“You didn’t?”
“No. I spent my entire life thinking I’d never have a single one . . . until I fell in love with Robert. Then having his child seemed like the most important thing in the world to me. Funny how a person can change so completely.”
She gave Miranda a significant look, and Miranda nodded. Point taken.
Chapter Ten
Miranda pulled on her coat and stepped outside, inhaling the sharply cold air. She felt as though the top of her head had been pried open and all sorts of new information had been poured inside. It might take months to sort through it all—months of very messy emotions that she wasn’t sure she wanted to face.
She needed to talk to Richard. She wanted to look in his eyes again and see if they could re-create the magic they’d shared an hour before when they kissed. Maybe they’d both been caught up in the moment and that’s all there was to it. Whatever the case may be, she wanted to know for certain. But she also wanted him to stay far, far away so she could think. She never could think when he was around.
She walked along slowly, thinking about everything Olivia had said. It had never occurred to her that she should ask God to lift her burden, but after hearing Olivia’s explanation, it made sense that she should. If God didn’t force people to believe in Him, He also wouldn’t force them to accept His help, would He? Maybe they needed to show their willingness to receive that help.
And to think she could actually marry Richard even while unsure of her own religious beliefs . . . that was such a surprising thought. She’d always believed that pastors had to marry women who were just as strong in the faith as they were, but Olivia’s comments along those lines made a lot of sense too. If she wasn’t acting in open opposition to Richard, if she was genuinely seeking answers, perhaps they could be together before she’d reached her final conclusions.
Then again, what if she reached her conclusions, and they were the opposite of what he preached? That would be disastrous . . . and it left her right back where she was to begin with.
She opened the gate in the fence that circled the hotel and made her way up the sidewalk, stopping abruptly when she saw Richard sitting on one of the porch chairs.
“Hello,” she said. “Have you been waiting long? It’s freezing out here.”
“Only a few minutes, but yes, it’s quite cold. I couldn’t wait, though—I had to see you.”
“I’m glad you’re here.” She’d wanted to see him, but now she couldn’t find the words. “Can we . . . can we find somewhere to talk? Somewhere not so cold?”
“We could go inside,” he suggested.
“There are so many people in there. Christmas,” she reminded him. “Here. Come with me.”
She led him around the corner of the hotel and out to the barn. As she stepped inside, she felt the change in temperature immediately.
Richard looked around, a grin on his face. “This is better than the hotel?”
She shrugged. “Not better, but it’s warm, it’s private, and the animals are friendly.”
“Yes, I can see that.” He reached out and patted the neck of the horse nearest him. Then he turned back to her. “Miranda, I’ve gone about this all wrong, and I’m sorry. I’ve always struggled to know how to express my thoughts and feelings, and it won’t surprise you to hear that my lowest marks in seminary were in the classes that had anything to do with preaching.”
“That does surprise me, actually. I thought you did a very good job yesterday.”
“Thank you. That was a miracle—a real one. Listening to Pastor Osbourne this morning, I realized just how far I have to go. He’s truly inspirational.”
“I was serving breakfast and missed it,” she replied. She didn’t add that even if she hadn’t been scheduled to work, she likely wouldn’t have attended church.
“The thing is, Miranda . . .” He looked down and then back up again. “You mentioned feeling as though you were caught in the middle of a stampede. I could say the same thing, but I’m getting run over by the force of my feelings for you. I didn’t expect to find myself so drawn to you, so attracted to you, so amazed by you. I thought I was getting reacquainted with a little girl, with a friend I’d had as a child, but now I find myself falling for a grown woman, and I hardly know what to do with myself.”
“I don’t know what to do either.” She sat down on a fresh bale of hay that had been left near the door. “I was so in love with you back then, I thought I’d simply die if you never noticed me. And now you’re saying all the things I want to hear, but I’m not sure if you should be.”
A slow smile grew on his face. “You were in love with me?”
“You can’t tell me you didn’t know. I was hardly subtle about it.”
“I thought you just liked doing things with Parker.”
“With Parker . . . but also with Parker’s friend.”
Richard sat down next to her on the hay bale. “So all that time, you were in love with me,” he repeated, like he wanted to be sure he’d gotten his facts straight.
“Yes. I was. Well, as much as a twelve-year-old really can be in love.”
“That’s . . .” She expected to hear him say that it was silly, but instead, he said, “That’s adorable.”
“‘Adorable’ isn’t what I need to be hearing right now.” She scooted over a little to make more room for him. “And yes, I’m still in love with you now, but as a woman, and not a little girl. Even though I’m crazy for allowing it to happen so fast.”
He reached out and took her hand. “So, tell me, Miss Monroe. How are we going to solve our dilemma?”
“Dilemma? Oh, you mean the one where we’re in love with each other, but we don’t know what to do about it?”
“Yes, that would be the one.”
“Well, we could start by talking about all the reasons why we shouldn’t be together.”
“And then what?”
“And then we could talk about all the reasons why we should be together.”
“That sounds very reasonable. You’re very wise, Miss Monroe.”
“Thank you. I do try my best.” She looked down at their joined hands and noticed how very well they fit together. “Olivia said something today . . . well, she said a lot of things, actually. Did you know that she doesn’t always agree with her husband? They have disputes from time to time, things they have to work out. She’s not entirely converted, and that surprised me in a pastor’s wife.”
Richard nodded. “She’s a good woman, though—she’s a tremendous support to him, even if they do have disagreements.”
“And she also gave me a good bit of advice.” Miranda shook her head, realizing once again how stubborn she could be. “She said that I should ask God to lift my burdens instead of expecting Him to do it automatically. That seems so . . . so presumptuous of me, though. What right do I have to ask God for anything?”
“How is it presumptuous when He asked you to do it?” Richard rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. “Over and over throughout the scriptures, He invites us to ask Him, to draw near to Him, to rely on Him. He tells the children to come to Him. He wants to gather us together like little chickens under His wings. How could He be more clear?”
“I guess I forgot about that part,” she said. Could it be that easy? Could she just pray and talk to Him as simply as holding a conversation? “I don’t really know how. I haven’t prayed in a very long time.”
“Would you like me to help you?”
“If . . . if you wouldn’t mind.” She felt a little embarrassed in the asking—she should know how for herself. But he had offered, and Christ had invited her, and if they were both willing and waiting for her . . .
Richard bowed his head, and she did the same.
She didn’t know what she was expecting, if it would be some grand, flowery speech, but instead, his prayer was simple and soft. He asked that she might be comforted, that she might feel peace, and that she would know how loved she was. Then he ended the prayer.
“What happens now?” she asked. “I . . . don’t think I feel any different.”
He chuckled and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “That’s all right. It’ll come.”
“And if it doesn’t?”
“I have an idea.” He turned her to face him. “What if we stop asking so many questions and take this a day at a time? The fact that you’re willing to let me pray for you means the world to me, and I have faith that it’s the first step toward something greater. I’m not going to push—this is your path, not mine. And if it leads you away from me instead of toward me, I’ll be disappointed and possibly heartbroken, but I’ll understand.”
“Possibly heartbroken?”
“Okay, definitely heartbroken.” He played with a lock of her hair that had come loose from her bun. “I love you, Miranda, and I’d like to create a life with you. I can imagine you by my side years from now in a quaint little home, children dashing around our feet. Can you imagine it too?”
She nodded. She’d seen it as soon as he’d described it. “Lots of children.”
“Then what do you say? Will you take this leap of faith with me? All I ask is that you give me a chance, give us a chance, and see where this could lead. I have no expectations that you’ll wake up tomorrow morning ready to join the church choir—I know it could be a very long time until you’re sure where you stand. But I’m willing to wait.”
“That’s so much more than I expected, and more than is fair,” Miranda protested. “Shouldn’t you be looking for someone who’s already sure where she stands?”
“No. I should be looking for you, and I think I found you.” He gave her hand a squeeze.
“Well, now I’m just confused. First you say you’ll give me space, but the next thing I know, you’re kissing me. Then you tell me you’ll give me all the time in the world, but you start talking about these children we’re going to have, like it’s a foregone conclusion. Just what am I supposed to be thinking, Pastor Norton?” She gave him a pretend disapproving look.
“Hmmm. You’re supposed to be thinking that there’s a man sitting next to you who loves you very much, and that you really should be kissing him again right now.”
Her heart gave another one of those funny little extra beats. “I should?”
“Yes, you should. It would be the most Christmasy thing to do.”
“I didn’t know we were talking about doing the most Christmasy thing.”
“Well, we should be.” He slid his hand behind her neck, just as he’d done before, and she smiled.
“All right. But don’t think we’re going to do this every Christmas. I can’t have you developing bad habits.”
“Oh, definitely not,” he said before closing the gap between them.
The first time they’d kissed, she’d been so caught up in the surprise and wonder of the moment that all she could think about were the sparks flying between them and the pounding of her heart. The sparks were definitely there this time as well, but now she paid attention to her feelings, and she knew. She knew beyond all doubt. She loved this man, and she was willing to go through some trial and error with him until they arrived at a place where they could both be happy.
When the kiss ended, she looked at him seriously. She had one more question, one on which everything else would hinge. “What if I love you and I want to be with you, but I ultimately decide I believe something else? Could you accept me on those terms?”
He stroked one finger along her jawline while he appeared to contemplate. “It’s recommended that husbands and wives be yoked together in the same faith, but I believe that if they have a true partnership, they can make it work,” he answered. “Would you still support me in my duties?”
“Absolutely. I can see the good you’d be doing—that you’re already doing.”
He nodded. “Then let’s make it work,” he replied. “One day at a time, one step at a time. And I will love you no matter how many steps it takes until we’re ready to make this decision final.”
Her heart was so full, she thought it might explode. She buried her face in the front of his shirt and felt his arms come around her. “Thank you for not forcing me or insisting,” she said. “I could never be happy in a situation like that.”
He chuckled, and it rumbled through his chest. “I wouldn’t dream of trying to force Miranda Monroe to do anything against her will. I value my life too much for that.”
She lifted her head and grinned at him. “Then I’ve taught you well.”
***
The barn, although warmer than the outdoors, still wasn’t warm enough for a long conversation, and it was only another moment or two before Miranda suggested they go inside the hotel. Richard readily agreed, and they walked hand in hand across the snowy ground and climbed the porch steps once again.
They entered the dining room to find Adam and Elizabeth enjoying a cup of coffee with Mr. and Mrs. Dupree. There was about an hour before they’d all need to prepare for Christmas dinner, and the Brodys invited Richard and Miranda to join them.
“How are you enjoying your holiday, Mr. Dupree?” Miranda asked the conductor as she took her seat.
“Very much. You know, I’ve grown rather fond of my wife over the course of our marriage, and I always hate it when I’m away from her. I think I might be becoming a bit spoiled, seeing her as much as I’ve liked this weekend.”
“Oh, hush,” Mrs. Dupree said, but she was obviously enjoying the compliment. “If you ever gave up the train, you’d miss it just as much as you miss me.”
“Possibly, but let’s not dwell on that,” he said with a wink.
In those few quiet moments, as Miranda looked around the table and laughed with her friends, a thought struck her, and she paused to marvel at it. She was happy. For the first time in forever, she was truly happy—a feeling without the complications of grief or sorrow. She turned to Richard and gave him a smile. She didn’t know if this was God’s doing or if Richard’s love had the power to take that sorrow from her, but whatever the cause, she was grateful for the lightness in her chest. It had been such a long time since she’d been able to take a deep breath without a pang of sadness somewhere deep in her lungs.
If this was God’s way of beginning to lighten her burdens, she would accept that gift most gladly. Perhaps there would be other gifts—perhaps not. For now, she would enjoy the holiday season and anticipate what other surprises it might bring on top of the surprises she’d already received. She reached over and grasped Richard’s hand, hoping that he’d know through her touch what she was trying to say. Her heart was too full for words.
Modern Takes on the Brody Recipes
Wassail
courtesy of Jenni James
1 can frozen orange juice, mixed
1 (32 oz.) jug apple juice
2 – 3 tsp. cinnamon to taste
Optional: orange slices, cinnamon sticks
Mix ingredients in a large pot over medium heat and stir gently until barely simmering. Serve immediately with ladle, or cool slightly and transfer to a punch bowl. Perfect for chilled winter nights, parties, or staving off a cold.
English Trifle
courtesy of Leigh Loughney
1 white cake mix (bake according to instructions in 9x13 pan)
1 lg. vanilla instant pudding mix (blend according to instructions, adding 1-1 1/2 cups extra milk)
1 lg. can sliced peaches
16-20 oz. frozen raspberries in syrup/juice
12-16 oz. Cool Whip
1 cup sliced almonds (optional)
Divide all ingredients into thirds except Cool Whip. Crumble the cake into large chunks. Using a trifle bowl or punch bowl, build layers starting with 1/3 cake, 1/3 peaches, 1/3 raspberries, 1/3 pudding, making sure the fruit and pudding are drizzled down the sides of the bowl for color effect. Repeat layers. Chill for at least three hours. Top with Cool Whip and nuts just before serving.
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About Amelia C. Adams
Amelia traces her family tree right back to the settlement of the Old West—her great-great-grandmother even drove a wagon to her new home. Amelia is a wife, a mother, and a novelist. She spends her days dreaming up stories and her nights writing them down. Her biggest hero is her husband, and you might just see bits and pieces of him as you read her novels. She loves all things historical and enjoys learning about days gone by, but she's glad she was born in modern times because the Internet is awesome, and she's glad she doesn't have to wash her clothes by hand in a galvanized tub. She’s an eater of tacos, a taker of naps, and a dreamer of dreams.
You can reach Amelia at [email protected].
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The Kansas Crossroads Series:
A New Beginning (free!)
A Free Heart
The Dark and the Dawn
A Clean Slate
A Clear Hope
The Whisper of Morning
A Careless Wind
A Narrow Road
The Bitter and the Sweet
The Calm of Night
A Begrudging Bride
A Broken Wing (A Kansas Crossroads novella)
A Twisted Fate
An Unspoken Dream
A Joyful Noise
The Echo of Music (A Kansas Crossroads novella)
The Risk and the Reward (A Kansas Crossroads novella)
A Passing Glance
A Christmas Promise (Kansas Crossroads Book 16) Page 10
