist and she felt his presence flooding into her in the places her body was pressed against his and forgot completely what she had been going to say.
‘Rikki?’
‘Yes?’ He had bent his head down to her ear and she leaned her head against his. She drew her breath in sharply and Rik moved his head against hers, very affectionately, like a cat rubbing against a beloved owner.
You’re still mine, she thought possessively. Somewhere, underneath, you know you’re still mine just like I’m still — I’m always — yours.
The music changed, thankfully, to a more dancy if slower-tempoed number. But again it was the kind of song made for two, dreamy and mournful with occasional slow, beat-heavy breaks. Rik put his other arm around her, seemingly entirely content to dance with her despite the intimacy of the song, and Faith felt her entire being fill once again with bittersweet sadness. But because Rik didn’t seem to be going anywhere she let herself flow against him, putting her arms around his neck and wishing she could just kiss him right here and now and never let him go. He was watching her, his dark eyes very soulful, and she closed her eyes, not wanting to read the expression in his, just wanting to let go for a moment and pretend that this was actually real. Without her eyes to guide her she had to rely entirely on her other senses, which had of their own accord just tuned effortlessly into him.
The song ended too soon, replaced by a rowdy and upbeat number, the DJ clearly fearful of actual full-frontal shagging erupting on the dance floor. Faith opened her eyes reluctantly and saw that Rik’s were heavy and far-away. Misty, almost, he was looking at her without really focusing and his pupils were very wide and her heart rate instantly quickened madly.
She stepped away pointedly and pushed her hair back. ‘Need a drink,’ she said to him, and he nodded dreamily and followed her back to the bar. She didn’t dare look at him again, unable to take the acute mixture of emotions swirling through her. They rejoined Jason, who was chatting to Paul, Minel and Crystal, and Faith shifted herself so she was further away from Rik an
d leaned on the bar.
Rik pushed his way in next to Jason, who must have assumed Faith was out of earshot. ‘You two look pretty tight,’ he said pointedly.
Rik laughed. ‘I haven’t seen her in nine years, mate, I’m allowed to catch up with her.’
‘Lucinda doesn’t mind?’
She didn’t catch what either of them said, the crowd beside her had erupted into noisy laughter, but when Rik said, ‘No, I haven’t,’ she was both glad she hadn’t overheard and wished more than anything that she had.
‘Might make things awkward,’ Jason was saying. ‘Never a good idea to talk about the ex with the current missus.’
‘Yep,’ Rik agreed. ‘No point telling her when I’m working with Faith all summer.’
No point telling her? But hadn’t Lucinda said — she’d definitely said Rik had told her everything and she’d seemed to know quite a bit about it. Or had she? What had she actually said? Referred to him as an ex and accused him of being less than brotherly. And then they’d giggled about fairies and magic, and Lucinda had joked that it must have affected her and Rik, then she’d said…
Oh no.
What had her exact words been? Not for long, something like that? Something she had still thought was fairly noncommittal but if Lucinda didn’t know, if she’d just been guessing, and fishing, that would have been the confirmation that she needed.
Faith felt all the energy drain out of her body. It was like somebody had chucked a bucket of ice all over her. She’d dropped herself right in it, and Rik too. Bloody Lucinda, she fumed, I knew she was a bitch.
She had to tell Rik. Lucinda was clearly suspicious and she had to warn him, let him know he was in for an uncomfortable confrontation and a nasty shock. She felt a flash of shame. What had she been thinking, dancing with him like that? Sloping off to ride bikes with him, entertaining her wistful little fantasies, searching his face and analysing his words for any possible inclination that he might still have feelings for her? He’s not an object, she lectured herself furiously, he’s a person, with a heart and a life and a girlfriend and he’s moved on, and you should too.
She felt completely sober and extremely tired, and to her relief Paul and Minel appeared, both yawning and saying they were going home. ‘I’ll come,’ Faith said instantly and Sara said she would and then of course Rik said he would and Jason too, and it took ages, and all Faith wanted was to go home and sleep and wake up in approximately three hours time plagued with insomnia and self-doubt and probably horniness from yet another erotic dream about Rik, especially after that dance.
He caught up with her on the way to the train, and began chatting easily with her again, but she had completely closed up and cut off all his attempts, collapsing gratefully into the nearest seat. Rik and Jason sat down opposite and Faith cursed. She’d have to listen to them bantering away all the way home.
‘Where’s Sara?’ Faith got up and stalked off down the carriage, finding her sharing a table seat with Paul and Minel.
‘Hold me,’ she wailed and Sara put her arm around her and squeezed her shoulders sympathetically. She didn’t ask Faith what was wrong and she felt a surge of gratitude to her friend. If she hadn’t told her about Rik she’d be firing all sorts of difficult questions at her right now.
Paul and Minel were murmuring to one another, Minel nestled easily in his strong arms. They seemed oblivious to the rest of the carriage. She leaned against Sara, and closed her eyes again. ‘Wake me up when we get there.’
She didn’t sleep, but the rocking of the train was soothing and Paul and Minel’s chatter and Sara’s closeness seemed to calm her. Sara was happy enough occasionally interjecting into their conversation, squeezing Faith reassuringly every now and again.
There are advantages to being twenty-six after all, she thought. You can take comfort in the little things, like the company of good friends, the sound of light rain on a train window, and the certainty that no matter what happens, even if your world feels like it’s falling apart all over again, there’s always somebody out there like Sara who will be there for you.
Chapter 15
As the long, hot summer of her seventeenth year dragged on Faith was increasingly frustrated by how hard it was to get any time with Rik. Thanks to part-time jobs, her parents rigid curfews and fondness for grounding her, and Minel wanting to dissect both her relationship with Gabe and Paul’s every word with Faith, they seemed to have gone from spending all their time together to finding it virtually impossible to be alone. Matters weren’t helped when he and Minel went on holiday with their parents for two weeks. Faith thought she might go through the roof with all the waiting around.
Sara was also struggling, burdened as she was with a short-tempered Faith who had taken to coming to her house just for something to do, only to loaf around in her friend’s back garden grumbling about being bored and trying and failing not to think about Rik being surrounded by suntanned, bikini-clad girls.
‘You need a boyfriend,’ Sara tried one day when Faith was being particularly insufferable.
Faith scowled. ‘Hardly.’
‘Charlie thinks you’re fit,’ Sara went on. Charlie was a friend of Sara’s latest boyfriend, Flynn, who was a few years older and fully ingratiated into the polo set. Charlie, who Faith had met once or twice, was so posh he could barely speak, his words slurring plummily into each other as if he were constantly drunk. Which he may well have been, as all he and Flynn seemed to do was hang around in pubs.
Pubs were no fun, Faith thought darkly, unless Rik was there with her so they could pretend to argue while groping each other’s legs under the table. And when that was no longer enough they would sneak off around the corner past the cool stone wall, once night had fallen and everybody was too drunk and rowdy to notice their long absences. Not that anybody would question it if they did notice, everybody would have assumed they were just entertaining themselves in any of their usual ways.
Faith felt increasingly guilty for not enlightening Sara as to what ‘usual ways’ her and Rik’s entertainment involved these days.
Would it be so bad if her friends knew?
She could finally join in her and Minel’s worldy conversations about their sex lives, although something told her Minel in particular would not be enthralled to hear some of the more pertinent details. She was almost certain she was ready to say goodbye to her virginity, but she could have still done with some moral support and somebody with whom to discuss things like, what to wear? What if it hurts? How could she make sure it lived up to expectations? How, exactly, does one become ‘good in bed’?
‘Faith?’ Sara’s voice interrupted her brooding.
‘Huh?’
‘I was saying Charlie thinks you’re fit. Shall I tell him you’ll be out on Friday with me and Flynn?’ Sara was holding her mobile phone, frowning at the screen.
‘Isn’t, um, Min back on Friday?’ Like she didn’t have it emblazoned on her brain.
‘Good point. I’ll text her and see if she wants to come too.’
‘And Rik,’ Faith said before she could stop herself. Heat rushed up into her cheeks just at the mention of his name and the ever-present pulse in her lower belly thumped once or twice. She glared accusingly at Sara’s back garden, which was completely paved over. ‘It’s too hot. You need more plants in here. And you should pull up some slabs and put in a pond.’
‘Go ahead,’ Sara invited.
And then I can get Rik over to help me and we can spend the entire day rolling around Sara’s house and nobody will suspect a thing, Faith thought gleefully.
‘What did you get up to while I was away?’ Rik asked as she led him into Sara’s airy living room.
‘Nothing,’ she grumbled. ‘I don’t know what’s up with my mother but she’s over my shoulder constantly, and it’s driving me bananas. She even asked me the other day if I had a boyfriend. Only she couldn’t use that exact word, she was so obviously disgusted, so instead she asked me if I had a “b-friend”.’
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‘What did you tell her?’ Rik asked.
‘I said no, of course. What about you? How was your holiday?’ How were the suntanned girls in bikinis, she wanted to ask.
‘Awful,’ he said. ‘It went on forever and I had to put up with my parents and Minel asking me what was wrong a thousand times a day and lots of muttering about raging hormones.’
‘They were probably right,’ she said irritably. ‘Unless you met some pretty girl to help you out with them, obviously.’ The resplendent figure of Sophie Barnes loomed into her mind.
‘Of course I didn’t. Is that what you’re worried about?’
‘It’s just that —’ She gulped. ‘I missed you.’
Oh please, she thought, don’t let him trivialise this. Not everything is a silly joke. She’d never admitted to any actual feelings for him before.
‘That’s good, isn’t it?’
‘Not if you didn’t miss me.’
‘I already told you I did. Didn’t you get my texts?’
‘Yeah but —’
‘But?’
‘That’s just a couple of texts.’ She scowled.
‘I couldn’t exactly fly home to tell you to your face.’
‘No but —’
‘Yeah but no but,’ he said softly. ‘I think I should just show you.’ Thanks to the considerable amount of practice they’d both put in Rik had discovered just the right way to kiss her to make her practically dissolve with hollow, weak-kneed longing. Faith felt her whole body, along with her residual irritation, melting.
‘Has that convinced you?’
‘No.’
‘Oh OK.’ He edged her vest up and Faith obediently held her arms up over her head so he could take it off. Thanks also to the considerable practice he could now unhook her bra at the first attempt. ‘Let’s see what will.’
The stones on Sara’s patio were a pale creamy-white and the sunlight bounced straight off them and back upwards, illuminating the garden with an almost blinding light. Faith wished Sara had a lawn that she and Rik could go and lie on, as it seemed a shame to be indoors on such a perfect summer’s day, but neither of them wanted to get dressed and so they stayed on the living room floor, their clothes scattered far and wide from Rik’s enthusiastic brand of undressing.
