by Ella Jade
I wondered how much of our past sexual encounters were on her mind right now. “I should have held you from the beginning.” I couldn’t take back what I had done but every day forward I could make it better. “I should have done us right the first time.”
“How do you know what we had done before wasn’t right at the time?”
“I guess I never thought of it that way.” I kissed the top of her head.
“Why haven’t you ever asked why I accepted your offer?” She looked up at me but I stared at the ceiling. “I get that you didn’t care at the time but now that you know me aren’t you curious why I would accept money for sex?”
“It wasn’t that I didn’t care. My head was in a strange place last year.”
“I understand that but now you’re not in such a crazy place, right?”
“Well, I’m crazy about you.” I had to tell her the truth. She put so much trust in me. How could I not try to be the man she needed? “I know why you did it.” My voice was low, unstable. If I confessed my sins would she get up and leave me for good? “There isn’t much I don’t know.”
“What do you mean?”
“I tried really hard not to get attached to you. I told myself I didn’t want to know your motivation. If I kept it as a business deal it would be easier. It backfired.”
“How?”
“That last night you were here something changed.”
“I felt it.”
“I know you did.” My world revolved around making deals and keeping secrets. I rarely had to open up to anyone. “You fell asleep on the couch and even in your sleep I could see your burdens. I had to know what troubled you. I needed to know if I was adding to your torment.”
“You could have asked me.”
“I struggled with really wanting to know but in the end I had my P.I. dig into your life.”
“You did?” She sat up, crossing her legs and leaning against the headboard. “It was probably a waste of money. I’m not that interesting.”
“It was worth every penny because I discovered why you would let me do the things I had done to you. Why you kept coming back.”
“My mother?”
I nodded, feeling more ashamed now than I had a year ago.
“I would have done anything to help her,” she admitted with a far off look in her expression. “When you propositioned me it seemed like my only option at the time. My bills were catching up to me. My mom couldn’t work and her treatment was expensive.”
“I’m a jerk for putting you in that situation.”
“You didn’t know.”
“Don’t you want to yell at me? Tell me I’m an ass for prying into your life?”
“Well, it’s not something I would have expected from just anyone but you’re definitely not the average guy.” She shrugged. “Is there anything else you need to tell me?”
“You’re not mad?” I got up and sat across from her. “I did it because I wanted to know more about you and when I learned the truth I ended things.”
“You ended things?” She shook her head. “I’m the one who said no. I broke the terms.”
“I sort of forced your hand.”
“What?”
“I figured if I came there and asked you for sex that night there was a good chance you would say no. Looking back, I guess it could have gone either way, but I wouldn’t have gone through with the sex. I hoped you would turn me down.”
“You planned that?”
“I didn’t want to hurt you anymore. I was causing you pain. I could see it. You didn’t need the stress. Your mother’s life was coming to an end. You had so much on your mind.”
“I needed you.”
“I don’t understand.” I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be who she needed. A year ago I was still dealing with so much.
“I said yes to your arrangement because I needed the money but the time I spent with you helped me. As twisted as that sounds, you were an outlet for the pain. My mother was dying.” She wiped the tears that slid down her cheeks and it broke my heart to see her like that. “I accepted it even if I hoped for a miracle. When I was with you, no matter how short our time was together, I escaped my lonely life. When you walked out that night I realized how stupid I had been to think that you could be my protector. The one I could turn to.”
“Cecilia, I’m so sorry.” I placed her in my lap, kissing her tears away. “If I could start over I never would have propositioned you.” I would have treated her with the respect she deserved and asked her to go to dinner with me like a normal person would.
“Don’t say that.”
“Why?”
“Everything happens for a reason. My mom always said that.” She took a deep breath, controlling her tears from falling. “I need you now, Jameson. If we didn’t go through what we did last year we wouldn’t be together. This, us, that’s what is important to me now.”
“I’ve never met anyone like you.” For all my fucking demons, how did I find her? “There’s something else I need to tell you. Something else I did last year.” I had no idea how good it would feel to release all of the things I had done to her.
“You paid for my mother’s funeral.”
“How did you know that?”
“I didn’t until now. I don’t know many rich people and the funeral director said that it was a benefactor who wished to remain anonymous. I didn’t see how it could be you because I never told you about my mom. She died a few weeks after you and I ended things. So, rationally, I didn’t think it could be you.” She rested her head on my shoulder. “I had a dream a few months after she died that you were my white knight. You swooped in and saved me.”
“Oh, I’m certainly not that.”
“I think you are.”
“I wanted to help you and I have money so that was the only way I could take care of you from a distance.”
“It was very generous of you.” She kissed my cheek. “Thank you for trying to help me by staying out of my life but that’s the last thing I need you to do.”
“You don’t have to worry about that.” When she pressed on my chest, I dropped onto the bed, resting on my back so she could straddle me. My erection twitched as she licked her lips. “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”
“Can I show you?” She glided her hand down my chest. “Now?”
“As many times as you want.”
Chapter Eleven
Cecilia
Waking up in Jameson’s bed was almost as good as him holding me all night. We talked, cuddled, made love and slept off and on all night. When I opened my eyes he was gone. He was sweet enough to leave me a text telling me he’d left a new toothbrush in the bathroom and that he had run to a local bakery for pastries and coffee.
I gazed out the window. It was a dark, dismal Saturday morning. The forecasters had predicted storms all day. I looked around the room and found my panties by the bed. That was a first. I picked them up and shimmied them on. Not wanting to put my shorts on, I opened his closet, gasping at the spacious area. It was bigger than my bedroom. Nothing seemed out of place. It smelled of him too. Masculine, spicy and sexy. I reached for a plain white dress shirt. As I slipped it on I glanced around his closet. There was a place for everything. Shoes, ties, shirts, pants.
I left the first few buttons undone, feeling extra alluring. A night between the sheets with Jameson did wonders for me. “Hmm...” I had an idea. I slid my panties down my legs. I won’t need those.
As I came down the stairs, the elevator doors began to part. I ran to them ready to greet him.
“I missed you,” I said as they opened but to my surprise it wasn’t him. “Oh!” I backed away, as the man who appeared to be really surprised smiled at me.
“Shit.” A trendy guy with dark hair and green eyes stepped out of the elevator. “I didn’t expect... wait, I know you.”
“You do?”
“Ah, yeah.” He tried to be polite and look anywhere but at my bare legs.
/> Hell! I’d omitted my panties. Did he know?
“You’re the woman in the pictures with Conrad. He said you were his girlfriend. My brother wasn’t pleased. Now I know why.”
“Jameson is your brother?”
The elevator doors opened behind him and out came Jameson appearing rather annoyed as he held our breakfast in his hands.
“Miles?” He set the box of pastries and cups of coffee down on the wooden bench by the stairs. He shot me a curious glance, lingering on my breasts.
I gripped his shirt closed, remembering I was trying to look enticing for him by leaving the buttons undone. My boobs were hanging out.
“I didn’t know you’d be entertaining,” Miles said. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you what?” Jameson stood in front of me. “Never mind. Miles, this is Cecilia Keller.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Cecilia.” He offered his hand.
“Hi.” I extended my free hand, clutching the shirt tight with my other as I hid behind Jameson.
“You are the woman in the pictures with Conrad, right?” Miles asked.
“Yes, I went to a benefit with him. We’re just friends.”
“You don’t have to explain anything to my intrusive brother.” Jameson directed his attention back to Miles. “What brings you here?”
“Well, speaking of Conrad, he’s a little annoyed that I’m accompanying him to Massachusetts.”
“Too bad. If he doesn’t like it he can find representation elsewhere.”
Jameson didn’t play when it came to business. I wondered if I was the reason he wasn’t fond of Conrad. It was silly really. Conrad and I barely knew one another. There was nothing between us.
“I told him that,” Miles said. “He backed down.”
“Of course he did.” Jameson’s jaw tightened. “No one else will take that kind of chance on him.”
“I won’t keep you.” Miles winked at me and I couldn’t help but notice just how much he resembled Jameson. They were both so handsome. “I just wanted you to know he was making waves.”
“Keep him under control,” Jameson said. “Let Meg know you might be asking for her assistance. If you hear anything while on the trail let her look into it. If we can find an out I’d like to do it sooner rather than later. I’m done wasting my time.”
“Will do.” Miles hit the button on the elevator. “It’s going to be a nasty day. You two should stay inside. I’m sure you’ll find something to keep you occupied.”
“Get out.” Jameson pointed to the elevator. “Text me when you get to Boston.”
“Ah, you do care about me.” Miles laughed. “It was great meeting you, Cecilia. Don’t let bossy over here tell you what to do.”
“I won’t,” I said. “Have a safe trip.”
“Thanks.” He hurried onto the elevator, winking at us as the doors closed.
“Sorry about that.” Jameson took my hand and backed me up against the wall by the stairs. “I didn’t know he’d be stopping by.”
“He’s cute.”
“That’s not a word I’d use to describe him.” He kissed my neck, snaking his hands under my borrowed shirt. “But he’s helpful and loyal, and I couldn’t do what I do without him.”
“You’re sweet.” I ran my palm along his stubble covered jaw.
“You’re sexy.” He skimmed his fingers over my breasts. “I like your shirt.”
“I borrowed it.”
“It looks good on you.” He swiped his thumb over my nipple. “I like that it’s the only thing you have on. Easy access.” Sweeping his lips along mine, he pressed his hard frame into me. “It’s been a few hours.”
“I know.” I squeezed my thighs together, trying to create some friction. “The coffee will get cold.”
“I don’t care about the coffee.” He unbuttoned his jeans. “There’s only one thing that could sustain me right now.” He lowered his pants and boxers before lifting me up and propping me against the wall. “If you have no objections.”
“Never.” I gripped his shoulders as I wrapped my legs around his hips. “Oh...” Arching my back, I closed my eyes when he entered me. That first thrust was always my favorite when it came to him. It represented how much I craved him. How my body desired all of him. When he was inside me, he was my only focus.
“I’m so glad you came to me last night,” he grunted. “Did you know I needed you?”
“I was just thinking the same about you.”
Taking my hands in his firm hold, he pinned them above my head as he moved deeper. I clenched my legs tighter to secure my hold as he kissed my neck. The trembling began in my core, spreading lower until I purred with lust.
“That’s it, gorgeous.”
His all-knowing smirk was my undoing. And with one final thrust, we both spiraled into new and exciting territory. In that moment, my world would forever be changed. I was no longer alone. Despite my initial reservations, we were beginning the story of us.
Jameson
I set the large, granite island in the center of the kitchen with plates and coffee mugs. I decided to brew a fresh batch of coffee. As I waited for that, I opened the pastry box and placed them on a large serving dish. I wasn’t sure what she would like so I brought home a variety. When I poured the juice she made her way into the kitchen. She’d put her shorts and lavender shirt back on. I had rather hoped she would slip back into my shirt and nothing else after her shower.
“We’ll have to get you some clothes to leave here,” I suggested. “I’ll call my personal shopper on Monday and arrange for a session for you.”
“Personal shopper?”
I nodded as I pulled out a stool for her.
“Why would I need a personal shopper?” She sat down. “I have clothes.”
“You told me you’re borrowing clothes from Kirsten. You’ll be starting your new job and you could probably use an updated fall wardrobe.” I poured her a mug of coffee. “You could get whatever you need.”
“You don’t have to do that for me.”
“I want to do it for you.”
“I realized something.” She rested her chin in her hand as I took a seat next to her.
“What’s that?”
“You bought my car.”
“Did I?” I would have bought something new and sleek if I had actually bought her a car. “Is that what you did with the money left over from the funeral?”
“Yes.” She put a splash of cream in her mug.
“I had hoped it would help.”
“I was thinking in the shower that you’ve known my motivation for a year.” She took a sip of her juice. “Will you tell me why you propositioned me?”
“I told you that night on the boat I needed a distraction.”
“I really want to know you.”
“You may not after you hear the answer to what you’re asking.”
“If I can’t handle your past am I the woman you really want to be with?” She swiveled in her chair so she faced me, placing her hand in my lap. “Tell me.”
She had a point. If I never let anyone in how would I ever know who to trust?
“I don’t talk about those years often.” I took her hand in mine. “My therapist, my sponsor, and sometimes Miles but as the years go by it gets easier and I don’t have to talk about things as much.”
“What gets easier?”
“The urges, the addictions.” I searched her expression but it hadn’t changed. “I started drinking at a young age. Then the recreational drug use began when I was in my last year of high school.”
“Your parents didn’t know?”
“They’re very career driven. We have a lot of money and they indulged us in every luxury you could imagine. They’re not bad people they just weren’t paying attention. We had nannies and housekeepers. We’re a close family but we do things different from some.” I didn’t blame my parents for what I’d done. I loved them very much. “Miles and Max stayed sober. I just traveled down the wrong pa
th and it got worse once I left college. I partied all the time. I don’t know how I managed to stay alive for as long as I had. Others weren’t so lucky.”
“How did you bottom out?”
“A friend of mine, Sam...” I hadn’t said his name in a while. It was always too painful when I did. “He was my partner in crime. We grew up together. He was as close to me as Miles is.” I smiled when I thought about all the shit we had gotten into over the years but those good memories faded when I thought how destructive we were for one another. “We were in a hotel room after one really crazy weekend. I had just scored some coke. We’d already had so much to drink that night but Sam was rearing to go and I was right there with him.” No matter how many times I rehashed that night in therapy sessions it still stung. I bought the shit but Sam paid a much higher price than I had. I was just left living with the guilt.
“What happened?”
“I woke up the next day.” I stared into her eyes, taking a deep breath, trying hard not to relive those minutes when I found him. “Sam never did.”
“I’m sorry.” She hopped off her stool and inched between my legs. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“Wasn’t it?”
“You both made choices.”
“Yeah.” I ran my fingers through my hair. “Bad choices.”
“I’m sorry I asked. I didn’t mean to bring up those memories for you.”
“It was a horrible time for everyone involved especially Sam’s family. I checked into rehab shortly after. My parents arranged everything. I didn’t have much of a choice. It was the right decision. I had so many issues to sort through. It was a long road to recovery but a much needed one.”
“You said you were clean for three years. This happened two years before you met me.”
“It took me a while to stop struggling on a daily basis. My company keeps me occupied. In the beginning I used that as a replacement for not using. I did everything I could to distract myself. The first time I saw you in the cafe, I wanted to ask you to lunch. Something casual. I thought maybe I could be normal.” I snickered. “Or at least try being normal.”
“Somehow you thought paying me for sex would be normal?” She took my hand. “I’m not judging you. This relationship has no place for that but how did you get from asking me to lunch to paying me for sex?”
