Well, that was fair enough. Anna considered him just as seriously for a moment before practicing some more in-depth communication. “I liked it but I don’t like not being in control,” she informed him bluntly.
“I know.” He moved upright to sit against the headboard and took her with him, keeping her in his lap with her legs tangled around him. “I wanted you to know that you didn’t always have to be.”
Philosophy, from her villain. What next? Anna didn’t try to hide her surprise. “What do you mean by that?”
“I mean that you’re a very strong woman. I wanted you to know that I’m strong enough for you to lean on. You can let me be in control if you want to or need to. I can take it,” he explained sincerely. He smoothed her long hair back and continued thoughtfully, “You’ve never depended on anyone, have you? You’re always in control.”
Genuinely surprised, Anna thought that one over. Was she a little bit of a control freak? Maybe. She had the kind of job where she controlled all kinds of things. Harnessed the elements and bent them to her will. She controlled chemical reactions, carefully directed them to explode in a gradual release while producing the visual and auditory effects she designed.
On top of that, she was basically her own boss. Lyle gave her free rein to do just about anything she wanted to. She lived alone without even a pet to be answerable to. Maybe he did have a point.
“I never thought about it, Jay,” she answered honestly. “I just did what I had to do. I had to take care of myself early on and maybe I just got used to being in charge.”
“What about your family?” His voice told her he was genuinely interested, curious but not trying to push her.
Anna curled around him and snuggled closer while she thought about how to answer. It struck her as odd and yet somehow as natural as anything else about their relationship that they were discussing philosophy and her childhood while naked, aroused and inches from being actively sexually engaged.
“We weren’t very close,” she admitted. “I’m not sure they planned on me or knew what to do with me. I was an only child and my parents were very involved with their own lives.”
Jay tucked her closer to his chest and stroked her bare skin in small, slow circles. “Uh-huh. So you got to be in control.”
“Is that what this conversation is about?”
“In a way.”
“Hmm. I’m beginning to think it wasn’t just a whim that made you decide to tie me up the first time.” She raked his shoulder with her teeth as if to teasingly punish him for premeditation.
“You’d be right,” he admitted freely and gave her a love bite of his own.
“And why would that be?” Anna prompted, nipping at his throat.
“You haven’t figured it out yet? Some brain you are,” he chided and turned his head obligingly for her nibbles.
“Control?” She let her mouth explore the curve of his neck and the hollow spot behind his ear while her hands wandered over his back and up into his hair.
He groaned in pleasure. “I love that.” His body told her the same thing as he reacted measurably to her teasing, his erection growing even harder. “No, wench. Trust.”
“Trust. Explain, please.”
He caught her hands and held them still while he kissed her. “I’m proving to you that you can trust me. You’re safe with me. You can scream, cry and lose control.”
“Sounds kinky,” she informed him archly.
“Kinky does not begin to describe it.” He wickedly caught her ear and whispered something that made her shiver.
“Wow,” she commented. “Is that possible?”
“Anything is possible, my love,” he assured her. “I’m a determined man. I want to be involved in your life.”
Anna laughed and slanted him a sardonic look. “I think you already are.”
“Am I?”
Suddenly, he looked worried. Tall, dark and nervous. Very interesting look for a villain. But she didn’t want him worried, for some reason she refused to examine.
“Yes, you are,” she assured him firmly.
He didn’t look convinced. “Do you think you can lean on me? Let me be the strong one, at least on alternate days? Or will you shut me out when you need me?”
Now she was really startled. “Do I shut you out?”
“Yes. You’re a very prickly flower of passion. But I’m determined to get your blossom,” he growled in mock ferocity and nuzzled her neck.
“Have you forgotten already? You did, ah, deflower me,” she informed him modestly.
“Yes, and it was fun, too. Worth the thorns. Good thing you had them, or someone else might have done it,” he mused out loud.
It was impossible to imagine that, Anna realized.
She kissed him sweetly. “My flower is all yours. And I think it needs some attention.” She sat up straight and met his eyes. “You know, I’ve never done this before.”
He nodded. “We just established that,” he pointed out.
She lightly nipped at his lower lip in retribution. “I mean the trust part. I don’t know the rules. You’ve done this and I haven’t. I don’t know what to expect or what you feel or what it means.”
As a matter of fact, he hadn’t done this before but he didn’t think he’d tell her that yet. It just might scare her off. Trust was growing but it was still fragile. She really didn’t understand, but she was his love. She held his heart and he’d never given it before.
If she knew, she might panic and drop it.
“We make the rules,” he informed her solemnly. One thumb moved over her lower lip in a thoughtful caress. “We make choices and decisions based on what we both need and want. I want more than your wonderful body. Are you willing to give me more?”
So he hadn’t been kidding about his kinky desires. He wanted inside her mind. Inside her skin. Anna studied him and tried to sort it out. “Jay, I’m not sure what you want from me.”
He smiled at her. “I’m asking you to explore this with me, that’s all. Explore what you need. What you want. Keep an open mind.”
She laughed at that favorite platitude of his.
“I’m asking for intimacy,” he informed her.
Now that was suspicious, considering. “If we were any more intimate right now, we couldn’t talk,” she pointed out.
Jay’s smile widened. He shifted her, slid inside her and then they were as intimate physically as it was possible to get. “Like that, you mean?”
She sighed blissfully and dropped down against his chest. “I think you’ve created an insatiable monster,” she informed him soberly as she tightened her legs around his waist.
“I’m not afraid,” he assured her with a wicked look.
“I am. What if I collapse first?”
“I’ll let you sleep through the rest,” he offered generously. He moved her in a gentle rocking motion.
She laughed, a sound like rippling honey and Jay hugged her closer. “I love the way you sound,” he told her. “And the way you feel. And I love being your only lover.”
“I get the feeling you love to talk. Should I talk dirty to you?” Anna inquired innocently.
“Yes. Talk to me. Tell me what you feel, what you like.” He kissed her forehead, cheeks and chin in a wonderful contrast to what his raging passion was doing elsewhere. That was Jay, hot animal sex and tender kisses.
“I like the way you look,” she began seriously. “I like the way your body is shaped. I like the way you look so dark and forbidding outside but inside you’re so playful and funny.” She smiled at him. “You’re an otter in bear’s clothing.”
Jay gripped her hips and moved her in a deep circle. “At least I make you think of an animal,” he growled.
She laughed at his response. Then sobered. “Is it supposed to be like this? Is it okay to laugh in the middle?”
“It’s okay to laugh as long as you don’t laugh at my masculine size,” he assured her. “We men are somewhat sensitive about that.”
&n
bsp; “Really?” She moved experimentally against him. “Why? I’d be more likely to scream than laugh. You’re too big. I still don’t know how this is even possible.”
“Honey…” At her words, he felt himself get impossibly bigger. “You think that?”
“Of course I do.”
He groaned and held her still while he fought for any little shred of control. “I like hearing you say that.”
She caught on slowly but she did catch on. She gave him a wicked look. “You do?”
“I do. Tell me again.”
“Tell you you’re too big?”
He groaned feelingly. “Yes. Tell me I’m a monster and my cock is terrifying. Women would run screaming from the sight.”
She almost had. She was deeply glad she hadn’t. “Oh, Jay,” she sighed. And proceeded to drive him over the edge and into the abyss with inventive and vivid naughty nothings whispered in his ear.
She asked him to fuck her with his big, hard cock and he carried out her request. She used words and combinations she’d never imagined she could say out loud. Jay acted as if everything she said and did was just exactly right and all of it turned him on. When she whispered, “My pussy is yours, Jay, take it,” he started thrusting into her with a wild frenzy that had them both coming within seconds.
Afterwards, she was still grinning broadly. She hadn’t been so far off, in the beginning, thinking he wanted to be talked to the peak. He really, really liked it.
“What’s so funny?” Jay asked, stroking the curve of her jaw.
“I didn’t have to tie you up to make you beg,” she answered with clear satisfaction.
He kissed her sweetly. “Nope. I told you I’m an equal opportunity lover. Feel free to practice your wonderful communication skills on me anytime.”
Anna kissed him back and settled into his embrace with a contented sigh. “I do need practice. I’m not always very good with words.”
He hugged her tighter. “Oh, honey, believe me. You have a gift with words.”
She responded in kind and hugged him back, then let her hands wander over him. “It seems I do,” she sighed. “What do you know.”
They cuddled for a while in silence, just enjoying the closeness. Finally Jay asked lazily, “Are you hungry?”
“Jay, I’m worn out,” Anna protested with a groan. “I can’t believe you aren’t. You’re not human. How about if I just talk some more?”
“Angel, angel. I meant for food.” He grinned wickedly at her assumption and she blushed.
“Oh.”
“Yes, ‘oh’,” he teased. “Want some dinner? A midnight snack? Anything?”
“If you’re offering to feed me, I’m accepting. Just as soon as I can walk again,” she answered sleepily.
“No problem, I can carry you,” he assured her, then suited actions to words. He scooped her up, quilt and all.
“Aren’t I too heavy for you?” Privately, she thought he’d been hauling her around enough to cause a slipped disc. It wasn’t as if she was petite. Not that she didn’t enjoy it.
He gave her a lust-filled look. “Not at all. You’re no lightweight but I’m man enough for you, sweetheart,” he teased and kissed the tip of her nose.
Jay tucked the quilt closer around her and continued to the kitchen, where he settled her on a chair before he rummaged through the refrigerator.
“Enough with the stupid names,” she grumbled as she watched.
“But, baby, I explained,” he protested. He poked his head over the open door to direct an innocent look her way. “It’s a way of showing affection. You need a lot of affection.”
“I do?”
Her doubtful voice made him smile.
“You do, cuddles,” he assured her, his voice muffled by the door. “You’ve had a very affection-deprived life. I’m making up for it.” He turned and shut the door, then stacked his booty on the counter.
Anna watched as he arranged cheese, crackers, cold cuts and veggie sticks and thought about that remark. Maybe he did have a point. Did she dislike nicknames or was she just not used to them? Eventually she decided they were kind of nice. He used nice words, like baby, cuddles, angel, sweetheart. He made her sound feminine and cherished. What did it hurt? She might as well give her approval, since she couldn’t stop him.
“Okay. You can use pet names,” she announced magnanimously.
“Glad you agree, doll.” His laughing eyes gave away his mock-serious expression.
They shared the quilt, moving to the floor since they couldn’t fit in the same chair, and munched companionably. It was nice, talking and cuddling and feeding each other bites, Anna decided. She wouldn’t have thought of it. She was distinctly glad that Jay had.
When they finished, he wrapped his arm and some quilt around her to keep her warm and they walked back to bed together.
Anna curled into him readily when he laid down and reached for her. She’d missed a lot, sleeping alone. Something else she was glad to change. Jay was a warm, comforting presence in bed beside her. Like a life-sized teddy bear. Cuddly. Only unlike a bear, he cuddled back, tucked blankets around her and teased her mercilessly about hogging the pillows.
Funny how she hadn’t even known what she was missing until he became her lover. “Comfortable?” Jay asked, nuzzling her cheek.
She nodded.
He kissed the top of her head. “Then go to sleep, love.”
She did, with his legs tangled through hers and his hands cupping one hip and one round breast in a warm, sweet hold.
“My lover.” She whispered the phrase out loud, testing it as she slipped into sleep.
She didn’t hear him answer, “Yes, love. Forever.”
Something was tickling her nose. Anna frowned and twitched away, burying her face protectively.
Something turned out to be Jay’s lips. Undeterred, they continued to feather her with kisses.
She sighed and blinked groggily. “Are you always so lively when you wake up?” Anna asked bluntly.
“You make me feel lively.” Warmth sparkled in his eyes as he smiled at her. “Sort of tingly all over. How about you?”
“You make me feel something, all right,” she muttered and closed her eyes again.
“Oh? Tell me more,” he suggested, intrigued.
“I don’t know,” she moaned. “I get this irresistible urge to do something like…” she let her voice trail off, then whacked him with a pillow. “Like that,” she concluded in satisfaction.
“Baby.” Heat deepened in his voice. “I love it when you play rough.”
She kicked him lightly and then regretted it when he told her how much he liked that, too. Nothing discouraged him, she thought sourly. She might as well wake up and be annoyingly perky, too. If she could.
The downside to this new arrangement was a real problem with sleep deprivation.
“Honey, it’s time to get up. I wouldn’t want you to refuse to sleep with me tonight because I made you late for the first time in three years,” he informed her.
She stretched and started to come alive. “Am I sleeping with you tonight?”
“Yes. Absolutely. Definitely. I forgot to tell you this rule? Lovers sleep together. It’s a law,” Jay informed her in an officious tone of voice.
“A law?”
“Yes, a little-known law, but still enforced. You have to sleep with me.”
Anna laughed and rolled over him to stand up. “Clown. Let’s get going, then, I wouldn’t want you to be late either.”
She padded off to the shower and turned it on, reflecting that she felt oddly at home instead of awkwardly out of place there. It just went to prove that her own home was in truly desperate need of decoration to rescue it from anonymity and bland obscurity. She found it hard to believe that it hadn’t occurred to her sooner, that she’d been content to simply drift and live in an anonymous void. Maybe she hadn’t been as soundly in control all this time as she’d thought.
Just maybe she was more in control now than s
he’d ever been, by taking risks and letting go. Whatever the case, Anna had to admit that she was happy, relaxed and even making a real breakthrough at work as a result.
Maybe her recent decisions, including playing with one mouthy lover, were finally providing her with real control.
Jay was continually surprising her, proving to be a person she could trust in spite of her initial impressions. He showed real concern for her well-being. He wanted to draw her out of her comfort zone without pushing her to do anything she wasn’t comfortable with. A real contradiction in terms. But then, he was a bundle of contradictions. A bad boy on the outside. A marshmallow on the inside.
Her marshmallow intruded on her thoughts by joining her under the spray and Anna decided to be nice and wash his back. That led to laughter and more affectionate pet names, which she was starting to get used to and even look forward to.
“So when do we get to use the canoe?” Anna asked Jay while he handed her a towel afterwards.
“Ah-ha! I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist the siren lure of white water and danger,” Jay stated, shooting her a triumphant look that stated plainly that he’d known all along that he was right about her and canoes. “The answer to your question, angel, is whenever it’s safe. Right now ice is melting and breaking up and the water’s high. Give it a little bit longer. We’ll be out perfecting our strokes and doing expert portages in no time,” he promised.
“You should have let me buy you a wetsuit at the same time, though. You’re going to wish you had one the first time you get dunked in a river,” Jay added as he handed her the brush and gestured for her to precede him through the door.
“Portages?” Ann turned back with a questioning look.
“Sometimes a river trip has nasty rapids and we’ll have to get out and carry the canoe past,” he explained. “Miss one, and you’ll be getting more danger than I care to expose you to. I can just imagine what Lyle would say to me if I lost you on a rock somewhere.”
Jay shuddered theatrically at the thought of facing the in-depth lecture sure to follow such an event.
“I should have known. You wanted someone to help you heft the thing, didn’t you?” Anna accused. Having hefted it onto the top of his car with him, she could testify that it was a sound reason to lure another person into canoe mania.
When Sparks Fly: Love and Rockets Page 14
