by Jodie Larson
Tatum looks between the two of us, shaking her head. “Bedhead is not appealing on you, Breck.”
Lizzie turns the brightest shade of red I’ve ever seen as I run my hands through my hair, attempting to get it to lie back down. “The hell it’s not.”
“Fine. It’s not appealing for me. Better?” Tatum smirks while directing her gaze back to Lizzie, who is desperately trying to find a way to fix her own hair.
“I’m not even sure about that,” I mutter under my breath. Tatum tilts her head with her brows drawn together.
Lizzie tugs at her shirt. “Is Myles with you?’
Light shines in Tatum’s eyes, understanding my coolness as I lean against the exposed wall.
“He’s in the car talking on the phone. We actually came over here looking for the both of you.”
“Really?” Lizzie’s voice squeaks with the question. “The both of us?”
Tatum nods. “Yeah. We knew your kitchen was being worked on and his mom wanted to do a family dinner tonight.”
I nod and turn to Lizzie, who looks like she’s about to puke. “Did you stop at Breck’s place first?”
Tatum draws her brows together again. “No, we assumed he was here working on the kitchen.” She looks around and taps her chin. “Obviously on a break?”
Shaking my head, I cross my arms over my chest. “Contractor’s office got their dates wrong and we have to wait a month.”
“Oh, that sucks. So I suppose you owe her lots of home-cooked meals then?”
I’d laugh at her joke, but Lizzie’s unease is dampening the mood. “Probably.”
The front door opens and Myles comes walking in. A little easier to see now that the wall is basically nonexistent. Just to prove it, he walks through the studs and smacks my shoulder.
“Looking a little not done in here.”
I smack him back. “Really? I figured it was perfect.”
He laughs. “Pax says your contractor flaked out?”
“No, just double booked due to shitty office staff. Or that’s the line he’s giving me. It’ll be three to four weeks.”
Myles turns to Lizzie and shrugs. “It’s open, just like you always wanted.”
Her nervous laugh is forced, drawing Tatum’s attention. “Yeah, not quite how I envisioned it.”
“It’ll be beautiful once it’s done,” Tatum adds. Lizzie nods but doesn’t say anything else.
It stays quiet for a moment, everyone looking down while lost in their own heads.
I should go.
“I’m gonna head home,” I say, hooking my thumb over my shoulder.
Lizzie doesn’t look at me, keeping her eyes downcast. Tatum shakes her head. “No, come over to the house for dinner. You know Mom will be upset if you don’t show after you’ve been invited.”
“Yeah,” Myles says. “I need more testosterone at the table. Too much estrogen will make a guy go crazy.”
I stare at Lizzie, willing her to give me some sort of sign. Anything. Hell, I’ll take a twitch of a lip at this point. But she’s hiding, trying not to bring attention to what happened in her bedroom, forcing this secret to eat her alive.
Finally, she looks up. Hope and regret mix in her eyes. “She invited you. You should come.” There’s no life to her words. Not exactly the ringing endorsement I was hoping for.
Shoving my hands in my pockets, I resign myself to my fate. “Fine. I’ll go.”
Tatum perks up. “Excellent.”
Lizzie moves toward the doorway. “I just need to change into something more appropriate for Mom’s house.”
“Mom doesn’t care what you wear. Come on, I’m starving.” Myles rubs his stomach.
She shakes her head. “No, I’ll never hear the end of it if I show up like this. I’m a mess.”
Myles takes a good look at her and agrees. “Yeah, you’re really not put together. What in the hell were you doing today?”
Lizzie looks directly at me and her lips turn down slightly. “Nothing.”
Anything would have been better than that answer. Not gonna lie. That hurt.
“I’m gonna go home and change. I’ll meet you guys over there,” I say.
Before anyone has the chance to argue, I grab my keys and walk out the door.
Trudging down the street, a million different things occupy my thoughts. I’m not sure why her easy dismissal of our lovemaking irritates me like this. Logically, I know we can’t say anything due to her fears. And I know I’m more invested in this than I let on. Being with her is so easy, so natural.
We’re supposed to stop when we catch feelings. The problem is I’ve had the feelings all along. Now that I’ve had her, I can’t go back to what we were.
Once again, you’ve put yourself in a fine situation.
When I walk through the door, Pax is nowhere to be found. He probably went over to his parent’s house for dinner, knowing that I’d be preoccupied elsewhere. Another stab of guilt hits me because it’s not only Lizzie and I keeping secrets from Myles. We’ve dragged Paxton into this mess as well.
Running a hand over my face, I sift through the pile of jeans on my floor, sniffing each one to make sure they’re clean. I haven’t had time to do laundry this week since Lizzie’s house has taken up all my free time. At least my favorite pair of Lucky’s are clean. Pairing them with the last button-down shirt in my closet, I run a comb through my hair and brush my teeth. Part of me wants to blow off this dinner, but that’s not an option. Tatum’s right. Susan would be pissed if I didn’t show up after being invited.
Time to face the music.
I could eat Susan’s cooking all day, every day. I’d also be four hundred pounds if that happened because there’s no way I could stop at just one serving. She missed her calling as a chef.
“Thanks for inviting me over,” I say, wiping down the last pan in the sink. Dishes are the least I can do for her. Not to mention it keeps me away from the awkwardness that’s fallen between me and Lizzie.
Susan waves my comment off. “Nonsense. I’ve been feeding you since you were this high.” She holds a hand up to her waist. “You’re just as much my son as Myles is. Maybe even a better one,” she says with a wink.
I chuckle and fan out the dish cloth over the sink divider. “Yeah, probably.” Turning, I brace myself against the counter behind me. “Actually, no, I’m not.”
Wiping her hands with a towel, she reaches up and cups my cheek. “You’re a good man, Brecken. I’ve known that for years. I’ve also known about the thing you’ve been desperate to hide and fail at miserably.”
Shit. Hanging my head, I shove my hands into my pockets. “It’s that obvious?”
Susan moves to stand next to me, leaning her hip against the counter while crossing her arms. “To everyone, except for two. They’re both oblivious, though I don’t know how.”
I take a deep breath and blow it out slowly. “I really care about her, but she’s scared. I think she’s afraid of things changing. And of Myles’ reaction, considering what happened last time.”
She nods. “Myles will get over it. Technically, it’s none of his business. And considering his ‘reputation’ the past couple of years, he should be the last person to talk.” Susan rolls her eyes. “Give Lizzie time. She’ll come around. Very few people have the joys of knowing their soul mate their entire lives. You’re one of the lucky ones.”
Nothing about our situation feels lucky. I walk around on eggshells and fight feelings that don’t want to stay dormant anymore.
“I don’t know how much longer I can wait.”
“It’s hard, I know. Donovans don’t make things easy. They get that from their father.” She laughs and pulls me into a hug. “Keep the faith. Things will work out, I just know it.”
We join everyone back in the living room once everything is dry and put away. Myles and Tatum are snuggled on the couch, while Lizzie is curled up in one of the chairs, watching the baseball game with her dad.
It’s a beautiful family sce
ne. And right now, I’m the outsider wanting to get in.
“Thank you all for dinner, but I’m going to head out. Got a few chores I need to get done before Kade locks us in the studio all day tomorrow.”
Nathan stands and shakes my hand. “Good to see you, son.”
Susan wraps me into her arms. “You’re welcome anytime at our table.”
“I know.” Tatum starts to move, but I wave her off. “See you guys later.”
Lizzie looks up and gives a half-smile. “Thanks, Breck.”
I don’t know why I’m expecting more from her, but her dismissal cuts another notch in my chest.
Before I have the chance to say something else, I turn and head to my truck, thankful to be out of there.
Pax still isn’t home, so I decide to throw in a load of laundry before calling it an early night. I haven’t been getting much sleep, mainly because I’m either at Lizzie’s house doing everything but sleeping or I’m tossing in my own bed from the lack of her presence.
Just as I’m drifting off, I hear the front door open then quietly click shut. Soft footsteps creep closer to my room before the door creeks open then shut. I don’t have to roll over to see who it is. I know. Instead, I keep my body turned away with my hands tucked under my pillow.
The bed dips slightly as Lizzie curls around me, placing her cold hands against my stomach while sliding her leg between mine.
“I’m sorry,” she says, peppering kisses along my back and shoulders while sliding her hand up and down my torso.
She has nothing to be sorry for. It’s me who’s acting like the child. We agreed to a no-strings-attached relationship and I’m the one who has the yarn collection, trying to tie her down when she’s clearly not ready.
Grabbing her hand, I lace our fingers together and bring them to my mouth, kissing each of her knuckles. “You don’t have to be sorry.”
Lizzie creeps closer, her warm breath beating against the back of my neck. “I hurt you, so yes, I do have to be sorry. I could have handled it better, but I didn’t. You’re the last person in the world I want to hurt.”
Letting go of her hand, I turn to face her. The quiver in her voice means she’s on the verge of tears. I cup her cheek and press a soft kiss to her lips. “I overreacted. I’m the one who should be sorry.”
She shakes her head and sniffs. “We suck at this.” Her choked laugh pulls at my heart.
“Yeah, we do.” I sweep some hair from her face as I try to make out her features with the muted light. Even in darkness, she brightens up the room with her smile. Brushing my lips across hers, I wrap her tighter in my arms. “But we always seem to get it right in here.” She nods and snuggles into my chest. “Let’s get some sleep.”
I wait until her breathing slows before falling into the blissful darkness filled with the sweet scent of Lizzie surrounding me.
It’s been a week since Breck has been over to my house. I know he’s been working crazy hours over at Kade’s since that studio executive has come back and is effectively cracking the whip. I overheard Tatum say that if they don’t get this record finished while they’re here, they have to go back to L.A. where there aren’t any distractions.
Which means my affair with Brecken will be over sooner rather than later.
Affair. I hate that word. But there isn’t a good way to describe us. He’s not my boyfriend because that would mean feelings are involved. And we agreed to leave them out of it. Which is probably the dumbest thing I ever agreed to. It’s impossible to sleep with the same guy over and over again and not develop an emotional attachment.
My knuckles scrape against the bathtub as I push harder and harder. Cleaning has been my only escape, which is comical because it’s the quiet that has me living in my head.
Of course, my current playlist isn’t helping either. Rihanna’s “Love on the Brain” is blasting throughout my house, basically telling me things I already know. What Brecken and I have can’t be stopped. It’s bigger than the both of us and fighting it is stupid. I’m not sure why I ever thought I could. When you spend your alone time thinking about the guy who isn’t here means you’ve already fallen into feelings.
The ringing of my phone saves my wayward thoughts from getting carried away. Sitting back on my heels, I swipe the screen to answer the call.
“Lizzie, hey. Whatcha up to?” Tatum asks.
Blowing a piece of hair from my face, I sit back and rest against the wall. “Cleaning since I have nothing else going on. And my house is still in shambles.”
“That’s why I was calling. Figured you needed to get out for a bit. Maybe even eat something that couldn’t be cooked in a toaster or microwave.”
My stomach growls at the mention of food. “I could definitely use some of that.”
“Good,” she says, her voice all perky and upbeat. “Put on some older clothes and I’ll come pick you up in ten minutes.”
“Older clothes?” Where in the hell is she taking me?
Tatum laughs. “Just do it, trust me. See you in ten.” Before I can question her again, she disconnects the call, leaving me more confused.
Obviously, we’re not going out-out to eat because there’s no way I’d be caught dead wearing my lazy Sunday best. But anywhere is better than here.
Picking myself up off the bathroom floor, I change into a semi-clean pair of jeans and an old T-shirt of Brecken’s that I stole from his room last week after our impromptu sleepover.
With my hair effectively up in a messy bun and a headband to keep the flyways in place, I’ve completely reverted back to my college days.
Tatum honks her horn outside, quickening my steps as I fly through the house, making sure everything is off and locked up. And since we’re into fall, I grab a zip-up hoodie just in case. Considering I have no clue what we’re doing, it’s better to be safe than sorry.
The radio blasts “Slow Hands” by Niall Horan as I climb into the front seat.
“Ugh, I love this song,” I say, clicking my seatbelt on as Tatum smiles and backs out my driveway.
“Right? One Direction was amazing together but I’m obsessed with their individual stuff.” Tatum cranks up the music so we’re both singing at the top of our lungs down the road. Several drivers glare at us when we stop since the windows are rolled down and they can hear everything.
I’m not even paying attention to where we’re going. Just sitting here with my sister, belting out songs is enough to keep my mind occupied on things other than Brecken. When she pulls into a parking lot just outside of town, I draw my brows together as we exit the car.
“Go-karts?”
Tatum’s smile takes up her whole entire face. “Come on! The guys are already inside.”
Guys? “I thought they were basically under studio arrest?”
“Nope. They’re ahead of schedule now and Kade fought to get a day off for everyone. And man, they needed it.”
My steps falter a little as Tatum drags me through the doors. The minute I spy Brecken, I relax and let go. That stupid smile always puts me at ease. And has since we were kids. Anytime I was scared, he’d smile, grab my hand and say everything would be okay. Brecken was never wrong because even back then, I knew things would be all right as long as he was by my side.
“Good, you’re here.” Myles claps his hands and cracks his knuckles. “Who’s ready to get their ass kicked?”
“Sounds like you since you’re all talk,” Breck says with a laugh while tossing a wink in my direction.
“I feel a bet coming on.”
Tatum rolls her eyes and slides into her husband’s side. “Babe, let’s just have fun.”
Knowing my brother, he already has a plan devised. “It’ll still be fun. But the loser has to buy the beer.”
Breck and Myles shake hands. So much for a friendly, relaxing game. Now it’ll be all-out warfare.
The four of us head to the counter and pick out the ultimate package that includes a full hour of unlimited racing. I pull some money from my bac
k pocket, only to have it brushed away by Brecken.
“I’ve got this,” he says.
I nod and place my hand on his forearm. “Thanks.”
We give the girl behind the counter our names as she types them into the computer.
“There’s a short video you need to watch in the room to the left. You’ll also find some tracksuits hanging up in various sizes. They run kind of small so you may want to size up. They’re optional, but we highly recommend them since dirt and oil could possibly get onto your clothes from the kart and/or the track.” She hands us a sheet with a smile. “When you’re ready, just find track two and hand the attendant this paper. The hour will be broken up into multiple races where you’ll switch cars each time.” She pauses and looks Brecken up and down before flashing a wide, toothy grin. “Have fun.”
Something inside me clicks into place as I slide my hand from his arm and intertwine our fingers together. “Oh, we will.” A bold move on my part, considering Myles is within eyesight. At least his back is turned and he’s too busy teasing Tatum to notice what’s going on at the counter.
Brecken laughs as we disappear around the corner. “Jealous?” he asks, letting his lips linger next to my ear.
I wait until Myles and Tatum settle on one of the benches before turning to Breck. “Of her? Hardly. But she needed to learn her place.”
We hide our joined hands and take a seat behind Myles and Tatum to watch the safety video. I slide as close to Brecken as I can without crawling into his lap, even though that’s all I want to do.
I’m sure the video is highly informative, but I can’t focus on anything other than Brecken. I’ve missed his touch the last few days. We haven’t even talked about the incident from last weekend where I was the world’s biggest bitch to an undeserving guy. My week in solitary confinement showed me that what I thought was right was really wrong. Maybe I should give us a chance.
Brecken leans over while eyeing my brother. “I’ve missed you,” he whispers in my ear.
Squeezing his hand, I give my wordless reply because I’m not sure I can control my voice. There are so many things I want to say, so many things I want to do. Only that last claw of fear keeps holding me back.
