by Keeland, Vi
“I was trying to go slow.”
I cupped his cheek. “I don’t want slow. I want hard. Now.”
Grant grumbled a few curses as he reached for the nightstand. He grabbed his wallet and ripped out a condom, tossing everything else to the floor. Then he sheathed himself in record time.
Reappearing over me, he looked deep into my eyes. “You are…” He shook his head. “…incredible.”
I pulled him down so our lips met and spoke against them. “Every time I look at you, I feel equal parts excited and terrified. But right now, I just want the excitement.”
Grant never broke our gaze as he pushed inside of me.
“Fuck.” He swallowed. “You’re so wet.”
He moved in and out slowly, stretching me a little at a time. Even though I was prepared for him, and I obviously knew how thick and long he was since I’d had him in my mouth, it had been a while since I was with a man, and my body needed some encouragement to accept his full girth. His arms shook as he took his time, and when he was finally seated inside me, he groaned. The sound was so guttural and raw, it sent chills down my arms and legs.
He stilled and kissed me gently before he looked into my eyes and fucked me the way I needed it—hard, raw, rough, and real. Each thrust went deeper and harder until the only sounds in the room were my moans and the wet slapping of our bodies against each other.
I dug my hands into his hair and tugged, saying his name over and over. The pulsing wave began to roll through me, and Grant’s breaths became uneven. We were both losing control at the same time.
“Fuck. You feel…so fucking good. So fucking good.” Grant gritted his teeth.
“Don’t stop. Yes. Just like…oh…oh…” My orgasm hit me like a punch, and whatever words I’d been trying to form were swept away, along with any fear I had.
Grant closed his eyes. The muscle in his jaw flexed and the veins in his neck bulged. He sped up his pace and kept going while I rode the wave. As I pulsated all around him, he let out a roar. “Fuuuck!” His hips bucked, and he planted himself deeply inside of me.
After a moment, he kissed my neck and continued to move in and out at a leisurely pace. Pushing the sweaty hair from my forehead, he smiled down at me. “I’m done for after tonight, sweetheart. Now that I know how good it feels inside you, I’m never going to not want to be here.”
I smiled. “That’s okay. I like you here.”
He kissed my lips softly and nodded. “Yeah. I like you here, too.”
***
We overslept the next day. I guess technically we didn’t, since oversleeping implies that we slept for a long period of time. But since we didn’t fall asleep until the sun came up and woke up to the sound of my cell phone only two hours later, we really sort of underslept.
I cracked one eye open to slide my phone on. “Hello?”
“Why aren’t you down here?”
Shit. Mia. I pushed up on one elbow. “What time is it?”
“Twenty minutes after brunch started.”
“Oh. Crap. I’m sorry. I guess I overslept.”
“You overslept or someone kept you up all night?”
“Both.”
Mia squealed, and I had to pull the phone away from my ear. Grant squinted his eyes open, so I covered the phone.
“It’s Mia. We’re late for brunch.”
“Tell her we’re skipping and I’m going to eat you again instead.”
Of course Mia heard that even though I’d had the phone covered. She squealed again. “Get down here now. I want to hear all the details.”
Grant took the phone from my hand and looked at me as he spoke. “We need twenty minutes to shower.” His eyes dropped to my exposed breast. “Make that thirty.”
I had no idea what she said, but he swiped the phone off and buried his head in my neck. “Morning.”
I was positive I had the goofiest smile on my face, though I didn’t care. “Good morning.”
His hand slipped between my legs, and he ran his fingers over my swollen flesh. “Sore?”
I was, but I downplayed it. “A little.”
He caught my gaze. “You sure?”
I nodded.
Grant plucked one nipple, and it stiffened to a peak. “Good,” he said gruffly. “I want to fuck you from behind in the bathroom, with you bent over the sink and watching in the mirror.”
My muscles ached, and between my legs was tender from how many times we went at it last night, yet thinking about Grant standing behind me while I was bent over already had my body thrumming to life.
I bit my lip. “Then why are we still in bed?”
A few heartbeats later, Grant lifted me from the bed and cradled me in his arms. I yelped in surprise, but truly I loved it. I loved the feeling of being in his arms, and the way he could toss me around like I weighed nothing.
He carried me into the bathroom with a condom between his teeth, and then we did exactly what he’d said he wanted to do. He fucked me from behind over the sink while I watched. It was fast and furious, but no less satisfying. We both came hard, and it was a perfect way to wake up. After, we got ready quickly and went downstairs to join the rest of the wedding party for brunch.
Mia’s eyes lit up when she saw us. My hair was tied back in a wet ponytail and Grant’s was slicked back from the shower. She pointed to the empty seat next to her as we approached the table. “Get your butt over here.”
I looked at Christian. “Your wife is very bossy.”
He smiled and looked at Mia with admiration. “My wife…I like the sound of that.”
Grant took the seat across from Christian, and the two of them fell into easy conversation. The newlyweds were going to Kauai for their honeymoon, and apparently Grant had been there before, so they spoke about what boat tour to take and some helicopter ride.
Mia attempted to grill me on how things had gone with Grant, but I would only say we had a good night together. Though the smile on my face and the flush still on my cheeks from an orgasm twenty minutes ago probably told her a lot more than what came out of my mouth anyway.
Overhearing Grant and Christian talk about where Grant had stayed in Kauai, Mia interrupted, “Oh. I saw that place online. It looks gorgeous. But they were sold out. Apparently they lost more than half of the resort in a storm a few years back.”
Grant nodded. “Didn’t know that.”
“How long ago were you there?”
Grant’s eyes flickered to mine for a moment. “Eight years ago.”
I felt a stab of jealousy, though I knew that was stupid. Grant had probably gone to Kauai on his honeymoon. His marriage was long over, and we’d just spent an amazing night together growing closer, yet I still felt jealous. I tamped down my silly emotions and tried not to let them spoil the euphoric feeling I’d come in with.
“So, Grant…” Mia pointed her fork at him. “Now that I’m an old married woman, I think I should warn you that I’ve mapped out my friend’s future. Ireland and I are going to be neighbors with white picket fences and little boys born within a week of each other named Liam and Logan.”
I laughed. “Mia decided this in fifth grade. We used to walk by these adorable matching houses on our way home from school every day. Two sisters owned them, and they sat on one porch every day on our way to school drinking coffee, and on the way home they were always seated on the other porch drinking iced tea. We used to wonder if the tea was spiked.”
Mia bumped her shoulder with mine. “Ours will definitely be spiked.” She looked at Grant. “So which name do you want? Liam or Logan?”
Obviously it was too soon to be talking about anything serious between Grant and me, but the entire thing was said in good fun.
Only Grant’s answer was serious. “I don’t want children.”
All of our smiles and laughter disappeared.
“Really?” I said.
Grant nodded.
A horrible feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. I knew it wasn’t the time or
the place for this discussion. Unfortunately, Mia wasn’t going to let go so easily. She waved at Grant. “Lots of people say that—until they meet the right person. You’ll change your mind.”
Grant’s face remained stoic. He looked at me and then down at his breakfast.
There were a few minutes of awkward silence after that. Mia knew I wanted children. And I didn’t just want one; I wanted a few. I’d grown up an only child and always longed for sisters or brothers. Eventually Christian changed the subject back to sports, and he and Grant returned to light conversation. Mia and I exchanged a few glances, and though I joined in the discussion around the table, I couldn’t really get past what I’d learned.
Grant and I hadn’t even been seeing each other long, so I didn’t think it should bother me so much. But the bottom line was, I really liked Grant. Most other ideals and values had a workaround for couples. If one wanted to live in the city and the other the country, you could compromise and have two homes or live on the outskirts of the city where it was a little more suburban. If a husband wanted a stay-at-home wife, and the wife wanted to work, they could compromise on a part-time job. But there wasn’t any middle ground when it came to having a family—you either had one or you didn’t.
I tried my best to put a smile on through the rest of brunch, but Grant’s comment was like a nagging, dull toothache. When it was time to say goodbye, Mia and I hugged.
“Have a great time,” I said. “Send pictures.”
She smiled. “I will. And don’t worry about what Grant said. I’m sure he’ll change his mind. Men don’t know what they want until you show it to them. Well, except a blowjob. They always want a blowjob.”
I smiled back. “You’re right.” Though inside I wasn’t so sure. Something about the way Grant had said the words made him seem pretty sure.
Grant and I had to go back to our room to get our luggage. I hadn’t even realized how quiet I’d been on the elevator ride up or while I packed until he came up behind me in the bathroom. He rubbed my arms as I grabbed my toothbrush, and spoke to my reflection in the mirror. “I didn’t mean to catch you off guard or upset you. I’m sorry.”
I shook my head. “It’s okay. There’s nothing to be sorry about. Mia put you in that position by talking about her life plans.”
Grant nodded, but our eyes stayed locked. I got the feeling he was waiting for me to say more. So I did.
“Do you…really not want children?”
He nodded.
“Are you sure?”
He frowned and nodded again.
“But you’re so great with Leo.”
Grant guided me to turn around and tilted my chin up so our eyes met directly, rather than through the mirror. “I don’t want children, Ireland.”
“Is it because you were in foster care? Do you mean you don’t want biological children because there are so many kids who need homes?”
He stared into my eyes. “No, I don’t want children at all.”
It felt like a hit to my gut. Because I somehow knew by the look in his eyes that his decision hadn’t been made lightly. We’d had such a great night, and I’d never expected that a moment of teasing this morning at breakfast would bring such an immediate and sudden halt to the excitement of what was growing between us. It was shocking, really.
I looked down. “Okay.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s fine. I guess it’s better that we have this discussion now than down the road. It’s just that…” I looked up and felt my eyes well. Which seemed ridiculous. This relationship was so new, yet it felt like I’d suffered a loss. “I really want a family someday. Two or three little ones close in age, maybe a golden retriever named Spuds—a real full house. Not tomorrow or anything. But when the time is right.”
Grant nodded. “Of course.” He pushed a lock of my hair behind my ear. “And you deserve to have everything you want.”
I needed some time to think about this. “We should probably get going. We’re past the late checkout time they gave me.”
We packed the rest of our stuff and headed to the car. Both of us were quiet as we got on the road. Grant took my hand and weaved his fingers with mine before lifting it to kiss the top.
“I have to head to the office for a few hours,” he said. “You want me to drop you off at home?”
“Yeah, please.”
At my apartment, Grant unloaded my suitcase and walked me to the door. “I’ll call you later?”
I nodded. He gave me a soft kiss and waited until I got inside.
Leaning against the door, it felt like I’d been whiplashed. One minute, I was falling for a great guy, and we couldn’t get enough of each other. The future was so bright. And the next, I needed some time alone to think, and I wondered if we had a future together at all.
Chapter 25
* * *
Grant
I leaned back in my chair and whipped the pen in my hand across the room. It hit the corner of the credenza and boomeranged back at me, landing on my desk right on top of the most recent letter. Figures. I can’t even get that shit right today. Stewing, I picked up the envelope, angrily shredded it into twenty little pieces, and threw them all in the direction of the wastepaper basket. Half wound up on the floor.
I’d come to the office right after dropping off Ireland, thinking I could knock out a few hours of work. But four hours had passed, and I’d only managed to get about five minutes of business done. I couldn’t fucking concentrate.
Of course Ireland wanted kids. She was a loving person with so much to offer. It wasn’t the first time the subject had come up with women I’d dated. Hell, before Ireland, just having the subject raised by a woman had been a red flag. The mention of any long-term plans meant their expectations were too much, and it was time to call it quits. But Ireland wasn’t some fuck buddy I wanted to run away from.
I picked up my phone and debated sending her a text. Should I give her some space? Bring it up again? Pretend it never happened and move on? I decided to stop acting like such a pussy and just send a damn text without overthinking it. I’d overthought enough for one day.
Grant: Dinner tonight? I could swing by on the way home from the office, and we could have Chinese on the boat and watch the sunset.
I watched as the little dots jumped up and down. Then stopped. Then started again. It was a long-ass few minutes waiting while she deliberated over her response.
Ireland: I’m actually pretty wiped out. Think I’m just going to crash early.
Fuck. I wanted to be with her, even if it meant just sleeping with her in my arms. But she wasn’t offering. And I couldn’t be a dick and bulldoze my way in with her. So I let it go.
Grant: Okay. Sleep well. I’ll catch up with you tomorrow.
She sent back a happy face. Though I was sure neither of us was smiling right about now.
I managed to answer a few emails and approve a marketing budget before I called it a day. The work would be here when I was in a better frame of mind. Neither of us had gotten much sleep last night, so I convinced myself Ireland was right: going home and crashing was for the best. Though halfway through my drive, I found myself getting off the highway two exits before the marina. Pops had been like a second father to me my entire life, even more so since my dad was gone, and he was the one person I knew would give me the truth—even if it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I just hoped today was a good day for his memory.
***
“Grant, what a nice surprise. Come in. Come in.”
My grandmother stepped aside for me to enter, and I kissed her cheek as I went through the doorway. “How’s the alarm system doing?”
“It’s fine. But your grandfather has slept like a baby since it was installed.”
“Good.” I looked around the living room. The house was quiet. “Is Pops around?”
“He’s downstairs tinkering in the basement. Last I looked, he was making a miniature coffin for that crazy dollhouse he and Leo love so muc
h. I try to keep away when he’s doing the woodwork. The pieces are so small, and I get nervous he’s going to cut his fingers off sawing them.”
I smiled. Pops had started to forget a lot of things, but using tools wasn’t one of them. Though dementia affects the memory, his woodworking skills were more second nature to him than learned. I couldn’t imagine there would ever come a time he couldn’t make things, whether he knew the name of the person he was making them for or not.
“I’m going to go down and visit him.”
“I’ll make you some snacks and bring them down in a bit.”
“Thanks, Gram.”
I found Pops in his pjs and a bathrobe, with a toolbelt wrapped around his hips. He had on a pair of goggles, and his gray hair was littered with wood shavings as he planed down the rough sides of a tiny coffin to make them smooth.
He smiled when he saw me, lifted the goggles to rest on top of his head, and held up three fingers with Band-Aids. “Mousetraps,” he said.
My brows drew together. “You have mice?”
“Not that I’m aware of. But I used the little old wooden traps to make floorboards for the bedrooms and the hinges to attach the coffin doors. Leo set one up with cheese while we were working last week to see if he could catch a mouse. I picked it up this morning. Cheese is still there.” He wiggled his fingers. “Now some of my skin is, too.”
I chuckled. “Gotta be more careful, Pops. Grams is already worried about you using power tools. Cut off a finger, and you’ll come back from the hospital with an empty workshop.”
Pops muttered, “She worries like a rocking chair. Gives her something to do, but it never gets her anywhere.”
I walked over to the creepy dollhouse and checked out the new pieces he’d made this week. There were tiny wood-framed mirrors with scary faces painted in them, a few hanging ghosts, and a fireplace carved with an ornate, angry wolf’s head. Picking up the fireplace, I admired the workmanship that had gone into it. Pops was truly gifted.
