by S. Moose
I hope she knows how much I miss her and how much I want her back. I’m using everything inside of me to hold back. My willpower is growing weak. Her smell. Her smile. Her voice. Fuck, this is harder than I thought.
“I know,” she answers. “I’ve missed you too.” My heart beats faster and I’m not sure how much more I can take. “Listen, I’m here with Seth, but we’ll talk soon.”
“I’m sorry. That might have been too much. We’ve been apart for a while and there are a lot of things we still need to talk about.” She slowly nods her head. Her eyes aren’t meeting mine and it’s driving me crazy. “I promise I won’t be coming on as strong anymore. It’s hard being this close to you and not feeling your lips on mine. Or touching you, feeling your heart beating with mine.”
“I know. I have to get back. Seth is probably waiting for me. Can we talk later?”
“Sure.” I watch her leave. She turns around and looks at me again. We’re standing a few feet apart from each other, but it feels like we’re miles away. How can she be so close, yet so far away?
Watching her walk into the crowd, I take a glass of champagne and drink it slowly.
Who the fuck is Seth?
Bayleigh
WELL, I DIDN’T EXPECT all of that to happen. Seeing the text message, asking how I’m doing, and that he’s thinking about me, threw me for a loop. I started texting back then I chickened out. Nothing I wanted to say sounded good. Hearing him tell me he misses me eases my mind a little. I touch my flat stomach and take in a few breaths. This is harder than I thought. We haven’t seen each other in months and he walks in wearing a fitted black suit, bulging muscles, and those blue eyes I’ve always loved. Why does he have to be mouth wateringly sexy?
When he reached out for my hand I let him take it. Feeling his touch made me feel better. Right at that moment everything made sense. Having him back is good and I want us to be okay. Only I’m not exactly sure what okay means. Are we going to start over or are we going to remain friends? These questions cross my mind and I don’t know where to start. But it’s not about me anymore. I have to think about our baby and what’s best. I’m holding back from telling him I’m pregnant. Again I’m being a chicken. I hate that I can’t be honest with him. I know he’ll be okay with it, but it’s still a risk and it’s a risk I’m not ready to take.
Hearing him tell me he misses me and he’s back makes me feel better about telling him about being pregnant soon. Right now I’m testing the waters to see how long he’ll be back for. I hate I can’t open myself up or trust him completely right now. Part of me is screaming to let him back in my heart and the other part is screaming if I tell him I’m pregnant now, he’ll feel like he’s supposed to be with me.
This is the first time we’ve seen each other since the night we said goodbye. There’s a lot we need to talk about and figure out before we can be together. The foundation of our friendship, what made us . . . us, is broken.
Right now, we need space and I need to breathe before I pass out. Controlling my breathing and staying calm, I carry on with the party and mingle like I’m supposed to.
“How are you doing?” I look up and see Mandy. We walk outside on the deck. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” I smile. “I really am. He looks so good,” I sigh. And he really does look handsome in his fitted black suit and crisp white button down shirt. Tyler always looks like he just finished shooting with GQ.
“Uh huh. So what’s going on with you?” She eyes me with question and suspicion. Damn you, Mandy. Don’t do this tonight.
I sip on my iced water. “Nothing.”
“Really?”
I nod. “Really. Why?”
“Then why do you look like you’re going to cry?”
“Mandy, this is your night with Damon. Please, can we not do this?”
“Oh sweetie, there’s nothing you can do to ruin our night. We’re worried about you. Seth told Damon you’re having pains? Is that normal?”
Shit. Stupid Seth. I wish he didn’t say anything.
“Yeah,” I lie. “It’s nothing. I have an appointment coming up. You’re still coming with me right?
“Of course I am.”
“Okay good. But I’m feeling super good.”
“Are you going to bring Tyler?” I shake my head. “So you’re going to keep him in the dark?” I nod my head. “You know how immature you’re being right? He has the right to know. He’s not going to accuse you of sleeping with Ryan.”
“I can’t risk it, Mandy. You know that he’ll be upset. I’ve kept it from him for this long. What else am I supposed to do?”
“I don’t know,” she sarcastically says. “Maybe tell your mini you’s father that he’s going to be a dad. It’s the right thing to do, Bayleigh, and you know it.”
She’s right. I know it’s the right thing to do. The timing has to be right, and I have to know he’s here because he wants to be here. I don’t want to hold him back.
“I know you don’t agree with my decision, but I need you to understand. We haven’t seen or talked to one another in a while. I can’t spring this unto him. There’s too much tension between us. I need to know that he’s here for good, and not just for me.”
“I get it,” Mandy reassures me. “But I think you’re handling it wrong. Tyler isn’t a one-time thing. You guys spent almost your whole lives together. He’s going to understand.”
“Maybe. Maybe not.”
“Murphy you need to open your eyes and stop being selfish.” I don’t respond and look down, not sure what to say or do.
“Thanks for coming with me and staying by my side.”
“Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Your mini you is going to be loved and adored just like her mama. Don’t shut me out. You know we’re best friends and as your best friend I’m going to keep it real with you.”
I nod. “Or a mini Tyler.” I think about the possibility of having a son. Honestly, it wouldn’t matter. As long as our baby is healthy then I’ll be happy.
“I can’t believe you’re having a baby.” She smiles, and wraps her arm around my shoulder. “I’m happy for you, Bay.”
I sigh and touch my flat stomach again. I wonder how it’s going to be. I never thought I’d be pregnant at twenty-three and with the love of my life. I shouldn’t be surprised. Tyler keeps coming back and he never loses faith. He catches me when I fall and he’s the glue of our relationship. Right now, even though things are bad, I know deep down everything will work out. When you love someone you find ways, and push through the insecurities and pains. I know I love him, and I know I want to spend forever with him. Just right now I need to slow things down and make sure the timing is perfect or else this could blow up in my face.
“Baby?” We turn around and see Damon walking out with Seth. “Everything okay?” The guys look at us and we nod.
“Fine,” Mandy answers. “We’ll be in soon.”
“Okay,” Damon smiles and heads back inside with Seth.
“Do it, Murphy or else.”
I nod and tell her to go back inside. I need a moment out here by myself. Seeing Tyler again is doing things to me. My reaction to him doesn’t surprise me. My chest constricts and the intense need for him grows. If only things could be simple.
The lies and deception on both our parts isn’t healthy. Before I can tell him about being pregnant we have to clear the air and know where we both stand. There’s a lot I need to ask him and I’m afraid to know the answers. Part of me doesn’t want to think he has feelings for Anna. We’ve only had each other, and I guess I can’t blame him. He’s been with me and we lost our virginities to each other. Maybe, in a way, it was a release he needed to experience someone else. Who knows? This is why I don’t want to know, then again I do want to know, so I’ll stop assuming and wondering.
We need to talk about what happened instead of fighting and hoping the issues will go away on their own.
It’s wrong to keep this from him. I’m selfish for no
t telling him I’m pregnant and I know this. I know he’ll step up to the plate and take care of us.
“Bay?” I turn around and see him walking toward me with two glasses of champagne.
Fuck.
“Hi,” I smile. “What’s up?”
“Just wondering what you’re doing out here? Everything okay?”
“Needed fresh air.” He hands me a glass and I take it from him.
“How about a toast to new beginnings?”
Fuck.
We clink glasses and I pretend to drink the champagne, only allowing the drink to touch my lips. Yes, I’m being paranoid and I’m sure a sip won’t hurt. I just don’t want to risk anything.
Tyler
“SO, I HAVE THE house to myself and I heard you have your own place. How’s that going for you?”
Her eyes go wide. Why does my knowing things surprise her?
“Yeah, I’m living in Mandy’s old place. It’s time to leave the nest. I feel good.”
“And your nightmares? Are you sleeping okay?’
“Yeah. It’s getting better.”
“So yeah, it’s just me in the house. You know my mom is in Colorado and it’s always just me alone.”
She needs to know I’m not moving on. She moves her head, facing the backyard. There are lights along the pool and gate. The light shimmers onto Bayleigh and she looks beautiful. Like an angel.
My angel.
So many nights, lying in bed, or sitting by the water, dreaming about her and being this close to her. Hoping one day she’d walk back into my world and be mine again.
“Are you planning on staying in Rochester because you want to?”
I turn her to face me, and touch her face. “Yes, Bay. I’m here because I want to be. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”
“Okay,” she breathlessly answers, and moves her head to my touch. “I’m happy you’re here.”
I think about kissing her. I need to taste her lips. She’s close to me, and I see the urge in her eyes.
“So, why don’t we go back inside?” I know if I stay out here long enough, I’ll beg her to come back home with me tonight and take her lips. I’ll beg her to stay and be with me.
“Sure.” I hold my hand out to her, hoping she won’t deny me, and to my surprise she slides her hand in mine. The touch causes me to take a deep breath and my head pounds from the intense emotions. A simple touch alerts my body and I’m hard. Very hard.
I place my hand on the small of her back, guiding her inside, and people are around talking and mingling. A tall guy walks over to us. He has short blonde hair and he’s smiling at Bayleigh.
“How are you feeling? You were outside for a while,” he asks her, ignoring the fact I’m behind her. I place my hand protectively on her hip, letting him know she’s mine.
“I’m okay. Seth, this is Tyler. Tyler, this is Seth. He works at the firm with Damon. Actually, he’s one of the partners slash founders.”
Seth extends his hand to me and I take it. It’s a firm handshake and we keep our eyes on each other.
“Nice to meet you, Tyler.”
“You too.” I don’t like him. I don’t like how he stares back at me and his concern for Bayleigh.
“Well, I’ll leave the two of you. Bayleigh, I’ll talk to you later.”
“Okay,” she responds.
The night goes on and I meet a few more people who work with her. People are slowly leaving, and I can tell she’s exhausted.
“Do you need me to take you home?”
She looks around the room, and then back to me. “Sure I’d like that.”
Mandy and Damon walk over to us. I give Mandy a hug and shake Damon’s hand. “Congratulations again,” I tell both of them.
“Thanks, Tyler.” Mandy looks at Bayleigh. “You okay?”
“Yeah, just tired. I need to head home and sleep. My head hurts,” she tells them and I see a worried expression on Mandy’s face. “Don’t worry I am fine,” Bayleigh presses on and something tells me she’s not.
“Bayleigh you sure you’re okay?” I ask.
“Yes I am fine.”
“Why don’t you take her home, Tyler.” Damon instructs, and looks at me. “Sleep well and take care of yourself.”
“Okay.”
We say our goodbyes and leave. Opening the car door for her she slips in. Heading to my side I start the car and let it warm up for a few minutes. Not wanting to sit in silence I turn to look at her.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” She nods, and doesn’t look at me. “Then why did it seem everyone was worried.”
“I’m okay, Tyler.” She tells me, and I see her hands on her lap. She still won’t look at me and it’s driving me crazy.
“I’ll drop it for now. I know you’re not telling me something.”
The car ride to her apartment is quiet. I look over and see her sleeping. If I had a camera, I would capture this very moment and cherish it forever. Already knowing the directions to the apartment, I slow down and do everything I can to spend every second with her.
Getting off the highway, I drive straight through the night, and take a right turn into the complex. I don’t want to wake her up. She looks peaceful.
Pulling her away from the door, I quietly get out and open her door. Unbuckling the seatbelt, I pull her into my arms, grab her purse and close the door. She’s so light and feels good in my arms.
Rummaging through her small purse, I pull out the key and let myself in. Shutting the door, I walk inside and look around her apartment. Most of her things are Mandy’s. I can see the delicate touches of Bayleigh. There are pictures of her life surrounding the living area.
Turning down the hall, I walk into her room and place her down, taking off her shoes and pulling a blanket over her. I’m tempted to change her and I think about it.
“Fuck,” I mutter. Pulling the blanket off her, I gently unzip her dress and take it off. How she’s still sleeping I have no idea. She moans a little here and there, but remains asleep. Admiring her body, with the moonlight shining through her window, my God she is fucking beautiful. “I miss you, Bay,” I softly say. Hanging up her dress, I find one of my shirts in her drawers and possessiveness takes over. She has my shirts and I’m sure she sleeps in what’s mine all the time.
Pulling the shirt over her and gently placing the blanket over her body, I bend down and watch her. Seeing her eyes flutter open, I see that smile I love so much.
“I knew you were changing me.”
“And you didn’t say anything?”
“It was nice and you were trying hard,” she tells me. “It was nice,” she repeats. “Really nice.”
“Close those beautiful eyes and sleep, angel.”
“Will you still be here in the morning?”
“Yes,” I simply answer. Content with my answer, she closes her eyes and I sit down and watch her sleep for a little. This is where I want to be. Right here, next to her, forever.
I wake up on the floor and sit up, stretching my body, and looking up to see what Bayleigh’s doing. She’s still sleeping and looks peaceful. I don’t want to wake her and I don’t want to leave without talking.
Slowly getting up and folding the blankets I head to her kitchen and pop in a K Cup and wait for the coffee to brew. Rubbing my eyes, I hear the coffee finish and take a slow sip of the hot liquid.
Heading back to her room, I set the coffee down on the nightstand and sit by her side. God, she’s perfect.
“Good morning,” she mutters, and flutters her eyes open. “Did you sleep okay?”
“Yeah,” I answer. “I did. You?”
“Mmm,” she tells me and gets up. “You’re really here.”
I lean in and press my lips to her forehead. “I am.”
She rests her hand on my thigh and places her head against my chest. Neither of us say anything, and we just savor this moment between us.
“I don’t know what to do with us.” I can hear the honesty in her voice and I know th
is is hard for her to say. “Being with you is what I want. We’ve been apart for so long and I know we have a lot to talk about. I need to know where you stand with us.”
Wrapping my arms around her I kiss her again. “The time apart made me realize how much I love you. When I left I thought we were over. I thought about moving on, but no one measures up to you, Bay. You’re it for me. You’ve changed my life and make me a better man. You are my forever love and I can’t lose that.”
“I know. Me either. But, we need to take things slow. We can’t jump back into how we were. Can you do that?”
I nod, and hold her tighter. “I am going to do whatever you want me to, and sweet girl I’ll wait forever for you.” I hear her sigh and breathe her in.
Bayleigh
A FEW DAYS GO by and things are really good. Tyler and I talk and we’re spending time together. During our lunch breaks we’ll get something to eat at a nearby deli and talk about what’s going on and he tells me about California and his new position. I like hearing about what he’s been up to, and he listens to me too. I still haven’t told him and I still don’t know the words or how I’m going to do that.
Checking on things at my parents’ house I hear a knock on the door. Putting down the papers in my hand, I go to open the door. Tyler’s standing before me, with his hands in his jean pockets, and when he looks up, he removes his aviator sunglasses.
“Ty,” I say¸ “Hey, what’s going on?”
As soon as the sunglasses are off and his blue eyes are on me, the ache between my legs comes back. Fucking hormones.
Fucking Tyler and his sexy blue eyes. The dreams I’m having about him are making me moody and frustrated. Last night I dreamt he fucked me against the wall and threw me on the bed, and continued his assault on my pussy. I screamed his name and begged him for more. He flipped me over, pulled my hair back, and I came hard and fast.
