by Jodie Larson
“Good.” How does she go from devil to angel in a matter of seconds? “Everything will work out. Have some patience. Love you,” she says.
“Love you too, Tay.”
We hang up without a formal goodbye and I toss my phone onto the table next to me. Fuck. I’m not exactly sure what happened, but I think I just got railroaded by the Tatum Donovan express.
But, she won’t do anyone wrong. It’s not in her nature. If she believes this situation can be fixed, I’ll put all my chips in her basket.
What have I got to lose?
Day seven post-apocalypse. Brecken’s declaration was supposed to be the moment I’d remember for the rest of my life. Not that I won’t. Watching the man who owns your heart get bloodied and beaten by your brother isn’t exactly something you forget. It’s not what you sit and dream of when you’re a teenage girl planning out your life.
Then again, nothing I ever planned back then has come true. I wanted to travel the world and yet I’m stuck here in Kansas City. I also wanted to be an actress. A registered nurse is a far cry from that. I also envisioned being married to Brecken. Somehow I think that may be a pipe dream now with my rather ungraceful exit of the situation and my failure to follow through because of my pride.
Thank you, Donovan genes.
I’m into my second tub of Ben & Jerry’s when a knock at my front door draws my attention. Imagine my surprise when Quinn comes barreling through without being invited inside.
On second thought, no. That’s exactly what I’d expect from her.
Taking a good look around, she slaps my feet off the coffee table. “Get up. Get dressed. We’re doing stuff.”
“Ow,” I say, letting my feet gingerly fall to the floor. “I’m busy.”
Quinn places her hands on her hips. “Stuffing your face full of Cherry Garcia is not doing something.”
I turn the carton her way. “It’s Phish Food, so there.”
“Whatever. Ice cream is not a replacement for a man. And you, girl, have a great one waiting for you.”
Shoving the spoon into the ice cream, I place it on the table and lean forward, matching her stare. “This was doomed from the beginning. Why did I think I could start a relationship built on a lie?”
Quinn slides into the chair next to me, compassion drawn across her face. “Not a lie. Just an omission, bordering fabrication.”
“No matter how many colorful words you use, it’s still a lie.”
“So, you’re telling me you never once thought of Brecken as less than a boyfriend?”
“I—”
No, I can’t. Even when I was trying to convince myself we could keep feelings out of things, it was impossible. I’ve loved this man for most of my life. He was never a benefit, an expendable person I could toss aside when his time home was finished. He was, is, and probably always will be the love of my life.
Tears well in my eyes as I finally accept what everyone has been trying to tell me for the last few weeks.
“I’m so in love with him that I can’t breathe when he’s not near.”
Quinn nods and moves to my side, circling her arms around my shoulders and holding me tight.
“It’s about damn time you figured this out. And here I thought you were the smart one.”
I laugh and it feels good. “I never said that. You just assumed so because of my brother’s less than stellar choices in life.”
“True.” She laughs and pats my knee. “We have plans for that man.”
“We?” I draw my brows together. Who else is she working with?
A mischievous grin takes over. I’m almost fearful of what she’s planning. At least I know I won’t be on the receiving end.
“Don’t worry. All will come around in due time. Until then, you’re going to get out of those pajamas and into normal clothes. We have some shopping to do.”
Shopping is an understatement. Quinn has me practically maxing out my charge cards, and we’ve only been to one store.
“I’ve never understood the concept of buying expensive lingerie,” I say, holding up a scrap of fabric and string they have the nerve to sell for almost a hundred dollars. I bet I can walk into Walmart right now and purchase the same amount of material for a tenth of the cost and make it myself. Judging by the design, it can’t be too hard.
Quinn looks at me like I’ve grown a second head. “What in the hell are you talking about?”
I shrug and put the hanger back. “I mean, what’s the point? Spend all this money for something that’s going to end up in a wad on the floor? It doesn’t make sense.”
She picks up an intricate corset and holds it in front of me to measure. “It’s not about you. Not completely. Think of it as a power suit.” She shakes her head and finds something else to hold up in front of me, something with less material and enough strings to need an engineering degree to put on. “When you’re wearing it underneath something, you know it’s there. You feel sexy and dangerous while having a sense of mystery as to when you’ll reveal it to the world. Then, when you finally stand in front of your man in only your armor, he crumbles to your feet, bending to your will, prepared to worship at your altar.”
Holy shit. That actually made sense. I honestly never thought of it that way before. Sure, good lingerie made me feel pretty, but that’s as far as it went. Nothing ever made me feel like I could conquer the world or have the man I love falling to his knees in reverence.
“Quinn, you’re a genius.”
She shrugs and hands me another item to try on. “I know.”
We walk to the back of the store and find an empty fitting room. I’m not entirely comfortable changing in front of her, so I make her wait outside the door.
“Why are we trying on all these things?” I ask, sliding the first piece over my hips. It’s a simple satin slip, light pink with intricate black lace around the top and a slit well past my thigh.
“Because you need confidence. You have a man who loves you, is willing to keep your secrets, regardless of how stupid they are, and wants to fight for you. The only person standing in your way is you and your pea-brained brother, who needs to get the fuck out of your love life. He has no business there.”
Placing the slip back on the hanger, I toss it over the door, letting Quinn know it’s a keeper. “I know. I shouldn’t have allowed Myles to steamroll over me and dictate my life. I should have stood up for myself.”
“You enabled him, letting him think it was okay to interject himself into your affairs when clearly it’s not.”
I try on the second item. This one is racier, showing far more skin than I’m used to as the strings cross around my stomach and attach at the hip. However, I love the way the deep purple looks against my pale skin tone. I toss it over the door as well.
“I’m well aware of how pathetic I am.”
The third outfit…damn. Devil red with black detailing over the see-through bra. The matching thong panties are the same material and leave just as much to the imagination as the top. Definitely a keeper.
Quinn practically squeals when I agree to everything she’s picked out. I’m surprised she doesn’t attack me the minute I open the dressing room door.
“Not pathetic. Just misguided. That’s why I’m here.”
I roll my eyes. “Lord, help me now.”
We’re about to get in line for the register when Adrienne comes rushing in, pushing a sleeping Lyric in the stroller. “Am I too late?”
Quinn laughs and pulls her into a hug. “Hardly. Lizzie’s finally had a breakthrough.”
“Make me sound like a lost cause, why don’t you.”
She shrugs and bends down to coo at the baby. “If the shoe fits.”
Adrienne smirks and pulls me into a hug. “I should have warned you. Nothing good ever comes from shopping with Quinn, especially in this store.”
“Now you tell me.”
She laughs and shoos Quinn away from Lyric, eyeing the items in her hand. “I see you found a few pieces that�
�ll work.”
“Yeah,” I say, sounding deflated. “But it’s not like I have a boyfriend. Technically. We never agreed to date.”
“Still delusional?” Adrienne asks Quinn.
“As ever.”
I huff a breath and place my hands on my hips. “Look, I know Breck loves me. But I haven’t heard one peep from him in over a week.”
“Have you tried contacting him?” Adrienne mocks my stance.
“I…no.” I resign myself to their accusing eyes. “I haven’t.”
Quinn nods. “So he says he loves you and you disappear without a trace, so to speak. How do you think that makes him feel?”
“Like I’m not worth it.”
We move out of the aisle and find a quiet corner. We don’t exactly need my dirty laundry aired out for all to witness.
“I know for a fact there are things in motion right now.” Adrienne grabs my hand, giving it a small squeeze. “Have faith and remember why you’re in love with him.”
I narrow my gaze at her. “I never said I was.”
Quinn scoffs. “Please. You’re completely in love with him. Everyone knows it. Why do you keep denying it?”
Why are the words so hard to say now when they were on the tip of my tongue before everything exploded? “Maybe it’s because there’s still turmoil within the group. As long as Myles and Brecken are fighting, things won’t be the same. I can’t be the reason for their friendship to end.”
Adrienne grabs my shoulders and stares directly into my eyes. “Lizzie, I’m telling you this out of love and friendship.” I gulp, gearing myself up for the blow. “But, fuck what your brother thinks and wants.”
Whoa. I would have expected that out of Quinn’s mouth, not hers.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Quinn do a little dance, obviously agreeing with her.
They’re right, though. I keep saying I’m not a seventeen-year-old girl who needs protecting. It’s about time I start following through with my words.
“Fuck Myles.”
“Yes,” Quinn cheers. “That’s the spirit.”
Lyric starts to stir in the stroller, her big blue eyes blinking awake. A muffled whimper, followed by a larger groan has Adrienne picking her up and cradling her in her arms. “Looks like someone’s hungry.”
I grab my stomach as it rumbles at the thought of food. “Me too.”
Quinn nods and shoves the hangers into my hands. “Go pay for these and let’s get food.”
We opt to avoid the food court and find a nice, quiet restaurant instead. Something with a salad bar, preferably. Considering the amount of money I just spent on things that don’t exactly hide any flaws, I need to eat sensibly. Especially since Breck has been hell-bent on feeding me junk food since he destroyed my kitchen.
We order a round of Diet Cokes while perusing the menu. I keep darting my gaze to the massive salad bar.
Adrienne laughs. “Go get a plate if you’re that hungry.”
I shake my head. “I can wait.”
Quinn tilts her head to the side. “You look like you’re going to gnaw off your arm and mine too if you don’t eat something soon.”
“I will not.”
Our server, Luke, comes over as the three of us break into a fit of laughter.
“Ladies, are we all set to order?”
Quinn wipes a tear from her eye. “Yeah, this one here,” she starts, pointing her thumb at me, “will have the entire left side of the menu.”
“Or,” I say, interjecting, “the all-you-can-eat salad bar.”
Luke gives me a wink and jots down the order. He turns his attention to Quinn again.
“I’m going to have the same.”
“Same,” Adrienne says, shutting her menu and placing it on top of ours.
“You ladies are making it easy for me.” He laughs and picks up the discarded menus.
Quinn leans forward with a wink. “We can always make it harder if you want.”
I slap her shoulder. “Behave! Don’t make me call your husband.”
Bless his heart, Luke laughs while walking away. He’s going to get a nice tip for having to deal with the three of us.
Adrienne fishes a bottle from the diaper bag and starts pouring a bag of milk into it. “Little Miss is definitely in the mood to eat as well.”
“Aren’t you breastfeeding?”
Lyric, dressed in an adorable ruffled, long-sleeved onesie, attacks the bottle as soon as it gets close to her mouth. Her little eyes are wide, staring directly into the loving ones of her mother.
“Yes, but it’s easier to pump and bottle feed when we go out.”
“I can’t believe how big she’s gotten,” I say, mesmerized by the tiny being at the table. “Motherhood agrees with you.”
Adrienne nods. “It’s not all glamorous, believe me. I needed this day as much as you did.”
Quinn stands and points to the salad bar. “You gonna make a plate?”
I look between her and Adrienne. “You go ahead. I’ll wait for a minute.”
Shrugging, she takes off, leaving the two of us alone.
There are so many questions swirling in my head. And I know Adrienne is just the person to answer them.
“Can I ask you something?”
She looks up and smiles. “Absolutely.”
Chewing on my bottom lip, I pick at the napkin in front of me, keeping my focus on it instead of her. “Is it hard having Kade gone all the time? I mean, you have a career, so you couldn’t always be there with him. Did it ever come between you?”
Adrienne looks up with a knowing look. “Is that why you’ve been hesitant?” I nod. “Lizzie, the worst part is in your head. Does it suck having many lonely nights without him? Sure. But there are other ways of being together. When he’s out on the road, not a day goes by that we don’t talk to each other, either by telephone or Skype. Most of the time for hours. It’s like he’s still right next to me. And when I ask him about his day, I’m honestly intrigued because I won’t already know what happened. It’s tough and not a life meant for everybody. But if you love someone, truly love them and put all your trust in that love, distance is what you make of it.”
That’s exactly what I wanted to hear. Her words make so much sense. Fear only has power if I give in to it. Kade and Adrienne are the epitome of how a marriage can work on the road. Not saying Breck and I are heading in that direction, but it’s something to strive for.
Looking up, I smile and nod. “Thanks. I needed to get someone’s opinion who’s going through something similar. If Breck and I decide to pursue this relationship after he leaves, I’d have to make some decisions. I mean, I love K.C. It’s been the only home I know. But if I let Brecken into my life, I’ll have another home. How do I choose?”
Adrienne laughs, removing the bottle from a now smiling Lyric. “You don’t have to choose. Do whatever feels best. If you don’t want to give up your job, then stay in K.C. Quinn’s still here so you won’t be alone. But if you want to move to L.A. with us, go for it. I bounce between the two, so you’re bound to have someone in either place.”
“That was part of my concern, giving up my job to follow a boy across the country.”
Taking the burp cloth, she drapes it over her shoulder and starts lightly patting Lyric’s back. “I’m not saying you have to, especially since you’re not married yet. But, if you wanted to take some time off to figure it out, you could. I’m sure Brecken would love the company on the road or back in Cali.”
“I don’t want to be a burden on him or be a kept woman. I like my independence.”
“Then stay here,” Quinn says, sliding back into her chair. “You can do whatever you want.”
I look over at her smiling face. “How’d you know we were talking about this?”
She picks up a carrot and bites into it, emphasizing the crunch. “Because I know how your mind works and this was the real root of the issue.”
I grab a carrot off her plate and take a bite. “What would yo
u do since you’re an uninvolved party?”
Quinn hovers her hand in front of her mouth as she chews. “Well, if it were me and a guy I’ve had the hots for over the span of almost twenty years gave me the opportunity to spend our life together, I’d jump all over it and figure things out along the way. Yeah, you have a life and career here, but who’s to say you can’t have the same thing with him somewhere else.”
Adrienne blinks at her. “Seriously, when did you become all logical?”
Quinn shrugs. “It’s all the sleep I’m getting since I’m having sex earlier in the night. This whole Gabe being home more often thing is amazing.”
I scrunch up my nose. “Didn’t need details. The more sleep part would have been sufficient. But you make a good point. Looks like I have some thinking to do.”
Not as much, but definitely a few things to consider. The only thing I know for sure is Brecken will be in each scenario.
Tatum: Susan needs some help and Myles isn’t around. Can you lend a hand?
I stare at the text, wondering why in the hell she’s asking me instead of hunting down her husband. But I can’t say no to my secondary mother.
Me: Right now?
Tatum: Yeah, if you don’t mind.
Me: Be there in a bit.
After making my bed—because my mom will shoot me if I leave it undone one more day—I grab my shoes and head out the door. Even though I didn’t want to be the loser who stays at his parents’ house, somehow I find myself back in my childhood room. Nothing’s changed. Still the same posters on the wall, the same books on the shelf in the corner. Hell, even the same navy-blue bedsheets and comforter on the bed.
Still running over to Myles’ house.
I walk through the front door and practically run into Susan as I turn the corner.
“Brecken, I was hoping that was you.” She takes me in her arms and squeezes tight.
“It’s me,” I say, patting her back. “Whatcha need help with?”
A smile tugs at her lips. Something’s up.
The front door opens again.
“Mom? You okay?”
Myles rushes around the corner and comes to a dead stop when we’re face to face. He narrows his eyes; the frown matching his furrowed brows.
