by S. Moose
“Bay, open the door.” Walking to the bathroom door and unlocking it, Mandy walks in and rubs my arms. “You okay?”
“Yeah. My stomach is everywhere right now and I needed a moment.”
“You got Adam and Connor worried about you,” she smiles. “When’s your doctor appointment?”
“Next week.”
“Okay well, do you need to go home? Damon will understand.”
I shake my head, “No I’ll be okay.”
“If working is too much you need to say something,” Mandy tells me. “No one is going to be mad if you need some time off. It’s not like Damon’s going to fire you. Work from home if you have to.”
“I shouldn’t be feeling this bad though.”
“Everyone has a different pregnancy experience. Remember this is your first so since your body isn’t used to carrying a baby then it’s normal.”
“I guess. I think I’ll be fine though.”
We walk out of the bathroom and Seth is waiting by the conference door. I’m not sure why I get nervous when he’s around. He’s giving me a look and I know what he’s going to say.
“My office, please.” I nod and follow him to his office.
My heart speeds up a little. I don’t know why he’s doing this. I’m okay and sure I’m pregnant. It doesn’t mean I’m not capable of getting through the day.
Seth opens the door and I walk inside, taking a seat on the chair in front of his desk.
“Bayleigh, if you’re sick then go home.”
“Seth I’m fine. Please don’t make me go home. It was just the food.”
“I get it. I know you’re going through a lot and this is your first pregnancy. That pain you had that night; are you sure it was a cramp?” I nod my head. “Please don’t lie to me.”
“It was a cramp, Seth. I promise you. Other than the occasional headache and my morning, well, all day sickness I feel great. I promise you. I’m not sure what’s going on.”
“Are you spotting or anything?” Okay weird question. “I ask because my sister was pregnant. I don’t want to scare you. She had two miscarriages and I don’t want you to go through that pain.”
I wipe my tears and look away. “I’m going to the doctor next week. I’m sure it’s nothing.”
“Please keep me in the loop. I want you to be healthy and if you’re stressed out, then you’ll worry yourself and it’ll be bad for your baby.”
“I know.”
“Does Tyler know yet?”
“No,” I quietly respond.
Seth cocks his eyebrow. “Why?” I hate the tone of his voice. “I thought we talked about this. Pull yourself together, Bayleigh. What if you were in Tyler’s shoes?” I hang my head, refusing to look at him. I know what he’s saying is right. It’s easier said than done.”
“Tyler needs to be here for me and not think of me and our baby as an obligation. He had the life in California and I’m sure it was great. It was his shot at becoming more.” The truth spews from my lips and I can’t stop. “He says he’s here for me and that’s great. I know he is and I know he’s going to show it. I want him to know I didn’t do this on purpose and I don’t want him to think Ryan’s the father. It’ll hurt too much.”
“Even though I don’t know him, I know he’d want to know. Don’t hold this off for too long. You think waiting is the right answer, but what if your plan back fires and you lose him for good?”
“I know,” I sigh.
The rest of the day goes by without incident and we take Adam and Connor to lunch. My stomach isn’t queasy like this morning and I feel okay again.
Before leaving for the day, I check the schedule for tomorrow and see a text message coming in from Mandy.
Mandy: Breakfast tomorrow morning at my house
Me: What’s the occasion?
Mandy: Because we’re working from home tomorrow and you need to rest!
I could have sworn Damon had back-to-back meetings again tomorrow. Looking at his appointments, the meetings have been changed to Skype, and of course, Mandy had something to do with it.
Mandy: I’m behind on the wedding and I need to focus on that so I’ll need my maid of honor!
Me: Okay sounds good. See you tomorrow morning
Packing up my things, I head out of the office and walk to my car. Rush hour is crazy busy right now and people in Rochester can’t drive for shit.
“Move it, asshole!” I scream. I know he can’t hear me. It makes me feel better knowing I screamed and he saw me flip him the bird. “Yeah you, bitch!”
The intense road rage isn’t good. I’m either crying or happy and now I’m adding mad as hell. Great. This pregnancy is going to do wonders for me.
Making it home close to six thirty, I park my car in my usual spot and notice Tyler’s Jeep. Getting out, I walk toward his Jeep and tap on his window. Looking up, he smiles and gets out.
“Hey. I’ve been waiting for you. Sorry I didn’t text you. Thought I’d surprise you with dinner. I have pad see ew with chicken, chicken satay and pad Thai for me.” He gives me an easy smile while holding up a brown bag. “And I got it from your favorite place.”
“Sak’s?”
“Yeah.”
Rolling my eyes in pleasure, I lead the way to my apartment. I’m in the mood for Thai tonight. Walking inside, I place my things down on the floor and walk to the fridge to grab some water and lemonade for us. Feeling him behind me, my back straightens and the ache I so desperately need to address comes back.
“What are you doing?”
“I miss you,” he simply responds and kisses my cheek.
Closing my eyes tightly, I do my best to calm my inner sex nymph and remember to build the foundation of friendship again. I can’t let him believe we’re going to get back together and have sex. Things don’t work like that. Things are more complicated.
Telling him I miss him and want him back isn’t smart. By building our friendship, then we’ll get to know each other again. That’s what made us us before, so I’m sure if we’re meant to be it’ll happen again.
“Go sit down so I can grab us our drinks and plates.”
“Sure thing,” he smiles again and walks to the table and takes my things to my bedroom. He easily moves around my apartment as though he belongs here.
Maybe he does. Maybe this whole building our friendship and making us work again is going too slow.
I hear a phone vibrating from the counter. Picking up the phone and opening the text, I see it’s Serena’s name.
I picked up Tyler’s phone.
Serena: Hey! Where are you?
I scroll through the earlier messages.
Serena: How are you feeling? You look so sad
Serena: I’m here if you need to talk
Tyler: I know. Things suck and I miss her. Thanks for being here. I’m not sure if I would be able to get through this without you.
Serena: You know I’m always here for you
What exactly is their relationship? Does she love him?
Putting down his phone, I shake away those thoughts and focus again. I fail. Thinking about Serena and Tyler is driving me crazy. Why does she want to be here for him? What exactly is she planning?
Tyler walks out of my room and grabs the plates and glasses from the island. “Coming?”
“Ah yeah,” I answer. Sitting down next to him, he pours me a glass of lemonade and water. “I have a question.”
“Sure.”
“So I picked up your phone by accident.” I hate that I’m having this conversation with him. I don’t want to assume anymore. I need to know. “How close are you and Serena? Is there really an Anna?”
“Baby, Serena is my best friend. She’s dating Chad now and yes, there is an Anna.” The look of joy dances in his eyes. “You’re jealous.”
“I’m not jealous. I’m curious. You had this life in California and made good friends. If I were you I wouldn’t want to come back to Rochester. I want to make sure you deciding to come ba
ck is your choice. And I’m not some fallback or whatever.”
“You will never be a fallback. You’re always my first and only choice.” He moves closer to me and I smell his scent. Bending down so he’s eye level with me he takes my face in his hands and kisses me in a way that makes your panties wet and toes curl. There’s desperation in his kiss and I’m holding onto him as if I’ve never held him before. Releasing from my lips he stares at me with intensity and fire. ““I’m glad I am back. We need to work on us. If there will be an us again.”
“One day at a time.” I breathlessly answer. And I mean it. One day and slowly we’ll find our way.
Tyler
LEAVING BAYLEIGH’S, I head to Murphy’s Law. Parking my car, I head inside and find whom I’m meeting.
“Thanks for coming tonight. I’m sorry for the short notice.”
“No problem,” Seth answers. “So what’s going on? Is Bayleigh okay?”
I study him. Why is his first question about Bayleigh? He doesn’t need to protect her from me. My blood boils and he keeps his stare on me too.
“She’s fine,” I grit out. “You stay away from her, do you get me?” He blinks a few times and crosses his arms. “We’re going to be together again. Right now things are a little confusing. We need to take things slow and she needs to get used to me being here. I’m not going anywhere, so you better not try anything. I respect you, man. Our companies are working together and I don’t want bad blood. I can assure you, if you decide to move in on her, I will end you.”
Seth looks at me, and gets a server’s attention. “Two Stellas and two shots of tequila. Top shelf, sweetheart.”
“Okay,” she smiles at both of us and walks away.
“I know you love her and I know you want her back. She talks about you all the time. When you left, we became close. I lost my brother a few years ago so I helped her understand the pain of losing someone. See, the thing you have to realize about her is, she’s stronger than she lets on. I know about the rape and she’s doing a lot better. She doesn’t need to see a therapist, instead she’s open about how she’s feeling to me, Damon and Mandy. I think you treating her like she was going to break fucked with her head. I didn’t judge you because I didn’t know you. We have a business relationship and so far you’re on my good list. Don’t make me move you to my shit list.” I listen to him. Our server brings us our drinks and we take the shots without blinking. “If you love her, then always keep an open mind and understand where she’s coming from. If you don’t, then I will.”
I feel like he slapped me and punched me in the gut. Before I can answer, I order another round of shots. This is going to be a long night.
“I never treated her like she would break.”
He eyes me, taking the shot, and leans back in his chair. This little shit’s testing me. “You did. You’re overbearing and it overwhelmed her. I get it. I would have done the same. What happened to Bayleigh is and will always be devastating, but if she’s getting better then she should be treated in that way.”
“She fell for my brother,” I state, and drink my beer. I’m not backing down. “They were best friends too and he was there for her. He pushed her, and I don’t think I can do what he did. I don’t regret what I did. Bayleigh is strong and I’m thankful for that. After the rape her whole life changed. She became someone I didn’t know and even her parents were worried. There was this light and then that light disappeared. I wanted her back. We all did.”
“Like I said I get it. You have to understand she’s getting better. A lot changed with her and she’s getting this fire inside her that was never there before. You need to make her fire grow.”
I listen to what he’s saying and fully agree. Bayleigh’s confidence and strength is better than what I remembered. She doesn’t need to be fully protected, and she will be fine on her own. I never thought I’d see her in this light, with this fire, and I’m glad she’s at this stage.
After a few hours, I head home and have a higher respect for Seth. I can tell he loves Bayleigh the way I do. And I get it. He’s protecting her and feels like he needs to be there for her. I’m glad she had the support she needed when I was gone.
Parking my car, I head inside and up to my room. The quiet of the house is driving me crazy. Before walking into my bedroom, I turn and go into Ryan’s. The room is cool and there’s a weird feeling.
It’s calming me.
“Hey, brother.” I place my hand on the bed. The same bed he passed away in. I can remember that night as if it were yesterday. I can’t believe it’s been almost three months. The pain grows and I miss him.
“So, I’m back as you know and Bayleigh and I are working on our relationship I guess. It’s hard, you know? I think she has a lot going on and I’m not sure why she’s keeping me in the dark. Seth,” I laugh. “Well, he’s a good guy. Loves our girl though.” I walk around the room and slide down the wall, facing the bed. “Man, I miss you. Every day is full of regret. I wish we had more time together.” Silence fills the room.
Since being back, I haven’t had the chance to go to his grave and pay my respects. I can’t bring myself to see his grave. I know Bayleigh is keeping it nice with flowers and she visits him. It makes me feel good that people remember Ryan and take time to see him.
“I’m doing things differently this time. I’m going to wait for her. I messed up big time by sleeping with Anna.” I shake my head. If I could take back that night, I would without a second thought. “My dick had a mind of his own that night. You know, while I was fucking her I thought about Bayleigh. How messed up am I?”
Every girl that crosses my path I think of her. It’s always her, no matter what.
“Sleep well.” Walking out of his bedroom, I head to mine and change into pajama pants. Sliding under the cover, I take out my phone and text Bayleigh.
Me: Sleeping?
Bay: No. Watching a movie. I’m working from home tomorrow. Well at Damon and Mandy’s. We have some wedding things to do then I’m taking the afternoon off. Need some R and R.
Me: Will I see you tomorrow?
Bay: I have a lot to do and I’m meeting Seth for dinner. I’ll see you again soon okay? Thank you again for dinner tonight . . . I like spending time with you and knowing you’re here for good.
Me: You’re welcome. You never have to thank me . . . And I’ll keep telling you that I’m here for good until you one hundred percent believe me. I have an early morning. I’ll talk to you soon. Good night and sweet dreams
Bay: Sweet dreams
Bayleigh
THE SMELL OF breakfast hits my nose. I get up from the kitchen chair and sprint to the bathroom. Dropping to my knees, I grip the porcelain bowl and pray this quickly passes over. Tightly gripping the sides, my body trembles, causing me to empty everything in my stomach, leaving me weak and dizzy.
A cool washcloth is on my neck and I let out a moan. It feels good, until another wave of nausea hits me.
“Shh, let it out,” Seth soothes me, rubbing my back.
“Is she okay?” I hear a worried Mandy asking.
“Sickness,” I weakly respond, leaning into Seth and taking the washcloth. “This sucks,” I try to laugh.
“I thought you said you were okay,” Mandy tells me. I look to find her scowling at me, with her arms crossed, and a don’t you lie to me again expression. “Well?”
“I have my moments,” I mumble. “It’s usually not this bad.”
“You have to tell him,” I hear Damon chime in. “He deserves to know.”
“What?” I look up at everyone. “So he can accuse me of having his brother’s baby? You know how Tyler will act. He’ll think the worst thing possible, blow it up and say hurtful things. I can’t tell him.”
I can’t lie to anyone anymore. Pulling my knees against my chest, I lean on Seth and feel his chin resting on my head.
“They’re right,” he tells me. “You need to tell him.”
I don’t know how Tyler will react. We’r
e in a really good spot right now. Things are going well and I love having him back. To be honest, I’m not sure I can handle his reaction. We never talked about a family or kids when we were together. I guess, in a way, it was implied, but never talked about. We’re young, not married, or dating. How will we raise a baby? And will we raise our baby together?
For Tyler to be part of our child’s life, he can’t accuse me and push me. And for me to tell Tyler and have this baby, I need to let go of my own insecurities. There’s a lot we need to let go of, and so much we can gain. Only I can’t find the strength to do this.
We’re having a little boy or girl. This baby will know love and know what it’s like to always feel wanted. I won’t keep Tyler from our child. But how do I tell him? I can’t expect him to stop what he’s doing to be with me again. It’s not fair. I’ve taken so much from him. How can I expect him to do this?
To be a father?
“I can’t tell him yet. It’s too much. It’s too soon.”
“What’s too much?” Damon asks.
“All of it,” I whisper. “Look at everything that’s happened.”
Seth helps me up and walks me to the living room. I know this is selfish to keep from him. There’s nothing he’s done in the past to make me think he wouldn’t want a child. The thing that’s holding me back is my fear of how he’ll react. I can’t take that pain. Letting him go as many times as I have is already too much. I don’t want any added stress to me or the baby.
“Lie down. When you’re feeling better, wake up and I’ll get you something to eat.” I smile at Mandy and curl up on the couch. Seth puts a blanket over me and when I close my eyes, I see Tyler. He’s holding our baby and things feel right.
The next morning, Mandy takes me to my doctor’s appointment. We wait to be called and I flip through a parenting magazine.
“Are you nervous?”
I smile. “Yes and no. I’m not sure what to expect to be honest.” I try my best to hide my sadness. This is the first appointment and instead of being here with Tyler, I’m here with my other best friend.
