by S. Moose
“But?”
“But she keeps pushing me away and asking for space. I hurt her by sleeping with Anna and even though I understand why she fell in love with Ryan, I also understand why she can’t get over me and Anna.” I pause and finish my wine, pouring another glass.
“All I can say is be patient. You love her and she owns you. You’re not going to find another love like that even if you tried to look.”
“Yeah.” My phone vibrates in my pocket. It’s my mom. “Be back, my mom is calling.”
“Okay.”
Bayleigh
THE DESPERATION AND plea in his voice is all I can hear. He’s giving me the space I asked for, and even though it’s what I want, it’s not what I truly want. Seeing him almost every day is killing me. He won’t look at me or give me attention. During the meetings he’s not rude, but it’s different.
Walking out of the conference room, I look and see Serena and Tyler walking together to the elevator. Since the night at my apartment, he doesn’t have a pained expression or anything. Maybe he’s realizing I’m too much of a headache and is moving on to someone who’ll appreciate him.
“Let’s go for lunch.” I turn around and see Seth standing with his hands in his pocket. He tilts his head to the side and extends his hand to me. I willingly take it and we head out to lunch.
Sitting down at Pane Vino, I don’t say much and Seth looks at me. We’re waiting for our food and I feel out of place. Some days I wish I could leave this place and start over. This is the third time Tyler and I have been in this position. Maybe we’ve run out of steam and we’re supposed to move on.
How can I forget him and move on when he’s on my mind? How can I not want him when inside I know he’s my forever? Love can’t be controlled. It’s a feeling not everyone feels. Only, love doesn’t see the mistakes we make and there’s no rule or formula to get over the hurt.
“Can I say something?”
“Sure,” I tell Seth.
“If you want to be with Tyler, then be with him. If you want to move on, then move on. You keep going back to the last few chapters of your life. How do you expect to write a new chapter if you keep moving backwards? The past can be rewritten. The past is the past and it happened for a reason.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“But it is,” he explains. “You’re making it complicated. This whole back and forth isn’t fair for either of you. Think about how he’s feeling and what you’re putting him through. I don’t get your fear. He’s not going to hurt you.”
“I don’t know that.”
“Yes you do,” Seth emphasizes each word. “You’re selfish, Bayleigh, and I don’t care if that hurts your feelings.”
I don’t respond. I am being selfish. I have sex with him and listen to him pour his heart to me and then let him go. Who am I? On top of that I’m carrying his child and he has no idea. Everything is being clear and I hate the person I am. What am I doing?
“You sound like Mandy.”
“Well, you did tell me I’m the female version of her,” he smirks. “Listen, I love you and care about you.” I nod. “You know I’m always going to be on your side, but we’re not going to be safe around you. Bayleigh, he’s in love with you. Either take it or leave it.”
As much as it hurts to hear the truth, he’s right. I can’t hold this mistake over his head and try to be the innocent one. The heat in my cheeks burns and I hate to admit I’m being incredibly selfish. I’m holding this invisible wall against Tyler because I can. My emotions hit a wall, over and over, working on overdrive. I feel incapable of forming words and Seth sees my near nervous breakdown.
“Come on, let’s go.” He gets the server’s attention and pays in cash, then guides me out of the restaurant.
As soon as I’m in the car, I rest my head against the dashboard and grit my teeth, suppressing the scream forming in my throat. Why can’t I admit I want him back and don’t need space? Why? What the fuck is wrong with me?
I place my hand on my stomach and remember to keep my stress low. Breathing in and out, I sit back up and look out the window. Seth’s hand is in mine and we sit in silence while I wallow in my own self-pity.
“Please,” I softly beg. Wiping the tear from my cheek, I close my eyes and feel my heart slowly beat. “Please tell me how I can fix this.”
“You know what you need to do,” Seth tells me.
The worst part about all of this is he doesn’t know about Baby Scott and I’m purposely holding this back from him. The pain I feel from the thought of keeping this secret and thinking about his reaction is giving me anxiety. Time didn’t heal his soft touch or the way his kisses make me weak.
I simply miss him.
The next day after work, I head to my parent’s house and lounge around until I find the courage to get up and march over to get what’s mine. After mindlessly watching reruns of Law and Order SVU, I grab my hoodie and walk outside to his house.
I can do this. Everything will be okay. I take a breath in and let it slowly out. Stepping onto his porch, I walk in and shout his name.
Before I can call for him again, I see Serena with a tank top on and her face looks flushed.
“Hey!” She smiles.” Everything okay?”
“Ah, yeah.” I don’t finish my sentence. Instead, I rush out of his house and back to my car. I’m an idiot. Of course she would be here with him and mostly naked. It makes sense.
Tyler’s sick of my games and he’s sick of waiting for me. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I mutter how stupid I am. He deserves to be happy. I messed up and I’m the only one to blame. He didn’t want to wait for me and why should he? He’s been waiting for years and all I do is play a game of tug and war. He ends up as the loser every time.
“Bay! Wait!” I turn around and see him run over to me. “Stop, please,” he begs.
“I’m sorry for coming over unannounced and interrupting.”
“You weren’t. Serena came over and brought me dinner. She spilled wine on her shirt. Nothing is going on.”
“Oh.”
“What you saw in my house is nothing. Serena is a very good friend who is there for me. She helped me when I was in a dark place. That’s all. I’ve been waiting for you to come to me and giving you the space you need. I love you and only you. There’s no one else.”
“I love you too,” I finally tell him again. “I love you so much and I want things to be good with us.” Hating the space between us, I break it and jump in his arms. “Forever. I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting. I’m sorry for everything.”
“I know you are.” His arms hold me tight. Resting my head against his chest, I feel warm and safe.
This is where I belong.
Giving him a kiss on the lips, I tell him to meet me later at my apartment. Not wanting to leave him, I should give him time with his best friend. If this is the start of us, then I need to trust him and believe he’ll always come back to me.
Around nine in the evening Tyler walks in and rushes to my bed. His lips are on mine and soon we’re both naked and he’s sliding into me.
“God I want you so bad,” he tells me, and places his lips on me. “Say you’re mine,” he commands.
“I’m yours,” I tell him. “Yours forever.”
“No more games,” his body stills.
“No more games.”
After a few rounds of passionate sex, I fall asleep in Tyler’s arms and feel him hold me closer to his body. I’m his forever.
The next few days go by slowly. I’m working a little more than I should to get work done and meetings scheduled. The report I’m looking at now doesn’t make sense and everyone’s in a meeting.
Writing down my questions, I hear my phone vibrate on my desk. Picking up my phone, I see it’s a text from Tyler.
Tyler: Have lunch with me today
My stomach growls when I read the text. I haven’t had a lot to eat today and I’m useless right now. I should see him and not be a raging bitc
h.
Me: Sure. Where do you want to meet?
Tyler: Tony D’s sound good to you? Or how about sushi?
Me: No sushi. Tony D’s is good.
Tyler: No sushi? Wow never thought I’d hear you say those words. I’ll come pick you up.
Me: I can drive.
Tyler: I’ll come pick you up.
I roll my eyes, grab my things and head downstairs. There’s never winning with him.
Getting to the lobby, I walk outside to find Tyler waiting for me. I smile and get in the car, as he drives into traffic and heads to the restaurant.
“How’s your day?” He kisses me.
“Good,” he tells me. “It’s a little busy. Nothing I can’t handle.”
“Always good to hear.”
His hand rests on my knee, sending signals, alerting my body of his touch. Everything heightens and my breathing quickens. Damn you, Tyler.
“So I hate asking, but are we back together?”
Gripping his hand, and giving him a squeeze, he turns to look at me. I smile and hope this is the answer he’s looking for.
Now to tell him the truth.
Tyler
PACING AROUND MY house, I think about Bayleigh and wonder what she’s doing. It’s the weekend and she’s working so much. We haven’t had the chance to talk or hang out.
Needing to know where she is since she’s not answering my calls, I call Mandy.
“Yes, Tyler?” I hear the smile in her voice.
“Is she okay? I haven’t seen anything over at her house.”
“Hmmm,” Mandy responds, “Actually, I haven’t heard from her in a few days. I’m away right now with Damon. Do you think you can check on her?” There’s a hint of worry to her voice I know she’s hiding. A sharp pain tingles down my body. They’re best friends. Why hasn’t she heard from her?
“Yep.” Even though I’m pissed off and hurt since no one’s heard from her. “I’ll let you know how she’s doing.”
Disconnecting the call, I race over to her apartment, breaking every rule and use my spare key to walk in. Looking around, I see a few plates on the coffee table in the living room. There’s a blanket and a few pillows. Nothing out of the ordinary.
“Bay!” I yell out, taking the stairs to her room. I walk in and see her bed’s been slept in, the smell of apples and cinnamon hitting my nose. Her favorite scent. I look around her room, looking at the pictures she has hanging on her wall. She still has our pictures up, including some of her and Ryan. I look at each one, comparing smiles, and the ache in my heart returns. Touching each picture, I’m fighting the tears of missing my brother and Bayleigh.
Shaking my head, I open her bathroom door and dart inside. Bayleigh’s on her side, one arm extended out and another over her stomach.
“Baby,” I pick her up in my arms and bring her to her bed. Rushing back to her bathroom, I wet a cold cloth and press it against for forehead. Dark circles are under her eyes and she looks pale. She shakes every now and then to my touch and her teeth quietly rattle. Bringing the blanket over her body, I brush her hair to the side and hold her hand.
I text Mandy and tell her what’s going on.
Mandy: Stay with her, Tyler. I’m two hours away and I don’t think we can leave anytime soon. How is she?
Me: She seems okay. She’s pale and cold. Is she okay? What’s going on?
Mandy: Not sure. Stay with her.
I don’t believe a word Mandy’s saying. Something’s up and she knows.
Bayleigh moves in her sleep, grabbing my hand and curling up against me. I slide her over and lay on top of her blankets. I let her hold me, and I don’t push her away. My eyes are on her face, traveling down her body, realizing she’s in a thin white shirt and she’s not wearing a bra. Thoughts of our last night together attack my mind, reminding me how good she feels, hearing her moaning my name.
My dick wakes up, at attention, and I know nothing’s going to happen. Only she’s not someone I can forget about. I’m going to hell for this. Here she is feeling sick and I’m thinking about how she’s not wearing a bra and how my dick wants to be reacquainted with her pussy.
Time passes and I’m not sure what time it is. She’s still hugging me, and her leg is over mine. I don’t move. I don’t want to move. Watching her sleep, hearing her mumble, is what I want to do.
“I need to tell you,” she whispers and I don’t respond. “You’re going to be so mad. I don’t want you to hate me. I don’t hate you. I want you to love me. Love us. Fight.” I look down and the words love us hit me.
Who is us?
It takes her a few hours to wake up and I’m sitting with her again. There are dark circles under her eyes and she looks tired.
“What’s going on? Why do you look so tired?”
“Not sleeping well,” she shrugs. “Things have been hard.” I rub her arms and lean over to kiss her forehead. “I have something to tell you. I don’t want you to hate me though.”
“What is it, baby?”
She tells me and looks away. “I’m pregnant.”
My eyes go wide and all I can do is look at Bayleigh. Did I hear her right? She’s pregnant?
I’m dreaming right now.
Air isn’t getting in. I feel my body shake and sweat building along my forehead. Thinking about all the times I’ve seen her and how sick she’s been. It makes sense.
The fact she’s been keeping this a secret and suffering alone is gutting me to my core. I should have known something was going on with her.
“I’m so sorry.” She turns away and I see the tears coming down her cheeks. Fuck, I’m messing up again.
“What are you sorry for?” I finally ask her. My voice is low and unsure. I’m still processing the news.
“For this, being pregnant, making you come back home from California. I know you were living the life and now you’re here. It’s like I’m trapping you,” she sniffs, struggling to keep her voice calm.
Closing the distance between us, I wrap her in my arms where she belongs. Her and our baby.
Bayleigh
THE WORDS SLIP OUT so easily. I’ve made too many mistakes in the past and life is too short to live with regrets. That’s what Ryan taught me. If I’m feeling something then I need to talk about it. If something is going on then I need to let people in.
I have people who love me and want to be there for me. I have to hold onto them, the way they’ve held onto me.
“You’re pregnant.”
“Yeah. I am. I’m carrying Baby Scott,” I tell him through my sobs. I let out a breath and allow myself to feel him. “I’m so sorry,” I tell him again.
“Listen to me. You have nothing to be sorry for.” His hand brushes my cheek. “I like that nickname for our baby. It makes me smile. But I need you to understand I’m not upset or angry with you.”
“I have everything to be sorry for, Ty. I didn’t tell you. You should have known.”
He strokes my back up and down, trying to calm me down before I break out into ugly sobs again. “We’re going to have a baby,” he whispers, kissing the top of my head.
“You aren’t mad?” I ask him.
“No,” he pulls away. “I wouldn’t be mad about this. Sure, you should have told me sooner, but things haven’t been right between us. Now that I know, I want to take care of you. I don’t want you living alone. Why do you think that I’d be mad?”
“Because I kept this from you and I don’t know. I’m afraid you’re going to be mad and think the baby is Ryan’s.”
He kisses my forehead. “I know the baby is mine. For some reason, something tells me you and I created something special. I know you loved Ryan, but I also know you and know you didn’t sleep with him.”
Hearing him say all of this brings love into my heart. I’ve been waiting for so long to have him back. Even though we’ve both made mistakes, our forever love is stronger than ever.
“No one comes before you and our baby. Don’t ever think you took me away f
rom California. I spent every single day miserable because we weren’t together.”
I shake my head. I have no words. He’s telling me everything I want to hear.
“I love you, Bay. When you walked into my life when we were five years old, everything changed for me. Seeing you grow from a girl to a beautiful woman makes my heart full. Nothing is ever going to come between us,” he kisses my lips three times and holds me tighter in his arms. “It’s us. Forever.”
Life is full of fears and uncertainty. Sometimes your life is thrown offbeat and you have to find a way to get things back. There are twists, turns and obstacles standing in your way. It’s hard to find a balance between what you want and what you need. Finding out I’m pregnant with Tyler’s baby means the world to me. It feels like we’re finally on an even rhythm. Our baby is a gift. Our baby brought us together and I’m going to do everything in my power to keep this baby safe.
Sitting on Tyler’s lap, listening to his heart beating and feeling his hands on me brings me nothing but joy. I’m so glad he’s not bolting out the door. Men his age usually don’t want to settle down or have a baby. We’re both young and need to experience life. Maybe we’ll experience life in a whole new way.
“I’m going to buy us a house,” he tells me. “It’ll be our fresh start.”
Shaking my head, I break out of his embrace and look into his sweet blue eyes. “I don’t want that.”
“What do you mean? We can’t live in this apartment and I’m not letting you stay alone. You’ve been sick and I need to take care of you.”
Okay well, let’s back it up here. “Sweetie, you don’t need to take care of me. I am more than capable of taking care of myself, thank you very much.”
“Okay,” he grits and his grip on my hands get tighter.
“Second, your house, the house you and Ryan grew up in, is more than enough for me.”
“But that’s where . . .”
I nod. “Yes I know. I want our baby to be near Ryan.”
