“That’s not enough!”
Her words pierced through the air, and she saw the shocked look on his face, the flash of raw hurt that flooded his eyes. She immediately grimaced. “I didn’t mean it like that—”
“You did.” His expression cooled, and she felt the sudden distance between them. It was as if the air cooled off, and the warmth that had been surrounding her vanished. “I get it. I fucked you over, and you’ve shut it down between us.”
Regret flooded her. “Don’t be an ass, Vlad. I’m not shutting you out. It’s just that I have a life here that matters, people who count on me—”
“Don’t be an ass?” He turned to face her. “You don’t get it, do you? I love you, Sophie. I don’t just sort of love you. My entire soul burns for you. There’s no halfway with me. I get that you have forged your own life and your independence while you were down here. I respect that. I even admire it. But there’s no way I can handle being with you, knowing that you’re halfway out the door, looking for something else, something that will be enough. It ripped my soul in half when I lost you, but I remembered you. I lived with that pain every single day. I loved you too much to forget.”
She blinked. “I forgot you because it hurt too much to lose you, not because I didn’t love you—”
He didn’t let her finish. “You won’t leave without the women? Then I’ll find a way to get them the hell out so you’ll leave, but then I’ll let you go, so you can find a life that is enough, since I’m not.” He looked down at his wedding ring, which was still black. “Bound forever,” he said softly. “Fuck forever.”
He turned and began to walk away, his boots crunching on the rocky terrain.
Sophie stared after him, her heart tearing apart. “I love you,” she whispered, her words drifting unheard into the air. She watched his broad shoulders and his strong back as he walked away from her. She could call him back. She could run after him, grab his wrist, and yank him toward her, shouting at him until he understood how much she loved him.
But the words stuck in her throat, held in place by fear. Fear of losing who she was to the man who’d once consumed her world. Fear of attaching to him again, after she’d already lost. She realized then, that despite her claim that she forgave him for not saving her, a deeper part of her hadn’t forgotten that moment when she’d fallen, reaching for his hand, only to have her fingers slide through his. Logically, yes, she knew he hadn’t failed her or betrayed her, but deep inside her soul was a primal fear coiled inside her, a raw terror that if she turned her heart over to him, he would shatter it again.
It made no sense. She knew that. But there was no way for her to ignore the piercing fear gripping her so fiercely. Over and over her mind replayed that moment when he’d reached for her, and her fingers had slipped from his. That moment when she’d realized that he couldn’t save her. That moment when she’d realized how wrong she’d been to think that turning herself over to him in marriage would save her. That moment when she’d realized what a fool she’d been for not being prepared to save herself.
And now…she’d thought she’d become strong, but her experience with that rock made her realize that she was no more capable of saving herself than she had been before. She was still afraid. Still vulnerable. Still ready to run and hide. And Vlad brought that out in her. She loved him so much, she wanted to lean on him, to let him be strong. Her love for him, and his love for her, made her weak and afraid.
She realized his questions about how she could forgive him for not saving her was more on point than she’d realized. Intellectually, of course she didn’t blame him. But on a visceral level, deep in her soul, she’d shattered when she’d lost him, when her fingers had slid out of his and she’d plummeted down into the crevasse of hell. She’d broken so badly that her memories had vanished. She’d lost her entire life and her entire past, simply because the loss of Vlad had been too much for her to handle.
Standing there, watching him walk away, made pieces of her heart shrivel. Her entire soul cried out for him with the same intensity it ever had, but now there was a deep, paralyzing fear of opening herself up to him again. The truth was that he wasn’t the superhero she’d always thought he was when they were kids. He was a man. An insanely badass warrior, but a man, nonetheless. It was possible he would fail to keep her alive. It was possible he could get killed. Fear gripped her, a terror of believing in him again…and having it all go to hell. “I can’t do it,” she whispered. “I can’t do it again.”
Vlad turned around to face her. He was almost twenty yards away, but she could still see the emptiness of his expression. “I know. I won’t make you.” He held out his hand. “Let’s go.”
She tried to take a deep breath, but she could barely breathe. She felt like she was losing him all over again, facing the same loss that she was trying to protect against. “Vlad—”
He walked over to her. “Tell me about the women.”
“But—” She wanted to talk about them, about him, about the terror hammering at her so violently.
“We need to focus, Soph. Getting all the women out is going to be a logistical nightmare, so I need information. Talk to me.”
He was so cold now. So focused. “Did I hurt you that much?” she whispered. “When I said you weren’t enough just now?”
Pain flickered across his face, but it was gone almost instantly. “You can’t help how you feel. I get it, but at the same time, I can’t turn off how I feel either. I can feel the distance between us. I can feel your distrust.” He brushed his fingers along her jaw. “I will always be there to protect you and support you, but I can’t stand here and love you when you will never let me in.”
She clasped his wrist. “I do love you—”
“I know.” He pressed a kiss to her knuckles. “But not the way I love you. It’s okay. You have a right to love however you need to love.” He took a deep breath. “I had it all built up in my mind over the last two centuries, how great we were together, how intense our bond was. I created this vision of you, of us, of what we had. I never took into account that we were teenagers back then, and it was not the same kind of love that happens between adults who’ve been through hell and back. My love held onto a past that’s gone. Yours moved onto a new life. I will have to find a way to live with that.”
Tears filled her eyes. A part of her wanted to beg him not to give up on her, to fight for her, to find a way to drag her out of her hell of fear…but she was too scared to even say that. She wanted to hide from what he awoke in her, from the fear of losing him, Maria, the women, the only life she’d ever really known. She knew now why she’d hidden in the rock. She didn’t want to face the amount of loss that was coming her way. “I’m not a warrior,” she whispered. “I’m not brave. I don’t want to face this.”
He sighed and took her face in his hands, his gaze searching hers. “I love you, Soph, but you need to understand something.”
She lifted her chin. “What?”
“You got through two hundred years in the demon world without me. You’re stronger than you think you are. Don’t forget that.”
Tears blurred her eyesight. She didn’t feel strong right now. She felt fragmented and lost. “Vlad—” She stopped when she heard a distant shout.
They both looked across the lava fields, and she saw the demons were closer now, still marching in formation.
“We don’t have time for this, Soph,” Vlad said softly. “We’ll be out of time much too soon. Where are the women located?”
“They’re all spread out.” She wiped the back of her wrist over her cheek, trying to destroy the tears threatening to take her down. “And they have demon blood in them. And Maria is half-demon. It’s impossible to get them across the border, unless we find the cursed jewels, but then it will free all the demons, and that’s not exactly a great idea.”
He ignored her protest. “How many women are there?”
“Right now there are only eleven of them, but not all of them want t
o leave. Only Lucien’s castoffs want to go.” What if Vlad could figure out a way to get them out? Would she make them all leave, or leave behind those who wanted to stay? And if they stayed behind, could she leave, knowing that they would die without her and Maria?
“Why don’t they want to leave?”
She sighed. “They say they can feel the emptiness of their demon’s souls, the aching loneliness that beats at them. They want to save them, to somehow bring humanity back to them.” She glanced at him. “They believe in the demons. They believe redemption is possible…except for a few, like Lucien.”
He watched her. “Do you believe redemption is possible for them?”
She thought of Rikker, of that one moment where she’d seen that flash of humanity on his face…before he’d reverted to his caveman ways and decided to claim her. She thought of Maria’s brother, Damon, and the love he had for his sister. “I don’t know. Maybe, I guess, for some of them.”
Vlad raised his brows. “So, these women are willing to risk death for the one they love? They’d refuse to give up on the one they love until the very end, even if failure means death and suffering? To them, a shitty ending isn’t enough reason not to give everything they have on the chance of saving the one they love? Is that what you’re saying?”
She jerked her gaze to him and saw the challenge in his eyes. Irritation bristled through her. “So, you’re calling me out because I’m not willing to risk having my heart shattered by you again?” At his non-committal shrug, anger rushed through her. “I’m sorry I can’t be stronger,” she snapped. “I’m sorry that I can’t handle going through it again. I’m not some super-strong warrior. I’m just me!”
“Shit, Soph. When are you going to realize that that’s enough?” His fingers drifted through her hair, a soft touch that made longing pulse through her, but neither of them made a move to close the distance between them. “I have a question for you. What if you told them that you and Maria were leaving, and it was their choice to stay or go with you? What if they choose to stay?”
She grimaced as he voiced the question she’d already thought of. “If they stay, they’ll need healing—”
He swore in frustration. “Why is it your responsibility to sacrifice yourself to save people who have made the choice to risk themselves?”
“Because I can make a difference—”
“So, they have a right to keep you from happiness because they’re making a choice that could kill them? Is that your job? To sacrifice yourself to save women who choose to endanger themselves?” He softened his voice. “Don’t you get it, Soph? You don’t need to be a hero to matter. You don’t need to save all these people to matter,” he said softly. “You matter just by being you.”
Tears burned her eyes again, and she turned away, feeling as if the foundation she’d built her life and identity on was trembling beneath her feet. “Damn you, Vlad. I—”
“Quiet.” His hand went over her mouth, and he looked past her, his face rigid.
She froze, her heart pounding at the sudden tension coiled in his body. “What is it?” she whispered.
His answer was a faint murmur in her ear, so quiet that she could barely hear it. “The demons. They’ve changed direction.”
She turned around and looked out across the lava field, searching for the demons, but they weren’t where they’d been before. She scanned quickly, and saw them moving swiftly toward the south. They were dark now, almost shadows, in the form they took when they were on the hunt. Fear gripped her when she realized what direction they were heading in. “That’s where Maria and Gabe are,” she whispered. “Do you think they found them? Is that why they’re going that way?”
“Shit, I hope not.” Vlad swore under his breath. “I’ll tell Gabe to be on the alert, but we need to get there first.” He grabbed her hand and started to sprint along the path, but she stopped.
“No. This way.” She spun around and raced toward the narrow passageway that she’d discounted only moments ago. Fear for Maria pounded fiercely through her, and she knew that passageway was their only chance.
“It’s too narrow—”
“I don’t care.” She plunged into the passageway, but just as the rocks touched her arms, Vlad’s hand settled on the back of her neck. His power plunged through her, holding the particles of her body together, fighting the call of the rocks.
“Got you.” His voice was grim and hard, and his energy was so strong that it hurt to breathe. She glanced back at him, but he wasn’t looking at her. He was looking past her, searching for threats. The wall she’d created between them was still there, and he wasn’t going to bring it down again.
Maybe they could get through this passageway, maybe they could get to Maria and Gabe in time, but then what? She didn’t even know. But she had no time to figure it out.
Time was up. The battle was upon them.
Chapter 32
Maria. Do you see any demons yet? Gabe was directly behind Maria as they were scaling a steep cliff. It was a sheer rock face, but she was ascending it with swift agility worthy of any Calydon warrior. Vlad had contacted them to report that he and Sophie had seen demons heading their way, but so far, none had appeared.
No. Do you?
No— The weapons in his arms started to burn fiercely in warning. Swearing, he stopped and turned his head, scanning the vast barren landscape. The shadows were long and dark, and spirals of smoke arose from the Graveyard of the Damned, where lava was flowing thick and heavy. The air smelled of sulfur and rot, and it was a battle for his lungs to glean enough oxygen from the air. Maria, wait.
She stopped and looked around, scanning as carefully as he was. Maybe Vlad was wrong about where they were headed. Maybe they aren’t tracking us. But we need to keep going. We’re meeting Sophie and Vlad soon.
Gabe still didn’t move. His weapons felt like they were on fire, vibrating in his forearms. Something’s hunting us. He flexed his hands, ready to call out his weapons. He didn’t want to do it too early, however, because the crack and flash of black light would pinpoint their location to anyone coming after them.
Really? Then we need to get to the top of the cliff. Maria dug her fingers into the almost invisible crevices in the rock, her muscles flexing as she hauled herself up the sheer rock face. We can’t fight down here. It’s too narrow.
Gabe leapt up on the wall, ascending rapidly as he followed her, realizing she was correct. They were hanging by their fingertips on the side of a steep precipice. There was no way they could fight in this position. Let’s go.
Just as he reached her, the back of his neck prickled with sudden awareness. The threat was close. Dangerously close. He let go of the wall with his right hand, swinging his arm free as he dangled from the sheer rock face, held in place only by his boots wedged in the crevice, and his left hand locked in a crack in the rock. He reached out with his preternatural senses, scanning their surroundings for body heat, an energy signature, a ripple in the atmosphere, for anything that was off…but he couldn’t sense anything.
But his weapons continued to burn. Shit. He was out of his element here. It was different enough from the earth realm that he didn’t know exactly what he was looking for, or what to attune to. But there was something. Be careful.
Seriously, Gabe? You think I need instructions on how to navigate the demon world without getting killed? She laughed, sounding amused. Trust me, I know every danger in this place, and every trick to staying alive. And that includes getting to the top of the cliff because neither of us can fight from this position. So climb, Blade Boy.
He glanced up at Maria. She was ascending quickly, with astounding grace, the muscles in her legs flexing as she climbed. She moved like a wild cat, agile and predatory, the weapons strapped to her body glinting in the dim light. Heat raced through him, a possessive, sensual fire. That was his woman, a fucking badass who ruled the demon world. Jesus, woman. You’re hot.
She laughed, a delightful, happy sound that made him grin. S
he looked down at him, her eyes dancing. No one has ever flirted with me before. I think I like it.
Only from me.
You’re the only one who’s sane enough around me to be able to flirt, so you have no competition. Her gaze flicked past him to the ground. Hurry.
Gabe followed her gaze past his boots, and then swore when he saw shadows emerging from a crevice at the bottom of the cliff. They moved swiftly, taking the shape of men, and he realized they were demons, shrouded in darkness, heading straight for the bottom of the cliff. At least twenty of them. Shit.
He swore and began to haul ass up the cliff. He had no chance of defeating twenty demons if he had to use one of his hands and both feet to keep from plummeting a thousand feet to the rock below. He was damn good, but one-handed was going to be a challenge he didn’t feel like taking on if he could avoid it.
Maria was moving fast, as fast as he was, but the demons were moving faster, ascending the rock with alarming speed. Why are they after you?
I don’t know. She sounded grim. Usually they leave me alone. Lucien might have sent them to retrieve me.
Lucien? The leader of this shithole?
Yes, he decided to claim me, but gave me up when Sophie offered herself as a substitute. Since neither of us held to the bargain, he’s probably pretty pissed.
White hot rage shot through Gabe. He wants to mate with you?
It’s more like fuck me until I die from his poisonous semen, but sure, you can call it mating if that makes it more palatable for you to handle.
Gabe swore as his vision actually turned red for a split second, and his muscles clenched. Jesus, woman. Don’t you know Calydons have jealousy issues? I can’t handle shit like that.
She looked back at him, her eyes wide with surprise. “You’re jealous?”
“Fuck yeah. You’re my woman.”
Her face softened, and she smiled. “When Lucien said I was his woman, I wanted to kill him. When you say that, it feels different. Nice. Autocratic, possessive, and not acceptable, but also, nice.”
Hunt the Darkness (Order of the Blade Book 11) Page 29
