Avoiding his gaze, she entered the formal dining area, complete with three-tiered chandelier and custom ceiling medallion she’d designed. She proceeded to the kitchen. She’d chosen the hand-scraped floors, French Country cabinets, and hardware with a dark patina. Ignore it, she thought. Ignore it all.
Nick followed. “That burnt smell is because I turned on the heat.”
“As opposed to because I cooked.”
This was how she’d play it. Simply be cordial to all, keep him at arm’s length, keep her walls intact.
She wouldn’t be cruel, couldn’t be. She’d be upbeat and pithy and treat him as if he were a somewhat likeable acquaintance. She’d be polite and mature. One of those people who bragged about having an amicable break-up or divorce.
“Laurie, you’re feeding me twice today,” she said. “I finished off your chicken and dumplings at lunch. Now you’ve brought me pizza.”
Angelina took a plate from a stack beside the pizza boxes on the large island and served herself. She sat at their oversized table.
Pierce entered carrying Hope. “Someone’s diaper is changed, and she’s ready to eat.” He handed the child to Laurie. “I’ll be double-bagging this one; we’ll take it home to throw it away.”
“That bad, huh?” Laurie asked.
“It’s ripe.” He looked at Nick. “Okay if I wash my hands in the kitchen sink?”
“You never ask me that at home,” Laurie said.
“We’re not at home, are we?”
“This kitchen’s too elegant for that,” Laurie said. “There’s a perfectly good powder room back in the direction you came from. Go use it.”
Angelina motioned with her head. “Compromise. There’s a butler’s pantry with a sink right there. Nick, show him.”
Her husband looked both startled she’d spoken directly to him and chagrined, as he obviously hadn’t remembered the swinging door behind him or what it concealed.
She almost felt sorry for him, her clueless, embarrassed, absentminded professor of a husband. Brilliant in all things beyond their house and marriage. Completely inept at long-term bonding and love.
Pierce followed Nick into the pantry. Laurie carried Hope to the table and sat across from Angelina with the child on her lap.
“Peez-up.”
“Yes, pizza.” Laurie tore pieces of crust into small bites and lay them on a plastic plate she’d obviously brought with her. “On Hope’s plate.”
Hope reached for Laurie’s pizza. Laurie turned, making it more difficult for Hope to reach Laurie’s food.
“No, ma’am. This is Hope’s plate.” She pointed. “Hope’s plate. Now you eat.”
Hope obeyed.
Angelina felt a twinge of sadness at not yet being a mother. No, she wouldn’t dwell on that disappointment. With Nicholas gone all the time, if they’d had children, she would have basically been stuck being a single parent. Not to mention he knew less about being a father than she knew about being a mother. How awful life would have been for any child they might have had.
Nick and Pierce returned, brought their plates and the pizza boxes to the table. Pierce sat beside Laurie. Thankfully, Nicholas left an open seat between himself and Angelina.
As Pierce prayed over their food, she stared at the table. Then, they ate.
Angie felt her emotional strength weaken. She couldn’t sit here much longer with Nicholas near and the perfect family—everything she’d wanted—staring right at her.
“Obviously, I posted bond.” She looked at Nick. “Julius explained some of the legal aspects of the investigation to me. Maybe you could fill me in on the rest? About the house and our finances?”
Nick looked at Pierce and Laurie, then at Angelina, his concern obvious.
“I don’t care if they know.” She looked away from those brown eyes she used to lose herself in.
“For now the charges are dropped,” Nick said. “That doesn’t mean new charges won’t be filed. I could be arrested again. I’m not allowed to leave the county on my own while I work with Julius to figure out what really happened. As far as our finances, the mortgage is paid through the end of the month, which is another few weeks. Unfortunately, I borrowed more than the actual value.”
She looked at the ceiling. “Oh, Nicholas.”
“I’m sorry, Angie. I thought I was providing for our future—”
“You always thought you were providing for our future.” She took a breath. “What’s done is done. What are our options?”
“Julius verified we can sell some personal possessions in an effort to keep our home. And to pay my defense costs.”
“You mean sell our furniture and other belongings to hold on to a building. A structure you hardly ever visited, let alone lived in, and one I no longer want.”
“I’m sorry.”
She raised both hands at him. “Stop. Apologies help nothing and are unnecessary at this point.”
“No, they’re not. I owe you hundreds of them.”
“It’s too late, okay? Sorry, Pierce and Laurie, this is what people who don’t have a healthy marriage sound like.”
“Da-da-da.” Hope lunged at her father; Pierce took his daughter from Laurie.
“Angelina,” Nick said. “I know what the house means to you. You spent months decorating, working with Rita to get every room just so. That I’ve jeopardized it all is breaking my heart.”
Keep calm, she thought. Keep calm.
“I don’t care about this house like I used to.” She paused as the implied I don’t care about anything or anyone like I used to hung in the air. “So, we need to sell everything to be able to pay Julius and probably a private investigator, as you try to prove your innocence.”
And, consequently, hers.
“I’ll call Rita,” Angie said. “I don’t know how quickly she’ll get back to me—she’s on her honeymoon—but she’ll know how to find buyers. Laurie, are you available starting tomorrow to help me catalog everything? Not as a favor, I’ll hire you.”
“Tomorrow? I am in-between clients right now. Pierce, can you keep Hope?”
“Sure.”
“I’ll be here,” Laurie said. “If you’re sure. Rita’s work is amazing. I hate to help you dismantle it all.”
“We don’t have a choice,” Angelina said.
“My in-laws get back tomorrow evening. I’m sure they’ll be happy to babysit most mornings after that.”
“Great. Rita might want to purchase specific pieces or have clients who would want them. We won’t get anywhere near what I paid for them, but if we take the time to catalog and authenticate the finer pieces, we’ll get more than we would otherwise.”
Hope lunged again. Nicholas jumped, going down on one knee to keep her from falling to the floor. She climbed into his arms, rested her blonde, curly head on his chest, and blinked her big blue eyes up at him.
“Cup,” she said.
“That child’s memory is too good,” Laurie said. “She’ll want one every time she sees you now.”
“All I did in the car was hand it to her,” Nick said.
“It only takes one time.” Laurie gathered her daughter, carried her to the diaper bag sitting on the counter, then refilled her cup at the refrigerator. “Here, baby.”
Angelina froze. She’d never seen Nicholas interact with a baby.
Maternal longing rose inside her heart and spilled out. Over the years she’d kept the desire deep inside, acknowledging it only when she thought she had Nick’s full attention.
She had that now, but only because his newest plan was ruined, his business gone.
He moved back to sit two chairs down from her, and she smelled him. And somehow, she instantly knew what their child could have looked like—and if they’d had a boy, would smell like.
Anger surged, spiking her heart rate. Until this moment, she’d been looking backward through a filter of constant waiting. Only back at what they hadn’t done, what she’d lost back then.
But Nicholas had
n’t taken a mere ten years of her life. No. He’d taken from her what could be.
The future anniversaries and holidays. The future children who would have sat at this table and played in this house, then left it to start their own lives. A future where she and Nick grew old together, then looked back on their lives and reminisced at how much they meant to each other.
The pain blasted through her.
She rose too quickly, nearly knocking over her chair, and stumbled. Nick grabbed her elbow.
“Don’t touch me!”
Her gaze locked with Laurie’s. The sympathy and compassion she saw there unraveled the seam of her tightly woven cocoon.
“Do you know what it’s like to have a man marry you, then only visit you, spend time with you, when he’s not otherwise occupied? To have him not only promise to build a life with you, but plan it. Agree with you. Say he wants the exact same things as you, and he wants them with you.
“But he makes you wait and wait until that becomes second nature to you. What do you do with all those plans? You wait for them. What do you do with all your pent up needs for companionship and love? For someone to listen and share? To even touch you? You tell yourself to wait. Because that’s what you’ve been trained to do. Do you know what it’s like to want so badly to have a child with the man you love you ache inside as if someone beat you?”
Tears puddled in Laurie’s eyes. “I do indeed know what it’s like to want a child with the man you love.”
Angelina rounded on Pierce. “Did you ever hurt her that way? Walk away from her because you were focused on other things?”
“I did for a time, yes,” Pierce said. “I’m ashamed to say I almost single-handedly ended our marriage.”
“But it’s all fixed now, right?” She didn’t even try to keep the sarcasm from her voice. “You’ve got your happy little church and your happy little girl and your happy little life with your happy little wife.”
“I’m sure it looks that way to you,” Laurie said. “I can see why it does.”
“What’s wrong with me?” Angelina beat at her chest. “Why won’t a friend, a husband, even a supposedly loving God stay and be close to me?”
Shaking, she stepped back. “I have to go. Pierce and Laurie, I apologize for behaving this way in front of your daughter. She’s innocent and beautiful, and you two are truly blessed. Laurie, if you don’t want to come back here tomorrow, I completely understand.”
“Of course I’ll come tomorrow. I can be here around ten. I’ll bring something for lunch.”
“Well, you catch on quick. Nobody wants to eat my cooking.”
“Angelina,” Nick whispered.
She raised a hand. “Don’t say anything to me right now. I won’t forget my keys tomorrow, so if you have to go somewhere with Julius, or to pick up your car at the airport, just go.”
“My car was impounded—”
“It doesn’t matter!” Angelina swiped her hands over her face and turned to leave.
The cold she’d felt when she’d seen him on Sunday turned to dark ice in her gut.
The sadness tightened inside her, leaving behind misery. She couldn’t imagine ever again feeling joy.
“Everything you said is true,” Nick said. “But from this day on, it won’t be.”
“I’ve heard that before. How can I possibly believe you now?”
She scanned the beautiful, perfect kitchen. She’d finally learned what her dad had told her during her childhood—people don’t change.
“When you wanted to move, we moved,” she said. “When you wanted to start your own business, you started your own business. Everything you wanted, we bought. Everything you needed, we did. Now we’re selling everything because you need us to. This time is no different than any other.”
PART III
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
His wife left.
Nicholas stared at the empty doorway and wondered how many times Angelina had done the same—watched him walk away without looking back.
“Hope’s getting tired,” Laurie said. “Pierce, if you hold her, she’ll probably conk out on your shoulder.”
Pierce obliged while Nick and Laurie cleaned up the kitchen.
Laurie laid a hand on his arm. “I can’t imagine how your mind must be spinning from the arrest, the conflict with Angelina, and having your home searched. Do you want us to stay while you—I don’t know—check to see what’s been disturbed?”
“That would be nice. Thanks.”
Earlier when they’d arrived, he’d noticed the kitchen and dining room appeared to be untouched. Now, he led them back through those rooms, into the formal living room, the library. Those, too, showed no obvious evidence of disruption. Then again, how would he know? He’d barely set foot in these rooms during the past year.
Finally, they reached his office. Julius had advised him the original warrant had stated specific items would be removed, but other warrants could be issued at any time for other belongings.
As expected, his computer was gone. Only a dusty outline remained. The top of his desk was clear. The drawers, empty. His file cabinet, vacant. The heavy, pleated drapes across the rear windows had been opened to the fullest extent, revealing panes reminding him too much of prison bars.
“Nicholas, your entire house is a showpiece,” Laurie said. “The woodwork in this room alone is positively stunning.”
He raised his gaze. He’d never really noticed the intricate crown moldings at the ceiling, the thick baseboards, or ornate doorframes.
“I can’t take credit. I chose none of it, and honestly, never paid attention. Angelina was trying to make our home nice. She probably thought if she made it nice enough, I’d spend more time here.” He paused. “I didn’t even pick my desk.”
“Did she love this place?”
“I thought she did.”
He quickly located two boxes buried in the credenza. One held the Bible Daniel and Kay had given them. The other contained several books on faith he’d read.
“I know what’s wrong with me,” he said to them. “Believe it or not, one of my recent clients insisted I take a personality test before interacting with mid-level staff. I’m a starter and a fixer with a twist of if it ain’t broke, don’t think about it thrown in. I start things but tend to leave non-emergency tasks incomplete. When I was home, I was always distracted with what needed fixing elsewhere. God isn’t broken, so I don’t pay Him much attention for any length of time.”
“God’s not broken, but you are,” Pierce said. “We all are.”
“I have started over so many times with Angelina and God.” Nick lifted the Bible. “If I start again with God—for the hundredth time?—I still have to deal with this, don’t I? I’m still stuck with the consequences of what I’ve done to myself and to Angie.”
“Yes,” Pierce said. “But don’t forget, God knows Angelina better than you do. If you listen to Him, you won’t cause new damage to your marriage, and you might be able to repair the damage you have done. God can redeem all, that’s what the cross is about. No matter what we’ve done, God can heal and restore.”
“That might not matter,” Nick said. “Did you notice she wasn’t wearing her wedding rings? In her heart, I think Angelina’s already gone.”
“She might be,” Laurie said.
He might not get the result he wanted. He might still end up in prison.
Either way, he might be without Angie for the rest of his life.
“I see what I’ve done to myself, to Angelina,” Nick said. “I don’t want more regret. Even with no guarantees, if the only thing I can control is myself, this time I want to do it right.”
“Your parents gave me this. God’s Word is right there, telling me what to do, telling me how to live, how to love God and learn from Him. Since the very beginning, Angelina’s told me how to love her. I never listened to her, or Scripture, or the Holy Spirit. I knew what to do; I just never did it.” He braced his arms on the desk. “I almost can’t stand t
his level of failure.”
“Listen to yourself,” Laurie said. “God’s word is right there, and she’s been telling you how to be her husband. Yes, you have two broken things—your relationship with God and your marriage—but you also have the tools to fix them.”
“Hmm,” he said. “I didn’t think of it that way.”
***
The next morning, he woke alone.
Even though Angelina’s blanket and pillow were missing from the other side of their enormous bed, even though she supposedly hadn’t been in this room for months, her scent surrounded him.
Curious, he went to her walk-in closet. As far as he could tell, her clothing was all there. A rainbow of the silk shirts she liked to wear. Jeans—many perfect duplicates—hung together on a low rack beside two shelves of functional boots. He opened the tall jewelry armoire. Chains and charms rattled. She seemed to have left almost all the bracelets and necklaces.
Did she no longer enjoy jewelry? Had she changed so much, and he hadn’t noticed? Or was there another reason to leave behind all these once-beloved possessions?
He showered, dressed, went to the kitchen to scope out breakfast. In the refrigerator, he found two eggs, the leftover pizza, and wished Angie was there, even to share a piece of burnt toast.
Carrying a piece of cold pizza, Nicholas went to his office. Figuring he’d start with what he most remembered, he opened his Bible and read John 15.
He stopped at verse four.
“Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me.”
He continued through the passage to verse nine.
“Abide in My love.”
He knew Jesus was speaking to those who followed Him, but the words were also exactly what he wanted to say to Angelina. Abide in my love. Stay with me. Stay in my love.
“Heavenly Father,” Nick prayed. “I know I wasn’t obedient in the past. Many times I felt You leading me to change. Sometimes I ignored the Voice. Sometimes I just flat told You no. Forgive me. Help me. I didn’t know then the firestorm I was setting myself up for now. This time, I’ll listen and obey. Give me ideas for showing my wife how much I love her. I’m determined to never again get distracted and forget You or her.”
Abide With Me (The Barn Church Series Book 3) Page 18
